My Heart is with the Sea, my Heart is with You by chrissystriped

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Chapter Six

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Círdan had a hard time hiding his satisfaction at the surprised look Galadriel gave him. It was hard to surprise her. 

“My Lady,” he said and bowed to her. 

“Círdan.” 

He could almost see her thoughts circle through her brain. 

“When I heard about Mithrandir’s fall, I had to go and search for him,” he said. 

“Ah,” understanding came to her eyes and she smiled at him. “I’m glad for you.” 

It had never been exactly a secret that Olórin and he were close, but they hadn’t flaunted their relationship either. She hadn’t known. 

“What about the company?” Olórin asked, a sense of urgency in his stance. “What about Frodo?” 

“They were well when they left us a few days ago,” Galadriel answered. “Or as well as might be expected. Let us talk later. You will want new clothes and something to eat.” Something in Olórin’s face let her add: “You would not catch them, even if you followed immediately. Frodo is out of your reach now. And you know it.” 

Olórin lowered his head. “Yes, I know it,” he sighed. “I just wish it were not so.” 

“Rest a bit, Mithrandir,” Galadriel laid her hand on his arm and squeezed it gently. “It is not every day that someone returns from the dead, even for your kin.” 

Olórin smiled at that. “Thank you, my Lady.” 

They were led down the stairs along the tree trunk to a talan lower on its boughs where a room had been made ready for them. There were ewers with hot and cold water and fresh clothes for both of them. Olórin laughed when he saw the white robes set down for him. 

“The Lady of the Golden Wood sees many things,” he said as he donned them. 

Círdan noticed that his hair had almost the same colour as the robes, but it didn’t make him look older. Somehow he looked younger, more vigorous than he’d seemed in many long years. 

“What do you mean?” he asked. 

“That it is time to show myself more openly than I have ever done before,” Olórin answered. He stepped closer and took Círdan’s hands between his own. “How much I wish I could go with you to your beloved seashore, but I fear we’ll have to part again, my love.” 

Círdan gulped down tears as he heard the endearment come from Olórin’s lips. “I know,” he croaked. “You wouldn’t be who I know and love if you turned your back on those who have need of you, my love.” 

Their lips met in a soft kiss. They’d shared many kisses, but this time Olórin didn’t draw back and let it become more passionate. Círdan leaned into the hand that cradled his nape. 

“Olórin,” he whispered when they stopped for a moment. 

Círdan didn’t know if talking would break the spell, but he needed to be sure. His body was reacting to their kisses, his borrowed trousers already feeling uncomfortably tight. He needed to ask this as long as he could still think clearly. 

“Do you really want this?” 

He slid his fingers under the rim of his maia’s robe and stroked the naked skin of his chest. 

“Yes,” Olórin whispered. “I was afraid before of… becoming too tethered, but no longer.” 

Círdan felt his heart leap and kissed him again. “I love you,” he said. And again, “I love you.” 

Olórin kissed him back with feeling. “I love you, too.” Then he added hesitantly, “I’ve never done this before.” 

Círdan smiled and leaned their foreheads together. “Just relax and don’t overthink it. It will be fine.”

 

Galadriel smiled at them when they met her and Celeborn for dinner and Círdan tried not to blush. He felt like she knew exactly what they had been doing while they ‘rested’. It had been a lot more than ‘fine’ and he was sure he glowed with happiness. They were served boar and heavy red wine that started a warm fire in Círdan’s belly. 

“You have excellent taste in men, Círdan,” Galadriel said, after he’d explained again in more detail how he came to arrive in the company of Olórin and Círdan almost choked on a piece of boar. He coughed, feeling his face heat. 

“Thank you, my Lady,” he wheezed. 

Olórin thumped a hand on his back. “I’d ask you kindly not to choke my beloved, Lady,” he said with a chuckle. “I still need him.” 

He let his hand rest on Círdan’s back, warmth radiating from his skin and Círdan relaxed into it. He felt giddy with the newness of it. 

“I see you do. I’m happy for you.” 

Galadriel looked like she meant it and Círdan felt himself relax a little more. He had not known how worried he’d been about the reactions of his peers.

“Thank you. But I have not come here to discuss my relationship. What can you tell me about Frodo, about the company?” 

“They rested here for a while. I talked to Frodo, and Samwise — you chose a good companion for him.” 

Olórin chuckled. “He rather chose himself.” 

“I’m not surprised.” Galadriel’s face became serious. “Frodo offered me the Ring.” 

“You declined.” 

“Yes.” Galadriel looked suddenly weary and as old as she was. “I declined.” 

“Ah, so that’s what He meant,” Olórin murmured. “I have a message for you, Lady. The ban is lifted, you are allowed to return West.” 

Círdan had the pleasure to see Galadriel’s face light up with happiness, a tear glinting in her eye. 

“Thank you,” she whispered. 

“I’m only the messenger,” Olórin answered. “But you are welcome and I’m glad for you. I hope you’ll remain to help a while longer.” 

“Oh, I will. I won’t desert you now. What are you going to do?” 

“I don’t know, yet.” Olórin shook his head slowly. “My heart wants to follow Frodo and help him, but it also tells me I might do more harm than good there. There are other places where my help is needed and I must deal with Saruman.” He sighed. “Would you allow me the use of your Mirror?” 

“Of course. Let me bring you there.” 

Círdan remained behind with Celeborn, feeling slightly jealous and overlooked. 

“I know how you feel, kinsman,” Celeborn said with a self-deprecating smile. “Let our mighty spouses deal with the troubles of the world. What say you to another bottle of wine? Thranduil sent me a particularly good vintage.” 

“Oh, why not?” Círdan shrugged and held out the glass when Celeborn had called for the bottle.

 

He woke to the smell of pipe-smoke. It was still dark, the only light coming from Olórin’s lighted pipe. 

“What are you doing?” he asked, feeling woozy. Too much wine , he thought. But it had been good to talk to Celeborn again. They hadn’t seen each other in a long time.

“What?” Olórin started as if he’d been deep in thought. “Oh, just thinking.” 

“Is something wrong?” 

“No… or, well, it depends. I could not see everything that happened. But there was a fight and I think Frodo is alone now.” Olórin shook his head. “It can’t be helped. I would only draw attention to him, if I followed him now. No. I think I’ll have to go to Rohan. Things are afoot there…” 

“You are leaving me again,” Círdan said softly. He’d known it, of course, but still. His heart hurt. “You are going into danger again.” 

“I have to, don’t you understand?” Olórin said gently. “Don’t think it isn’t hard for me to leave you.” 

“I do understand. I just wish it were not so.” Círdan sighed and reached out with his hand. “Come to bed? I can see we’ll not have much more time together.” 

“For now,” Olórin replied. “Once this is over, once my task is done, I’ll be all yours.” 

Or dead , Círdan thought gloomily. He knew what was at stake but that didn’t make the parting any easier. He tried not to think of it as he settled into Olórin’s embrace. They still had this night and maybe a little more.