Walking into Darkness by Aiwen

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Those Left Behind

 

The worst part of the whole mess was trying to explain it to Finduilas and Ereinion. Ereinion didn't understand what was going on, so I ended up telling him that uncle Finrod had gone away for a while with his human friend Beren to do something important. That seemed to satisfy him, although I think that he was left wondering why we were so upset. Finduilas, on the other hand, understood enough to be scared and was completely by bewildered by Celegorm and Curufin's part in the affair.

"Father, I do not understand their behavior," said Finduilas, leaning against the arched doorway leading into my office. I was sitting at my desk, dealing with a report, but it was quite clear she wasn't going to go away until she had an answer. I put my pen down and met her eyes. She continued: You were telling me that they want the throne. Why? It looks like a great amount of hard work to me, and it will surely interfere with Celegorm's beloved hunting."

"Some people like the feel of power, Finduilas. I don't understand it either: I would far rather read a book than be pestered by people wanting me to fix their problems for them. Celegorm and Curufin had power before, but they lost most of it when Himlad fell in the Dagor Bragollach. Apparently they want it back so badly that they are willing to do evil to get it. I want you to stay away from them, and make sure that Ereinion doesn't go near them either."

She looked confused, and asked "Surely they wouldn't do anything to hurt Ereinion - he's only a child and can't possibly be a threat to them. I can't see how I'd be a threat to them either, since I've never paid much attention to politics and am not given to messing with weapons. It is not as if I were aunt Nerwen." She scuffed the floor with a foot. "I wish she were here."

"So do I. You may be right about them not being a threat to you or Ereinion, but I'm not risking it."

She made a gesture of surrender, and said "If you wish it, I will avoid them. I don't want to see them anyway so it is no great hardship. Father, you are currently the regent. If you fear they will do evil, why don't you exile them?"

"In the current situation, with all of their folk and most of our folk listening far more to them than to me such an act is impossible. They would take over. Finrod told me not to start a kinslaying, and this would not only start a war, it would start one our family would lose badly. I will not be responsible for that."

"So we have no choice but to watch them swagger about like they rule here, and attempt to keep out of their way for fear they might hurt us?"

"In time the people will turn back to us, we just need to wait until things calm down and people notice how arrogant and selfish they are. Finrod was an excellent king, and those two are not."

"Was an excellent king? Have you no hope for him then?"

I looked away. "My heart hopes, yes, but my mind... There never was much hope, Finduilas."

She stared at me in shock, then whirled and ran out of the room. A few seconds later, I heard a door slam. I put my head in my hands. I should finish dealing with the paperwork, I should go and listen to the report of the master of scouts - there were endless things I should do, but right now I just didn't care.

I did the paperwork, and I spoke to the master of scouts and did the various other things that were necessary. Somebody had to, and I wasn't about to gift Nargothrond to Curufin and Celegorm simply because I was unhappy. The days passed, one after another, the next similar to the last and there was still no word of Finrod or Beren. Things settled into a routine, and we all pretended nothing was wrong. The lords of Nargothrond and I sat in council and discussed the progress of the sewer system extensions.

Then one day Finduilas came to me holding a bunch of roses and looking extremely worried. "Father, you remember you warned me to stay away from Curufin and Celegorm..."

"Yes?"

"Celegorm gave me these. He was being excessively charming, and there was no way for me to refuse them without giving offense. I don't like it. He made some comments about healing the breach between our families, and told me I was beautiful. He has never paid much attention to me before, and he didn't actually apologize for anything he'd done."

Oh no. Just what I was afraid of. "He thinks to gain power in Nargothrond by marrying you. Politically it is a very intelligent move for him to make and I am surprised it's taken them this long to think of it. Don't let him get you alone, and the next time he tries something like this make sure it's in public and refuse it publicly and loudly. Make it very clear you are not interested."

"He intends to what!" Her eyes narrowed. "This is what you are afraid of earlier that you didn't want to mention. I see. I don't honestly see how this can help him since I would not marry him were he the last ellon in middle earth, and I am too young to marry anyway. Not to mention being in love with Gwindor - as half of the city must know by now."

"I did not say that it would work; I said that this is what he's trying to do. And you are close enough to being of age that it might work if you allowed it. This is why you must make it clear in public that you aren't interested."

"I will do that. How he could even think that I would be interested I do not know, but anyway..." She looked down at the roses in her hands. "What do I do with these?"

"Compost," I answered. "The great gardens always need more compost."

Finduilas grinned suddenly. "I shall do so with relish," she said, and walked off to accomplish the deed.

My heart suddenly lighter, I returned to my piles of paper.

I was in the middle of a discussion with Guilin, Thorontir and Elris on expected tithes from the southern villages when I discovered that Finduilas had put my advice into practice. There was a commotion at the door, after which a rather red faced guard allowed a citizen into the room. "Prince Orodreth, Prince Celegorm and Gwindor have drawn their swords and are yelling at each other in the middle of the great plaza! Your daughter..."

I did not wait for him to finish, but left my seat and ran out the door, pushing past the guard. Finduilas, what have you done? Immediately behind me, Guilin followed at a run. As we came close to the great plaza, I could hear Celegorm bellowing.

