Maps by grey_gazania

Chapter 14: Caranthir

I should’ve known that I wouldn’t be able to shelter Maitimo forever. My brothers, my uncle, and even Findekáno himself might not have been able to see the nightmares and horrific memories leaking from Maitimo, but I wasn’t the only grandchild of Finwë who could sense others’ thoughts and feelings. It was only a matter of time before one of Arafinwë’s brood chose to visit.

At least it was Findaráto who came. True, I’d never been fond of him, and we’d exchanged barbed words more than a few times in the past, but I still found him the least objectionable member of that family. He held himself in check in a way that his brothers didn’t, and he rarely pried like Artanis did.

If it had been her or Angaráto who’d come, the situation might’ve actually blown up in our faces. I’d kept my temper contained so far, for Makalaurë’s sake and Maitimo’s, but I was under no illusions about my self-control when it came to those particular cousins.

Maitimo had always considered Findaráto a friend, though. It made my teeth clench to admit it, but I knew that my cousin wasn’t coming to gawk. That wasn’t who he was. And it would do Maitimo good to see him. Still, I didn’t plan to leave them alone together. If I could stop Findaráto from seeing even a few of my brother’s thoughts, I’d do it.

To hell with him if he was offended. I’d promised to keep Maitimo’s secrets, and I had no plans to break my word.

***********

I was lucky; Findaráto’s visit came on one of Maitimo’s better days. My brother was still frail and his eyes were still clouded by shadow, but his mind was here today, not back in the pits of Angband. He even managed to sit up long enough to embrace our cousin.

“It’s good to see you,” Findaráto said. “You look much stronger than you did when I last saw you.”

I bit back a scowl. Of course Maitimo looked stronger. Findaráto hadn’t seen him since the eagle had deposited Findekáno and my brother on the shore of the lake, and Maitimo had been half an inch from death then.

Findaráto caught at least some of the thought, and he glanced over at me. If there’d been anger or pity – or worse, amusement – in his gaze, I might’ve punched him. But he just looked sad.

I’m not here to hurt him, Carnistir. You can relax.

I nearly flinched at Findaráto’s voice in my mind, and I immediately pulled up the strongest wall against him that I could muster. He withdrew, turning his full focus back to Maitimo. If my brother noticed the moment of distraction, he didn’t show it.

“It’s good to see you, too,” Maitimo said. “I was relieved when Káno told me that you and your brothers and sister had all survived the crossing.”

“We don’t need to speak of that now,” Findaráto said, shaking his head. “I came to see how you’re recovering, not to air any grievances.”

I had to admire his poise. He was just as furious with me over the burning of the ships as my other cousins were – I could tell – but he didn’t even look my way as he spoke.

I held my tongue. It wasn’t easy, but I did it anyway, because something in Maitimo had lightened when he’d seen Findaráto walk through the door. He was the first of our cousins to come, besides Findekáno, and he wasn’t angry at my brother. That had to be comforting Maitimo at least a little.

They talked. After a while, I tuned the words out, focusing instead on my brother’s face and eyes. He was trying to seem strong, but the effort was wearing him out. He’d probably pay for it in nightmares tonight.

Findaráto noticed, of course. “You should get some rest now, Maitimo,” he finally said, squeezing my brother’s hand. “You’re still healing. I’ll come back later this week, all right?”

“I should,” Maitimo agreed, fighting back a yawn. “Thank you for coming, cousin. You don’t know how wonderful it is to see you.”

Findaráto departed, and I sat with Maitimo as he drifted off to sleep.

***********

Hours later, when I stepped outside, I found our cousin waiting for me. “What do you want?” I asked him. Maitimo’s nightmares had left a headache building at my temples, and I couldn’t scrub all my irritation from the words, so I braced myself for Findaráto to hit back.

He didn’t.

“Maitimo is in a lot of pain,” he said, his voice soft and calm.

This time I did scowl. “And composite numbers all have at least three divisors,” I answered. Really, did Findaráto think he was saying something I didn’t already know? Of course Maitimo was in pain!

Again, Findaráto didn’t let his temper rise. It was baffling to me how he managed to stay in such control of himself, and I envied him for it.

“You don’t have to help him alone, you know,” Findaráto said. “I can tell it’s wearing on you.”

I gritted my teeth and, voice tight, said, “I don’t care how much it wears on me. I’ll do whatever my brother needs me to do. And if he wants your help, he’ll ask for it.”

It had been hard enough to get Maitimo to accept my help. He’d never ask Findaráto, for a thousand different reasons – fear, guilt, and pride foremost among them.

Findaráto turned to look at me, resignation painted across his features. “You are the most pigheaded man I’ve ever met, apart from your father,” he said, sounding tired. “Have it your way, Carnistir. I’ve offered. I can’t make you accept.”

He turned on his heel and left without another word.

Chapter End Notes

Arafinwë - Finarfin
Findaráto - Finrod
Artanis - Galadriel
Angaráto - Angrod