The Sovereign and the Priest by Dawn Felagund

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Fanwork Notes

This story was written for Urloth for the Sultry in September 2013 challenge. Urloth requested Finrod/Celegorm in a story that included D/s, collaring, red silk rope, and pagan elements. This was a new angle for me and certainly one of the most challenging stories I've yet written, but I had an excellent time in putting it together and making it (hopefully) work.

I owe my sincerest thanks to Elleth, who assisted me with the various Quenya and Sindarin translations used throughout the story. Original character names were generated by Darth Fingon's marvelous Pixellated Fëanor name generator.

This story does contain scenes with possible dubious consent. Please tread with care if this is something that bothers you.

Fanwork Information

Summary:

Long ago in Valinor, Finrod and Celegorm faced opposing expectations, one a symbol of Eldarin potential and the other abandoned to a life of leisure, and neither fully certain of his place among the Noldor. Now, after the Dagor Bragollach, their fates collide when Celegorm and Curufin, fleeing the destruction of their realm, take harbor in Nargothrond. As both work to mend the myriad hurts between their houses, each discovers a secret about the other and, most surprising of all, the desire that grows between them. But as each of their oaths begin to call, their growing love might not survive the inevitability of their fates. Written for Urloth for Sultry in September 2013.

Major Characters: Aegnor, Angrod, Caranthir, Celegorm, Curufin, Finrod Felagund, Original Character(s), Orodreth

Major Relationships:

Genre: Drama, Erotica, Slash/Femslash

Challenges:

Rating: Adult

Warnings: Expletive Language, Mature Themes, Sexual Content (Graphic), Violence (Moderate)

Chapters: 9 Word Count: 40, 601
Posted on 1 September 2013 Updated on 1 September 2013

This fanwork is complete.


Comments

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I really enjoyed that. I always imagine much more to Finrod than the saintly martyr.

My eyes popped out when I saw what Urloth had requested Finrod/Celegorm in a story that included D/s, collaring, red silk rope, and pagan elements. I use all those in my story of Finrod/Celegorm, and there is nothing I love more than reading a story about a pairing I love that I didn't write.

I really enjoyed the idea of the Calarnómë, of Celegorm being a priest of Oromë. It made the saccharine normality of Valinor much more interesting. (I don't mean saccharine in your story, but in my imagination). Nargothrond is beautifully described, and Finrod's being able to sense every-one in it, that's really fascinating. And so very sad at the end, since we know what is going to happen.

These two are my favourite pairing save Fëanor and Fingolfin (apart from OC pairings) and I could easily have read a whole novel set around this story.

And you made me really interested in Caranthir again.

I forgot to do something this morning because I was so engrossed, and I think I will be in trouble, but it was worth it! :)

Oh no, I hope you won't be in <u>too</u> much trouble! :D But I am thrilled that you liked the story.

I have been toying with the idea of an "underground" part of Tirion for a while now, a place where the not-quite-sanctioned-by-the-Valar activities go on. Urloth's request gave me a good excuse to break it out (and I think Calarnómë will become a part of the Felakverse proper, I like the idea so much). I am very much of the opinion that the streets in Valinor were not paved with gold, the fountains did not flow with milk and honey, and everyone wasn't "perfect" (according to Valarin definition of the word) until Feanor got antsy.

Caranthir ... I wanted to do more with him in this story, but I just ran out of time. I knew the story was going to be longer--I was thinking 15,000-20,000 words--because of the amount of world-building I wanted to do. I didn't expect 40,000! :D I might follow up with a companion story, more about Caranthir; I have two more stories to write for my Season of Writing Dangerously goal anyway.

Finrod the saintly martyr simply makes no sense to me either--otherwise, I think he'd probably have stayed in Valinor! :) The very fact that he wasn't content there, for whatever reason, has always suggested a depth of character that is intriguing. Oddly enough, this is one of the first pieces I've really explored his character, even though he's my namesake. (He has always been a bit intimidating to me, I suppose!)

Thank you again, so very much, for reading and commenting. :)

I have been toying with the idea of an "underground" part of Tirion for a while now, a place where the not-quite-sanctioned-by-the-Valar activities go on. Urloth's request gave me a good excuse to break it out (and I think Calarnómë will become a part of the Felakverse proper, I like the idea so much)

I would really like to see you pursue that as it does make Valinor feel more palatable to me, and not as if I am transgressing on rareified (and sanctified) ground!

