A Matter of Cultural Differences by Lissas Elves

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Fanwork Notes

A slightly humourous and rather twisted opinion of The Laws and Customs among the Eldar.

Disclaimer:The author does not necessarily share the views or opinions expressed by characters in this story.

Fanwork Information

Summary:

A Most Proper Elf gains insight in some of the vices of mortals and learns a little about himself in the process.

Warnings are for graphic language.

MEFA 2009 - First place, Genres: Humor: Elven Legends 

 

Major Characters: Elrond, Erestor

Major Relationships:

Artwork Type: No artwork type listed

Genre: Humor

Challenges:

Rating: Teens

Warnings: Sexual Content (Mild)

Chapters: 1 Word Count: 5, 363
Posted on 12 June 2009 Updated on 12 June 2009

This fanwork is complete.

Chapter 1

Read Chapter 1

A Matter of Cultural Differences

 

Their shadows fell before them as they entered the city. Erestor studied his surroundings with great interest. The hustle and bustle of people in this the lowest circle of Minas Tirith was quite unlike anything he’d encountered before. And the smells ... well, the least said, the better. He concluded that the race of Men must be equipped with an excessive number of sweat glands, a fact he had already suspected from his recent exposure to them.

They turned left and rode slowly along a street that housed many artisans; Erestor noticed a lamp-wright’s workshop and several weavers. Soon, they reached a tunnel-like gate through which they passed to the next circle. Turning right, they continued slowly while people cheered their returning king and greeted his company.  

‘Hey, you!’

He looked around to find the source of that irreverent call. In the street ahead, a young lady in a very revealing dress hung halfway out of a window and waved at him in a most unladylike manner.

‘Yes, you – handsome one! Come visit me tonight; I’ll give you one for free!’

Never in his life had Erestor been addressed like that and he failed to understand why an unfamiliar woman should wish to give him presents. Bewildered, he turned to the rider next to him, only to find him grinning.

‘Elrond, do you know what she is talking about? Surely they do not presume we require presents for our aid?’

Elrond now laughed aloud and Erestor had to wait for him to calm down. The procession came to a halt while Elendil at the head of the long row of riders received a report from the officer at the next gate. As fortune had it, Erestor and Elrond stopped close to the irreverent young lady’s window. She called down to him again.

‘So, what do you say, handsome? I’ll show you a good time!’

This was yet another instance of the numerous cultural differences between his own kind and mortals; he’d already been exposed to several on their journey, but it seemed much remained to be learned. Now, if he considered all he knew of the Secondborn, then surely the answer to this riddle would present itself (which would be just as well since Elrond, by now wiping tears of laughter from his eyes, proved to be no help at all).

He looked up at the lady again. She winked at him and cupped her breasts with both hands.

Nay! Shocked, he looked down. Surely she cannot be suggesting...

Without any conscious decision on his part, Erestor’s eyes crept upwards again.

Oh dear! What a positively indecent behaviour! Erestor felt his cheeks heating.

The noises from Elrond were now almost as unsettling as the show in the window above and so Erestor stared straight ahead. The rider in front of him patted his horse and shifted his weight in the saddle. Erestor watched these movements and concentrated on his own breathing. Finally, the undignified sounds from his employer ceased and an explanation was offered.

‘Erestor, I assume you do know that mortals do not become bound by the act of bodily union.’

Of course he knew! He’d just not considered all possible implications of that fact. But as Elrond’s advisor, he probably should have. What more might he have overlooked?

‘Elrond, I am aware of these differences. But... does it mean that they just... that anybody can...’

‘Indeed they can, although it is not considered proper to engage in sexual intercourse out of wedlock. However, many ladies, like your admirer in the window, in fact make a living from selling their graces on a nightly – or even hourly – basis and they are quite sought after. Now, this young lady seems to have taken a fancy to your stern Noldorin visage, and, consequently, offers her favours for free. You should feel flattered.’

He would have felt more flattered if Elrond hadn’t started snickering again. Such undignified behaviour did not behove the King’s herald, Erestor thought sourly.

Really! What does Elrond take me for?

Straightening his back, Erestor resumed his study of the rider in front of him. Said gentleman was now discreetly scratching his crotch. By some kind of association, Erestor’s eyes crawled upwards again. She smiled at him.

‘Just ask for Gwirith!’

Finally, the procession moved forward and Erestor thanked the Valar for small blessings.

Further on they rode, and as they turned to pass through the next gate, Erestor happened to look back.

