Finding Lost Family by chrissystriped

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Chapter Three

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“Aeg!”

Ecthelion turned around when his nickname was called. It was shortly after sunrise, he’d walked a short distance away from the camp but still inside the circle of sentinels to watch the sun rise, he’d missed that in Angband. The smile he gave Matil froze on his lips when he saw his face. One of his eyes was swollen shut and his knuckles were skinned and bloody.

“What happened?”

“An idiot of a Vanya had the nerve to tell me it is dishonourable of me to be alive", Matil growled. “So I taught him a lesson in courtesy.” He grinned. “If you think, I look bad you should see him.”

Ecthelion grimaced. It wasn’t the first time that cruel, disparaging comments were aimed at his people and he feared that sooner or later it would come to drawn weapons. He needed to take care of this before something really bad - like a fourth kinslaying - happened.

“We have to talk, Matil.” They were spread across the whole camp, wherever there had been free spaces in tents. “All the spokespersons, I mean. Can you help me to drum them up? We’ll meet an hour after midday.”

Ecthelion bit his lower lip. They had no place to meet without drawing attention and he didn’t want to leave the camp. It wasn’t safe. Just because ‘their’ orcs had turned out to be quite decent, that didn’t mean all of them were like this and there were still scattered units around here.

“We’ll meet at the orc camp.”

Sharû’s men at least wouldn’t retell what they had talked about.

“Do you have a list? I admit, I lost sight of who is where in this giant camp.”

Ecthelion nodded and lifted the tent flap. “Come in.” Matil looked around enviously.

“I sleep with four other elves in a tent that’s not much bigger than yours. Has to be the reputation.” He winked at him.

Ecthelion grimaced. “Don’t remind me of that. They want Ecthelion, hero of Gondolin, but I can’t be that if my people need to fight for their honour.”

He even had a folding desk – and a feeling that he would need it. Yes, he had expected that the orcs would be eyed warily, but he hadn’t calculated on his people being judged for being alive. Did these idiots even know what an achievement that was? Ecthelion took a deep breath and relaxed his fists. He quickly copied one half of the list he had luckily remembered to make when they had been split up.

“Those are yours, I’ll take care of the other half. Thank you.”

Matil shrugged. “I need something to do, anyway, it's boring to sit around all day. See you.”

Ecthelion waved after him and set off. The slave quarters had been decrepit but originally they had been built after a plan in tidy squares. They had met in secret, each square had a speaker. Ecthelion wasn’t so sure anymore, if it really had been a secret or if their overseers had just looked the other way. He hadn’t intended to be their leader, but after it had gotten around who he was they had almost pushed it on him.

Of course there were other former officers among them, the Nirnaeth had demanded a high price, not only in death, but he had a big name – because of the part they had played at the Nirnaeth but although because of the things he had done in the battle for Gondolin. The names of the heads of the houses very synonymous to courage.

Ecthelion didn’t think he deserved their veneration, others had done much braver things, others hadn’t hidden in the mountains for decades. And he wasn’t the only one by far who’d killed balrogs. But he knew his reputation and status would lend him the ear of Finarfin and he had a feeling they’d have to take any advantage they could get. He wouldn’t let his people down.

 

He’d had no time to find himself something for lunch between notifying the spokespersons and hoped that the orcs would share their meal with him. Ecthelion greeted the guards at the entrance with a nod. He was worried. The short conversations with them had been not what he’d expected.

Fairdal had just waited for the right moment to tell him that he and most of the Laiquendi intended to leave sooner than later. It should have relieved Ecthelion, a few hundred elves less to worry about, but it was still disturbing to see how quickly things like what kin you belonged to began to matter again – it had not mattered in Angband.

He found Sharû beside the serving counter. He looked grim and Ecthelion got the feeling that he stood there to keep the peace, but he smiled a little when he saw him.

“Ecthelion. I wanted to talk to you.”

