I'll Be Yours If You'll Be Mine by NelyafinweFeanorion

---

Chapter 41

sorry for the prolonged time between chapters-real life got in the way of writing life. Health issues with my parents and other household events. All is well now.

Should be back on track for more frequent postings now that things have settled a bit and and all the ideas percolating in my head are making it on paper!

many thanks to my wonderful beta cheekybeak!

---

 

 

---

Chapter 41

Tirion, Christmas Eve Day: Fëanor and Nerdanel's house

Maglor yawned as he peeled the covers back to give Maedhros a bleary, perplexed look. "Why are you up?" he asked, squinting as he darted a look at the clock on the nightstand between their beds.

Maedhros flushed, gathered his hair into a knot at the nape of his neck and then turned to look at his brother. "I'm heading to Formenos for a bit."

"I thought you were off until after Christmas," Maglor mumbled.

"I am. But I forgot something at the house and Fingon's Christmas present finally showed up at the store," Maedhros answered, wiping his glasses clean before putting them on.

"So you're going to pick up the present and coming back?" Maglor sat up in bed, his hair disheveled and sticking up. "Why can't Erestor just drop it off? He lives up here doesn't he?"

"Maybe he's got plans too? I don't mind driving out there," Maedhros smiled, his eyes softening. "I've got some things I need to do."

Maglor narrowed his eyes. "Like what?" he asked suspiciously. "Or are you just trying to avoid family time?"

Maedhros laughed. "No, it's not that." He gave his brother a speculative look and then sat down on the bed next to him. "I'm just planning something for Fingon." The color deepened on his face as he spoke. "Just a private Christmas celebration for the two of us," he explained. "I won't have time Thursday-I'll be at the store all day."

"So you're planning something for this Thursday evening?" Maglor asked, more alert now as he studied his older brother.

"Yes I am," Maedhros admitted and then his expression grew stern. "No coming down to Formenos, ok? You and Tyelko both stay up here, would you please?"

"Hmm," Maglor made a noncommittal sound. "Tyelko and I were just talking about heading home Thursday."

"Well think again," Maedhros said, a steely look coming over him. He narrowed his eyes. "I can make it worth your while to stay away."

Maglor hit him with his pillow. "Shut up, you ass. Of course I'll stay up here and let you have some romantic one-on-one time with Fingon. After what you've put up with from Dad you deserve every minute of it."

Maedhros caught the pillow and grinned. "Thanks, Maglor."

"You need any help? You want me to work for you Thursday?" A sly grin came over his face. "Or should I offer to work Friday instead in case you want to sleep in?"

"No, I can handle today. I'll just get the book from Erestor today. I was planning on take out for dinner Thursday so I'll be fine working." Maedhros looked down a little bashfully.

"And?" Maglor prodded.

"I just thought I might make the house a bit more festive for Christmas, you know?"

"You are such a hopeless romantic, you ridiculous dork," Maglor said fondly.

Maedhros shrugged. "I can't help it."

Maglor put his hand on his brother's knee. "I know. I get it." His eyes grew distant and his voice became a little hoarser as he spoke. "Trust me, I really do." He glanced up in time to stop Maedhros from speaking. "No, don't apologize. You deserve this and honestly it does me good to see you like this. Seeing you happy makes me happy." He was able to give Maedhros a genuine smile. "Let's just agree I'm working for you Friday, ok?" He leaned forward to catch Maedhros' eye. "You're sure you don't need help today? You're not going to be dragging some enormous tree into the house or anything like that are you?"

"No, don't be ridiculous. Just make sure to tell Tyelko to stay away and make sure he keeps away!"

"That I can handle. He was talking about seeing Aredhel Thursday night anyway. I was foolish enough to promise to go shopping with him today because the idiot hasn't bought her a gift yet." He looked at Maedhros pleadingly. "You're sure I can't ditch him and come with you?"

"Valar no! You have to go with him. Knowing Tyelko he'd buy her a puppy or some completely unsuitable thing." Maedhros shook his head decisively, eyes wide. "Make sure he doesn't go overboard-I wouldn't want him to scare her off-so don't let him overdo it." Maedhros' expression had gotten serious. "Seriously Maglor-nothing really expensive or commitment oriented, ok? I'm not kidding." He frowned. "Maybe I should go with him."

"Shut up, Maedhros. You don't have to supervise everything! I am perfectly capable of handling this. No jewelry, no heavy duty gifts, no animals. Got it." He bumped his shoulder against Maedhros'. "I may not be great at the romance thing but I usually managed to pick appropriate presents." He grimaced. "Most of the time."

