Swan Song by Ithilwen

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Fanwork Notes

Tolkien owns Maglor, Maedhros, Nerdanel, and the Ardaverse.  I own Aurel, Tuilir, and the minor original characters in this tale.

This fic is completely incompatible with all my other stories (especially "Comes the Dawn").  This isn't the same Feanorian family you're accustomed to reading in my previous works, but I hope you enjoy meeting them anyway.

Fanwork Information

Summary:

A terribly wounded Maglor finally makes his way back to Valinor, where he finds things have changed greatly during his long absence.  Will he be able to come to terms with his injuries and find new meaning in his life?   Warnings for psychiatric violence and medical squick, dubiously consensual (and somewhat graphic) sex, plus general weirdness.

Major Characters: Maedhros, Maglor, Nerdanel, Original Character(s)

Major Relationships:

Genre: Drama, Het

Challenges:

Rating: Adult

Warnings: Mature Themes, Sexual Content (Moderate)

Chapters: 10 Word Count: 24, 453
Posted on 7 July 2009 Updated on 9 July 2009

This fanwork is complete.


Comments

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Oh, poor Maglor. This tale is heartrending.

One song in particular… but thinking about that song led back to the lapping waves, and the dark feet… Time to stop thinking about music.

*weeps* For Maglor to not even want to think about music…

If we refuse to offer it to him, they will refuse us passage in turn, for it is their place, and not ours, to judge him. Do you presume to usurp the role of the Powers?"

Ouch. And somewhat ironic given who he's talking about.

The world had become an altogether too changeable place; he hoped home would be different.

Yes, hopefully it will be, but even Valinor changes.

I love how you showed the Valar even through Maglor's shattered perceptions.

Accordingly, the judgment of the Valar is this: that you be remanded into the custody of Irmo and Estë until such time as they see fit to release you to rejoin your kin, whereupon you may go as seems good to you.

Well, at least they finally had the good sense to place him where he's most likely to have some sort of healing.

He was proud of himself, the first time he was able to remember these things entirely on his own. It seemed an accomplishment.

*weeps* The contrast between the First Age and now…

The most I can do to a hröa in which a fëa actually resides is encourage the hröa's own natural healing process, and that has limits…"

He's never going to be fully healed, is he?

A tall man with his right hand missing, and hair and eyes like fire.

Maedhros! And how is the rest of Valinor reacting to him being reborn when they clearly don't accept Maglor?

"No, this is not the worst challenge you will all face, Maitimo; that lies ahead of you, when he has healed enough to be aware of the full extent of his injuries and the severity of his limitations…"

Ominous indeed.

I am both dreading and anticipating where this story will go. It's very difficult for me to read this because Maglor's my favorite character (as I think you've probably guessed). It's incredibly well-written-- the confusion and limitations come across so clearly I've had to walk away from my computer several times while reading to compose my thoughts in order to continue.

Such a beautiful, sad story!

Maglor's suffering;  his slow acceptance of the limitations he would have to live with for the rest of his time and accept with grace for the sake of his family; his poor, broken mind; and, almost worst than all of the above, the loss of his music: what a horrible punishment.

Wonderfully done! Am adding this to my favourites.

AWWW... I really love the last line! Through all that has happened to our poor elf, the last line seems to me the best sign that everything will be and is all right again with Maglor, his family, and especially his wife. 

I love your Aurel! Her patience, her sneakiness to seduce her husband, the way she forgave him without allowing him to treat her like a doormat. Maglor is lucky to have her. 

Yes, by the end of the story Maglor's learning to find satisfaction in his life in other ways besides singing.  He may not be a bard any more, and what happened to him remains truly horrible, but he does have a lot in his life going for him and he's not going to spend the rest ofhis time in Arda Marred being miserable.

I like Aurel, too.  My Maglor definitely fell in love with the right person!

That's absolutely what Mandos meant.  The worst they'd do to anyone is what they did to Maedhros when they denied him his hand; they'd never maim someone's mind.

And I'm glad you liked the conversation with Mithrandir!  I figured if anyone could impart some gentle healing wisdom to ur very unhappy Elf at that point, it would be Gandalf.

Yes, she's a definite chip off the Feanorian block!  But a good kid, for all of that.

Writing maglor's letter's wasn't as hard as I thought it would be - I wrote them out normally at first, then went through and flipped letters around to make them appropriately dyslexic.  The hardest part was coming up with a character for a backward e; fortunately, the Cyrillic alphabet had a character which more-or-less worked!

