Finding Lost Family by chrissystriped

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Chapter Twelve

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“Come on”, Estel called laughing, “the water won’t bite you!”

He stood hip-high in the water of the lake and gave him a challenging look.

“Are you so sure about that?”, Sharû called back.

The summer sun burned on Sharû’s naked shoulders. He was almost regretting that he’d asked Estel to teach him swim, but when he’d seen him and his family having so much fun in the water, the desire to be able to swim had been bigger than his fear.

“Ithrû learned it, too.”

Estel grinned as if he knew that the good-natured rivalry among brothers would make it impossible for Sharû to pull out. Sharû sighed and walked into the lake, careful to not lose his footing on the gravel lake floor. The water was cool but not cold, pleasant on this warm day. The surface was calm, calmer than he’d ever seen the sea. He stopped nervously when he noticed his feet lifting from the floor.

“Estel?”, he said nervously. “That’s called buoyancy. If you do it right, the water carries you. Try to lie on your back.”

Sharû stared at him. “But I’ll sink!”

Estel shook his head. “The water will carry you”, he repeated. “And I’ll be here. Trust me.”

“I do.”

Sharû took a deep breath and lowered himself backward, Estel’s hands bracing him.

It was frightening to lose the ground, his legs twitched, but Estel’s hands supported him.

“Stretch your arms to your sides, lift your stomach, breathe deeply. Do you feel that you are floating?”

Sharû nodded because he didn’t trust his voice, his heart was trying to jump out of his mouth. But he was floating, he didn’t trust the situation completely, his distrust for water was rooted too deep, but it felt strangely good. He soon noticed that small motions had large effect on how heavy he lay on Estel’s hands and tried around until he felt like he was stable on his own. Estel laughed.

“You’re learning quickly. Don’t forget that you can stand here.”

And then his hands were gone and Sharû’s heart started to race again, because nothing was holding him.

“Don’t move quickly, stay calm”, Estel said and because Sharû was a soldier and used to function in stressful situations, he pushed the panicked reactions of his body away and followed Estel’s advice.

Soon he’d found a stable position again and took a relieved breath. He moved his legs a little to stay afloat.

“That’s actually fun!”, he said and Estel laughed.

“Of course it is. Are you ready for a real swimming lesson?”

“If you tell me how to get back on my feet.”

“Just move them downwards.”

Sharû was surprised how quickly his feet hit the floor, he’d forgotten how shallow the water was here.

 

Later they lay on the shore and let the sun dry their skin and hair. Sharû had closed his eyes, feeling tired, and his body was still leading him to believe that he was moved by waves. His throat hurt from the water he’d swallowed, he’d sunk a few times, but he was in cheerful spirits. He’d been able to make a few swim strokes alone at the end.

“I’m relieved that you want to learn it”, Estel said suddenly. “To be honest, I was a little nervous with you non-swimmers on an island.”

“I don’t feel that calm on a ship either”, Sharû said and laughed uneasily. “Although I don’t think that I’ll dare to swim in the sea so soon.”

“Might be better.” Estel nodded approvingly. “The sea is not the same as a little forest lake.”

Estel stretched contentedly and Sharû looked at his tattooed arm.

“What do they mean, your needle pictures?”

“Maenas, the elves call it”, Estel said. He touched the spot where it started, a little under his armpit. “My belonging to my family”, he slid his fingertip slowly down. “The first deer I brought down; the first bow I built; my skill in tracking; my wedding; the birth of our son; the finding of my brothers.” Estel smiled at him. “Our Maenais tell the story of our lives.”

Sharû rubbed his chest where a pattern of lines and dots reported his career and the number of his kills.

“I wish I could make it go away”, he said softly. “I’m not proud of it.”

Estel cocked his head and tapped one of the marks.