Maedhros squeezed his shoulder in sympathy. "There was no reason to think otherwise at the time, Maglor. It seemed right to you and that's all that matters."

"Yeah, keep telling me that." He kicked Maedhros' leg lightly. "Now get out of here and get your romantic Christmas squared away."

---

He should have let Maglor come with him. Maedhros had been unable to resist stopping at the tree lot as he drove to the house. In the romantic excitement of planning he had failed to remember that dragging a large Christmas tree into the house was a challenging endeavor for one person-especially when the tree was as squat and bushy as this one. There were few to pick from on Christmas Eve.

Maedhros had finally managed to drag it into the library, a trail of needles marking his path from the garage. His gloves were most likely ruined from the sap, he was a sweaty, disheveled mess and his glasses were smeared and fogged up as well.

He had fortunately had the presence of mind to drag the tree stand out of the attic before bringing the tree into the house. Getting the tree situated in the stand would have been comical if not for the fact that it was so damn hard.

He cursed as his fingers slipped again and the whole tree precipitately wobbled before sliding sideways in slow motion. Maedhros let it lay there on its side, shedding more needles as he cursed again.

He shoved the trunk into the stand as the tree lay on its side, centered it and forcefully screwed the four anchors in. He stood the tree up and groaned as he saw it canting to the left.

Fifteen minutes later he had accepted defeat; the tree would lean left no matter how he maneuvered it in the tree stand. Maedhros left it lying forlornly on the library floor as he went to ransack the garage. He found some fishing line and rigged up a support line to keep the tree from falling over; it was secured to an anchor screwed into a wall stud. It wasn't pretty but it would have to do.

Maybe it wouldn't be so noticeable once the lights and ornaments were up. He wiped his sweaty forehead with his sleeve and checked the stability one more time before heading back to the kitchen to wash his hands. He splashed water on his face for good measure.

Cooled off and cleaner, he made his way back to the library. He had brought down the boxes of lights and ornaments already. Maedhros pulled the lid off the first box and shoved the colored lights aside to pull out the white ones instead. He had always loved the simplicity of the white lights-it made it look as if the stars themselves had alighted on the tree.

He nodded. The tree looked better already, the white lights giving it a soft glow. Maedhros opened the next box to find ornaments, starting to place them one by one on the tree. He unknowingly smiled as his memories came flooding back.

How long had it been since they had spent a Christmas in Formenos? His father had not had the heart to bring the family there for the holiday after Grandfather's death.

Over nine years then, Maedhros thought as he paused to remember, eyes on the box of ornaments in his hands. No. It was likely longer than that. The images came to him-he must have still been in high school-the Ambarussa still young enough to be running around in footed pajamas.

He was lost in the memories until the chiming of his phone distracted him. He put the box down and checked his messages.

MAGLOR: Mission accomplished? Tyelko has dinner plans with Aredhel here on Thursday night so you and Fingon have the house to yourselves.

MAEDHROS: Great. Thanks. Should be done soon.

MAGLOR: Mom wants to know if you'll be home for dinner with it being Christmas Eve and all-she wants to do the photos.

Maedhros groaned. He looked at the time. Not quite one. He should be done in an hour. He glanced at the carpet. He'd have to vacuum. Make that an hour and a half.

MAEDHROS: I should be home by 3:30.

MAGLOR: You bought a tree, didn't you?

MAEDHROS: Shut up.

MAGLOR: You did. I knew it.

MAEDHROS: Shouldn't you be helping Tyelko shop?

MAGLOR: All done.

MAEDHROS: And?

MAGLOR: I"ll let you know when you get home.

Maedhros shoved the phone in his pocket and resumed his decorating with more purpose and less daydreaming. He paused for a moment to carefully hang the three blown glass ornaments his father had made years ago. The lights on the tree made them glow as if the light was emanating from the center of the glass. It had always mesmerized him, how the light did that to them. They were always the most noticeable ornaments on the tree and his fascination had not faded over the years.

Almost done. Just one more thing. He rummaged through the boxes, finally finding the thin flat box under a layer of tissue in the biggest bin. Another bit of his father's handiwork.

The eight pointed silvery star glinted as he held it in his hands. He reached up to the very top of the tree, almost too far a reach even for his height, but Maedhros managed to stabilize it there. He stepped back to admire the result.

It would do. It wasn't perfect but it would do just fine.

