A Soul like broken Wings by chrissystriped

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Chapter Two

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Eonwe sailed in the sky, let himself be carried on the upwinds and wished for Reviahûn to be at his side. But even if his beloved would have wanted to be with him, he was too weak to change his shape. Obviously the death of a body had far reaching consequences. The eagle cried out. He was so frustrated. He tried to have patience, but it was so hard. Months had passed and still Reviahûn hid from him.

At least he could be sure that he was in good hands with Manwe and Irmo – he was grateful that both Valar looked after him. As if he had heard him think his name, he felt Irmo’s soul against his own and Eonwe followed his voice. You didn’t let a Vala wait and he hoped he could tell him about Reviahûn. Manwe didn’t talk about what Reviahûn said to him. Eonwe alighted on the island in the lake and walked to the house. The Vala waited for him in a bright room, the high windows looked out on the lake.

Eonwe bowed to him and sat on the offered chair.

“How is he?”

“Better... in some respects.” Irmo looked so seriously at him that he straightened. “I’m reluctant to do something that is expressly against the wish of someone who is under my care, but... Reviahûn isn’t keeping you at a distance out of fear and I think you might be able to help.”

“How? I’ll do anything”, Eonwe said immediately. He wanted to see his beloved so much.

“That’s good to hear. I see how much he suffers by not being with you and...”

“He wants to be with me?”, Eonwe interrupted him disbelieving. “But why...”

“He thinks, he doesn’t deserve you anymore. I won’t go into detail about what Artano did to him, but it was bad. He was tortured and abused and humiliated. He feels dirty and inferior and not worthy of you. He thinks, if you were near to him, you would realise sooner or later that you don’t want him, he wants to spare himself that – and you, too – and so he keeps away. But yes, he wants to be with you.”

Eonwe stared at Irmo. He didn’t know what to say, it was so... “But... but doesn’t he know that I love him?” Eonwe felt tears come to his eyes. “I’d never think about him like that! It isn’t his fault that all these things were done to him!”

Irmo nodded slowly. “And that’s why I told you. I can help him with his dreams and other things, but for this he needs you. I think, you should remind him that you want him, whatever may come.”

 

The barn owl alighted soundlessly on the balcony rail. His night eyes saw that the occupant of the room lay in his bed and slept. He shook his feathers and braced himself for a sleepless night. Eonwe didn’t want to disrupt Reviahûn’s sleep, Irmo worked with dreams and he didn’t want to interfere. He would prove to Reviahûn that he wanted him, no matter what that bastard had done to him. In the morning, when he woke. He just didn’t know yet, how. Somehow he was sure that words wouldn’t impress Reviahûn.

The owl kept his eyes glued on the sleeping Maia. Reviahûn was restless, tossing about and whimpering. It was so hard to watch, but Eonwe feared that he'd frighten him more if he woke him, and finally Reviahûn calmed again. The moon set in the west, a rosy hue lighted the sky over the mountains and Reviahûn moved. Eonwe felt him startle when he noticed him at waking. He left the rail and changed shape. The door opened from the outside as well as from the inside, they often used balcony doors as front doors in Ilmaren. Reviahûn stood up hastily, putting the bed between them.

“Eonwe!” There was panic in his eyes. “Please, leave!”

“Why?”

Eonwe had wanted to be gentle – Reviahûn had been tortured and he didn’t want to frighten him – but now he felt all that frustration, that had piled up in the last months, wanted out.

“What’s wrong, Reviahûn? What did I do to you?”

He decided impulsively to play dumb. Reviahûn mustn’t lose his trust in Irmo.

“Nothing.” Reviahûn was shaking and slung his arms around himself. “Please, Eonwe.”

“Reviahûn, we are a couple! Don’t you think I deserve an explanation at least?”

Reviahûn whimpered, his Music disharmonious with despair. Eonwe just wanted to embrace him and make it better somehow.

“Let me help you, Reviahûn”, he whispered.

Reviahûn slumped sobbing on the bed. Eonwe didn’t move, waited, although his heart was slowly being torn into shreds. He felt so useless!