“Not even of that?” Colonel. “You told me why the Maia promoted you. It wasn’t because you were especially cruel or because you got the most out of the slaves. He did it because you have a good heart. And I think that is something you can be proud of. I’ll never forget how you put your life at risk to give me my freedom.” Estel squeezed his shoulder. “It’s over, Sharû. You can live your life now, however you want.”

“And if I don’t know what I want?”

‘Ecthelion’, his not very helpful mind interjected. He shook his head.

“You’ll figure it out.” Estel stood up and offered him his hand. “I think we should go back, they’ll wonder where we are.”

 

A stranger sat with Estel’s family when they came back to the camp. Sharû tensed, unsure how she’d react to an orc in their midst. Estel’s family had received him friendly, Ithrû had obviously dispersed any doubts they might have had at his many visits, but they had warned him to leave the camp alone because not all their neighbours were pleased about their orcish visitors.

Andsal, Estel’s father-in-law waved at them. “That is my son Estel you asked after and his brother Sharû. Estel, this is Aiwiel, she’s come a long way to talk to you.”

She had silver hair tied up in a bun, her bow and arrow leaned on a nearby house wall but at her belt was a long knife. Sharû stood a little back when Estel greeted her.

“Well met, Aiwiel. What can I do for you?”

“I heard you name Faranwe your father”, she said and Sharû flinched.

He stepped to his brother and hissed in his ear: “You told them his name?”

Estel looked surprised at him. “Why not?” His face turned gentle. “Sharû, there’s no reason to hide from them that he remembered. It doesn’t mean danger for anyone.”

“Yes, of course.”

But the elvish name of his father and that he remembered some of his past had been a secret for so long that it felt to Sharû like a betrayal of trust. Estel laid his hand on his shoulder.

“We both are his sons.”

Aiwiel breathed in sharply, only when Sharû looked at her again did he realise how nervous she was. Her hands trembled.

“So... it is true that the Black Hunter took him and...” She stared at Sharû with horror in her eyes.

“He was turned into an orc, yes!”, Sharû hissed in anger. “How is that any of your business?”

“He was my father, too”, she whispered, tears in her eyes. “When I heard that someone calls himself his son, I thought...” She shook her head and turned away.

“Aiwiel...” Estel threw Sharû a glance that clearly said: ‘Was that necessary?’ “You wanted to find out, what happened to him?”, he continued gently.

Sharû was ashamed for making her cry. If he’d known who she was... but looks of the kind she had given him, always raised his ire. He realised now that they hadn’t been for him, but for their father’s fate. It had always grieved him that his father had been in pain all his life as an orc, but it had been a steady knowledge. He couldn’t imagine how she felt right now, with the knowledge of what had been done to her father crashing down on her.

“I never believed that he left mother because she wanted to come here and he didn’t – and without a word at that! – but when I heard that I maybe had a brother who’d lived in Arda all these years... I would have preferred that to the truth.” She breathed deeply and turned around to them. “But I came here to meet my brother and you are my brothers – both of you. Estel, Sharû, I’m glad to meet you.”

Sharû was surprised at how quickly she seemed to have accepted the truth, but when he shook her hand and looked into her eyes, he realised that she was only showing them a brave facade. He nodded at her, he could respect that.

“You are the leader of the orcs on the island, aren’t you?”, she said to him. “Mother and I live in Alqualonde, I saw you at the harbour once or twice.” Sharû nodded. “May I ask... if it isn’t rude, how it can be that you and Estel are so... different.”

Sharû huffed amused. “It isn’t rude. I can’t really say, but now and then the elvish blood turned out to be stronger. He was lucky to have a twin brother so we could hide him or he’d have been killed or enslaved.”

Estel laughed. “He makes it sound so easy. Do you want to hear how it comes that I live here today and call Andsal my father?”

Aiwiel’s smile was still a little watery, but she nodded. They sat down a little apart from the others, Estel’s family gave them space, and Estel told her his story. Sharû let him talk although it always embarrassed him a little that he was the hero in Estel’s eyes. Even Mo, who had made his escape possible in the end, sounded scary in his tale – and he probably had been for Estel.