Caranthir is so intriguingthat I also hope to see more of him!

This was a really absorbing treat!

The way I've always figured it is that the Eldar didn't go from being meek, pie-eyed, pious sycophants to the oath of the Feanor overnight! :D All of that passion that we see in the First Age was still there, just being channeled into other ends. And they are human, after all--even JRRT admitted that Elves like sex. And we know that they can knock back a few with the best of them. And they have bad tempers and lusted and behaved wholly irrationally and the other bad traits that come with being human. So, to me, the idea that the Elves <u>wouldn't</u> have had outlets for that--sanctioned by the Valar or not--takes more explanation than the idea that they did.

I'm definitely thinking of pursuing the Caranthir story that goes with this verse and also maybe Oshun's idea about Feanor finding out about Celegorm's paganish beliefs.

Wow! This is a huge story, using your impressive world-building skills. The shadow world, the sex trade in Valinor, the neighborhood which holds all that and how did your boys put it? "so much more!"

Celegorm is a heartbreaking character, who needed a better world to live in than the one he found in Valinor. Then he does find more in Middle-earth, with Finrod, too little too late. Finrod is odd enough in his own way, perfectly conformist and predictable on the surface, but like Valinor, a lot going on underneath it all. They are both so attractive and extraordinary in this story, while being broken and heartbreaking also. And Finrod IS a good king for his people. If only we could take the oaths out of the story. There goes the story, I guess.

The "fall of the house of Feanor" side of Celegorm is so sad; the lost boy among the crowd of the lesser or younger sons--one who disappoints himself more frequently and thoroughly than he ever disappoints anyone else and who betrays and regrets with seemingly increasing regularity. (And even then I love him.) I love the Priest of Orome concept  (yes! perfect!) and picture-perfect Finrod with his King complex can work for me as well (the son of the third son, never meant to be king, but, of course, he was). I loved the non-Noldorin variant of the theology of their world—I’ll buy it! I also adore the description of the House of Feanor's rebellious side as being actually rather conventional.

I could go on and on; I wonder what Fëanor might have thought if Celegorm had the courage to tell him some of the things that he had learned. I cannot help but think that on some level, it would have raised Celegorm in his estimation. And we always knew there was something different and special about Celegorm, cast as he is so far out of the Noldorin mold. It is brilliant that you took that element and used to support your response to this prompt.

The idea that they agree that Fëanor would have taken the smutty book and turned it into bathroom reading stash! I cracked up and totally believed it.

I 'm blathering now and will need to come back to this later. It is too much to get down off the top of my head and need to step back.

Bottom line: it's a keeper and one that I am sure I will read many times.

I forgot to say that the sex scenes are terrific and the ritual--reminds of the very best of Marion Zimmer Bradley's ritual of the masked king stag in the Mists of Avalon. (random note: I have a deer hunt that borders on this mythology in my story, that chapter is still in raw draft form, I took some ideas from Ellen Kushner and the whole Wild Hunt idea and ran with it there). Themes repeated for centuries upon centuries can always beara few more recycles!

Author's Response:

Okay, I was very relieved to get a positive review from you on this one! :D This was way out of my usual safe-zone and I was more unsure about it as a result. I was curious of those who have read my more typical Felakverse stories would still think that this one worked. I like[d] it but have that protective bias that I think comes from writing a novella and living intensely with this idea in a relatively short period of time! :D I would still like to work on it more, I think--says she who famously doesn't do major revisions!--but I do like it as it stands.

"so much more" ... writing those "fountain scenes" with Celegorm & Friends were some of the most fun scenes to write in the story. This was my first time writing the sons of Finarfin (aside from Finrod) in any serious sense, and they proved quite fun to work with. That they were BFFs with Celegorm and Curufin has always redeemed them in my mind. (Horribly Feanatic, I know!)

"If only we could take the oaths out of the story. There goes the story, I guess."

Ha! Indeed ...

"I love the Priest of Orome concept  (yes! perfect!) and picture-perfect Finrod with his King complex can work for me as well (the son of the third son, never meant to be king, but, of course, he was). I loved the non-Noldorin variant of the theology of their world—I’ll buy it! I also adore the description of the House of Feanor's rebellious side as being actually rather conventional."

