Left Behind by alquawende

Chapter 1

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Left Behind

By Alquawende

Findaráto, do you not see what this rebellion has cost you? The price is too high. You have left me. Left for those wild lands of Endor. I agonize over your departure, for tidings have come of the Prophecy of the North: you are forever barred from the Blessed Realm. I wonder why I didn't try to persuade you to remain with me. Maybe it was because of the light in your eyes when you spoke of Endor. Already innocent lives have been slaughtered. This makes me wonder if red is now the color of your hands? If blood is on your hands, I know, it is more likely to be the blood of the Noldor. You always defended those who were weaker, even if you knew they didn't stand a chance.

Your father is now King of the Noldor or what remains of them. I dare not ask him of your whereabouts and why you did not return. He has never known of your courtship to me because we kept our love secret, on your advice. I remember the day clearly. We were beneath the light of shining Laurëlin. You had taken me aside when I arrived at your home, ready to accompany Artanis to a play, but she had slept in so I had to wait for her to get ready.

"Amárië!" you said, your eyes lit with delight, like the light of the Silmarils, when you saw me in the empty entrance of your father's home, "I am glad you came. I have something to ask of you."

"What?" I asked gaily. I was so unaware of what you were going to ask. Back then you were just like a friend, to me, who I spoke to if Artanis was ever bored of my thoughts on Eldarin government.

"Well... You may not know this, but I have admired you from afar, as my sister's friend, ever since I saw you at that book signing Elemmirë had given here, in Tirion; and I think the time is ripe for me to ask permission to court you?" you declared swiftly.

I was dumbstruck. I was your junior, by sixty-five years, and your sister's best friend. "What would Artanis think of this? She would not want to share me with you, her brother, though you are the best beloved of them all."

You scowled. "Pay no heed to what Artanis thinks! A person can make new friends but they cannot make new love."

I thought about what you said for awhile and knew that the next sound out of my lips would change my life. "I... I will be yours, but when Artanis finds out she will still be furious and your parents will be too, I am sure," I replied hesitantly. Though your parents were friendlier to the common people, I was sure, they had hoped their eldest son would wed someone of exception, not his sister's playmate.

"Ari, I have the solution to that problem," you said with that confident tone of yours.

I smiled guiltily, but couldn't hide the ecstatic emotions inside of me when you called me 'Ari.'. "And what might be that solution?"

"It is that neither of us will tell anyone of this until you are sure you want to wed me," you said seriously.

"Why?"

"Why?" you asked. I thought I almost heard a mocking tone in your voice when you asked. "Well, because you will lose a friend. I also don't want you to be in the public eye..." Our thoughts then, I knew, both turned to the courtship between the Prince Turukáno and the Lady Elenwë, and how much stress and pressure they had been under.

We both then vowed to never tell a living soul until we were sure we would wed. Ever since that day when you asked me to be your lover, I looked up to you and believed in what you said was for the best. It was easy not to tell anyone of our courtship when you were here, under the same vow as I was, but without you I don't know if I have the strength. Our love for each other could not withstand your wanderlust; and I feel that I am no longer bound to the vow.

All this makes me wonder if I should wait for you or not. You broke our vow of love, yet it is partly my fault. I never tried to persuade you to remain. Life for us will continue until the end of Arda, but I do not want to waste a part of my life waiting for someone who left me behind so he could feed his wanderlust. You, unlike me, are one who can not remain in the same place for long. Not even Endor, I bet, with her vast forests, lofty mountains, and mighty seas, can feed you of all the wonders you want to see. It is a difficult choice, but how am I to know that you are not going to bestow your love upon a maiden born on that distant shore? Namarië! Maybe we will meet again, but I do not look forward to it.

 

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Chapter End Notes

 

Namarië- farewell in Quenya

When I refer to the years, it is automatically referring to Years of the Trees. 

Artanis=Galadriel

Findarato=Finrod