She threw him a kiss.

‘See you tonight,’ she shouted in a voice comparable to the average field commander’s.

Erestor winced.

A few days later, he sat in his room in a chair next to the window. He paid no attention to the view from this height although it usually took spectators' breath away: The seven circles of the White City lay draped down the mountainside against a beautiful backdrop of green plains, the whole picture framed by the silver band of Anduin in the distance. But when Erestor was thinking—an activity at which he prided himself in being among the best—he was not easily distracted. At the moment, he truly was deep in thought about an interesting subject and was making a mental list of each point as he considered them.

The act of bodily union: What do we know about it?

Beginning with the obvious, the consequences of the union depended on whether one was Elf or mortal: For Elves, intimate congress would occur only within an unbreakable bond, or with the purpose of creating one; for mortals... well, in light of his recent discoveries, that seemed to depend upon the situation.

Erestor considered consulting Elrond, but remembering his employer’s earlier display when confronted with the subject, he decided against it. He ascribed Elrond’s reaction to his natural modesty, in itself a commendable trait, but in the situation the other day it had been rather inappropriate and definitely unhelpful.

Nay, I will draw my own conclusions, based on all known facts; I am, after all, eminently suited for this task.

Surfacing for a moment from his thoughts, Erestor shifted in his seat. Absentmindedly, he straightened the cuffs of his velvet robe until they sat around his wrists just right. The soft fabric felt comforting and familiar against his skin; after days on the road in dusty travel gear, he found himself greatly enjoying being properly dressed and groomed. The large bathtub in the adjacent bathroom had met with his deepest approval for he hated being dirty.

Leaning back in the chair, he focused his mind on the next issue:

Why do mortals put such high value on - what did Elrond call the activity? Ah yes – ‘intercourse’? Elrond claims that several women in the city make a living of participating in the act in exchange for monetary compensation. ‘On a nightly, or even hourly basis’, he said. Fascinating!

Of course Erestor knew that originally, the sacred act was intended only for the begetting of children. However, he was also well aware that young married couples found the bodily union most pleasant in itself (the example that immediately sprang to mind were his neighbours back home. The walls in Gil-galad’s palace might be thick, but Elven hearing was keen and his neighbours newlywed), though their interest seemed to dwindle as the years passed (he never heard any of the characteristic sounds from the rooms of the Head Archivist, who had been married longer than Erestor cared to think about).

But from the information gathered, the situation seemed somewhat different for mortals: not only did they continue to desire ‘intercourse’ throughout their lives, they even enjoyed it outside of wedlock. Yet Erestor doubted whether the participants in such actions would achieve the joyful unity of souls which he knew to take place between two Elves in a similar situation. This thought led to a hypothetical question:

If an Elf were to engage in such random intercourse with a mortal, what might then the consequences be?

A matrimonial union seemed unlikely to take place considering that mortals lacked the inborn Elven ability to enter their side of such a bond. Besides, a marriage required the expression of free consent on both sides which would obviously prevent any accidental joining between the two.

Might then a one-sided bond accidentally be formed? A truly frightening concept!

Still, matrimony required not only bodily union, but also the exchange of blessings and the naming of the Name. In the absence of any of these, no marriage would be valid in the eyes of the Powers.

Nay, to the best of my reasoning, marriage could not take place by accident.

On the other hand, he could not quite rule out that in the heat of passion, and overcome by their race’s natural urge to mate, an Elf might perform the ritual with an unsuitable—or even unaware—partner. Having only heard of the passion experienced by the two parties under these particular circumstances and not experienced it himself, Erestor lacked the information required to form a conclusion.

The facts of the matter cannot be ascertained unless...

Erestor shifted in his chair and decided to set the issue aside for later deliberation.

A tray on a small table next to him held tea and refreshments and he picked up the pot to pour tea in a delicate teacup. He inhaled the fragrant steam; a different blend than his usual choice, but a most pleasant aroma. Sipping the hot brew, he took his time to appreciate its flavour and admire the swirling blue patterns on the cup.

Mmm, a sweet aftertaste, too. Perhaps I should inquire of the blend and purchase some to take home with me?

A small bowl of confectionery stood on the tray next to the teapot and after sampling various types he once more leant back in his chair to consider another aspect of his new interest.

What status would such ladies hold in their society?

