Rise Again From Ashes by Independence1776

---

Chapter 20

I'm sorry this chapter is so late, but the past few weeks were busier than I had anticipated.

---

Seven years later, I rolled over in bed and looked at my wife in the soft morning light coming in through the east-facing window. I brushed a strand of hair off her face, and she opened her eyes. Narmincë smiled sleepily at me before pulling the covers closer around her naked body. I leaned over and kissed her. “I'll go make breakfast.”

She made a happy noise of agreement and I slipped out of bed. I took a quick shower before cooking some eggs and making some toast. While I waited for my wife, I poured Tirn a bowl of his food, thankful he hadn't made a fuss about being shut downstairs given his tendency to be a little too inquisitive at the wrong moment. It had been a bit of an adjustment for everyone-- Narmincë didn’t have pets, I was used to living alone, and Tirn was used to just me.

Narmincë trudged downstairs, a dressing gown wrapped around her. She sat at the table, eyes still sleepy. I poured her a cup of her favorite tea and placed it before her. She still had problems waking up in the morning, even after all these years. I put the food on the table and sat down, waiting until she had served herself before taking my portion. We ate quietly, enjoying each other’s company. I had no idea what she was thinking about, but from her pensive expression, it worried me.

She eventually picked up her tea cup and held it with both hands, elbows on the table. She sipped it and said, “I wish you could live with me.”

I drank the dregs of my own tea. “So do I. But even if Elrond gave permission, we'd still have to deal with the Valar. I know my son wouldn't assign two guards to me just so I could live with my wife.”

“So ask the Valar.”

I studied Narmincë over the rim of my cup. Her Vanyarin heritage made life interesting at times before the Darkening, given our two beliefs about the Valar, and it was more so now. “I do not think they will agree. I'm lucky enough to be here.”

She leaned forward. “I, for one, am tired of this. You’re my husband, and I should not have to take time away from my work to see you for only a week or two every year.”

“I dislike it, too, but--”

“But what? You’re no threat to anyone. It’s time everyone else realized that. And it’s time you stop hiding here.” She tapped the table with every word. “Go talk to Elrond.”

“As you wish, my lady.”

She nodded sharply and cleaned up the table while I pulled my shoes on over my bare feet. Tirn ran to the door and I let him out, knowing he wouldn't go far. I kissed my wife and left the house, leash in hand. We strolled down the path, Tirn sniffing everything in sight. I kept an eye on him, to make sure he wasn’t annoying nearby people. I determinedly ignored the panic that was trying to build. I had to take this step. Once we reached the main house, I leashed my dog and strode to Elrond's study, knocking on the open door and entering when he waved me in. I sat down in the chair, took a deep breath, and blurted out, “Narmincë wants me to live with her.”

Elrond grinned. “Congratulations! I wondered when she’d ask-- and if you’d request permission. You have it. But I need to talk to the Valar before you will be allowed to leave.”

“She figured you'd say that. I don't think they'll agree.”

“The worst they can do is say no.”

“And she'll be forced to visit me, not live here, because she won't leave her work even though I have little to do here. The Valar’s position is unacceptable, Elrond.”

“No,” he said severely. “Their stance is the cost of your actions.” His face softened. “Rest assured that I will send a missive to the Elder King. We will know soon enough.”

Before leaving the room, I already knew what the answer would be: no. So what was the point in asking?

Three days later, Narmincë left for home, once again leaving me alone. I hated watching her ride away, knowing it would be a year or more before I saw her again due to her work. Still, it was nothing compared to Ages. I had to keep that in mind, as she kept reminding me, though it was difficult living in the same land and not being able to talk. The Eldar had yet to utilize the telephone. Four days after that, Elrond called me into his study. He handed me a parchment and I read it without glancing at the seal, recognizing the handwriting.

Lord Elrond Peredhel,
Send Maglor to Nienna. She will explain matters to him.
The Elder King

I raised my eyebrows and tossed the missive on the desk. So they were interfering. No, I corrected myself. They were leaving this between us, not making Elrond the middleman. He had enough to deal with without becoming involved in our conflict.

“When do you want to leave?”

“Tomorrow. I'd rather have my explanation sooner rather than later.”

He nodded. “Go tell Glorfindel that you will need an escort. I trust you can handle the rest of your arrangements?”

I rolled my eyes at the glint of amusement in his. He chuckled and turned back to his paperwork. I opened the door, turning slightly to see him over my shoulder. “Thank you, Elrond, for at least trying.”