“Likewise.” Ecthelion pointed at the cauldron. “Can I exploit your hospitality first?”

“Be my guest.”

Sharû grinned and Ecthelion got the feeling that he held back a joke at his cost. The cook wasn’t so restrained.

“Well, elf, are you sure that you want this? Who knows what I put in there?”

Ecthelion grinned back. “As I know that you get the same rations as the rest of the army and I don’t miss any of my people standing guard, I expect it’s safe to eat.”

Ecthelion swallowed a spoonful of stew to illustrate his opinion. He never had believed the rumours anyway. Orcs might dine on elf now and then, although he wasn’t so sure about that either, but they wouldn’t feed such meat to slaves. He hadn’t seen a lot of meat in his time in Angband and when they got something, it usually was as tough as old boots. Surely not elf. Ecthelion winked at the cook and turned back to Sharû, bowl in hand.

“I need a place to talk to my people and I don’t want someone listening. I thought I could borrow your open space.”

Sharû lifted his eyebrow. “You trust us?”

Ecthelion shrugged. “Let’s say, I trust you not to talk to strangers – and that they wouldn’t believe you anyway.”

Sharû laughed. “True. What’s it about? If I may ask.”

“Several things.” Ecthelion sighed. “I hoped it would be easier to come back, but I fear we have a long way before us. But what did you want from me?”

"I just wanted to ask you to tell your guards to let my brother and his family in.”

“Your brother?” Ecthelion stared at him.

“Might be I have a brother who looks like an elf.” Sharû shrugged. “He escaped from Angband centuries ago.”

‘And who helped him with that, I wonder?’, Ecthelion thought, sensing a story, and nodded. “I’ll see to it.”

“Thank you.”

Sharû smiled this unsettling smile that showed off his teeth. He looked more like wolf who was baring his fangs. Did he realise that? Ecthelion decided not to comment on it, he liked Sharû, he didn’t want to insult him. It wasn’t so hard to imagine him as an elf, despite the teeth.

 

Ecthelion looked at the list he was assembling of elves that wanted to stay in Middle-Earth, it was quickly getting longer. Many Nandor and Laiquendi wanted to go back to their woods. Fairdal had already prepared him for that. What Ecthelion hadn’t expected was that many Noldor intended to stay, too. Gil-galad had told him that he would stay to rule those of them who didn’t follow the Valar’s call, and they wanted to follow him.

Ecthelion didn’t understand why anyone would want to stay, but then, he had lived in Gondolin and it had been a memory of Tirion before anything else. He had realised many years ago, even before his captivity, that it had been a mistake to leave Aman. He wanted to go back home, he had expected that at least those of them who were Noldor, would share that sentiment.

After the bureaucracy was done, he put the list away and took a deep breath.

"We need to talk about the position we intend to adopt in regard to the orcs. I don't know about you, but I think we could do something good here."

“Do you really want to help them?”, Tarilanya asked, not able to hide her amazement. “Mormirion is one thing”, she said, they all had signed the paper he had given to Aule, asking for clemency for the Maia who had saved their lives, “but they are still orcs.”

“Relatives. We all know how their ancestors, or even some of them, came to be.” Ecthelion looked at the other spokesmen and -women. “Some of them began their lives in a slave shack. Relatives.”

“I can’t believe that you want to forgive them like that.” Matil shook his head, his black eye had drawn some worried questions.

Ecthelion had done his best to reassure his people, he needed to talk to Finarfin about the attitude of some of the free elves.

“They weren’t as bad as some others", Matil continued, "but they still forced us to work for the enemy. Raped us! Ecthelion, I know you sometimes offered yourself to achieve things. Has anyone ever declined your offer? Can you just forget that? Because I can’t! I won't forgive it.”

“I can.”

Ecthelion looked at Tarilanya. She was from Gondolin, too, she knew how he'd been.