It was 2:30 by the time he was done with the tree and had vacuumed up the endless trail of needles shed by it. He put the wrapped book under it, thankful that Erestor had volunteered to wrap it at the store.

It was a lovely book and he hoped Fingon would like it. It was Safdie's magnum opus-a book that traced the last fifty years of his design work in sleek pages and stunning photography. Maedhros had pored over the pages at Beleriand until Erestor had grumpily taken it away, reprimanding him for getting fingerprints on it and then expertly wrapping it as Maedhros watched.

He took the now-empty ornament boxes up to the attic and on his way back down he stopped in his bedroom to retrieve the winter hat he had bought for Fingon. It was already in a gift bag, tucked in the back of his closet. Maedhros pulled it out to look at it and laughed.

Fingon's hats never seemed to stay on his head properly. This hat, with its earflaps and braided golden ties would hopefully do a better job of keeping him warm. The clerk at the store had assured him the soft alpaca wool would do the trick and that the hat was meant to stay put. He touched a finger to one of the golden yarn braids and placed it gently back in the gift bag.

Maedhros took one last look at the tree, the wrapped book and the gift bag nestled underneath it. He switched off the lights and checked his watch. He would make it home in time.

---

Tyelko was staring into the open refrigerator when Nerdanel came into the kitchen.

"Stop that," she said, moving to close the refrigerator door. "We're eating in just a couple of hours."

Tyelko turned to face her. "Mom. Even if I eat something now I'll be hungry by then. You know this. After seven of us this shouldn't be an issue."

Nerdanel rolled her eyes. He was right, of course. "Have an apple," she countered, knowing her athletic son wouldn't argue too much.

Sighing he made his way to the fruit bowl on the counter and pulled an apple from it.

"You and Maglor have a successful shopping expedition?" she asked. "Pretty late even for you, Tyelko." She was intrigued to see a faint color come to his cheeks.

"Just a last minute gift," he said, focusing his attention on his apple.

"For Aredhel?" Nerdanel asked, as she pulled the potatoes out of the pantry to start preparing them for their dinner.

"Maybe."

She smiled, her face turned away from him as she scrubbed the potatoes in the sink. She knew just what a romantic her third son was under his brash exterior. "Did you find something suitable then?"

Tyelko munched his apple before replying. "I think so."

She darted a glance at him. "You want to run it by me, see what I think?" she asked gently.

Tyelko shifted in his seat before meeting her eyes. "It was just hard to figure out-that's why I took Maglor with me. We've only been seeing each other for a short time. Long enough that I should get her something but not long enough to get her something serious, you know?"

Nerdanel nodded and waited. As expected Tyelko kept talking. He drew near to her.

"There's just something about her, Mom," he said. "It's different this time."

Nerdanel moved closer to him, tucking a wayward strand of his shining hair behind his ear. "Trust me, I know," she laughed. "It didn't take me more than a few weeks to know with your father, Tyelko. I knew there could be no one else for me." A thoughtful look came over her, as she gazed out the window in the direction of her husband's study. "We've had our trials and troubles, mind you," she said softly. "But there is no one I would want by my side other than Feanor." She returned her warm gaze to her son.

Tyelko's expression had hardened, a far cry from the sunny openness she was used to from this son of hers. She dropped her hand onto his forearm, feeling the tense muscles there. "Tyelko?" she questioned.

"Dad had no right to badger Maedhros about Fingon, even if he's backed down now." Tyelko's expressive eyebrows were drawn together and his grey eyes were stormy.

This was her fierce child, the son who spoke without thinking things through, who could laugh the loudest but who also took things deeply to heart, hiding his hurt behind humor and bravado.

She pulled him towards her, resting her head on his shoulder as she hooked her arm around his. Soft words, soft touch-she had learned the best way to gentle Tyelko long ago.

"Tyelko, sweetheart, Dad spoke harshly, I won't argue that. But it's not so much to do with Maedhros or even Fingon. It's more to do with Dad himself and he's realized how out of line he was." Her hand rubbed up and down his arm as she spoke. "He can be hasty and his judgement lacking when he feels hurt. It doesn't make it right and I'm sorry Maedhros got caught in it."

She looked up at him, his stern profile silhouetted against the light. "He loves you all and wants the best for you." Nerdanel sighed. "Deep down I think he is concerned that the rift between him and Fingolfin would be too much to overcome."

"For him you mean," Tyelko said, turning to face her.

She put her arms around him and kept her gaze on his face. "For him and for Maedhros. Strife between fathers can come between sons, Tyelko."