I am glad to hear this. How to work in pagan elements into a story about two nobles from cultures that went for the whole moralistic, patriarchal sky-god schtick was definitely challenging! But then Celegorm stands out from his family for a reason, and Finrod strikes me as so open-armed tolerant of others (and more than a little sexually repressed, in this story) that, if it could work with any of the Eldar, it was these two! I dabbled with the idea in that story "Reembodied" about the awakening at Cuivienen; I refuse to believe that the Quendi didn't think about cosmogonical questions until Orome arrived and it all got explained to them by the Valar. Nor am I willing to believe that all of the Quendi bought the Valarin version ... even all of the Eldar. And certainly history shows that paganism and Christianity could coexist and blend, so I like to imagine that the same could happen between the early beliefs of the Quendi and the sanctioned beliefs as explained by the Valar.

Who would think that, of the lot of them, the house of Feanor would be the most staunchly monotheistic? Heh.

"I wonder what Fëanor might have thought if Celegorm had the courage to tell him some of the things that he had learned."

GMTA! I have been thinking about my last two stories to meet my Season of Writing Dangerously goal, and my thought was to do something with the Caranthir story that is hinted at in here but not fully expounded, and to do something with Celegorm and Feanor concerning Celegorm's unconventional beliefs. You pretty much sealed the deal for the last one (and the usual love for Caranthir had already sealed the deal for the first ...)

"I forgot to say that the sex scenes are terrific and the ritual--reminds of the very best of Marion Zimmer Bradley's ritual of the masked king stag in the Mists of Avalon. (random note: I have a deer hunt that borders on this mythology in my story, that chapter is still in raw draft form, I took some ideas from Ellen Kushner and the whole Wild Hunt idea and ran with it there). Themes repeated for centuries upon centuries can always beara few more recycles!"

I just did a reader's theater version of the Epic of Gilgamesh for my students (there's two concepts you probably don't imagine hearing together: reader's theater and Epic of Gilgamesh! :D), and the idea of the year-king appears in that epic. Written about 3,800 years ago. So yeah, it's got some mileage! :D I see it surface constantly in reading about the mythology and history of ancient civilizations, and it's a concept that I find personally fascinating, so it seemed natural to include. MZB's masked stag-king was definitely an influence here too! I love what she does with that in Mists of Avalon. (And Celegorm's favorite festival costume in AMC was as a stag, so it tied back into Felakverse there too.)

You've got me totally intrigued about your own take on it ...

As someone who gets a prompt for a pairing and has to write a novella in order to make the sex scenes make sense (yeah, looking at you BtLOR ...), I'm always relieved when they actually work. Writing sex to write sex is not something I'm good at!

Thank you so much for this very detail and very reassuring comment! :)

I feel like Finrod as Nerdanel's student wasn't original to this story, but I forget where I wrote it ... or maybe I didn't! :D In any case, yes, that's the Felakverse. He obviously had help with Nargothrond, but parts of it I think he would comfortably claim as "his."

I waited in the hope of coming up with something eloquent, but in short: I loved the story.  Besides the pairing, which I've come to like more and more as I read Silm fic, you also delved into the relationship between Celegorm and Curufin, which has always intrigued me.  I'm glad to see it explored, and also to see relations between these cousins explored. 

Even if other people have done these things, I just liked your approach to them.  Thank you for writing the story!

Thanks so much, Myaru! I appreciate knowing that you enjoyed the story, since it was way outside of what I usually write and much longer than I intended. (I did enjoy writing it, though, and am mostly happy with it.) I've dabbled with C&C before, but this was my first time writing their friendship with the cousins ... or some of the cousins at all. I hadn't read Finrod/Celegorm before and was surprised, after writing this, to discover how popular a pairing it is! I'm pleased to hear that you think I managed to hold my own in those uncharted waters. :)

Worrying.

You made me feel very sorry for Celegorm, but the undercurrents are really potentially quite ugly. They're basically drifting towards blackmail. And how is it that those who get allied out of feelings of inadequacy start exerting such pressure on each other? Not that it isn't very realistic, of course, it is the way group dynamics often work, apparently even in Valinor!

But I love it that Nolofinwe's big dirty secret is rabbits!

Writing my adolescent characters' conversations and exploits is one of my guilty Silmfic pleasures, as I'm sure you know! :D And making some of the "high" characters more human and so silly sometimes ... hence Nolofinwe's rabbits, Arafinwe's lopsided topiaries, etc.