“Because I never declined such an offer either. You know me, Tarilanya, you knew me before the Fall. I might not have forced anyone, but I didn’t have to! It didn’t even cross my mind that someone wouldn’t want Ecthelion. How many, do you think, felt used by me afterwards?”

“Aeg”, she said gently and embraced him. “You can’t compare that.”

“No?” Ecthelion leaned his forehead against hers. “I know some of them came to my bed for a gain. And I thought I had a right to it. After all, I was handsome and powerful and...”

“Shh.” Tarilanya laid her fingers to his lips and Ecthelion realised that he was shaking. She looked at him with worry in her eyes. “You really believe that, do you? That you weren’t so different from them?”

“And it took the loss of my freedom, my power, my beauty, to change me.”

Tarilanya kissed his burned cheek. “There were times, I cursed you”, she said. “But in Angband... it changed us, you are right about that. And you are beautiful – in here.” She laid her hand over his heart.

“And Sharû and his men are, too”, Ecthelion said. “They just need a chance to prove it.”

He turned back to the others, a little embarrassed to have laid his insecurities so open before them, but he pushed the feeling aside. They had a right to know that he hadn’t been the shining hero, the stories made of him.

Alandur coughed and said: “So you think we should forgive them.”

“Forgiveness doesn’t happen just like that.” Ecthelion snapped his fingers. “Or because I or someone else tells you to. But there's this: I’m Noldo, like many of you. I’m told we were pardoned and that the Teleri at least forgave us enough to sail those ships. I'm grateful for that, we'll see what happens once we are back in Aman. Why not give those orcs the same? I think we should allow them to prove themselves. Give them a chance to life in peace for the first time. I don’t tell you to put all resentment behind you, they were soldiers, they killed people we knew. But they didn’t kill us when the order came. They didn’t give in to the hatred that was drilled into them. They proved already that what was told to us – that orcs can’t be reformed – is wrong. And are we not Noldor?” He winked at them. “Aren’t you curious? Their language that is not quite ancient Quenya. And a history we know nothing about. Did you notice that some of the orcs wear maenais similar to those of the Nandor? Personally, I’d like to know if they have music. Aren’t we scholars anymore?”

He could see that he had caught their hearts with that. Yes, they had been slaves. They had been forced to forge weapons, weave chain mail, mine ore and thousand other tasks for war. And yes, some of them had been weapons smiths and soldiers before, but not most of them. He had reminded them that they weren’t captives anymore.

“Our children, those who know only Angband”, he said with a look at Sinthur, who had such a son, “we’ll show them how it is to really live. And our lost relatives deserve that, too.”

“You are right”, Tarilanya said softly. “And if only to be better than them. We aren’t orcs. We don’t treat prisoners like dirt."

"I don't see what we could do anyway", said Sinthur. "The Valar are going to judge what to do with them."

"But it will be our testimonies they'll hear. Let's vote. Who wants to give the orcs a chance?"

Ecthelion was relieved when almost three-fourths of them lifted their hands.

When Ecthelion left the camp later, two elves with a child stood at the entrance.

“This is Sharû’s brothers with wife and child”, the guard told Ecthelion and he had nodded in confirmation.

He'd already told them to let them in. The boy looked at him with amber eyes – Sharû’s eyes.

 

Ecthelion was walking back to his tent after the meeting when he caught a familiar face.

“Egalmoth?”, he called at the elf on the other side of the road. At least one of them had survived in freedom. “I’m so glad to see you here!” His smile froze when he saw the look on Egalmoth’s face.

“Ecthelion... what did they do to you?” Egalmoth sounded shocked.

“It was an accident.” Ecthelion touched his cheek. He was already starting to loathe how everyone reminded him of it – reduced him to his looks. “It was no one’s fault.”

Egalmoth shook his head. “I already heard that your kind has strange opinions of orcs.”

“My kind?” Ecthelion narrowed his eyes.

Egalmoth was... well, Egalmoth. Sure that his opinions were the only reasonable ones and very conscious of status. Had he really been like this once, too? Ecthelion cringed inwardly.