"You insolent young pup! I have been fighting since before you were born. Put your sword away before you get yourself killed." I heard the clash of metal on metal.

"Then keep your hands off Finduilas!" Gwindor answered.

I entered the plaza. "Stop!" I shouted. " Just what do you think you're doing, both of you?" I came to a halt, panting. At least they had not killed each other yet. "Put your weapons back in their sheaths."

The combatants glanced over at me. Gwindor looked relieved, lowered his sword and put it back in its sheath. Celegorm raised his eyebrows and gave me a mocking smile before he returned his weapon to its sheath.

"Explain this, please." I asked.

"Certainly," Celegorm replied. " I was having a perfectly civil conversation with your daughter here when this young puppy interrupted us, threatened me and then drew his weapon. I know he's the son of one of your most powerful lords, but surely you can keep a better leash on him if he cannot control his own temper!"

"Gwindor?" I asked. Behind me, I could hear Guilin arriving.

"He was talking to Finduilas," Gwindor answered, "but he was being rude and she took offense. When she tried to walk away, he grabbed her arm and wouldn't let go. I told him to let go, he didn't, and I drew my sword."

"You fool," hissed Guilin. "You could've been killed!"

I turned around, looking for Finduilas. She was standing back a short way from the altercation with her face very pale. "Is that what happened?" I asked her.

She gulped, but answered readily enough. "Yes. Celegorm came up to me and started talking. I didn't want to talk to him so I asked to leave me alone. He got offended, and demanded to know why I was angry with him. I told him I didn't appreciate his and Curufin's treatment of Finrod and the rest of my family. He said that he had been trying to make amends but didn't see that Finrod's madness was any of his responsibility. I told him if he wanted my forgiveness he needed to start by apologizing. He then said that he had nothing to apologize for, which is when I tried to leave. He then grabbed me by the arm and started telling me that my loyalty was commendable but that there was no need to follow in my family's folly and surely things could be worked out, I told him to let me go, he didn't and that was when Gwindor intervened."

I turned back to Celegorm. "Is this your perfectly civil conversation with Finduilas?"

"I barely touched her arm to try to stop her from storming off and making a scene in public after I said that I thought King Finrod's behavior was unwise. I certainly never intended her any insult, as I have the utmost respect for Finduilas. Gwindor's reaction was completely excessive, and I demand that you restrain him if he cannot restrain himself. I'll not be responsible for my actions if he attacks me again."

"I shall see to it that that my son does not bother you further, my lord," Guilin said. "He is a good lad, but very fond of Finduilas and sometimes somewhat rash. It shall not happen again."

"Thank you, lord Guilin. I appreciate that," Celegorm answered.

Wait a moment, that is my responsibility! But Guilin had already taken Gwindor by the arm and was whispering something frantically in his ear as they left. Celegorm turned back to me and bowed politely before leaving without another word. I should have called back to him and told him that I didn't appreciate his part in causing this situation, but it was so much easier to just let him go. I never won arguments with him anyway so what was the point of trying? I turned to Finduilas. "I think we'd both better go home." She nodded silently and followed me as I walked out of the plaza.

After that, I saw to it that Finduilas never left the house alone, and I began to think of sending both her and Ereinion to somewhere safer, perhaps to Cirdan at Eglarest or Brithombar. Normally I'd think first of Doriath, but with King Thingol's involvement that seemed a poor idea. As yet I made no move, because such an act might look like capitulation to the Feanorions. They proceeded to act as they saw fit, having decided, I suppose, that I was too weak to offer any resistance.

Meril insisted the situation could be salvaged, and tried to make me confront them. I did try, I really did. In the council, we had a debate on the new secrecy laws. They were going too far, and if Finrod ever did come back, he was going to be furious. I pointed this out, but Celegorm merely shrugged and suggested that debate should be limited to those actually present and alive. I replied that Finrod was still the king whether present or not and surely his known views should be taken into account.

Celegorm looked at me and said "It is hard to argue was someone who isn't present. If your uncle wishes to dispute our decision, he can do so when he returns. After all, he isn't a Vala to command us!" He smiled at Guilin, who looked away and wouldn't meet either his eyes or mine.

"I'm sorry, Prince Orodreth," Arnil said, "but we really do need to get the new laws in place. This cannot wait until your uncle returns when we don't even know if he will return. We can have the debate over when he comes back." The debate continued, and I watched in silence, not trusting myself to speak. I dared not break down in public. I knew they already called me coward behind my back, and if I broke down like I did after tol Sirion fell...

I mouthed the appropriate formalities as the meeting ended, and walked home hardly seeing the way in front of me. Finduilas opened the door, and I entered and locked it, leaning on the closed door for support. "Father, what's wrong?" she asked.

I shook my head, wishing she did not have to see me in this state again.

"Why don't you sit down," she said, guiding me to a chair, before running down the hall looking for Meril. "Mom, Farther's in tears again!"

Meril came and sent Finduilas out of the room. Eventually I calmed down enough to explain what had happened. We agreed that the situation had only been made worse, and that it was time to send Finduilas and Ereinion to the Havens. I could not let my children pay the price for my pride, or for my weakness.

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