"And how is it that those who get allied out of feelings of inadequacy start exerting such pressure on each other?"

Borne of the author's own membership in such groups for much of her life ... ;)

Thank you! I often get that feeling with the Silm characters, like they are progressing toward some fate and one can almost hear, as they commit their actions (their free will, I suppose ...), the pieces falling into place.

I'm fond of this story, despite it being outside the norm for me, so I hope you like it too. :)

As boys they are truly a horrid little bunch but you still make me laugh every now and again

Aegnor looked for every excuse he could find to say the word fuck.

because this is pretty much how adolescnet boys are- thinkning non stop about sex and being generally awful.But Curufin is scarily functional about things- and you have really created a sense of his craftiness, in every way. I don't feel he is very good for Celegorm who might well have been a bit different had he clung more to Carnisitr- and I love that they call him the magical instead of being nasty to him.

 

But this chater unfolds with satisfying details and takes us winding into the underside of Tuna- and that strange scene with Finrod and the young man and the fact that Caranthir knows and tells it- knowing this will satisfy Celegorm but takes no pleasure from it himself- and how does he know? I really like the way you have twined the past and present together in htis.

 

I always formed friendships with boys/men more easily than I did with girls/women, and I currently teach at an all-boys school, so I get lots of examples for writing about the Finwions! :D

I'm glad you're continuing to enjoy the story. I really had a lot of fun writing it; it was written in a rush as a giftfic without much time for revision and all the nervousness that entails.

I love entwining the past and present in my writing in such a way that they complement and build on each other--or that is my intent. :) I didn't even recognize this as a trait of my writing until I became a teacher and found a curriculum objective that covered flashback and other manipulations of time in narratives, and I realized that I do this all of the time.

Thank you, as always, for your generosity with comments to me. I always look forward to hearing from you. :)

This has all the potential to be claustrophobic- in Nargothrond, dealing with an initiate of  Orome, and only three characters plus Orodreth makes the odd appreance- surprisngi in his warmth and wisdom! But it is not- it is close, personal and not the usual epic romance and heroism assocaites with these [articalr characters. I like Celegrom's uncertainty, Finrod's careful watching and concern to get it right- his precise stepping around them, and in the background, seemingly unaware, is Curufin clambering around and poking things. I like htat you get that tone perfect for the content- I like reading good writing and htis is.

Thank you! (Sorry for the delay in replying; I am a bit embarassed to admit this, but I had forgotten whole scenes of this story and so needed to reread to reply properly to your comments. And I discovered that, in moving the story from AO3 to here, all the italics were lost! Grr!) Finrod is hard to write because he's so damned good, and C&C are typically regarded as precisely the opposite. I really tried to move all of them to a level of more complexity and humanity. (Poor Orodreth has been so maligned by Fandom--and I am as guilty as any of doing that, since I have used him for comic relief in the past!--that he really deserved a just treatment for once.) All of them are playing within tight confines, and not just Nargothrond (or the sense that Finrod and Celegorm "play" ;) but the fate to which they've constrained themselves due to their Oath.

This is such an intersting study of power in relationships, Curufin's subtle bullying, Caranthir's strange honesty and genrosity of a sort- he seems ot know what Celegorm needs most, to se Finrod, to read the book etc.

And then! Wow. Sudenly the voice of Celegrom gets freed up and liquid, articulate and he has this deep understnading as a priest of Orome! And this is a wonderful vision. I loved this. Still that sense though of inadequacy and he is so undemanding- even though eh is told how beautfiul he is.

wasn't giving of himself so much as willing the earth to respond to him as he wanted, an act that ultimately pleasured him, when successful. The ritual was a display not of his obsequiousness but of his authority: Even the earth itself rejoiced in him and bowed to his command. Nargothrond itself, I realized as I walked beneath its stone trees, was more than mere artificiality but was itself emblematic of his authority.

 

This is a wonderful idea- and it does indeed embody Finrod- in every way. And then this:He kissed me again. The kiss between us before, I understood now, was akin to stretching from the side of a ship to trail one's fingers into a warm sea.

Tender as well as passionate. I is delicate wrting because Celegroms narrative voice is tense, stilted almost- and was sly and looking, seeking to pelase Curufin when they were young- compared witht eh confidence of Finrod's voice. Lovely writing.