“They are elves, just like you, they simply need a little time to ease back into being free. And those orcs saved our lives. They deserve a second chance.”

Ecthelion saw the incomprehension in Egalmoth’s eyes.

“They are enemies, Ecthelion!”

“No.” Ecthelion shook his head. “Not anymore. The war is over and they don’t want to fight us.”

“Is that so?” Egalmoth visibly bit down on something he wanted to say. “I don’t intend to fight with you, Ecthelion, not now.” He took a deep breath and patted his shoulder. “Welcome back, my friend, I'm glad you are alive. Come with me, my tent ins two streets over there. Let’s share a bottle, like in the old times, hm?”

Ecthelion forced himself to smile and nodded. In the old times... He was starting to feel like he wouldn’t be able to go back there. Angband hadn’t just changed how he looked.

 

“So you really were a slave.” Egalmoth looked at him uneasily after he’d filled his glass. “Like Rog?”

“Rog’s darker horror stories were all true”, Ecthelion answered with a croak in his voice.

He didn’t want to talk about this with Egalmoth. He’d never gotten along that well with Rog, but just now he’d have liked to have him to talk to instead of his old friend. They’d known each other since childhood, the two of them and Glorfindel – Ecthelion swallowed down his tears at the memory of his dead friend. They had walked around Tirion like they owned it, partied together, seduced men and women. Until Glorfindel had fallen in love with Mablung. Mablung...

Ecthelion hadn’t often been forced to serve in the throne room – after the explosion he hadn’t been pretty enough for the Maiar – but he had seen Mablung a few times, long enough to recognise him. Long enough to see the marks on his body. Everyone in Angband knew about Morgoth’s sick desires and everyone in Angband knew that Mablung somehow managed to bear it.

If he’d have known that the boy would have to be Morgoth’s slave one day, he’d have been nicer. What did it matter that he was ‘only’ a commoner? Glorfindel had been so in love with him. He should have accepted that. Ecthelion had already tried to find him in the camp, he would have liked to apologise. He hadn’t been with those who Mormirion and the orcs had freed, of course, but Morgoth was here – a prisoner – and he had hoped that Mablung was free, too. Ecthelion realised that his mind had wandered and he had no idea what Egalmoth had said.

“I’m sorry”, he said and rubbed his forehead. “I have so many things on my mind.”

“Why do you saddle yourself with it, anyway? I can understand that you feel responsible for the slaves. But those orcs? They aren’t your problem. If you ask me, they should have been killed immediately.”

“They saved our lives!”, Ecthelion snapped at him, his ire rising. “And are we like this? Do we kill people who surrendered?”

“They are orcs, Ecthelion!” Egalmoth stared at him. “Enemies. Murderers.”

“And how many orcs did you kill, Egalmoth? It was war. Of course we were enemies! But that’s Morgoth’s fault. These people, Sharû and his men, some of them look more like elves. I just saw Sharû’s brother. You wouldn’t believe he has orcs for parents! Do you want to condemn them for obeying their king? They were trained to hate us from childhood, just like ever elvenchild will tell you that orcs are evil. Sharû himself says that the younger generations got the compassion bred out of them, that they can’t feel anything but hate and anger. Maybe these really can’t be helped, but I’m sure that Sharû’s people can live in peace with us, if we give them a chance.”

Egalmoth shook his head. “You’re crazy, Ecthelion. Look at your face!”

“My face”, Ecthelion growled, “is my own business. It was an accident that could have happened to our smiths, too.”

Egalmoth grumbled something and Ecthelion narrowed his eyes.

“We are friends, Egalmoth, we’ve been friends our whole life, but you haven’t been in Angband, I was. You don’t have the right to tell me what I have to believe or feel.”

“No? Maybe that’s what a friend does, if you act like you lost your mind!” Egalmoth took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “Sorry. You are right of course, that I have no idea what you experienced in there. It just makes me so angry to see how the orcs are protected after our people gave their blood so not more of us had to share your fate.”

