The Words You Left Me by eris_of_imladris

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Nolofinwë knows as soon as he sees the spark across the horizon that glows to a blinding blaze that no one is coming back for him.

He is surrounded by his supporters, all claiming that this gives him some sort of excuse to return to Tirion and claim the kingship that should be his. But he is seized by a sudden desire to jump into the burning waters and swim.

It is impossible, he knows, and yet his heart aches. His father is gone, and Fëanáro is gone as well, and he wonders if he can survive without the lights of the Trees and his brother. His world feels unfathomably dark, and he wishes nothing more than to sink to his knees.

But he cannot afford to be weak. There is no time anymore for conciliatory words, and there is no way to explain what Fëanáro has done. It is an action of pure hate, and part of him wants to swim across the great sea alone just to return Fëanáro’s favor with his sword, and scream at him the way Fëanáro once shouted at him. But another part wishes to see his face, even drawn with hatred, and know that someone is feeling the same pain as him.

Arafinwë finds the choice to return to Tirion easy, and many follow him, but many others look to him for guidance. The distance is too far to swim, and Alqualondë is bereft of any boats that could take them. It seems like there is no choice, but, he thinks to himself, Fëanáro is not the only one in the family to be determined to follow sworn words. His words in front of the Valar had been different, a promise of hand in hand, following his older brother’s lead. He, like Fëanáro, will see his promise through.

In the end, he forces no one, and no one swears any oath. They simply pick up their supplies and trail behind, and with each crunching step of his foot on the icy wasteland, he hears his own voice, sees his own desperation as he offers his loyalty to Fëanáro and is rewarded with the deaths of the people who followed him. He tries to explain himself to the grieving families, but his words fall into the deep snow.

Returning to Tirion would be wise, but the little boy inside of him will never give up that final chance to make everything right. His mere appearance would let Fëanáro know that he meant everything he ever said, that he intends to follow and do nothing more, and he would finally see a smile on his brother’s face. Together, he tries to believe even as he hardens on the exhausting journey, he and Fëanáro could do anything.