“Don’t you understand, Eonwe?”, Reviahûn finally sobbed. “I’m damaged, soiled. You deserve someone better than me, someone pure.”

“I don’t understand a word, Reviahûn.” Eonwe moved closer and saw Reviahûn’s shoulders tense. “Are you afraid of me, love?”

Reviahûn shook his head. “Believe me, you don’t want me anymore after what he did to me. I’m so dirty, Eonwe, you shouldn’t stain yourself on me.”

Eonwe stared at Reviahûn’s trembling body. Damaged. Dirty. Soiled. He realised that he hadn’t completely believed what Irmo had said, but to hear it from Reviahûn himself made it real. I think you should remind him that you want him, Irmo had said. And suddenly he knew what he would do. It was crazy and probably would make everything worse, but...

“So you say... if you didn’t think for some preposterous reason that you don’t deserve me, you wouldn’t be afraid to be with me... have sex with me?”, he made certain. Reviahûn looked at him with red rimmed eyes.

“No... at least I don’t think so.”

He gave a startled squeak when Eonwe jumped at him and flipped him on his back, his wrists securely in his grasp. Reviahûn stared at him wide-eyed.

“You are mine!”, Eonwe growled. “Do you hear me?”

He gathered Reviahûn’s wrists in one hand and gripped his chin with his free one.

“Mine! It’s not for you to decide if I want you. I want you! Don’t you dare doubt that. Do you understand?”

Reviahûn just stared at him his breath hitching.

“I said: Do you understand?”, Eonwe snarled at him.

“Yes”, Reviahûn whispered. “Eonwe, please... would you... would you do something for me?”

Eonwe nodded curtly. Not sure if he could keep this front up for much longer.

“I’m yours, I want to be yours”, Reviahûn croaked, but his gaze didn’t waver as he continued. “Take possession of me again.”

Eonwe kissed him roughly, his hand slid down to palm his cock, he’d slept naked, and Reviahûn moaned softly.

“You want me to fuck you?”

Reviahûn nodded. “I want to feel you inside me, Eonwe. Make me forget his hands on me. Don’t...”, he gulped, “don’t be gentle. Make me yours.”

 

He should be frightened by the way Eonwe stooped over him. His hands were caught in his grip and his weight was holding him down. Reviahûn only noticed now that the body he had chosen was more lean and delicate than his old one – they had been evenly matched once. He should be afraid of being so completely at his mercy. But his heart didn’t race with fear.

You are mine!, Eonwe had said. He shivered with desire when Eonwe’s hand stroked his cock. He had longed for him – he hadn’t been sure if this was possible but... he had wanted him. He had just thought he couldn’t have him. Eonwe’s words somehow made it possible for him to believe that what had happened didn’t matter.

He had kept away from Eonwe, although it had hurt so much and he still thought that he wasn’t worthy of him.

‘It’s not for you to decide if I want you.’

Didn’t he have to believe Eonwe if he told him so clearly, who he belonged to? Not Sauron – Eonwe. And if that was true... He wanted to be his – in a way he hadn’t known before. Reviahûn whimpered when Eonwe entered him slowly. He'd almost forgotten how good this could feel.

“Mine!”, Eowne gasped, his breath hot on his neck. “But I won't hurt you. I don't need to be rough to make you mine.”

Reviahûn moved with him, moaned loudly when Eonwe’s hand closed around his arousal. (He’d mock him for it... but no, not Eonwe. He was with Eonwe now.)

“This... this is mine, too”, he growled. “Say it!”

“I belong to you!”, gasped Reviahûn, the pleasure shooting through his body so intense that talking was becoming harder every moment. “Completely. My pleasure. My pain. My bodies – no matter which I wear – my whole being. Yours, my song.” Reviahûn felt tears come to his eyes.

“And I want you. All of you. With all your dark memories.” Eonwe kissed the tears from his cheeks. “Don’t you dare to think otherwise again.”

He let go of his hands to better angle his thrusts and Reviahûn wrapped them around Eonwe's neck, holding tight as his thrusts became quicker.

