Stupid Stories for Irreverent Elves by darthfingon

An Affront to Manwë

Oropher, Glorfindel, FA 43

In the morning, Fingolfin told Oropher that he could have a present. Not an expensive present (like an emerald or a horse), and not something intangible (like freedom or status), but a reasonable present that could easily be given. New shoes, perhaps, or a hairbrush with all the bristles intact.

Oropher considered this carefully; he had never before been asked what he wanted. Fingolfin had always simply given him candy. For the first time, he was able to choose, and choice was as pleasing as any present. He would be an idiot to waste it on something foolish.

So, after an entire morning and afternoon of thorough deliberation, he informed Fingolfin that he wanted a roast chicken. Not a terribly big one, and it did not have to be all garnished and fancy. He just wanted a whole chicken to eat entirely by himself, without having to share.

Fingolfin thought this was somewhat ridiculous, but he agreed to the request nonetheless. He arranged for Oropher to be given his chicken for next day's dinner. With a jar of vinegar and a slow-fried onion, because was in a generous mood.

Oropher proudly carried the chicken and the onion outside, the vinegar jar and a knife tucked under his arm. Glorfindel followed. Not because he wanted to share, but because he had nothing better to do. He knew full well that eating chicken was an affront to the Valar. Birds were holy creatures of Manwë. Killing, cooking, and eating a bird was one of the worst things a person could do, and was certainly almost as evil as killing, cooking, and eating a fellow Elf.

So Glorfindel watched in disgust as Oropher slowly cut the chicken apart, dipped the pieces in vinegar, and ate them. He would have said something, had Oropher not given him the fried onion. It was a sin to speak ill of one from whom you had received hospitality. This was not as great a sin as disrespecting a chicken, but Glorfindel did not want to be rude. He ate the onion and otherwise kept his mouth shut.

It took Oropher four hours to eat his meal. He had been pacing himself, not rushing hungrily at the beginning, for fear of not being able to finish. The chicken was, after all, nearly as big as his head. He was a bit sick afterward. But satisfied on the whole.