He smiled. “I hope the explanation is satisfactory, Father.”

I left the door open and went to the training field. By this point, people had become used to my wandering about to completely ignore my presence. As long as I didn't handle any weapons, no one cared if I went near the training fields. I finally found Glorfindel in his office, discussing the latest trainees with a captain. I stayed outside and leaned against the wall, waiting until the meeting was over. My friend waved me into his office when the captain left.

“I cannot talk long, Maglor.”

“I've been ordered to visit Lady Nienna as an answer to a question I need resolved. Hence, I need two guards. I'm leaving after breakfast tomorrow.”

“How long do you think you will be gone?”

“Given I'm dealing with the Valar here, I don't know, but I'm guessing no longer than a week.”

Glorfindel flipped through a roster. “I will get back to you at dinner.”

“Thank you.”

The next morning, two guards and I rode north most of the day, only stopping for lunch around midday. (Tirn was staying at Tathar’s until I returned.) We turned onto a small dirt road that led into the forest lining both sides of the road. Due to the twists and turns, we smelled and heard the ocean before we saw it. Nienna's house blocked much of the view. I had never been here before, so I studied the structure, not terribly impressed at the weather-worn gray wood and the age-pitted stones though the fact that there were large picture windows reassured me somewhat-- she wasn’t completely immune to the view. I dismounted and waited in silence.

Two men dressed in black came out of the low building to our left and led our horses away, promising that our baggage would reach our rooms. My two guards appeared nearly as nervous as I felt. One of them shrugged diffidently, obviously trying to pretend he wasn't. The other one, more experienced, ignored my scrutiny, concentrating on the surroundings. For once, though, I wasn't nervous about others. If anyone dared hurt me in a Valië's domain, they would be punished. The door to the house opened and Lady Nienna, a tall woman in a sensible, dark gray dress, followed by a woman in white, walked down the two shallow steps and over the short expanse of grass to meet us. She smiled at the two guards, but it vanished when she met my eyes.

“He will show you to your rooms,” the Valië said to my guards. “Maglor and I need to talk.”

I raised my eyebrows. “So I don't even have a chance to clean up?”

The clearing was silent for a moment before she spoke. “You have ten minutes. A bathroom is the third door on the left. My study is at the end of the hall.”

Not daring to test her patience further, I followed her inside, ignoring the stares of the guards. Frankly, I was tired of the run-around already. Why couldn't the Elder King have written a simple answer? Once I’d cleaned up as best I was able, I went to the study and closed the door behind me.

I stopped to stare at the floor-to-ceiling, wall-to-wall window overlooking the Sea, the sun shining in brilliantly, nearly blinding me. I forced myself to turn away from it and face Nienna, who was sitting in small sitting area, a large chair before her. Her blue eyes studied me from a face framed with long, dark brown hair. I waited for direction. I was here because I was ordered. I would not make this visit easy on anyone.

“Sit down, Makalaurë.” I did so. She said, “Let go straight to the point: you desire to live with your wife, yet she will not move.”

“I have no right to demand that of her. She is her own woman, and does not live to obey my desires. It was my fault we have been separated from her since the Darkening. I would like to live with her again, in her home, as her job as an astronomer means that she must live within a reasonable distance of the observatory. I will not force her to leave the work she loves. Furthermore, I do not wish leave Elrond's service, only to live with Narmincë.”

“And why should we grant this to you?”

“You have no reason.” I stood up and paced to the window, holding up a hand against the glare. “You do not trust me, and I cannot blame you for that. I am a Kinslayer and an Oathtaker. What is my happiness when weighed against that?”

“It was forgiven.”

“But not forgotten. It should never be forgotten. We learned our lesson, multiple times over. I was lucky once; I will not be so again.”

I heard her dress rustle as she moved to stand next to me and waved a hand at the windows to darken them, letting me look out without blinding myself. We stood in silence for a while before she turned away from the window, and I followed her to a small writing desk on the opposite side of the room from the seating area. She sat down on the wooden seat and pulled out a short sheet of paper covered with writing in Tengwar, though I did not recognize the handwriting. She nodded once and handed it to me.

I, Kanafinwë Makalaurë Fëanárion, understand that the strictures of my sentence are binding and will not be loosened until otherwise informed. I further understand that these strictures may be tightened as deemed necessary.

I understand that my request to live with my wife Narmincë Hithiel is against these strictures. As a consequence of asking, the Valar are displeased.

As if that would stop me.

However, the Valar are willing to accommodate my request if I follow these further strictures:
1. That an unclad Maia will be present at all times while I am outside my wife's house.