Maglor saw the crowd becoming restive, heard a few low murmurs of shock and disapproval, and realized that at least some of the assembled Teleri had by now apparently recognized him for who he was.

And I cannot help but wonder if some of the disapproval was for Gilhabad.

I love your description of the Noldolantë. And once I recognized the pun, I couldn't help but laugh.

The verse Maglor composed then is the perfect ending for the song-- that hope can come even from the darkest of events.

"We are not unaware of what befell you during your time in the mortal lands," Olwë said gently. "There comes a point when mercy becomes obligatory.

In in that, it also becomes pity, but a welcome pity.

*grins* I love that the two are getting married. It might be the bridge for true reconciliation.

This is a stupendous, heartrending story. I've read it through two or three times now, and the more I read it, the more I like it. While it may be dark, there is definitely light at the end of it.

I'm sure some of the disapproval was for Gilhabad (although Maglor wouldn't realize that, of course).  The kid had SOME nerve!

Maglor was rather proud of that Noldocirca double-pun.  I'm afraid I couldn't do his Noldolante justice, although I tried.

Yes, I do see Tuilir's marrying a Teleri boy as a bridge to true reconciliation between the Feanorians and the Teleri.  And isince I image the happy couple living in Alqualonde after the wedding, I suspect Maglor and his family will find themselves spending more time in that city in the future than they expected!

I'm so glad you liked the story!  Light after dark, joy after sorrow is exactly the tone I was striving for.  (Believe it or not, this story parallels  some real-life events in my distant family - something I only realized after I had written it.)

Oh, the mild sex warnings haven't come in yet after all. I suppose I'm expecting horrible terrible things to be done to our poor Maglor. I clicked especially with the tragedy of mental illness: so often it's the most promising who are struck down. These elves need to leave this Valar-forsaken land already.

Always calls it his father's star. I like that. The logic that got him onboard is rather sound. It's quite sad to see a Feanorion sit in a corner like that. Another show of just how diminished the elves have become, especially the Noldor. Good luck to their little boat. It would've been easy to read the signs different ways.

The chaos around him is always interesting to see. He'sstill not all together there. Despite everything, family is family and there's signs that they'll definitely help him. But hs wife? And despite the difficuties for Maglor, this is not the worst challenge Mae will

Aww. Sweet. I liked the way he stays confused about so many things. Maedhros is a little naughty but it's a wonderfully beautiful scene and very much like something I can imagine happening in the summer. Ah, poor Mae, always gay. :p But a happy reunion of lovers and the day after was really what I wanted to see. The heart remembers what the eyes do not.

So far, I like this one best. It really illustrates the family dynamics. Like Maglor, everyone gets caught up in his own woes. His lack of trust which makes sense in a normal world but apparently isn't applicable in Aman. The loss of his music, his voice! Without being able to express himself, he won't be able to learn about himself in the same way. Mae continues to be one-handed. Love the tragedy but p0art of me can't help but to think it's a price Feanor should be paying, not his sons.

Babies, babies! That's one sure thing to solidify a reltionship, for better or worse. It is a bit of a surprise and more deceipt here and there than I'd imagine, but that's because it's necessary. Maglor's still seeing things through a filter. Or maybe I am. Reading his recovering state while possibly drifting off to sleep. Maybe I'm imposing my interpretation onto him.

Liked the comfort that Maglor was able to provide during the pregnancy. Men just never get a clue. I liked the touch about how women fight their own battles and their victory results in a cute little baby. Their becoming so happy despite Maglor's oddity that I'm almost scared. Things should not be going well for Feanorions.

I like the letter style of this chapter and the idea that Maglor can't really right straight. It's decent enough for us to understand so that's good. The idea of shielding a child from the real world is very applicable, I think. School usually is the last place for something like that. They forgive her, he says, and yet it only takes one jerk to ruin everything for her and change her outlook. There's something about Maglor's interaction with Finarfin that reminds me of the old Feanor grudge, the pride. Better to live this simple life and sell my harp to pay for lessons than to turn to family for money. They bend their pride in some ways but certainly not in others, not when it concerns losing face in front of relatives.

It's a hard choice to him that might seem easy to us. His wife and him continue to be endearing, and another child on the way? How sweet! But it makes me think of all that she has to endure in childbirth, the pain that ends in countless years of joy, compared to the Oath and deaths that plague Maglor's consciousness. It makes me realize there are some things she just can't understand. Part of growing up is having your own family, which includes his wife and kids. But a part of me wishes he could just stay with his old family, his brothers. Of course, they might hate each other too much for that anyway.

