I Hate You by oshun

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Fanwork Notes

Best Kiss

Fanwork Information

Summary:

Day 24 – B2MeM 2009, prompt: “Choose your favorite line or quotation from a non-Tolkien source.” This is a story referenced more than once but never developed in my short novel A New Day. Inspired by Dawn Felagund’s ficlet “Hatred,” it is an account of a low point in the relationship of Maedhros and Fingon before they left Valinor.

2009 MEFA - Second Place - Drama: House of Finwë 

Major Characters: Aredhel, Elenwë, Fëanor, Fingon, Maedhros, Turgon

Major Relationships:

Genre: Drama, Slash/Femslash

Challenges: B2MeM 2009, One True Love

Rating: Adult

Warnings: Mature Themes, Sexual Content (Moderate), Violence (Mild)

This fanwork belongs to the series

Maitimo and Findekáno
Chapters: 1 Word Count: 4, 363
Posted on 21 April 2009 Updated on 21 April 2009

This fanwork is complete.

Table of Contents

I Hate You

Comments

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I really don't know how that moment that I wrote, what, three years ago now, could have been realized more perfectly than you do here. I have told you a thousand times if I have told you once how I adore not only your characterization of these two--which is, as always, brilliant--but the political intrigue that forms the crux of your stories. Here, more than ever, though, it is heart-rending; I wanted to weep for Findekano at the end. (And give Maitimo a good slap for breaking his heart!)

And while these two in your stories possess their own gravity and draw me in, the bit players are no less memorable. I particularly loved Elenwe, who possesses a grace and a quiet strength that makes me see how she could be loved (and to lament her fate), and Feanaro, who is just ... perfectly Feanaro. :)

Brilliantly written, Oshun--you have not only done justice to but eclipsed my drabble that inspired it. :)

I have been watching SurgicalSteel and Pandemonium play off of one another’s canon with the greatest of interest. But I sometimes tend to almost forget how much I owe you for yours, for the inspiration and the pieces I have kept despite taking a different fork in the road. I would never say this could eclipse “Hatred”—a perfect little jewel of a piece, lean and sparse in style and relentlessly heartbreaking in tone. But I always have this urge to explain and develop scenes like that. Thank you so much for your comments, but most of all for the inspiration. \r\n\r\nI fell in love with Elenwë in this piece myself (talk getting to know the unknown women or about letting fictional characters get under one’s skin!). She was even breaking my heart over Turgon. She humanized him and made him sympathetic for me to a degree he had never been before, thinking how hard it must have been to go on without her and how that must have broken something in him. It wasn’t really her battle after all, but she stood by them out of love and paid such a price, as did those who loved her most.\r\n

Oshun, this story is perfect, from the beautiful Neruda quote that seems to fit so wonderfully to the balance you achieve between the different aspects: the crisis in the guys' relations, the political mess behind it, the interaction of the different family members. One scene leads to the other so seamlessly that I can't imagine things to have happened any differently. The characters are wonderfully alive (even Turgon gets by), and I'll agree with what you said about Elenwe. Actually her usual role in stories is She Dies and we never get to see why everybody grieves so much. Here she is wonderfully smart and caring trying to survive among these Noldor ripping their throats. In that respect, the description of the leadership as the runaway cart with a drunk driver is another perfect image. The dynamics of Feanaro's family come through perfectly just by showing the reactions of the two eldest: Maitimo who's ready to destroy his life and Makalaure who buries his head in the sand to pretend not to see what's going on. Badly in need of family therepy, aren't they? When you say that Maitimo seems in need of a good cry, yes!, I wanted to shout: go ahead and cry and leave and live your life, but we know he can't and that's part of his tragedy.

Well, I could go on more but just to express truly how much I liked this tory I'll say it in (Argentine) Spanish: Me re-encantó! (with the stress on re)

Thank you! What a wonderful comment. So happy you found those points in the story. It was a lot of fun writing, because I got to put other things into it aside from just the love story. I thought of that Neruda verse immediately when I conceptualized the story (so much due to Dawn's initial ficlet). But then when I tried to find an English translation, they all seemed so clumsy and uninspired. I hope I worked. Wanted to put the original into English in a way that echoed his tone and the feeling of it and not just the words. (Such simple language and yet so hard to translate!)