“And their fate? Their ancestors were elves, Egalmoth. Can you imagine that? Being tortured until nothing of you is left? Until you become something totally different?”

Egalmoth shuddered. “I don’t want to think of that.”

“See? And that’s the problem. Most elves try not to think of that dark chapter in our past, but it happened and the result are the orcs. Most of them might be lost forever, but as long as there is a small possibility that a few of them might be saved, I’ll do everything in my power to help them.”

Egalmoth emptied his glass and quickly refilled it. "Fine, I can see that you won't budge."

"Won't you fill me in on what happened to the survivors after the battle? I know Earendil is the new star but not much else."

Egalmoth sighed. "I fear it's not a nice tale, but if you really want to hear it..."

Ecthelion nodded. "Tell me. I need to know. Glorfindel..."

"Died killing a balrog, protecting us all." Egalmoth took a deep breath. "And we ran."

 

Sharû looked up when the tent flap was pushed back.

“Are we coming inconveniently?” Estel smiled at him and Sharû stood up.

“Not at all.”

He embraced his brother and patted his back. So Ecthelion had kept his word.

“May I introduce my wife? Raywen, this is my brother Sharû.”

She smiled at him, but her eyes were wary when she shook his hand.

“Nice to meet you.”

Sharû squeezed her hand gently. “I’m happy to have the chance to meet you, too, Raywen. Especially as I didn’t think I’d see Estel ever again when I got him out.”

Raywen smiled. “I remember when father came home from a hunt, telling about the stranger they had found stumbling through the woods like an angry bear. We were a little wary of him, as you might imagine.”

Sharû grinned. “I don’t think he had the weight to sound like a bear. Come in. And who is this?”

The boy had hidden behind his mother and watched him distrustfully – with eyes like Sharû’s.

“That’s Tantareita, our son.” Estel laid his hand on the boy’s back. “Say hello to your uncle, Tan.”

The little elf mumbled something, looking shyly at his feet. Sharû crouched down before him and offered his hand.

“Hello, Tantareita”, he said gently.

The boy’s hand vanished in his own, he gave him a quick smile before hiding behind his mother again. Sharû smiled wryly.

“I suppose I’m not a very comforting appearance.”

“You are for me”, Estel patted his arm. “Always were. I never forgot what you did for me. You said, Ithrû is here?”

Sharû nodded. “I can call for him.”

But he didn’t need to. Before Sharû could step out of the tent to send someone to search for Ithrû, he already came in.

“Estel!” They embraced each other laughing. “I always knew we’d meet again, but the how is still surprising.” Ithrû looked up into his brother’s face. “I almost forgot how tall you are.”

Estel grinned and slapped his shoulder. “I’ve seen dwarves that were taller than you.”

“You are twins?”

Raywen’s gaze shot back and forth between them and Sharû laughed. No, they really didn’t resemble each other.

“At least that’s what we were told.” Estel winked at her. “So it must be true.”

Ithrû growled. “Stop that! You know we are twins. We can feel it.”

Estel became serious again and embraced Ithrû.

“Of course, brother. I was just joking.”

“You elves believe that twins share a soul, don’t you?”, Sharû said to Raywen. “Those two surely do, although they don’t look alike.”

Raywen cocked her head and watched the brothers closely.

“Maybe you are right, Sharû.” She smiled shyly at him. “I’m happy that Estel found his family. He missed you very much, he often told me about his parents and siblings.”

“He did?”

Raywen nodded. “He thought it would be dishonourable to not tell me who he is, when I started to court him.”

Sharû lifted his eyebrows. “Shouldn’t that be the other way round?”

Raywen’s smile became a grin. “Usually it is, but in our case I took matters in hand. We still wouldn’t be married if I hadn’t.”

Sharû saw Estel blush and laughed. He liked Raywen.