Eonwe groaned when he came inside him and continued to stroke him until Reviahûn followed. Reviahûn sobbed, clinging to him as tears rand down his cheeks. Now that he was here, he didn’t want to let him go. He was so afraid that he would leave him. Eonwe’s eyes, his Music had become gentle again. He didn’t say anything, just held him in his arms and stroked his hair until Reviahûn’s tears dried and he fell asleep again.

 

Eonwe felt the trembling that ran through Reviahûn’s body when he woke around midday. He was almost sure that his beloved would throw him out after what he had done. But he hadn’t known another way.

“Eonwe?”, he whispered with closed eyes.

“I’m here”, he answered softly. “But if you want me to leave...”

“No!”, Reviahûn interrupted him. “Please.”

“I’m here”, Eonwe repeated and hugged him tighter. “I’m sorry. I shouldn't have...”

Reviahûn shook his head and finally opened his eyes to look at him. “You did the right thing. I... I wouldn’t have believed you if you had been more gentle. You were gentle, you just didn't talk like it. Maybe I’ve been the possession of others for so long that I only understand it that way.”

Eonwe felt the pain behind his words and held him close. It wasn’t over. It would be foolish to think that it would be that easy. But at least Reviahûn was talking to him now and that was progress.

“You always liked it when I told you that I want you”, he said. “I thought, I’d make that indisputable.”

He trailed the freckles on Reviahûn’s shoulders with his fingertips, it looked like the little speckles formed feathers under his skin. They had fought playful fights in  the sky to decide who’d be on top in bed. Sometimes he had won, sometimes Reviahûn had won – and sometimes Eonwe had let him win because he wanted him on top that day. Eonwe had enjoyed it then, when he could finally make him his – and he had felt the same pleasure in Reviahûn’s Music.

“I can’t do that anymore”, Reviahûn whispered as if he’d read his thoughts – and maybe he had, they had been so close once that they had heard each other’s thoughts even if they didn’t consciously comunicate them.

Eonwe continued to caress Reviahûn’s shoulders. He didn’t want to push him, but he didn’t want to make him feel like he couldn’t talk about this with him either.

“He hurt me so much when I fought him – even more than he already did anyway”, his beloved whispered and when he closed his eyes two tears ran down his cheeks.

“Melkor?”, Eonwe asked softly and caught the tears with his thumb.

He’d never said anything, because he didn’t want to contradict his Master, but he had shared Ulmo’s and Tulkas’s distrust – they should never have allowed Melkor to walk free.

Reviahûn shook his head. “He captured me but... he wasn’t interested in me, he didn’t care what happened to me. He gave me to Sauron – that’s how the slaves call him and he deserves the name – you’ll know him as Artano. I was his and he... He tortured me because he enjoyed it and then he raped me.” Reviahûn sobbed and Eonwe rubbed his neck.

“Shh. You don’t have to tell me, except if you want to. I’ll listen, but I won’t pry.”

Reviahûn shook his head. “Not today. But do you understand now... do you really still want to be with me?”

Eonwe kissed his lips gently. “Always”, he said softly. “And if you don’t want – or can’t – fight anymore, we’ll toss a coin.”

Reviahûn laughed and laid his head on Eonwe’s chest. “I missed you, my song”, he whispered so softly that Eonwe almost didn’t hear it – but he could feel it.

“I was so afraid for you”, Eonwe answered. “If they’d let me, nothing would have stopped me from flying to Angband and taking you home. For you I’d even take it up with Melkor.”

He didn’t know what it was he had said, but Reviahûn tensed in his arms.

“Eonwe... would you leave me now, please? I have to think about something.”

Eonwe’s heart constricted painfully, he wanted to protest but he didn’t. He’d give Reviahûn the time and space he needed. Maybe he’d already gone too far. Slowly he stood up.

“Can I...” His voice broke at the thought that Reviahûn might say no and he coughed. “Can I come back in the evening?”

Reviahûn looked up and nodded once. “You can. I don’t want to push you away again, Eonwe. But I need a little... time to myself.”

Eonwe nodded. “Don’t worry too much”, he said gently and blew him a kiss before he dressed with a thought and left Reviahûn’s room.