Breath of Forgiveness by IgnobleBard

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Fanwork Notes

Beta: The omniscient Oshun

Fanwork Information

Summary:

Maglor thinks over old regrets.

Major Characters: Maglor

Major Relationships:

Genre: Drama

Challenges: B2MeM 2009

Rating: General

Warnings:

Chapters: 1 Word Count: 441
Posted on 5 March 2009 Updated on 5 March 2009

This fanwork is complete.

Breath of Forgiveness

Read Breath of Forgiveness

A gentle rain falls upon the sea. So gentle that the small waves cause little foam as they roll in upon the tide. At the horizon the light is pale, washed out by the dark clouds that stretch endlessly above. I stand on a rocky outcrop above the beach, the rain soaking into my skin, plastering my black hair to my hollow cheeks.

‘Why do the clouds seek to fill that which never empties?’ I think idly. Would that my heart were as filled with joy, such that the rain of despair could not flood it.

I look past the lock of hair that covers my eye, glancing at the gulls flying overhead. Their screeching cries are especially harsh today and I know they will soon become screams, screams of the dying.

Closing my eyes brings images I cannot bear and so I keep them open, even in slumber. Every day I come here to look out upon the ocean and wonder if Ulmo would take me to his bosom should I walk beneath his silver waves. Every day I stand here, regarding the sea, until the stars begin to twinkle above and I must hide from their benevolent light.

In my dreams Námo tells me all is forgiven and urges me to sail, but I know it is only a dream for the wind never touches me. Not even when the sea is stormy and the wind lashes the waves into fury. If the breeze ever caresses my face, stirs my hair, then will I begin to believe in forgiveness.

Yet, despite everything that has happened, despite the deaths I have grieved and caused, despite the remorse that lays waste to my spirit, my bitterest sorrow is that I can no longer sing. Sometimes I look at my two good hands and weep. If only my culpability was written upon my flesh, yet my voice was intact, I could pour my spirit into the sea, float with the clouds, water the earth with my most abject tears. But there is no music that can heal a shattered soul, and there is no closing the wounds we have inflicted upon others.

The pale light is now infused with gold, heralding the coming darkness, and I turn away. The clouds will hide the stars this night but I will know they are there, which positions they are in, how they will move through the sky in their inexorable paths. I cannot escape their sight. A breeze springs up, rippling through the tough grasses at my feet. I push the wet hair from my brow and lower my head, trudging home. Perhaps tomorrow I will find the courage to seek Ulmo’s favor.

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This vignette has a very special vibe to it, to me it feels as if Maglor either is not ready to let go and that in a way he has not dealt with his past actions fully. There is that Feanorian pride as well, for example his demand that Manwë's wind should caress his face ere he feels that Manwë has forgiven him. Then there is the loss of his singing voice: is that his own self-inflicted punishment or not. Don't worry about if I think it isn't clear, I love stories which leaves things unsaid or for the reader themselves to figure out (although I might squee if I get your intent right). This is a great story!

Thanks, Rhapsody. You're right on all counts. Maglor can't forgive himself and, until he does, he can't be forgiven by the Valar. I tend to leave little ficlets like this vague so the reader can interpret the motivations and emotions as they see fit. Kind of mini Rorschach tests. I'm glad you enjoyed this and got so much out of it.

This is very haunting, IgB.  I can hear the waves and smell the sea, and Maglor's regret is a thing embodied.  I love the idea -- and the imagery you use to convey it -- of the wind summoning Maglor.  And then the end is suitably ambiguous:  it would seem that breeze summons Maglor but he chooses to ignore it, turning his face from the wind and contemplating another path.

Nicely done! 

What a beautifully sad and evocative story.  I do like how certain things are left open to the readers' own interpretations.  This took me back to a burial I attended about ten years ago.  It was not at all depressing despite how it sounds.  Those of us who were there read poetry, reflected on the person's life and it was all quite beautiful.  Maglor is perhaps my favourite of the Fëanorians and I did empathize with him here.

I wrote this one in response to an icon Oshun posted for one of the Back to Middle-earth challenges. It reminded me of Maglor and I was inspired to write this. I think it's wonderful when a burial celebrates a person's life in that way, with storys and poetry. Maglor is one of my favorite Feanorians too. I like his interactions with Maedhros in some of the stories I've read but he's a great character by himself too. Thank you for your comments.