The pagan elements were part of the request that I found most intriguing (and really expanded this story beyond a mere PWP into a novella). I practice druidry, and while I am agnostic and not pagan, I am interested in and familiar with traditional pagan rituals and drew heavily on that for this story.

I did try to vary the characters' voices (Celegorm uses a lot of parentheticals and Finrod has a pretty good vocabulary! :D) so I'm very pleased that this was noticed!

Celegorm does have an inferiority complex. I have always thought of him as feeling out of place (and so sometimes defensive, even aggressively so) ever since I started writing his character for Chapter One of AMC. "The stranger": everything about him sets him apart from his people. I know what it feels like to not belong and to feel at once conspicuous and invisible. I've always felt like that explains a lot of what otherwise comes across as bad behavior from Celegorm.

This is a wonderful chapter - it goes from the deepening affection, love perhaps Celegrom has, and then starts to set out the betrayal by revealing the intense and subtle bullying power of Curufin. This is powerful and insightful-

 

When had that happened? When had my brother come to look so startlingly like my father that none questioned the easy way he assumed the same degree of authority, authority that should be unthinkable in the voice of a fifth-born son?

 

Curufin's power is brilliantly written- and it's Finrod's brothers who are part of this. It is very threatening and cold- I have a horrible sense of cold and fatefulness now- great writing.

 

And that final scene... gave me goosebumps.

I have unfortunate experience with what Celegorm experiences in this story. I was a terribly unpopular child among my peers (a tall, scrawny girl with imaginary friends and who wanted to be an entomologist ... I wonder what provoked that??) and was generally the one who was picked on. When I was 11 years old, I became friends with a neighbor who was a year older than me and more popular than I could imagine. Her friendship meant a lot to me (and the sense that it conferred some kind of status or protection), and I'm afraid I sometimes allowed that friendship to permit cruelty towards those who were [now] weaker than me. I never instigated, but I was complicit. Celegorm's willingness to betray Caranthir--whom he has never even realized truly does love him and cares about him--could have just as easily been me. I would have thrown Caranthir under the bus too, at that age.

It's amazing how a desire to belong and feel wanted can pull a person out of themself. So much of Celegorm's behavior in this story (in most of my stories, actually) just comes back to wanting to feel love and wanted. Curufin the Crafty understands this, and he uses it.

Thank you so much for your comments on this piece. Rereading it, it was horribly unpolished (because it was written so quickly and posted, if I recall, the night it was due!) and clunky in places and needs work (just as soon as I'm done my MA ...), but I'm glad you saw through that to enjoy the story nonetheless.

Wow- practising druid!! I am genuinely intrigued as I know no one who is a druid- or professes to it. I'd be interested to know what draws you to this as an agnostic- which I am also although probably more and increasingly aetheist, but it is not where I want to be- I want to find something that is beyond, something we don't understand that is not simply explained by scinece- or perhaps I should say yet! There is, I suspect much that is misinformation about druidry - I have always thought Gandalf in that mould actually although less priestly perhaps.

"Practicing" is very loose at the moment. :) My husband and I try to observe the seasonal festivals, but life is extremely chaotic right now, so we sometimes fall shy. We continue to practice the environmental stewardship requirements, however, and informally work toward our studies.

We are both members of the Ancient Order of Druids in America. We were drawn to it because we have both long been agnostic (he was raised Catholic; I was raised Nothing and was in a church a grand total of four times during my childhood, all for other people's things) and look to nature for spiritual answers and guidance. We also try to live as sustainable and self-sufficient a life as possible. We met the founder of AODA at a local festival, where he was giving a lecture. (He's a Tolkien fan too. :) We were drawn to the fact that it is non-dogmatic and non-religious and encourages one to pursue the study of nature in order to deepen one's own spiritual beliefs along one's own path. AODA also requires members to study ecology, particularly the local ecosystem, and practice environmental stewardship. Some people pursue the more esoteric, mystical stuff; Mr. Felagund and I (being agnostic) tend away from that sort of thing and toward practices related to study and stewardship.

I think the term "druid" is loaded with connotation, but since I am a member of the group and adhere to the requirements of that membership (loosely ... for reason of the aforementioned neglect of seasonal festivals and also not enough formal study! :) then it does label me in such a way that I am content with the flavor of agnosticism it communicates, if that makes any sense.