I have such a big smile after reading your comment! Thank you again.

*lets out a breath* wowie, what a build up. I have no idea where to start, just as I said before, the dynamics in this story makes you feel as if it plays out in front of you as if you as a reader are just a fly on the wall. So many things are falling apart and where some worry and try to hold onto what is dear to them, there are also some (like Aredhel) who just go on with what they do and some who try to mend what probably has been broken. It still leaves me to ponder what Maedhros exact reasons are, does he think that by leaving Fingon he can safe the marriage of his parents, are it the lies that are spread amongst the Noldor by Melkor the cause of it? Elenwë's perspective on it all, as an outsider says so much. And ah, dearest Fingon, he keeps on fighting for his love, but at what cost. This is the incident you were alluding to in A new Day right? That last time they were together on Aman? I recall something like that. I am glad you wrote that, actually I would love to see more of those days on Valinor, but I can imagine you also want to finish the longer works :) This is a spectacular one shot!

Oh, Rhapsody! Thank you so much for such a kind and generous comment on this story. It was an important story for me in my story cycle of these characters. I do refer to this in A New Day, although I might have said it was in Formenos there—can’t remember, may or may not bring that into line. Doesn’t matter terribly to me, because he real life people mix up those kinds of memories. I suspect that my readers would probably appreciate it if the references matched.\r\n\r\nI wasn’t sure if either Fingon or Maedhros are aware at this time that lies and rumors that are going around go back to Melkor, since neither of them have had any contact with him. We, of course, from reading the history know he is feeding into this strife. The situation is so explosive and emotional by this point, that they hear these things often enough that they no longer really know who to believe. So, this is basically my explanation of the canon fact that they were estranged at the time of the flight from Aman. Later events, Maedhros at Losgar and Fingon going off to rescue him from Thangorodrim show that they did still care about one another. I am glad you found them in-character of how I have portrayed them up to this point. The reason that I have Fingon seeming to be more open is twofold: first, it is from his POV and, secondly, in my own personal canon, being emotionally open and trusting is easier for him.\r\n\r\nI am sure I will continue to write more about their lives in Valinor. As you can see, I am not following these events chronologically, except in my series of novellas.\r\n\r\nThanks again for saying such awesome things about it! I put a lot of my heart in this one.

This story is so beautifully written, Oshun.  So wise and sad, and full of the tragedy of love torn apart by family loyalty. It even has some humor amidst the tragedy in that scene with Feanor coming in the room in his nightshirt with his hair standing on end.   It strikes me that the whole story is very true to life.  People act in just these ways:  Maitimo trying to make Kano jealous, Kano falling for it, practical Elenwe attempting to patch it up, Kano making the decision to go see him, the desperate, rough sex that salves them for the moment until the argument begins anew.  

There are so many lines that really struck me as true:

This is a wonderful analogy: Findekáno reflected that Fëanáro and Nolofinwë were like two ill-matched, out-of-control horses dragging a cart behind them, scattering crates of produce and squawking chickens in their wake as they tore off down the road.

This is a wonderful summation of what is going on between them: Findekáno stifled his emergent realization that their estrangement could be irreparable. Maitimo might desire this act to serve as a goodbye. His own response reminded Findekáno of the disillusionment at learning that one’s parents could be fallible, or that good intentions could end in ill results, or causing pain to others might be unavoidable. For almost as long as he could remember, the single constant in his life had been Maitimo, first as a friend and mentor and then as his only love. But if Maitimo desired physical intimacy, Findekáno had neither the will nor the strength to refuse him.

And this:

“Don’t be absurd. I’ll always love you.”
“Good,” Maitimo said.  

So sad.  I think this is one of my favorite pieces of yours. And then the translation of the poem at the end, ah I'm  wounded. 

Oh, Elfscribe, I cannot believe I have not thanked you for this review.  I am humbled and thrilled. And now you are away for the summer and god only knows if or when you will see this! Thank you so very much. You "got" everything important that I had hoped to communicate. It was a hard story for me to write, because I am the look-on-the-bright-side kind of writer. There is no bright side to this period in their lives.