As these women took care of bodily functions, might one assume they ranked with physicians? Nay, they dealt with healthy individuals, and should they fail in their duty, the consequences would hardly be fatal. They provided a pleasant experience; a ranking alongside singers and other performers, then, seemed more likely. Might they belong to the guild of artists and entertainers?

Too many questions and not enough answers!

Annoyed that his lack of knowledge prevented him from drawing reliable conclusions about his new interest, Erestor tapped his fingers on the armrest.

Now, how do I go about obtaining the information I require?

He thought again about the young lady and how she had called from the window. Not a trace of shyness in her; surely she would not object to answering a few questions about her occupation?

A knock on the door called Erestor’s attention to the time and he went to join Elrond and attend the state dinner given in their honour. When the long-winded affair finally concluded, the hour was late so Erestor chose to postpone his decision on the afternoon’s matter until the next day.

Tomorrow, after a good night’s rest, he’d be able to settle on the appropriate course of action.

The next day, meetings started early and continued till late in the afternoon. No official dinner was scheduled for the evening and although Elrond suggested the two of them share a meal, Erestor begged off, having already other plans for the evening. He had decided to satisfy his curiosity.

So came it that not long after the stars appeared, he stood in front of Gwirith’s door in the second circle. An early-blooming climber next to the scarlet door emitted a delicious fragrance from its violet flowers; from a house on the other side of the street came the sound of women laughing; children protested in the next lane as a stern motherly voice ordered them to ‘get in your beds – right now!’

Then the scarlet door opened. An elderly, well-dressed woman enquired after Erestor’s errand and only moments later, she showed him into a room on the first floor. The window in the opposite side of the room stood open as it had done the other day, but Gwirith did no longer occupy it. Instead, she stood in front of a mirror, pushing a recalcitrant brown curl back into place.

At the sight of him, she beamed.

‘You came! A real Elf and you came to visit me!’

Smiling at Gwirith’s excitement, Erestor bowed politely and—once the young lady had calmed down—received proper greetings in return. He was led to sit in the only chair in the room while Gwirith flitted about, setting out two glasses and a bottle of wine on the wobbly table, and lighting two unnecessary, but very decorative candles. After a little small talk about Gwirith’s state of health (excellent), Erestor’s (ditto), the weather (lovely) and Gwirith’s general appearance (equally lovely), Erestor tentatively broached the reason for his visit.

‘Gwirith, I wish for you to speak to me about one or two things.’

‘Oh! You’d like to hear me talking, would you?’

Erestor nodded, pleased. Elrond's concerns regarding his problems in communicating with mortals had, so far, proved completely unfounded. Of course Erestor never worried for one moment. He saw no reason why he, a highly skilled negotiator, should not be able to express his wishes to other races; after all, he’d spent years studying foreign languages and customs.

True, Gwirith’s speech differed slightly from what he’d been taught, but obviously languages evolved over time. Also, some of the words and expressions she used definitely seemed more colloquial than what one was wont to hear in councils with the King, but then this was to be expected: Gwirith was, after all, no councillor. Erestor would soon familiarize himself with the new words and expressions. All in all, he foresaw no problems in communicating with the young lady.

The lady in question, who had obviously been waiting for him to elaborate on his silent answer, continued after a few moments, impatient as all mortals,

‘Do you want me to talk dirty to you, handsome?’

‘Talk dirty?’

‘Yes, you know, say something like...’ Gwirith hesitated and studied his face. Surprise showed in her grey eyes as she slowly continued, ‘You have no idea what I’m talking about, do you?’

The patronizing tone did not sit well with Erestor.

‘I am not sure I quite follow you,’ he admitted, slightly annoyed. Yet another unfamiliar phenomenon!

Gwirith kindly demonstrated a choice selection of her ‘dirty talk’. Then she waited, watching him and studying his reactions while she twisted one of the laces of her bodice around a slender finger.

Erestor strove to gather his scattered thoughts and caught hold of one as it flew by.

‘Do you... do you perform this oral... act on your clients?’

‘What’s that, handsome? Give them head? Oh sure! All men love it. Come now, admit it: You do, too.’

‘Indeed I do not! As a matter of fact, I find the mere thought repulsive.’

‘Repu... what? You mean you don’t like having your cock sucked? Well, somebody must have done a lousy job of it, then. I bet you’ll like it when I do it - everybody says I’m the best.’

Proud of her outrageous talent, Gwirith confidently approached him, obviously determined to prove her claim.