A lot of my Tolkien-based stories reflect my spirituality. Even AMC--which was written before I knew what a druid was, much less identified as one--contains themes of being discontent with the religious status quo. Stories since then increasingly emphasize nature spirituality and pagan myth as an alternate--and equally valid--set of beliefs as those taught by the Valar. I feel that way a lot of the time in my own life--just today, I replied to a classmate who claimed that people who don't believe in God fear death because they think death just ushers in nothingness--and so it feels very personal, very real to me.

This is a fabulous and for once, cheerful ending even though it is full of portent. I really like the first scene with Orodreth- it reminds me very much of your Caranthir in ANC with the visions and fearful nightmares.

 

I loved the glimpse of your wonderful Finwe- he is always lovin,g, safe, I imagine him very tall and strong, broad- and like an oak where children can sit safely protected in his arms and his warmth- the yellow that Caranthir saw him as in ANC.  

But this bit is especially wonderful, the idea of the two oaths moving is such an epic, great idea.

 

The two oaths—they are moving. Like the gears in machines. They are moving and converging, and when they do, I fear so many lives will be crushed between them.
Orodreth lay in sleep free from dreams. I lay beside him, holding him loosely.
The oaths are moving.
I had an awful vision of two enormous animals rising from the earth. For bones they were filled with the machinery of fate, grinding ever steadily onward; some slow gear had clicked into place after centuries, and now their legs straightened and pushed them toward the surface. Mountains crumpled and slid from their backs. They left wounds within the earth that the insatiable sea rushed to fill. When they bellowed, the stars shivered.

 

In this you have created a sense of something colossal and unstoppable, it;s like releasing the Kraken - once its out, nothing can cage it. 

 

And then that last paragraph with one of the border guards just detaching itself -face worn and drawn with worry - you are right to leave it there, leave Finrod in his moment of happiness before it all falls apart.

If the story wasn't due, like, THE NEXT DAY, I probably would have continued it! :D As it is, I am glad I ended it where I did. It does give a rare happy ending ... or at least, the potential for one.

You imagine Finwe much as I do. :) In the Felakverse, he is notably large and solid (Nolofinwe gets this somewhat from him). Feanaro is tall but lithe.

I'm glad you liked the description of the oaths! I am rather fond of that passage myself.

Thank you always, always for your generosity in reading my work and commenting! *hugs*

Love the differences between Curufin and Celegorm; from the start they look and sound like two very different persons, Curufin being more calculative and controlled.

"I remember Orodreth used to keep a page in his diary of "Curufin's words" that he and his brothers used when mocking their cousin, who had been simultaneously in their inner-circle and their favorite target for amusement,"

Urgh, teenagers being mean teenagers. I guess Curugin growing in power means he learnt to be meaner than them XD

All of them look so awkward together. Finrod and Curufin with their very formal adresses and Celegorm stuck in the middle. But! I know things are bound to get less awkward at least between the two of them.

Yes, I see a lot of Curufin's behavior as coming from overcompensating in terms of defensiveness from being picked on. In truth, he is the SoF that I relate to the least, but that is partially because I've written relatively little of him compared to the other brothers. But he definitely does deal with the repercussions that come from being his father's clear favorite and the uncontested genius of the family (plus the combination of the two in being his father's intellectual heir, so to speak). He's a jerk, but that jerkishness is, as always, shaped by his environment.

Kids are like wolves. They see a slight limp on another kid and move in to rip the whole leg off.

"The halls were towering and vast; the stone carved and painted to impersonate the wild green life of Arda so convincingly that I pressed my hand once to a tree trunk, reaching out with my senses and recoiling emotionally and bodily at the cold lifelessness they met. My hand I kept curled upon itself for the rest of the day, feeling as though it might never grow warm again (it did, eventually)"

This part really stresses Celegorm's connection with nature <3

"he ate quickly and rose from the table without much conversation because, "I do not want to hold you back from your conversation with our cousin Finrod.""

Hm Curufin, always subtle when he wants to make his discontent known.

Love the description of the "dark side of the hill", and elves who were not 100% into Valinor. That's a headcanon that followed me for a long time long after I read this fic, and I still use it in my own, but I am quite sure it comes from reading your fic.

Also love how all of them are talking big but know close to nothing actually lol.

