First Times by chrissystriped

Chapter One

Galathil had been nervous since they had entered the room, Sinthoras saw it in the way he moved and glanced repeatedly at him. They had spent the afternoon with Silwen and Lantelen and had taken a hotel room for the night. Sinthoras was plaiting his hair to get ready for bed. Maybe that was it.

The bed was so wide that they could both lie in it without touching each other, but when Sinthoras visited Galathil he almost always slept on the couch. It had to be a very good day for Galathil to tolerate him in his bed and even then he sometimes had to change rooms in the middle of the night when Galathil woke and needed him gone. He accepted that. It was his fault, too, that Galathil was the way he was and he had learned that pressure only made Galathil shrink away further.

He had promised himself that he would do everything Galathil needed, if he allowed him back into his life, although it was hard sometimes. “They think we have sex, don’t they?” Sinthoras turned around in surprise. “Silwen and Lantelen?” “Yes. No. Everyone, I mean.” Galathil’s stared at the blanket – only one, but he could do without and leave Galathil all of it.

“I’m sorry, Galathil. I didn’t think when I booked the room. The twin bed, and the single blanket... I should have booked a room with two separate beds. I’ll sleep on the floor.” Galathil shook his head. “That’s not it... Yes, I’d be more comfortable with two beds, but...” He gave him an apologetic look. “It’s more... I just feel uneasy knowing that everyone thinks we are... intimate. These... expectations of how a couple has to be.”

“Because it could raise my expectations?”, Sinthoras surmised. Galathil nodded silently. “Galathil... sweetheart, it doesn’t. I don’t care what other people think about you and me. We are a couple, not having sex doesn’t mean we aren’t. And it’s nobody else’s business, not some stranger’s and not even Silwen’s. I want to be with you and in the way you feel comfortable with.” Galathil nodded and came to him to lean against him. Sinthoras laid his arms around him, that was permitted if Galathil initiated it.

“But you wouldn’t say no.” “To sex?” Sinthoras shrugged. “I would. I would say no unless I’d be completely sure you want it for yourself and wouldn’t just endure it for me.” Galathil looked up and there was so much love in his eyes that Sinthoras’ had to gulp down tears. “I’m sorry”, Galathil murmured and gave him a chaste kiss with closed lips. “I just get worked up about stupid things and then I need to hear these things from you.”

“I know and you don’t have to be sorry for it. Let’s go to sleep.” Galathil nodded. “You don’t have to sleep on the floor.” “Are you sure?” Galathil nodded again and Sinthoras smiled. “You could always tie me up, so I can’t touch you in our sleep”, he joked. Galathil blushed. “That won’t be necessary”, he murmured embarrassed.

Galathil’s body tensed when he noticed that he wasn’t alone in the bed, his heart started to race. But then he remembered, where he was and that it was Sinthoras who lay beside him. He opened his eyes, Sinthoras was already awake. He seemed always to wake before him, sometimes Galathil wondered if he even slept at all.

The Maia watched him closely, Galathil knew that he would put distance between them, if he asked him to – or even if his body language made it look like he wanted him to – but now that he was completely awake, it didn’t bother him that they shared a bed. “Good morning”, Galathil gave him a lingering kiss. “Morning.” Sinthoras smiled at him. “Did you sleep well?”

Galathil nodded. It had taken him a while to fall asleep with Sinthoras so close beside him. Not, that he thought the Maia would try to touch him, he trusted him, but... Galathil’s body sometimes wanted things which his mind knew he wouldn’t be able to follow through with. Yes, sometimes he imagined how it would be to be kissed in a different way. How it would be to have sex with Sinthoras. But he knew that he couldn’t.

He’d panic in the middle of it and Sinthoras would be nice enough to stop, but he didn’t want to raise his hopes. It wouldn’t be fair, he already was so considerate of him. Sometimes Galathil wondered if it wouldn’t be better if Sinthoras weren’t that thoughtful. On the other hand... no, Galathil knew he wouldn’t be able to stand it, if Sinthoras tried to have sex with him. He licked his lips when he remembered Sinthoras’ words from yesterday. ‘You could tie me up.’ He knew that he had made a joke, but...

“Sinthoras?” “Hm?” There was curiosity in his eyes, he probably had noticed with his special senses that Galathil was up to something. “What you said yesterday...” Galathil stopped, he knew he was blushing hard. Sinthoras cocked his head. “That I’d sleep on the floor?” “No, the... the other thing”, Galathil mumbled. “That you’d let me tie you up.”

Sinthoras nodded silently, as if he knew that every additional word would make Galathil close up. “You know why I don’t want to have sex. How helpless I feel, when someone touches me like that. But what you said yesterday... I was thinking... if I could make sure that you can’t touch me, maybe...”

“Galathil?” Sinthoras slowly reached out, so he could stop him if he wanted, and touched his cheek. “I said, too, that I only want sex with you, if you want it, too. You don’t have to force yourself.” Galathil nodded. “I know. I won’t do it for you.” He shook his head. “That came out wrong. I mean, I want to have sex with you – you are the only one I can even contemplate having sex with – but it isn’t so easy. I suppose, what I want to know is: Do you give me your consent to tie you up and... will you allow me to... uhm, take you?”

Sinthoras’ face was lit by a smile. Galathil had feared he could be affronted, somehow he had always thought that Sinthoras would take him if it ever came to it. “It would be my pleasure”, his friend said. “You know... I’d have offered this much sooner, but you don’t like to talk about sex. I thought, you might run away again. I promised you to do this at your pace. And if you want to do this, I’ll get us rope.”

Galathil gave him an embarrassed smile. “But I don’t really know how...” “But I do.” Sinthoras winked at him. “I’ll teach you some knots and I’ll be very, very cooperative, so don’t worry.” “Thank you.” Galathil gave him another kiss, one of the other kind, with open mouth and tongues touching. Sinthoras’ pleased hum vibrated against his lips and for this time Galathil didn’t shy back from his body’s reaction. ‘Soon’, he told himself. Soon he’d find out if he’d healed enough.