Heart-wrenching ending. Always at least a bit sad to see a daughter "go" though she's not quite graduated yet. Proud of her song. And then the Noldolante, of course. I thought describing it as the last cinder was exactly what it is. And after that, still no longer a bard. Thhe music doesn't come and stay with him. But he has otherthings to fill his life, being a father and husband, and it's probably the way to round out one's life to find contentness. And seeing him deal with Finarfin and Olwe is kind of interesting. He's not just going through the motions of being polite. He really does have to humble himself before these kings.

* Great story. Very dramatic. Highly recommended. *

Sorry to be so very late in responding to your reviews, Cirdan - but I DID really appreciate them!  I thought it was important to show that Maglor had indeed grown in wisdom as a result of strugging to accept the effects of the lobotomy, and that this would effect how he would interact with the people he and his brothers had wrong so very long ago.  He's earned his redemption honestly.

This was beautiful, and at the same time so disturbing and painful to read. Poor, lobotomized Maglor!

 I've noticed that in modern fiction, they tend to overdramatize the effects of lobotomy a lot, but you kept it fairly realistic, and your way with words has always amazed me.

 I am glad to have found more of your writing!

I'm glad you enjoyed the story, Beatrisu.  I found this one in particular a very disturbing and difficult one to write.  I did my best to keep the discription of the lobotomy effects realistic; as a physician, it bothers me when people get medical things wrong in their fanfiction (and the real effects of lobotomy are upsetting enough that there's no real need to exaggerate them for dramatic effect). 

Definitely one of my favorite Maglor stories, and a great conclusion to the grand opera of the Feanorians' lives, or at least a passage to a gentler existence.  Maglor and Maedhros, Aurel, and young Tuilir are all written beautifully.  The last chapter is brilliant; and Maglor's confrontation with the king of the people he and his family had attacked is very powerful.

My only quibble is that I would think that Elrond might have visited his foster-father or sent a message, something...

I was a little surprised at your depiction of Maglor's judgement by the Valar, especially after reading your depiction of Mandos in Comes the Dawn and given the impediment that Maglor had been inflicted with at the story's beginning. I felt that the more merciful depiction in your earlier story was more accurate and close to Tolkien's original concept of the Valar, but I can't blame you for exploring a different interpretation for the dramatic framework of this story. Indeed, much of the uncertainty and tension from my perspective as a reader was informed by that short, traumatic passage. I have had nightmares like that.

The reading of this story has left me unsettled; however, that is not to say that the work itself is unlovely. It is a good, if emotionally difficult, story to read, and you are, as always, a wonderful writer.

Aaaagghhh as a musician reading this was torture. It was wonderfully written but seriously - if I lost the ability to even think of music coherently, there's fair chance I'd kill myself: kudos to Maglor for being strong and frustrated instead. 

What I did wonder: it seemed having him keep his braindamage was not intentional ( or so I guessed from a conversation). Weren't the Valar able to heal at least all bodily wounds? The brain is still part of the body...unless of course I somehow misunderstood and it is his punishment, like Maedhros missing his hand. It seems unfair though: Maedhros had the "oldest brother, should have stopped them" thing against him, and the rest of the brothers seem to return bodily unscated. On top of that, even Namo said he wouldn't have inflicted such a punishment on him, and he has wandered around for quite a long time already in less pleasant circumstances. Also a shattered mind seems by far a worse punishment than a missing body part, no matter how hard that would be to deal with. Poor Maglor. :(

I'm currently re-reading the story to give more accurate reviews than from my memory. This is so incredibly painful, and also was at the first reading, knowing what the procedure would mean to any person, and must  mean to a musician in particular. It is a very fitting consequence of a life lived on until our days, and showing this passing time through Maglor's eyes and perception of it works extremely well, too.

I've wept as much for Maglor at this chapter as at the first time I read it. What a terrible, terrible thing to happen to him! You wrote this so extremely well that it was even more painful to read because it is so brilliantly told. At the same time the smallest glimpses of hope for Maglor are palpable, given to him bis his now different way to see, and experience, things and the world around him. It can't indeed have been coincidence that these last elves found him, or he them, and invited him to come, and to go home, finally. I know already that it will be a difficult homecoming, but still it's a comfort to know he can at least escape the machinations of men.

"Anfauglith" for what we have made out of our lands - what a bitter and yet so fitting description!

Yes, there are some suggestions...

Tolkien never thought much about the way, *normal*, not kingly elves would make their lives.

It was told about Caranthir, he made some trade with dwarves, and of Cirdan, he sold them pearls, but nothing ever mentioned to feed a whole nation...