Erestor quickly got up and moved behind the chair to keep some distance between them. Their conversation had taken a completely unexpected turn; clearly he and Gwirith held diverging opinions on what constituted a proper conversation.

The act she’d described shocked him on more than one level. From what he’d been taught, the male body part involved was supposed to be inserted elsewhere in the female body than indicated by Gwirith. And why would she wish to put her mouth on... he banished the thought from his mind, determined not to think about how it would feel to have those red lips... no!

This will not do! I must... I must...

The whole situation was spinning out of control and Erestor felt increasingly uneasy. What was more, the room felt suddenly quite warm and the air was tight, despite the open window. All of this contributed to his general discomfort. A tactical retreat seemed to be in order.

‘My dear young lady, thank you for taking the time to enlighten me on these topics. Unfortunately, I feel a little tired and wish to take my leave now.’

He took a few steps towards the door, unsure if he’d be allowed to escape, but Gwirith stopped her playful attempts at reaching him. She didn’t reply to his—admittedly rather inadequate—words of departure, only looked at him oddly while her charming smile faltered and the confidence seeped out of her posture.

Something is wrong. Have I hurt her feelings?

Erestor began to suspect that his abrupt departure (or his attempt at one) might have constituted a serious breach of etiquette.

This would not do. He prided himself in being familiar with the customs of all civilized peoples on Arda; on their way to Minas Tirith, he’d been invited to join the King’s Men around the fire at night and had shared the horrid spirits they carried (‘to fight the cold’ they said, though it was spring and the weather quite pleasant). He had drunk the brew without choking and even managed to smile and thank them afterwards.

On another memorable occasion, he had feasted and toasted in ale with Dwarves and done his utmost to burp in appreciation (although with limited success. Still, they appreciated the sentiment.) But all of that was beside the point.

Setting his unease aside, Erestor turned his full attention towards Gwirith, taking in her defeated posture and the scarcely veiled hurt in her eyes.

Hastily, he recalled the events of the evening: She’d welcomed him – nothing wrong there; they had talked – a few misunderstandings, but nothing serious; he had explained his errand - then she’d offered...

Oh! Dumbfounded, Erestor realized where he had gone wrong.

I refused her gift! How incredibly insensitive of me - no wonder she is so upset.

Erestor mentally kicked himself for his rude behaviour and quickly resolved to make up for this uncharacteristic blunder (although he must, in all fairness, ascribe some of it to the shocking revelations regarding the intimate customs of mortal men).

‘My dear young lady, ehm, Gwirith...’

My, but this is awkward. How do I redeem myself in her eyes?

The more Erestor thought about his predicament, the more he realized the limited number of options open to him. In fact, he could think of only one appropriate way to appease the young lady.

‘Gwirith, please sit down and listen to me!’

She didn’t move.

‘Please, Gwirith. I would like to explain to you.’ He did not much care for the plaintive tone of his voice, but at least his words reached her this time. Slowly, she moved over to the bed and sat down, looking away from him. Erestor realized that there was only one chair in the room, the one he leant on. Gwirith obviously refused to sit in it and have him hovering behind her back.

So instead, Erestor moved over to the bed and sat a little distance from her. After a moment, he noticed her sneaking a look at him. Then her hand shot out and reached between his legs, touching his private parts. He jerked back in shock over her unseemly behaviour and pushed her away.

Gwirith withdrew, holding both hands up in a sign of peace, and said,

‘You just don’t fancy me, is that it? ‘Mortals’ are not attractive to an Elf, huh?’

‘No! No, that’s not it at all! I think you are very nice,’ Erestor tried to soothe her.

‘Then why won’t you let me touch you?’ she asked, still not meeting his eyes. ‘Isn’t that what you came here for, to have a good time? And before, you said you wanted some talk, but when I talked to you, you didn’t like it at all. Well, what DO you want, then?’ Her tone suggested that whatever it was, she could hardly care less by now.

Erestor sighed. It was his nature to consider all aspects of a problem in detail before acting. But in his experience, limited though it was on this particular subject, mortals spent regrettably little time on reflection. They preferred action to deliberation, the mere brevity of their lives, perhaps, prompting their rash actions. This lady certainly proved his theory with her hands-on approach.

‘Gwirith, if you will just bear with me for another moment, I’ll try to explain properly.’

‘Well, get on with it, then!‘ she sniffed.

Erestor, skilled negotiator that he was, knew an ultimatum when it kicked him in the shin and promptly got on with it.