"Only if he makes it a big deal. Not if he just lets us be. He can't go making judgements about people he doesn't know, just because of who they're related to," Tyelko growled. His jaw was clenched.

She frowned at him, not sure if she should share her next words with her volatile son but she plunged forward anyway. "He wants you to be happy, never forget that. But Fingolfin brings complicated emotions for your father. They were close as brothers once."

At Tyelko's stormy expression she continued. "It's true. When they were young." Her face grew somber. "There is still a bond deep down but their differences split them apart. There is much resentment you father has not allowed himself to let go. I will not excuse him-it is an estrangement that stems from him, not Fingolfin." She shook her head. "I think at the core he can't let himself heal because he won't admit to himself how much he misses the close friendship they had."

She moved her hands up to Tyelko's shoulders as she faced him. "Your father is not the best at making friends, as you may know. He doesn't let people in easily and he trusts precious few." Her grip tightened. "Fingolfin was one of the very few he let in and he feel that loss keenly. Although he is far too stubborn to admit that."

"I won't have him talking poorly about Aredhel. I won't stand for it, Mom," Tyelko said.

"He won't do that. He blundered enough confronting poor Maedhros. It won't happen with you unless you choose to charge at him in a fury and rile him up. Let him be. He and Maedhros have made their peace. You won't help by stirring things up."

"It's not so much me," Tyelko said. "I mean it is, in a way, feeling like I do about Aredhel but it's just too important for Mae."

"I realize that," Nerdanel said. "You, Maglor and Maedhros have made that abundantly clear." She reached up to stroke the hair back from his face, a soothing motion. "Anyone who means so much to you, so much to Maedhros, means as much to me. I know what it means to love someone so."

His face grew crimson at her words-he almost looked like Caranthir in that moment. "Mom," he complained. "I didn't say I was in love."

She smiled. "You didn't have to." She laughed at his chagrined expression. "Now will you tell me when I can finally meet this girl of yours?"

Tyelko's eyes widened. "She'll be here a few more weeks before she heads back to Elmoth."

"We should have her over for dinner. Fingon too," Nerdanel said.

Tyelko's face paled. "No, really, Mom, with the holidays and all I'm not sure we'll find the time."

Nerdanel's eyes narrowed as she stepped back and crossed her arms over her chest. "Tyelko?"

His head dropped. "Dinner's just way too much, Mom. We're all too much sometimes, you know that."

"She's met all your brothers already. How bad could it be?"

"Mom. She met Mae and Mags one-on-one and the rest at a game. It's not like hours here at dinner." He shuddered before adding "Or a game night."

Nerdanel brightened, a mischievous twinkle in her eye. "You're right, Tyelko. A family game night would be just the thing." She held back her laughter at the look of utter horror on his face.

"No, Mom. I couldn't think of anything worse. Especially if Dad's playing." In the larger scheme of things even Turgon's face hit was likely to be less traumatic that family game night, Tyelko thought.

She couldn't hold back. The laugh bubbled out of her. She beamed up at him. "I would never willingly subject anyone to family game night, Tyelko. I can hardly tolerate it myself. I was just teasing you."

The color flooded back into his face. Nerdanel continued. "I still want to meet her and Fingon too. Would it be best on my own perhaps, with you? Coffee or a meet-up at Beleriand."

Tyelko visibly relaxed. "That would work, Mom." He grinned. "I know you'll like her."

"I'm sure I will. I always liked Fingolfin and Anaire. I'm sure their children are wonderful as well." She matched his grin. "Now are you going to tell me what you bought for her?"

---

Fingon hung his coat up and then walked into the family room. Turgon was sitting on the sofa, absorbed in a book.

"Have you even moved since this morning?" Fingon asked flopping down on the couch next to him.

Turgon looked up, the faint bruises visible under his eyes. "I'll have you know I made cookies with mom and did laundry." He tilted his head as he looked at his brother. "You get a car?"

Fingon snorted as he laid his head on the back of the couch and closed his eyes. "As a matter of fact, no. Dad was in intense haggle mode and the Subaru salesman wasn't going for it. They already sold the car we looked at yesterday and Dad didn't want to look too eager so after what felt like hours of back and forth we left, with Dad telling the guy we were off to look at Hondas."

"What did you do while Dad tortured the sales guy?"

"Watched 'White Christmas' in the waiting area. The lady getting work on her car wouldn't let me change the channel." Fingon groaned.

Turgon laughed. "So now what?"

"So now Dad's going to look up dealerships online, get a quote for the model I want and go back to the Subaru dealership closer to New Year's when they need to fill their end of month quota." Fingon said.

