Rising by Dawn Felagund

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Fanwork Notes

I have no idea why or whence this came upon me, but it did. Thanks go to Dreamflower for introducing me to the "dribble" poetic form, where one starts at a set word count on the first line and reduces it by one for each line after. Given the subject matter, a "dribble" seemed particularly appropriate.

Fanwork Information

Summary:

Tar-Míriel's final ascent to the Meneltarma. A "dribble" poem.

Major Characters: Tar-Míriel

Major Relationships:

Artwork Type: No artwork type listed

Genre: Poetry

Challenges:

Rating: Teens

Warnings: Character Death, Mature Themes
Chapters: 1 Word Count: 56
Posted on 23 May 2009 Updated on 23 May 2009

This fanwork is complete.

Rising

Read Rising

In her girlhood: up the ascent to Meneltarma was a
Challenge. Now, it is treachery: slick wet sharp rocks
Made slicker wetter sharper by blood on her
Hands. In her girlhood: Númenor was an
Island. Now it is a hillock.
The sea gathers; she leaps
For a handhold. Misses.
Leaps. Misses. Faces
The sea
Poised

Comments

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Oh this is an unique form that I also never encountered before. What I like so much about this poem is that it conveys the chain of actions and reactions so well, but also her emotions in a way! The metre is immensely well done, every sentence is connected and yet the next line read as a stand alone. :) Does this make any sense? What a wonderful piece!

Thank you so much, Rhapsody! Yes, it makes perfect sense. :) I wanted each of her actions to also represent something larger; for the poem to work on two levels. And this is one of those forms, I think, where the form should fit the subject, and this seemed the perfect subject to try my hand at \"dribbling\": the escalation of her panic as she tries to reach the Meneltarma fit the shorter and shorter word-count constraints as the poem progressed.

I think I\'m haunted, too. Now she\'s whispering to me to write another poem about her, considering what would have happened if she\'d reached the summit ... ;)

So immensely powerful in just a few words. I absolutely love it, Dawn! The imagery is amazing. The idea with Miriel having blood on her hands  is both interestin and very powerful and deep. I would not mind reading more of these dribbles in the future. :-)

Thank you, Roisin! Well, as I told Rhapsody, it seems Miriel is here to haunt me for the moment; I have another idea for a poem from her PoV pondering what would have happened if she had made it to the Meneltarma. She\'s tugging on my sleeve right now ... ;)

I wanted each line in the poem to have two meanings, and the blood on the hands is one of them. Literally, of course, she is in haste and has literally cut her hands; figuratively, the blood her people has spilled have cost her the divine favor that might otherwise save her. I\'m so pleased that you noticed this and liked it. :)

And, you know, you are partly to blame for this. ;) All this talk of Akallabeth in August, and I have the Second Age on the brain!

In addition to the excellent imagery, I really like the way the form conveys a sense of time running out - both for Míriel and for Númenor.

I like the way she turns to face the sea at the end. Very well done :D

I love this because it looks like a rock, albeit one which is pointing downwards. It feels like... slipping down the poem. I also like the lack of complete sentences, the abruptness (slicker wetter sharper). It fits the subject matter, which is why it works so well.

 

 

Thank you again for the comment! :) When my friend Dreamflower introduced me to this particular form, it seemed a given that it should be used to write about Miriel. I was definitely going for the effect you mentioned in keeping the lines abrupt and avoiding complete sentences at the end of the poem, so I'm happy that it worked! Thank you again. :D