In Bloom by Lilith

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Fanwork Notes

For a gifted writer and generous reader, it is very lovely to play a bit in this world.

Very brief, oblique and non-graphic references to canonical torture and death.

Fanwork Information

Summary:

Not exactly a remix or even a gap-filler, but, perhaps a prequel of sorts, of Himring's "Lilac," in which Maedhros, still fairly newly returned and living in Fingon's house in Tirion is visited by his nephew.  That nephew has a few thoughts on grief, guilt and time wasted.

Major Characters: Celebrimbor, Maedhros

Major Relationships:

Artwork Type: No artwork type listed

Genre: General

Challenges: Block Party

Rating: Teens

Warnings: Creator Chooses Not to Warn

Chapters: 1 Word Count: 600
Posted on 19 April 2020 Updated on 19 April 2020

This fanwork is complete.

Chapter 1

Read Chapter 1

At first, newly returned, brought home by Findekáno as if he were some strayed dog, he seldom left the house they shared.  He had also had to remind himself or allow himself to be reminded by Findekáno that it was the house they shared for it felt strange to call anything so ordinary and so perfect as a home his.   He wasn’t sure if he remembered a home, though he knew he had made one or more than one in Beleriand. The last he remembered was a rough clearing in the woods, few of people of their people left, Macalaurë still at his side, and so it was difficult, here, in the place he thought he would not be allowed to return, to call something home.

 

“You are afraid it will be taken from you.”  His nephew’s voice was gentle and low, with echoes of his brothers and, more strongly, of his father in it, but, though the timbre of his voice recalled that of Fëanaro, there was a compassion in it that he’d seldom heard from his father in those last, mad years.  

 

“Perhaps,” he answered.    They sat in the library of Findekáno’s home, of his home, delicate cups filled with a tisane between them.   

 

“I was too,” his nephew said, still gently.  “I thought ... I did not think I should be allowed to rest and to have the opportunity to continue.    I would say to begin again, but we remember and the others do as well, so it is more a continuation than a true beginning.”

 

“I do not deserve ...” he began.

 

“That is immaterial,” his nephew replied.  “I thought I did not deserve it either. I thought that a mistake had been made or some new torture awaited.   I wasted years waiting for the next punishment. Do not do that. We have time, but that does not mean you should spend it in fear and dread.”

 

“Still ...” he raised his eyes to meet his nephew’s.   He had avoided his nephew’s eyes for so many reasons. He had avoided them because they were his father’s in color and in brilliance.  They had avoided them because he feared that he might see blame in them, blame for the crossing, the losses, the decisions, the exile, the deaths, and, even, perhaps, for the deception and the betrayal that had awaited him when the war was over and the Silmarils lost.  Findekáno had told him a little, but that very little had been more than enough, of what happened to his nephew in the years after Morgoth fell.  But there was no accusation in those eyes and no sentence passed. They were brilliant still, but kind and gentle in a way his father’s had not been, not since Maitimo and his brothers had themselves been children. They held, too, a compassion and an understanding that was uniquely Tyelperinquar’s. 

 

“I know,” his nephew said.  “I do know, but still you are here, by merit or grace or forgiveness, you are here and you are loved.”

 

“Does it matter that I am unworthy?”

 

“I would disagree, but, worthy or not, you are loved and so very deeply, so perhaps begin with accepting that fact.”

 

“And then?”

 

“Perhaps bring something of yourself into this home you share?”

 

“Such as?”

 

“I don’t know,” his nephew said and then, pausing and considering for a moment, continued.  “Perhaps something living. It is spring, and even I could not help but notice that everything is in bloom.”


Comments

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Oh, what an excellent explanation how Maedhros's attempt to decorate the room with lilac came about!

I was just sitting in the sunshine today with the printout of the next chapter of Midwinter's Feast and thinking what a wonderful cousin your Celebrimbor is to have, for Celebrian, despite all the looming issues.

And here, he is, being equally wonderful, extending understanding, encouragement, and forgiveness!

Thank you so much for writing this for me!

Thank you.  

I think Celebrimbor is a very good cousin to Celebrian and I think he'd be a good kinsman and friend to Maedhros here.   They've certain similarities in experience and in temperament that I think would help them to understand one another.   

Celebrimbor, in A Midwinter's Feast, is an interesting character to write; we see him from Celebrian's perspective so it is a little softer than it might be from another view, much as that of her mother is sterner than might appear from another angle.  I think, in the last chapter or two, there are certain complexities that may be more apparent about him and some of which are difficult, but he means so very well.

That is really lovely. I needed something that gave comfort.

“I know,” his nephew said.  “I do know, but still you are here, by merit or grace or forgiveness, you are here and you are loved.”

“Does it matter that I am unworthy?” 

“I would disagree, but, worthy or not, you are loved and so very deeply, so perhaps begin with accepting that fact.”

 

I think that is a lesson that Celebrimbor was, for understandable reasons, slow to learn, and I do not think he would want someone else to wait as long as he did to accept the fact and gift of being loved in whatever form love comes.

Himring's Maedhros and her Celebrimbor, though this one is a partly my own rendering, are very lovely, and I am very glad she asked for someone to play a little in the world she's made.