"He lives for this haggling thing doesn't he?"

"Every time."

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Fingon turned to look at his brother. "Where are the others?"

"Argon is at a friend's. And Aredhel is taking a shower. She just got back from the gym."

"Hmm."

Turgon shifted his legs. The current tenseness between his brother and sister was disconcerting; they were never like this. He considered leaving the subject undisturbed but decided the air needed to be cleared. If they weren't going to mention it themselves he may as well; It was partially because of him after all. "You guys talked at all, since Saturday?"

Fingon closed his eyes again. He knew Turgon meant Aredhel. "Not much," he confessed.

"I think you need to talk to her, Finno. She's really freaked out about the Maedhros thing." He put up a hand to stem Fingon's words. "I know you're not worried about it and honestly I'm not either. It wasn't intentional but I know you know more than you're letting on. I get it." He ran a hand through his hair. "But you've got to see her side-she's suspicious of him because of what happened with her. Just talk to her, clear the air and let's get back to the two of you being your usual ridiculous selves when you're together instead of all these terse interactions."

That's how Fingon found himself sitting on the floor across from Aredhel's room, waiting for the door to open. He didn't end up waiting very long. She opened the door soon after he sat down, her eyes going wide at the sight of him.

"Can we talk?" He asked. "Please?"

She nodded and he followed her back into her room. She sat on her bed, leaned against the wall and crossed her arms over her chest before looking at him expectantly. Fingon considered sitting next to her but decided to give her space. He sat on the floor across from her, leaning against her dresser.

"Listen, Aredhel, I'm sorry I snapped at you the other day. I know you're worried about things but really . . ." Fingon started to say before she interrupted him.

"Worried is an understatement, Fingon. Stop talking for a minute and let me say what I have to say, ok?" Her forehead creased as she spoke.

He nodded. "Ok."

Her piercing blue gaze met his. "I know you like him, I could tell the first night I met him. And I can tell he likes you. He seems like a great guy and I'm not going to argue that point. But I don't feel comfortable with his actions Saturday. There's an undercurrent of violence there that disturbs me, Finno. I know you talked about him having control issues. That worries me. If that's what he's like when he loses control . . ." There was a haunted look in her eyes. "If control is such an issue with him I'm concerned about where that leaves you."

Fingon met her gaze. "I get that you're worried. But I promise you it's nothing like what you're thinking. He doesn't have anger issues, he's not the controlling type." He exhaled and ran his hand through his hair. "It's more an issue of things triggering him and that results in certain behavior. It's unintentional and the reason behind it is totally valid."

"Triggers him?"

Fingon nodded. "I really couldn't fully explain it to you before because I didn't know the full story myself. We've talked it through now. Maedhros feels terrible about Turgon and the whole situation. But knowing what I know now, it all makes sense to me." He pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around his legs. "I think it will make more sense to you too, if I tell you about it."

"Tell me what?" Aredhel asked, her crossed arms unclenching as she mirrored his position.

"Maedhros has had some pretty significant trauma. It's left him with what sounds like PTSD. Recurrent nightmares. Certain situations and subjects trigger reactions in him." Fingon leaned his head against the dresser as he considered where to start. The beginning was likely as good a place as any. "His grandfather was killed about eight or nine years ago. It was a hit and run. Maedhros' dad filed a wrongful death suit against the company that employed the driver who killed him. It was a years long legal wrangle-the truck company, parent companies, you name it were named in the suit. Soon before they were set to go to trial Maedhros' family started getting threatening letters."

"Threatening how?" Aredhel asked.

"Threats of violence against family members, damage to their property, things like that. The threats were taken seriously enough that they got police protection at the main house. Maedhros was at Cuvienien at the time." Fingon frowned and clenched his hands tighter. It made him angry to even think about what happened to Maedhros, let alone talk about it. But he needed Aredhel to understand. "Maedhros went out for a run and was kidnapped." He saw her eyes widen. "They beat him up pretty badly. The police tracked him down a few hours later, thanks to an ID on the van that took him but he still ended up in the hospital for a few days."

He paused for a moment. Aredhel looked shaken, her face pale, her eyes huge. He needed to finish the story, so she could really understand. "They grabbed him from behind. Pulled his arms behind his back, just like Turgon did on the field. It was a completely unconscious reaction Maedhros had, to fight back like that. That's what he calls losing control-that moment, that position just triggered him and there was nothing he could do about it."