 

The shadowed side of Tirion was an idea in the back of my mind for a long time. I actually created the challenge "Arda Underground" partly in hopes that it would either compel me to write about it, or someone else would get to the idea first. XD I just don't believe that the values/beliefs of the Eldar were monolithic, nor do I think that moving to Valinor simply effaced beliefs, values, and customs from their lives in Middle-earth. The Silmarillion (and texts like L&C), to me, are very much like medieval Church chronicles where everyone is a pious Christian even as the far-flung villages are still very much practicing pagan rites. I love to consider that spectrum of belief.

all of them are talking big but know close to nothing actually lol.

Typical teen boys! :D

"They moved among my work, their faces inscrutable, their emotionless eyes scanning slowly down the lengths of my statues until I felt as exposed as though I myself stood naked before them."

... I guess this is what we all feel when we know someone is currently reading our stuffs, right now, and all the defects of the text just hummps into our face ^^" Poor Finrod sounds like everyone of us upon receiving bad or luckwarm feedback, poor guy.

"Even the rough creations brought to Valinor from the Outer Lands possessed a vision and, therefore, their own savage beauty. They lacked technique, one might say—or, more likely, adequate materials—but were valued more than mine for their vision."

I don't know if you were thinking about the existential crisis that swept over many painters at the end of the XIX/beginning of the XXth century, when they began to have deep admiration for "primitive arts" and started to experience with Cubism and other "naive" trends? Perhaps this part jumped into my face because I have been reading too much Art History recently.

"The Noldor valued stoicism when receiving critiques; if any emotion was permitted, it was anger; many a sharp comment had set off an argument that came to be followed and discussed throughout the city as one might a novel or a play, as something possessing plot twists and conflict."

Oh yes the Noldor love their drama lol.

 

I wasn't! I know almost nothing about art history. One of those times when I can be relieved that my off-the-top-of-my-head writing makes some kind of sense in a realistic context! :D

Now Finrod's anxiety ... yeah, that was more based on experience! XD When I first started posting "Another Man's Cage," my posting date was Friday, and I felt ill every Friday, convinced this would be it. The day. THE DAY. The day someone commented with the correct formulation of words to expose all of my work as fraudulent, just giving the *impression* of good writing while, in reality, I was a phony and an awful writer. I was certain such a comment was going to happen and end the happy reaction my story was receiving with all the finality of a bullet to my creative brain.

Since then, I've learned of things like imposter syndrome and have worked hard at monitoring my own reaction and self-talk when people read or respond to my work. But this is much-older me! :D And the work has not been easy, and is definitely not done.

"I suppose," I said, and realizing that such an answer would not suit—indeed, would provoke—my brother, added quickly, "I mean that I agree wholly."

It's not the first time I get the feeling Celegorm is a bit afraid of Curufin, and that it's easy to pick who has the upperhand in this relationship!

The Parma Ettirniva: What I would give to be able to read what those boys wrote inside lol. And I mean, if they are ready to throw their parents under the bus for secrets, there must be some VERY juicy stuff in there!

"our fathers doled it out thinly in order to produce large broods of mostly nondescript offspring."

Fëanor's kids, nondescript! Really Celegorm?

And Curufin structures his dates. Of course he does.

Celegorm's view of himself and his formative years is so painful to read. I would say that someone must give him a hug, but you and I know that wouldn't actually help. I've been in that place too with all the  siblings advancing in life and the feeling that mine is not, and it's just horrible. I have absolument no problem connecting with Orodreth or Celegorm despising family meals for those reasons.

I happen, however, to be quite in love with Caranthir. He sounds like the kind of guy who just wants to do what he does, be left alone and leave other people alone.

Celegorm is the most insecure of my Feanorians. Maglor and Caranthir would both make the claim (whereas Celegorm would not), but they aren't in fact that insecure: just not always feeling like they fit in their world. Celegorm has never fit, and he takes it to heart in a way that Maglor and Caranthir do not. It dominates his sense of self, whereas they both find their places and their bitterness at feeling marginalized in their own family becomes just a footnote.

When I started AMC, I started with Celegorm as the PoV for the first chapter because I felt like he was the most challenging brother to understand of the four who were in the novel, and I uncovered this idea about him through writing him, and I have developed it in a slow, steady arc across ... 15 years now. 0.0 He makes sense to me this way.