“You freed him although it could have cost your life?”, Aiwiel asked him surprised.

Sharû shrugged awkwardly. “What else was I to do? He is my brother and I love him.”

Aiwiel blushed. “It’s just... the things we heard about you – orcs – are not... I don’t want to insult you.”

“I can imagine.” Sharû smiled wryly. “I won’t lie, we earned our reputation. We were what our Masters turned us into, some of us liked that more than others. But I had a family, we had parents who loved us and a mother who told us elvish tales. Many of my men have slaves as mothers. We did a lot of bad things, we want to do better now, if we are allowed to.”

Aiwiel nodded slowly, Sharû didn’t know if it was approval of his words.

“Did he ever talk about us?”, he asked in a small voice.

Estel gave him a helpless look and Sharû sighed heavily.

“Aiwiel... The elf, who was your father and the orc, who was our father... it wasn’t the same person. He was changed. He...” There really wasn’t a way to break this gently to her. Sharû stared ahead without really seeing anything. “I was born like this, it doesn’t pain me, but he was turned into an orc. They cut him open and sewed him together again and his body gave him pain his whole life, although he tried to hide that. If they’d known that he remembered even his name, they’d have tortured him even more. He shouldn’t have remembered anything about his old life and I can’t tell you how much he knew. Maybe he told mother, he could talk to her more openly than to anyone else, but he never told his children about his former life.”

“Let’s hope that his soul found the way to Mandos and found peace there”, Estel said with husky voice.

Aiwiel stood up suddenly. “I’m sorry, I have to... I need to be alone.”

They followed here with their eyes as she walked quickly to one of the houses. Andsal threw them a questioning look but Estel shook his head. Yes, it was probably best to give her some privacy.

“It must be hell to hear all that.”

Sharû nodded. “Is it awful of me to wonder if he loved her mother more than ours?”

Estel gave him a startled look. “I... I don’t know. And I think... You said yourself that he wasn’t the same. I think, he loved them both. Mother made him as happy as he could be under the circumstances.” He shook his head. “I need something strong now.”

“Me too.”

Sharû followed him to the pantry where they also had bottles of liquor made from various berries, not that Sharû cared right now, what it was made of, as long as it was strong.

 

Sharû stumbled from the house he had slept in and rubbed his burning eyes. His head was throbbing. Estel and he had abundantly indulged in the liquor yesterday. He was just reviving himself with the help of a bucket of water when he heard soft steps behind him and whirled around. Aiwiel stepped back startled by his sudden movement.

“I didn’t want to startle you”, she said. “I’m sorry for running off yesterday, but...”

“You don’t have to apologise for that.” Sharû wiped the water from his face. “I wasn’t very tactful. I’m surprised that you’d want to talk to me at all.”

Aiwiel gave him a lopsided smile. “You told me the truth where others might have beat around the bush. It hurts, but I wanted to know and I’m relieved that I do now. Maybe you and Estel can tell me a bit about your family life, if you don’t mind.”

Sharû hesitated, his old survival instinct warned him against it but he pushed it aside. What had he to lose by telling her? Nothing. But a sister to win.

“I’ll gladly do that”, he said and smiled at her. “And if you want, you can visit me on the Island and meet your other two surviving brothers.”

“That... yes, maybe I’ll really do that.” She smiled back cautiously. “I have a brother, too, but he’s at sea a lot and I’m not sure at all what he’ll think of this.”

“Are you going to tell your mother?”, Sharû asked and Aiwiel nodded slowly.

“I have to, although I don’t look forward to this conversation.” Sharû could understand that.

“Let’s see if Estel is awake already and we can get to know each other over breakfast?”

She nodded her assent and Sharû turned to Estel’s house. He liked Aiwiel and although he was still wondering, how his father would have decided, if he’d had the choice between his two families, he decided he wouldn't let this thoughts colour the way he treated her. It was not her fault – it wasn't their father’s fault either.