"Tyelko said it was his fault for not warning Turgon," Aredhel said quietly.

"It's not anyone's fault. Maedhros' brothers know better than to grab him from behind-it's just second nature to them. I don't think it even occurred to them to mention it. Maedhros tried to get all of us on his team at first-it makes sense now why he did that," Fingon said.

"I can understand why Turgon grabbing him made him react like that," Aredhel said slowly. "I wish someone had said something but it does make more sense now." She scooted to the edge of the bed to sit, facing Fingon. "But what else makes him lose control, Finno? You said nightmares and other triggers. Are you safe with him?"

Fingon stood up and moved to sit next to her on the bed, sliding his arm around her tense shoulders. "He's got nightmares. Not often but he still gets them. I know what to do when they come-he's warned me about them. The biggest issue is not startling him or waking him up abruptly from them. I'm not going to lie-he can certainly lash out if someone wakes him up like that." He squeezed her shoulder. "Tyelko and Maglor both have first hand experience with it, back when it started, when they thought they were helping by waking him up. They know better now."

Fingon wondered if he should tell her about his own experience. It would scare her but he was going for honesty. "Maedhros was avoiding the issue completely by never spending the night with me. Once I found out about the nightmares I offered to start sleeping over at his place, since it was a more familiar surrounding for him. I'd be more aware of what to expect and he'd get more familiar with having me around."

Fingon's free hand picked at the bedspread. "He wouldn't even try to sleep at first, he was so worried he would have a nightmare and freak me out. But we made it through one, with me doing exactly what he told me to do and we were fine." He exhaled. "And then I guess I thought I had it down. He fell asleep with his head in my lap Saturday night at my place. I didn't notice, didn't check if he was asleep and I did exactly what he was afraid I would do-I woke him up by accident."

Aredhel's hand gripped his knee painfully. "Did he hurt you? You better tell me the truth, Finno, so help me."

Fingon put his hand over hers and met her eyes. "He didn't. I startled him and he reacted but he didn't hurt me. He was devastated though. And I felt terrible because I hadn't taken his warning as seriously as I should have. It was my fault."

"How can you even say it was your fault? This is exactly what I worry about, Fingon!"

He gripped her hand. "It was my fault," Fingon repeated. "Maedhros told me what to expect, he told me what to do and what not to do. And I screwed up. He was asleep. No one is in control of themselves when they're asleep, Aredhel. It was totally on me. And with what happened to him I can't blame him for having the nightmares or for having violent reactions to unexpected situations like that."

"It's not that I blame him for it. What happened to him was terrible and I can understandable that it's left it's mark on him," Aredhel said. "But I still worry he's going to hurt you, Finno. Not intentionally, I know that now," she said, interrupting him as he tried to speak. "But whether it's intentional or not, you're still putting yourself in an unsafe, unpredictable situation."

"It's not as bad as you think. There is a predictability to it-I told you there are certain triggers for him. He's identifying more of them as we work through this together. He goes months at a time without nightmares. They're far more rare than they used to be. And I know how to behave when he has them and to be more conscientious about paying attention too." Fingon ran a hand distractedly through his hair. "This is who he is, Aredhel. And I care about him, just as he is. To me this is no different than if he had a life-threatening allergy or some other kind of medical condition. It would be my place as his boyfriend to be aware of the concerns, be vigilant and be there for him. And that's what I intend to do in this situation. It's no different to me."

"You're sure, Finno?" Aredhel's eyes were wide and the worry was evident in them.

"Please trust me on this. If you can't trust Maedhros yet, trust me. I know what I'm doing and I'm not in danger. I've got this, ok?"

"I'll take your word on it, Finno but trust me-if I find out you aren't being upfront with me I will beat the shit out of you myself."

"I'll keep that in mind," Fingon said with a smile. He pulled Aredhel closer. "I know you worry. Trust me, Maedhros does too. It's taken everything I've got to convince him to let me sleep there. I told you- he wouldn't sleep at first, he was too worried about it."

She looked up at him with a small smile of her own. "Did you find something else to occupy your time instead of sleeping then?"

Fingon kicked her foot and smiled back. "We managed," he answered. "It's ok. I promise you. His only control issue is his own-trying to keep a lid on all of this and dealing with it alone. Not with me, ok? In fact he usually goes overboard on making sure he gives me enough space and time."

"It's not a great idea to deal with things like that alone," Aredhel said.

Fingon kissed her forehead. "I know. You did that for too long."

"I know. That's why I was so worried about you."