I stopped reading and tossed the paper onto the desk. “Unacceptable. I will not be humiliated. You either trust me to behave as I have on Elrond's lands without a Maiarin bodyguard or you do not.”

“Then we do not.”

“Then we understand each other. My lady.”

I bowed and walked out of the room, fully intending on finding my room for the night and not leaving. I would let the horses and my guards rest for the night, and we would leave as soon as possible tomorrow morning. There was no reason for me to stay here. I had my answer.

I made it to the landing, disregarding the footsteps behind me, before a Maia clad in armor appeared in front of me. I stopped and raised an eyebrow. “Is the armor truly necessary?”

He did not speak, nor did he move. I leaned against the wall behind me. I could wait.

“Maglor.” I ignored the Valië standing at the bottom of the stairs. “We are not done with our conversation.”

I kept my eyes on the armed Maia. “I think otherwise, my lady. I have my answer. I will abide in Elrond's house per the original strictures. I will not ask again, as I am apparently too much trouble.”

“You are too arrogant,” she said harshly. “You have adjusted far better than we had hoped.”

I finally turned to look at her. “Then give me a chance to prove myself in a place where I do not have protection from the lord of the land. I know my limits and I will not push them.”

“You have just by asking this.”

“No-- I am asserting my rights as a Child of Eru. I am married--”

“You see your wife more than some husbands.”

“If they choose to dwell apart, that is their decision. But I did not have that opportunity.”

“Because you are a criminal.”

“I am forgiven, as you seem so fond of reminding me.”

She headed back down the hallway. “Come to my study, Maglor.”

I glanced over at the Maia blocking my way and resigned myself to yet another difficult discussion. I trudged down the stairs and into her study. The Maia closed the door behind me and I knew he was standing on the other side to prevent another untimely departure. Lady Nienna stood in the center of the room, jaw set. From the fire in her eyes and predatory body language, I was reminded of another being, one whom I had sworn to fight. I could not forget that for all her sorrow, the Valië standing in front of me was one of the Aratar. I raised my head slightly, determined not to apologize, but for the first time, I was afraid.

“Maglor, how little you realize that your strictures are for your safety.”

“As was the Sundering? As was the Pelori?” She didn’t even so much as wince. “Tell me, Lady, how is being unable to defend myself safe? No, the strictures are to reassure the populace that I am no threat. You will either let me live with my wife under the same restrictions I live with in Elrond's house or not at all.”

“Please explain how you will have two guards with you at all times.”

I gestured sharply with my right hand. “Why were they there in the first place? To protect me? Or to prove that I was not trusted and that I could be restrained as necessary?”

“You did not answer my question.”

“You did not answer mine, and it is the more germane one for this discussion.”

Her blue eyes bored into mine, but I did not flinch or look away. I was tired of hiding, tired of acting like a meek person. I had never been one, and never would be.

“Answer me this instead, Maglor: why should we grant your request when you have treated me so rudely?”

“You have no reason to.”

Sternly, she said, “Then be glad we are understanding, for if we were not, you would answer to the Elder King in the Máhanaxar.”

I winced, but kept watching her. She walked back to the desk, pulling out another sheet of paper. She handed it to me, and I warily took it.

Permission has been granted. Do not fail our trust.
The Elder King

My mouth dropped open, and I stared at the Tengwar. “Why? Why the farce of refusing me when you had agreed in the first place?”

Nienna sighed. “You need to prove that you can be trusted. Tirn will be enough to discourage the casual troublemaker. You do not need guards. Do not fail us, Makalaurë, for if you do, you will live in Valimar until the Dagor Dagorath.”

I gulped. “I will not fail, my lady.”

She nodded and dismissed me. This time the Maia-- sans armor-- led me to a small chamber on the second floor. I took a swift shower and lay down on the white wicker bed. What the hell had happened between the two letters? Was the first a test or were the Valar evaluating me the entire time? I knew they were capable of communicating silently without my knowledge, and quite able to judge me based on my actions. So why had they decided to approve my request only after I lost my temper?

I rubbed my forehead. Had they decided before my arrival? Or was this entire afternoon a test, and I wouldn’t have received the second letter if I failed? Did they just want proof that I wouldn't meekly accept what happened to me? Did they truly want a Fëanorion living in the general population? Did they want to force a reconciliation? Or did they just want me happy? I groaned and rolled over to stare out the window at the sky. I would never have the answers, but I had the one I’d come here to receive. That was enough-- for now.