Now Caranthir ... I ADORE him. He has become my favorite Feanorian to write, both because of his unique way of seeing the world and the voice his character has developed over the years of writing him. (I've been building him for 15 years too! Jeezum!) Oh and the fact that he doesn't give much of a fuck! XD

""At the end of it all, although older than me and prone to braggadocio with our cousins about your purported 'conquests,' you are still a perfect innocent, Celegorm."

So I guess that means Caranthir is NOT a perfect innocent!

Curufin is like. A mean teenager, quite the type I do not like much IRL that use less clever and more vulnerable people to be mean. I don't remember if he had some kind of "redemption parts" in this fic or not, but I am starting to wish someone will just give him a taste of his own medicine at some point.

 

The description of the ceremonies (and religion as a whole) and Celegorm's awakening is something that really hit me the frist time, and hits me again now. It's so well writen, vivid, the world building. Love it <3

Celegorm's relationship with Tauretor seems... off. I really don't feel like Tauretor actually likes him except for his looks and the "son of Fëanor" achievement, and he sounds like he is not really paying attention to what his young lover actually likes, need or wants. Poor Celegorm really missed his chance when he betrayed Caranthir and lost one of the few people who could actually help him get healthy relationships, didn't he?

Caranthir is DEFINITELY not a perfect innocent! :D Caranthir being sexually precocious is another idea that's developed over the years. His older brothers angst over sex SO MUCH and, in his usual understated-awesome way, it is just who Caranthir is.

It ties in with my early ideas about Caranthir and mindspeak because, of course, his gifts in that allow him to easily know what his partner wants and likes.

Tauretor is pretty much the opposite. He was definitely written to be abusive. Curufin I imagine as having some redeeming qualities, but the PoV of this particular story makes it hard to illustrate that in a way that feels realistic. To Celegorm and Finrod both, he is not a positive force in their lives.

Religious worldbuidling <3 I love that you managed to give the elves very different beliefs, I feel like it really adds something, and again I find pieces of your work surfacing in mine (as I also have Fëanor as more and more "deviant" religiously speaking as he grows up, some people in Valinor keeping to the "Old Faith", though I usually do that with the people of Formenos). Here I find myself agreeing with Finrod far more than with Curufin, Faith, if sincere, will lead to enlightement, and stomping on other people's believes will help nobody.

"Except for this night, once per year, for I was the king, and so I was the one ceremonially bonded to Arda according to the Avarin tradition."

Big celtic vibes here, with the idea that a king is bonded to his realm, and the health of one is the prosperity of the other.

 

I'm a bit of a Feanorian myself. XD The hell with organized religion; I'll just go back to humankind's origins in earth-worship! So I think that's where that particular detail for Feanor comes from, from wanting to represent a character who is operating under a different set of spiritual beliefs than the people around him and the conflicts that creates. (I feel this far less keenly--almost not at all--now that I live in atheistic Vermont, but I felt it A LOT in Maryland, where I was once dragged bodily into a Christian prayer circle AT WORK! At a government job!!) Of course, Feanor would have been much more comfortable in--and forceful in defending--his minority status than I was. (I like to think that older!me would do better!) He would have pulled right out of that circle. I just stood there and looked panicked.

And that is how the boys discover Caranthir the Magical has a life that is more interesting and daring than all of theirs put together! Of course they would need to ruin that, having nothing to do with their own selves, except Curufin who sounds more and more like a bully, a boy who has everything and still feels the need to spoil other people's fun. He doesn't even have the excuse of being an outsider or of not knowing what his path in life is supposed to be. I do not know if he is just a bad person or if he has hidden trauma, but really, Caranthir deserves better than that.

 

He does! But they are those wolfish youngsters again, and Caranthir--for all his conquests--is ultimately a vulnerable person because of his mindspeak and his own struggles to find his identity in a family where he doesn't feel he belongs. And they seize on that limp (for all the confidence his sexual precocity would seem to project!) and rip the leg right off.

I remember being that way as a kid. I was the one always picked on. An occasion arrived when I was about 12 years old to pick on a kid more vulnerable than me. I took it. I am not proud of that and wish I could go back and redo it, but that choice has stuck with me for 26 years now and definitely informs how I write about (and also teach!) adolescents.

Anyway ... thank you SO MUCH for such a wealth of wonderful comments! It was a lovely coda to an afternoon working on little fannish projects, to get to sit and read such kind words about my work. <3