‘My kind – Elves – love only once –‘

‘Everybody knows that!’ Gwirith interjected, while studying the pointy toes of her shoes.

‘Well, yes, but did you know that not only do we love only once, we also do not feel the, the... desires that mortals feel, until we meet our one true love.’

‘Naah! You’re kidding, right?’ She stared at him, searching his face to see if he was lying.

‘No, I am not jesting. This is how the Creator made us, and we cannot change it, nor would we wish to do so. When we finally meet the one that was meant for us, we feel desire for the first time. Then, and only then, do we join our bodies, marry and share our hearts and souls in eternal bliss.’

Erestor conveyed the teachings he’d learned on his mother’s knee; he spoke from the bottom of his heart and his fervour seemed to convince Gwirith. She gave the foreign concept some thought and soon seemed to arrive at a conclusion that cheered her up and restored her confidence.

‘So... it’s not ‘cause you think I’m ugly that you can’t get it up?’ she smiled.

For a little while, Erestor considered this bewildering statement, attacking it from various angles until he finally made the connection between this utterance and Gwirith’s previous reconnaissance in his nether areas. His cheeks heated, a phenomenon that had occurred with alarming regularity ever since he made the young lady’s acquaintance.

‘No, I assure you that my lack of... ehm... physical response to your touch had nothing to do with your charming person.’

‘You think I’m pretty?’

‘Why, certainly! You look most lovely.’

Gwirith beamed and lightly touched her shiny curls to push a freedom-seeking strand back in place. Erestor immediately took his cue.

‘And my compliments on your coiffure; the style becomes you.’

A momentary confusion showed on Gwirith’s face beneath the heavy make-up and Erestor worried what he might have said wrong this time, but the frown disappeared and the young lady acknowledged his compliment with another smile.

Relieved, Erestor smiled back. Now that he had successfully restored diplomatic relations to their original, pleasant level, perhaps he would—finally!—succeed in obtaining some answers to his questions.

***

It was late in the evening before Gwirith finished telling Erestor all he wished to know. Some of his questions led to delighted giggles on her part, some to confusion (‘Why men like to fuck? Because it feels good, of course!), and some to statements so frank they embarrassed him  (‘I just thought you were handsome and gave it a shot. It worked, didn’t it? Here you are, on my bed. Rather have you in it, though!’)

After that, they chatted, comfortable with each other now. Erestor told her how he’d wondered about her charges, and was surprised to learn that a silver penny would buy a man Gwirith’s services for an entire night.

'A mere penny! But surely the delight of your company would be worth more than, than... the value of a foal!’

Gwirith laughed at him, flattered, and insisted he stay until the morning broke. Her offer was generous, yet Erestor suspected that an entire night’s earnings might be sorely missed later and hesitated to take her up on it.

Then she asked, all of a sudden shy as a maiden, ‘May I touch you?’

He felt wary after her previous handling of his person and hesitated.

Gwirith stumbled on, ‘It’s just that you are so very beautiful. I’ll not touch you - you know - down there. I promise I’ll be good!’

How could he deny her after that?

Gwirith did not betray his trust. She touched his face, gently and wonderingly. ‘Your skin is as soft as a baby’s’, she breathed. ‘And you’re the most handsome man I’ve ever seen.’ Her fingers wandered over his cheekbones and down to his jaw; inwards to touch his chin; up to his lips which at first she skipped over in favour of his nose. Mesmerized, Erestor let her continue her exploration.

Her hand now stroked lovingly over his hair. ‘So beautiful,’ she whispered. ‘So long and shiny. Do you always keep it braided?’

He cleared his throat.

‘Yes, I do. It’s difficult to manage otherwise.’

‘Can I undo your braids? I’ll do them for you again afterwards.’

Unbind his hair—did she realize what she was asking? No, of course she had no idea.

Erestor balanced on the edge, fighting a sudden impulse to let her do what she wished, to hold her and touch her in turn. But what might happen if he let this weakness take hold?

‘Nay, my dear. I would not offend you, but my hair is... best kept in its braids.’ How much effort these few words required, she must never learn.

Erestor caught Gwirith’s wandering hands and kissed them as she began to pout, distracting her with chivalrous words about her charm and beauty. The moment passed.