I just re-read this to remind myself after reading your piece on "Your Sins Into Me". I suppose it's an odd choice of places to say it, but it struck me once again, as it has in reading other stories of this series: despite my discomfort with the concept of "bonding" (that is, the way Tolkien describes it in HoME), Findekano and Maitimo, as you write them, seem to me so very much bonded, married, what-ever-you-call-it, even at this critical point in their relationship. I mean: not just romantically in love--and no matter what anybody's laws say either in Middle-Earth or RL. Sorry, I don't know whether that comment makes sense?

Oh, I think your comment does make perfect sense. I believe the small bits of canon we have about them led me to that conclusion, once I had factored in my personal desire to view their relationship as a sexualr/romantic one and not a purely platonic one. The relationship withstood so many incidents, ruptures, political and undoubtedly personal. Still Maedhros stands up to his father at Losgar over Fingon, when he had followed him loyally in relation to everything else up to that point. Then Fingon takes off alone to rescue Maedhros despite not knowing that Maedhros had wanted to return for him. Seems as though nothing could truly separate them and any estrangement was necessarily fated to be short-lived. Interestingly, I have never liked the concept of "bonding" either; the idea of every marriage being life long, when the lives in question extend throughout all the Ages of Arda, seems difficult to accept, particularly when elves may be separated by long Ages and uncrossable seas. So, first chance I had, I find myself willy-nilly writing just that. Although I am a long way away from the conclusion of my version of their saga, I suspect you can see where I am going with it. My only excuse is that I guess I am as impulsive as Fingon and don't have an emo bone in my body. Hopefully, there is enough tragedy in the process for me to hold onto the majority of my readers who like a heavy dose of misery with their romance when reading Fingon/Maedhtos.

Ah, you break my heart.

I love these two...although I have to admit that I like to pair Maitimo with everyone but Findekáno, because I don't think anyone can come close to the perfection of Maitimo and Findekáno.

This was beautiful.  I love that sonet.  Is it Sonet 49?  I forget.

I just loved this story.  I think of these two beloved elves just as you do.  The frustration of their dilemma is palpable in this story.  I love how it ends on that note as well.

I thought this the most beautiful paragraph among so many wonderful ones:

 

“I didn’t expect to find you. I'd thought I would wait,” Findekáno said. He had always believed that Telperion did wonderful things to Maitimo, darkening his hair in a way that intensified the pale luminosity of his skin and accentuating his refined features. It frustrated Findekáno, however, that the lighting from behind made the expression in Maitimo’s eyes impossible to read.

 

And I found the secondary characters to be most endearing, especially Irisse, but I also loved your characterization of Turukano.

 

 

Oh, this is just amazing.  So sad to see where they have got to in their relationship, after reading about the joy of their new love in your earlier story.  The power dynamics and political intrigue in the background are fascinating, but their messed up relationship gives such emotional weight to the story.  I hope they are able to get their relationship back to a positive place before all the tragedy unfolds :(

 

Random thing to pull out, but I really love that Fëanor is almost kind to Findekáno here, even after the situation he caught them in!

Oh, thanks so much for reading this. It's actually a story I liked a lot. (I do not have an equal fondness for my stories! But I enjoyed writing this one and thought it turned out pretty good. Laughing at myself!) It's a painful point in their storyline for me too--hurt my heart to see them reach that point. I hoped to show how bad things were right before everything went to hell. I also hoped to communicate how much they still care for one another, but how they could no longer ignore what was happening around them and that they each were forced to make choices based on personal loyalties and political understandings that ere at that moment in history were irreconcilable.

I'm glad you liked the interpretation of Fëanor--you caught aspects of it that I hoped to communicate! One loves being understood as a writer! In my story-verse, he has always had a certain fondness for Findekáno, has grown accustomed to viewing him as part of his own family circle, separate from whatever differences he has with Nolofinwë. But he also realizes that the two of them are faced with a heartwrenching choice--knowing that probably made him more tolerant of their noisy shenanigans that he might have been under other circumstances.