"I know that. But it's nothing like that, I promise you. I'm safe. He's safe. And we're working on it together. He's not going it alone anymore," Fingon assured her.

She slid her arms around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder. "He's lucky to have you, Finno."

"We're lucky to have each other. I really mean that."

She leaned back, looking at him speculatively. "Are you actually settling down in a real relationship, Finno? What's it been now-two months? That's some kind of record for you isn't it?"

"It's not the amount of time that matters," Fingon said. "It's the connection. I've never felt this way about anyone before Aredhel. I want to spend more time with him. I miss not seeing him every day. Usually I'm all about my space and time but with Maedhros . . . "

She grinned. "I get it. I'm happy for you and relieved I don't have to worry about you so much." She shoved his shoulder. "Tyelko says you've practically moved into the Formenos house."

"Tyelko should mind his own business," Fingon retorted.

"It's kind of his business if you're in his house, Finno," Aredhel pointed out.

This was probably as good at time as any to bring up the other subject Maedhros had touched on. "Aredhel, speaking of Tyelko-what's the status with you two?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean is this a dating thing, a fling thing, a glorified flirtation?" Fingon asked. He caught the color rising in her face at his words.

"It's definitely not a 'fling thing' Finno. I like Tyelko. I like him a lot." She tugged on a strand of her hair as she spoke. "I've never felt this comfortable with any guy I've dated before. The distance thing makes it a little weird but it's also making us take things slow, which is good. I don't want to rush anything because . . . I think . . . I think I would really like this to be a dating thing."

"Does he know that?" Fingon asked. "That it's not just a short term fling thing?"

"I've not come out and said that, no," Aredhel admitted.

"Do you think it's that to him?"

She shook her head, a fond look coming over her face. "No, he's been pretty clear it's not a fling thing to him."

"Don't you think it might be a good idea to let him know it's not a fling thing to you either?" Fingon questioned.

She sat up and frowned at him. "Why are you asking that? Has he said something?"

Crap. This is what happens when you meddle in other people's relationships, Fingon thought. Time to backpedal, clarify and get to the point. "No, of course not. Maedhros had just mentioned that Tyelko is a bit of romantic under that rough exterior of his. I think he doesn't want you breaking his brother's heart."

"Maedhros said that to me too." Her gaze softened again. "I wouldn't do that."

"Good. Because I think he's pretty crazy about you."

Aredhel grinned. "Good."

Fingon looked puzzled as he thought back on what Aredhel had said a moment before. "Maedhros told you not to break Tyelko's heart? When did he say that? Why did he say that?" he asked.

"The same night I told him to be careful with you," Aredhel explained. "The night I had to stay over because of the snow. You and Tyelko fell asleep. Maedhros and I took that as an opportunity to make some things clear."

"You totally threatened him, didn't you?" Fingon asked.

"I did not! I just told him he better not break your heart."

Fingon groaned and flopped backward onto the bed, his forearm thrown over his eyes. "I can't believe you did that. And I know you said something first, don't even try to deny it. I know you and I know Maedhros. There is no way he would have opened up the topic on his own."

Aredhel leaned over him and poked him in the chest. "Of course I said something first. You've never been this into anybody before and I wanted to make sure he wasn't just trying to get you in bed."

Fingon snorted. "Ha. You were so wrong about him. If anything I was the one trying to get him in my bed. But he kept avoiding spending the night, no matter how obvious I was being, because of the whole nightmare thing."

"And you told me you were fine taking it slow, when I asked you!" Aredhel exclaimed, shoving his shoulder roughly.

"I was fine with it. Because Maedhros was taking things slow and I wasn't going to push the issue. But I wouldn't have said no, if he'd wanted to speed things up a bit."

"Too much information, Finno."

He sat up, resting on his elbows as he looked at her. "So you promised not to break Tyelko's heart and he promised not to break mine? Is that how you guys left it?"

"Pretty much."

"Ok, well if we're going with full disclosure here I've got something more to confess," Fingon said, his expression turning serious.

"What?"

"I told Maedhros you were upset about what happened Saturday and that I wanted to let you know his backstory, to try to get you to understand there was nothing malicious about it," Fingon said.

It was Aredhel's turn to flop onto the bed and groan. "Ugh, so now he thinks I'm a complete bitch, doesn't he?"

"No, totally the opposite. He basically predicted this would be the response when you guys found out about his nightmares and such. He was sure you would worry about my safety and not trust him," Fingon stated.

"And I totally proved him right. Shit, Finno, I feel like a jerk."