Long before morning, Gwirith fell asleep in the middle of a long, complicated story about an ongoing feud between two other ladies of the house. He lay down on the bed next to her, unwilling to leave without a proper farewell. Now that he was free to study her, he realized she was not as young as he’d first assumed. The lines around her eyes and a few grey hairs scattered among the brown brutally reminded him of her mortality, of the fact that in few years as he reckoned time, this body would be dust and her fëa gone from here. Yet he, Erestor, would remain, ever the same, until the end of Arda. After that... who knew?

As the sun rose, he woke her gently and took his leave with words of gratitude. Gwirith drowsily whispered one last request. Erestor, after a brief moment of hesitation, promised to do as she wished.

Then he left, walking briskly back through the waking city to prepare for a new day.

Back in his room, Erestor washed, dressed, and finally brushed his hair. The latter reminded him of Gwirith’s awed expression when she wished to unbind his braids. He studied his face in the mirror, then quickly swept the dark mane forwards over his shoulder and draped it over his upper body. He watched as the Elf in the mirror let his fingers trace a path from cheekbone to jaw, and then skip down to stroke the shining hair, feeling its texture and the heat of the skin beneath it. That Elf in the mirror had little resemblance of Elrond’s reserved advisor.

A bell rang. Startled, Erestor turned away from the mirror and quickly braided his hair. He picked up the scroll cases concerning the day’s matters, together with the satchel containing his notes, and hurried down the stairs. Nearing the meeting room, he slowed down to a walk—it would not do to rush in like a green boy—and happened to overhear a remark from within.

'Rumour has it that your stern advisor was seen in the second circle last night, visiting a house of ill repute,' a voice trumpeted. Isildur; there was no mistaking him.

News certainly travel fast in this city.

Erestor stopped to listen, for a wise advisor learned all that he could before entering a battlefield.

'Nay! Erestor would never... You know that according to Elven customs, the act of bodily union is reserved for marriage, and Erestor is a most proper Elf. He would never spend the night with a whore!' That was Elrond’s baritone, slightly upset.

Erestor smiled to himself. Well Elrond, you might be in for a surprise, he thought and continued towards the door. Just before he reached it, Isildur spoke again in a low voice. What little Erestor could hear made him stop and wonder.

'... bet he sleeps with his hands above the blankets', Isildur mumbled.

 Of course I do, Erestor thought, how else would I sleep?  

Then he remembered how on the journey the mortals would curl up under their blankets, taking care to tuck their hands in, too (some even huddled together to preserve their body heat), whereas he and Elrond slept in the natural manner of Elves, stretched out on their backs to let the stars lull them to sleep, and with their hands resting on top of their blankets. Apparently this difference had caught Isildur's attention. Why it should cause him to make a remark in that lewd tone was another matter. Erestor pushed it out of his mind. The ways of mortals presented riddle after riddle; if he were to solve them all, he would get nothing done.

Setting his face in its customary advisor’s mask—he had a reputation to keep up, after all—Erestor strode through the door and walked straight to his designated chair. He carefully arranged the scrolls on the table and hung his satchel over the back of the chair before turning towards the other two. Isildur looked uncomfortable, but returned Erestor’s greeting. Elrond merely nodded and studied his advisor, who carefully maintained his inscrutable expression. Then Elendil entered and the meeting began.

Later the same day, at a grand ceremony, Elendil and Elrond signed the treaty that concluded the negotiations.

Finally, the time came to depart from the White City. Elendil took his leave of them outside in the white-paved court. The King of Men, ever polite and courteous towards Erestor, displayed a kind affection towards his own kin. As Elendil embraced Elrond in the way of mortals, Erestor discreetly looked away.

Instead he watched a light wind carry the spray of a fountain sideways where it moistened the soil beneath a sapling tree. Its dark leaves, newly unfolded, shone in the morning sun, every once in a while showing their silvery undersides when the wind turned them over; a rich smell of fertile soil promised well for the new season. Erestor breathed deeply and turned only to see Elrond, who had finished his leave-taking, approach and bow to the little tree.

To Elrond, the sapling must seem a grave reminder of the sunken lands of his brother. Erestor watched the scene from respectful distance. Then he followed his employer through the great arch down to the seventh level where their horses stood. With them waited an honour guard and Elrond’s own retinue. Solemnly, the company wound its way down through the levels, but as they descended, Erestor felt his spirits lift, the successful negotiations and the bright sun contributing in equal parts to his improved mood.

They rode through the gate to the second level and turned into the by now familiar street. He noticed Elrond’s curious glances, but pretended ignorance. Ahead of them stood the house with the violet-blooming climber and in the window, just as he’d expected, sat Gwirith, leaning out to wave at him with her handkerchief.

