The Small and Secret Things by Dawn Felagund

*None Need Know

Maedhros on the plasticity of memory following Angband. Please note: This double drabble contains violence, not quite enough to warrant an adult rating but enough that I ask readers to tread with care.

None need know the truth about my time in Angband. My brothers tell brave stories to our people and our uncle's people of my courage. How I took out one of Morgoth's lieutenants with my hands bound, using just my teeth. About my numerous attempts at escape storied in the scars--memories of punishment--that cross my body.

My back was carved with whipmarks like the grids my brothers used to use for playing games. Jump this piece over that piece … CAPTURED! "Morgoth whipped him and wouldn't stop till he screamed," I hear Maglor say. "But he didn't scream … so he didn't stop."

None need know. Right?

I begin to believe it myself. My knees never knocked, my voice never shook. My hands were firm and my gaze unwavering as I fearlessly met the eyes of the Dark Lord. I never wet myself. Vomited. My eyes stayed dry and my heart stayed strong and steady. I never begged for my life. For death.

I don't have nightmares.

Waking with a scream I never uttered in Angband at the back of my throat, my first thought: I don't have nightmares.

I don't!

And if I did? None need know.

Chapter End Notes

Today's Word:

confabulation kon-FAB-yuh-lay-shuhn, noun:

1. Familiar talk; easy, unrestrained, unceremonious conversation.
2. (Psychology) A plausible but imagined memory that fills in gaps in what is remembered.

Confabulation comes from Late Latin confabulatio, from the past participle of Latin confabulari, "to talk together," from con-, "together, with" + fabulari, "to talk." It is related to fable, "a fiction, a tale," and to fabulous, "so incredible or astonishing as to resemble or suggest a fable."