"You shouldn't. Maedhros would think you were completely reasonable in your line of thinking. I told him it was bullshit but it seems he called it right." He exhaled and then pressed on. "But that's not all."

She turned her head to look at him. "What else?"

This was going to be the hard part, Fingon knew. "I told him you had some past relationship issues that made you more aware and apprehensive about situations like this. And that if you knew about his past it might make you understand his behaviour a little better."

"What exactly did you tell him, Fingon?" Aredhel sat up, staring down at him, her eyes wide and her face pale.

"Just that you'd had a boyfriend with some control issues and that it had gone poorly after you broke up with him," Fingon said.

"You told him that."

"I did and I'm sorry. I should have asked you first, before sharing. I was trying to let him know both had a bit of a commonality there but I should have asked first. I'm sorry, Aredhel." Fingon sat up as well. "He won't share it-that I can promise you."

She stared at him for a moment then nodded her head. "No, it's ok. I'm not happy you didn't ask me but I can see why you told him. It made me understand him a bit better, hearing his story so maybe it let him understand where I was coming from with my concerns about you."

"That's what I was thinking when I told him," Fingon said. He met her gaze. This was as good a time as any to broach the subject of Tyelko.

"So, it definitely made a difference to you, knowing Maedhros' back story, right?"

"Yeah."

"And it definitely made a difference to me, knowing what went on in his past and why he was behaving or reacting in certain ways that didn't make sense to me, before I knew," Fingon pressed on.

"Yeah." There was a questioning note to her response this time.

"I'm just wondering if it might not be a good idea to let Tyelko know some of what's gone on with you. In the past. Why some of the things that have gone on this week have been disturbing for you. It sounds like you've talked to him about it a bit."

She pulled her knees up and curled into herself before answering. "I did tell him I was upset about Maedhros. He said I had no reason to worry but it wasn't his story to tell."

"He's right, on both counts. Maedhros told me to tell you what happened to him," Fingon explained. "Don't you think it might make sense for you to tell Tyelko why the whole thing worried you? If you really want this to move forward it makes sense to let him know, at least some of it?"

"It wasn't the whole reason I was worried and you know that."

"I know. But it still plays into it, even if it's only a part of it," Fingon said gently.

She looked down and her brows drew together. "It just makes me feel stupid for letting it happen."

"You didn't let it happen. It happened because of how he acted. And it's worth telling Tyelko because like it or not you've got some triggers too," Fingon said.

She directed her glare at him. "I do not have triggers."

"Aredhel. This whole thing about Maedhros is just that. You wouldn't be this upset if the whole control thing didn't make you think about your situation, even subconsciously," Fingon said.

"I was just worried about you."

"I know that. But it didn't faze Turgon and he was the one who bore the brunt of it. It didn't make Argon worry."

Her frown deepened. "Argon's just a kid. And Turgon doesn't take anything seriously."

He mirrored her expression. "You know neither of those things are true. Argon's probably the most mature of all of us and Turgon takes almost everything seriously. You know that. I know you want to avoid talking about what happened but it still colors your perceptions of things, whether you like it or not."

"What so are you going to suggest I go see Finrod's dad to 'work through it' like Mom and Dad wanted me to?" Aredhel growled. "I don't need to work through it. It's over and done and I'm fine."

"If you're fine then it won't hurt to mention it to Tyelko. It's important for him to know there are situations or occurrences that might bother you. Trust me communication makes a huge difference-I've found that out the hard way." Fingon put his hand over her tightly clenched ones. "I'm not saying you need to go see Finarfin. I'm just saying it might be a good idea to let Tyelko know this means as much to you as it seems to mean to him and it also might be a good idea to maybe let him know you've had some not-so-good experiences and the pace you guys are taking is working for you. Trust me, I'm pretty sure he's had some past relationships that aren't great too."

"What makes you say that?" Aredhel looked curious.

"Maedhros just said something to make me think that, ok? Tyelko might fill you in himself if you bring up the subject."

"I'll see," Aredhel said. "I'll think about it but no promises ok?"

"Ok. As long as you think about it." Fingon pulled her into another hug and was gratified that she returned. "I love you, even though you are such a pain in my ass sometimes."

"I love you too, you idiot," Aredhel said, resting her head on his shoulder.

Finarfin, Fingon thought. His father had mentioned him also. Maedhros had said he was thinking about trying therapy again. Maybe Finrod's dad would be a good option. How to bring that up would be the issue. But he could think about that later.

---

For a picture of what Fingon's hat looks like please look at the temp cover photo for this story.