When they reached her house, Erestor kept his promise and waved back to her, to the loud and wordy envy of the ladies in the other windows. Thrilled at his daring, he threw caution to the wind and blew Gwirith a kiss. Laughing, she hailed him as he rode on, her voice easily carrying over the din,

‘Safe journey, handsome. Come back and spend another night with me soon!’

Ai, the frivolity of it! Erestor cringed inside, but it was well worth it, just to see Elrond’s jaw drop.

By the time they exited the city, Elrond had recovered his usual composure while Erestor still allowed himself a smug little smile.

 

***

 

They never discussed the incident, but when in years to come Elrond would begin one of his rather tedious monologues on the cultural differences between the First- and Secondborn, Erestor needed only nod sagely and say, ‘Indeed! I remember my in-depth studies of their customs, many years ago in Minas Tirith...,’ to make Elrond founder in mid-speech and become blessedly quiet.

Oh yes, it was definitely worth it!

The End

 


Chapter End Notes

 

Erestor's mother may have interpreted The Laws and Customs Among the Eldar a little too literally. As mentioned before, the author does not necessarily share her views.

Minas Tirith was in fact called Minas Anor in those days and was not the chief city of Gondor, but it would have been a convenient place to meet.

'Gwirith' means April in Sindarin. The name is courtesy of Aearwen, to whom Erestor wishes to express his sincere thanks.

Darth Fingon kindly suggested several useful terms for which I am very grateful.

Many thanks to my friends at GoI for their helpful suggestions and continuous support, and in particular thanks to Nierielraina for continuously cheering Erestor on.

After mentioning the generous contributors, I should probably stress that any canonical errors and grammatical blunders are mine and mine alone!

 


Comments

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Thank you, Whitewave - I'm so glad you enjoyed this little story!

It was inspired by a discussion about The Laws & Customs and whether Elves actually feel desire. I still have no idea, but had a great time imagining what they might have believed themselves.

I'm terribly sorry to be so slow to reply; RL has been rather hectic recently.

Ehehehe! I really like this, Lissa. Stories that arise from provocative discussions are more often tha not funny, original and thoughtful, and this delivers on all accounts!

Erestor's discomfort/prudishness was fun to read, and you did a splendid job of getting us 'into his head'. And as other reviewers have noted, despite the light humour, there are some very deft moments of thoughtfulness - Gwirith's awestruck - innocent, even if she doesn't quite act on it so innocently ;) - admiration of Erestor, and in turn his reminder of her mortality in the small details.

That last bit is just the icing on the cake. :D And it's so nice to see a story taking place in Minas Tirith during this time, too!

Fantastic work, I really enjoyed reading this!

Thank you so much for your lovely review, Klose! I do apologize for not replying sooner - I haven't logged in lately and therefore did not notice your post.

It's wonderful to hear that you liked this wacky story and I'm particularly pleased that you appreciated the two main characters. Isn't it weird how protective one becomes of these imaginary people? *g*

As to Minas Tirith, I imagine the story to have taken place shortly before the war broke out; the city must have been at the height of its glory at this time.

 

You know, before I registered on this site, I had been book-marking stories from authors here for ages.  Some stories, in particular, stuck with me, even though I could not remember the pen-names of the authors.

This is one of those absolute favourites.  I love the banter between Elrond and Erestor, and the witty barbs they share with one another.  Erestor has this reputation for severity, and it is so funny seeing him consciously subverting it in order to wrong-foot his friends.  The scene at the end with Elrond coming over all prudish always makes me snort with laughter.

For all the laughs, though, there is a note of realism there, a note of sadness in the form of Gwirith, who is an excellent OC.  She's sharp, bold and very funny, but you've got to wonder what became of her, what events led her to take up her line of work. She must've had her fair share of troubles in her life, and I'm glad Erestor put aside his 'Most Proper Elf' status to give her esteem a little boost.  She probably needed it.

Thanks for writing this. :)

Thank you, Ada - what a lovely review!  

It's always wonderful to hear that people enjoyed my story and liked the characters. For some reason, Erestor is often portrayed as either a very sexually active Elf (to say the least) or a bit of a bore, so I thought it might be fun to turn things on the head. I also very much appreciate your kind words about Gwirith; I'm sure Erestor's farewell secured her reputation and increased her earnings for the next couple of years.

Thank you again for commenting. :-)