Rise Again From Ashes by Independence1776

---

Chapter 13

---

One week later, I stared at the blue formal blue tunic lying on my bed. I had forgotten how much I hated the things, especially if they were heavily embroidered. Too much and it was hard for me to move, and I was never one for ostentatious displays. Thankfully, this one wasn't-- only a small pattern worked in silver thread along the hems-- because I hadn't let the seamstress do any more than that. I resigned myself to wearing the stiff garment and slipped it on, settling it against the thin undertunic. I brushed some tan dog hair off the black trousers. Tirn was definitely staying here tonight.

I stepped out of my sleeping area into the larger room, quickly checking the clock to make sure I wasn't running late. It was still early, so much so that it would be ridiculous for me to leave now. I sat down at my desk and looked over the music once again, even though I had memorized it days ago. At last, it was time for me to leave. I slipped my boots on, locked Tirn on the house, and headed down the path. I studiously didn't think of my upcoming performance, but was growing more and more nervous about the feast preceding it. There, for the first time, I would be seen by people who didn’t live in the House. People had at least grown used to seeing me, but I could not anticipate all the reactions of the guests. Especially the two I would have preferred to not meet…

As I approached the main house, more and more people dressed in their best garments walked along the path, and not a few greeted me. From some of the conversations I overheard, I knew that some were wondering what I would be singing-- for that had been spread the day I agreed to do so-- but only Elrond and I knew. I hadn't even told Glorfindel the one time we had been able to talk this past week.

Because I was too nervous to speak to others, I proceeded to the dining hall, where I was led to a place setting as far as possible from the table where Elrond presided. It didn't bother me-- I had expected to be seated in such a spot and would have been extremely uncomfortable at any other place. People would have to strain to stare at me, save if they were seated at the high table. And it let me have a bit of space, given there was only a thin aisle between me and the wall. No one could approach me without my knowing.

I wasn't the only one who was seated at this point-- the hall was about half full. I spent the time looking at the various colorful outfits, knowing I stood out through the sheer simplicity of my outfit, but I didn't care. This wasn't the court in Tirion, and I wasn't trying to impress anyone. I tried to avoid the stares of the guests, but most people were polite enough to nod in greeting when I acknowledged them. Elrohir waved at me in greeting before making his way to the high table-- the room was growing too crowded for him to do anything else.

When all were seated and the room was full, the feast began after Lord Elrond spoke a simple welcome. I ignored the high table after that, not wanting to accidentally meet his parents' eyes. Furthermore, though the people seated around me were perfectly pleasant and the food delicious, I hardly ate anything compared to them, only a bowl of soup and a slice of bread. I hadn't been this nervous about a performance since I was a child. Finally, the interminable feast ended, and the lord and lady of the House led us to the Hall of Fire. I was one of the last into the room to leave, but I made my way through the crowd to the small alcove were the musicians were gathering. I sank onto a padded bench and listened to the murmurs of the crowd as they settled in. Lindir smiled at me while tuning his harp. I smiled back and started running my song through my head one final time. It would not do to forget it now.

“Are you sure about the order?” a woman holding something like a saxophone asked me.

“I'm certain. If I perform first, I’d leave immediately after.”

She grinned. “We would not let you. Where is your violin?”

“Home, of course. I wasn't planning on playing.”

Lindir broke in, “There is probably one around here that you can borrow. You will be playing dance tunes, because some of us would rather not be chained to our instruments all night!”

I laughed but agreed. Fair enough, though I knew that I would be returning home long before many so I could avoid certain people. Elrond signaled to the first group of musicians, and the festivities began. I remained where I was, as did several other singers, while the first group of musicians started playing dance tunes. I listened intensely, not having heard the cadences and embellishments before. The first set came to an end, and Lindir stepped in front of the group and started to sing. I grimaced, knowing that after he was finished, I would be the one standing in front of the crowd.

Guts clenching, I slipped out of the alcove and made my way to Lindir's location. Once the final song was halfway through, I moved forward, careful to stay in the shadows as he had done, until the song was over. Only then did I step in front of the musicians. The hall went silent, few people even daring to fidget.

I glanced at the crowd before deciding to focus my gaze on no one in particular, staring at one of the carven pillars forming the doorway into the room. I took several deep breaths, slowly letting them out, and began to sing.

I lost myself in the lyrics, counting beats with a barely tapping foot, because I had no instrumental accompaniment. The melody was simple at first, but became increasingly complex as I continued singing about Frodo and Sam’s trials. By the climax, I was singing at the full extent of my range. I ended the song softly, evoking the supposed peace of the Undying Lands.

Once the song was over, the room was silent, causing me to hold my breath for a fear-filled moment and then a wave of applause burst forth. I bowed and slipped back into the shadows. Once back in the alcove, I sank onto the bench I had vacated just minutes before and sat there, hands hanging loosely between my knees. I had expected polite applause from who didn’t know me, not open admiration. Even Eärendil had had a smile on his face, though Elwing did not. Someone broke into my thoughts and handed me a cup of wine, which I gratefully took, and slowly sipped it, regaining my composure.

Either that, or they were stunned I could still sing as well as I once had. I grinned wryly. I hadn't let my skills decay in Middle-earth-- singing was often the only way I supported myself. But from the looks of respect that even the musicians gave me, I knew that I couldn't shortchange myself. My musical skills were obviously still appreciated.

Once Lindir saw that I had relaxed, he thrust a violin into my hands and requested that I take his place among the musicians. Thanks to my growing friendships with the others with whom I performed, they knew exactly what music I did and did not know. After two sets, a woman relieved me and Celebrían pulled me onto the dance floor despite my protests. Once she released me, I thanked her and retreated to the musicians' alcove.

I ended up playing four more sets before heading home. Due to the increasing levels of drunkenness, I was far from the only one who was doing so, though it was mostly families with children. Most of the people whom I passed called out congratulations to me, and I acknowledged them with a wave, too worn out to do anything else. Once home, I took Tirn out for a short walk and then went to bed, managing to fall asleep rather than run the performance over and over in my mind’s eye.

* * * * *

Two days later, I stood in front of Elrond's study, fighting the urge to run and nervously rubbing one of Tirn's ears as he calmly sat next to me. I took a deep breath and knocked. Elrond immediately pulled it open, a sympathetic smile on his face.

“I wondered how long you would stand there.”

“Forever, but I figured your patience would eventually disappear.”

He laughed and opened the door wider in welcome. “Come in then,” he said, closing the door behind me. I sat down in my accustomed spot, a wooden chair near the desk, but Elrond surprised me by sitting in the one next to me. Tirn settled on my feet and began to lick a foreleg. I looked down at him, not wanting to meet my foster son's eyes.

“Maglor, you do not have to do this.”

“Yes, I do. If your sire is willing to talk to me, then I cannot forgo that opportunity. Too much rides on how he reacts, for I know that no matter what happens, things from our conversation will not remain private.” I met Elrond's eyes. “I need this, Elrond, if only to apologize.”

“Are you sure?” he asked, leaning forward. I nodded. “Then you should be aware that my mother will not be there. She still has problems with your family--”

“Most of Valinor does, Elrond. I can hardly expect one who I wronged so grievously to be any different.”

“Elwing understands. She does not want to relive the memories that will be brought up by this conversation. She may talk to you eventually; she may not.”

“Like my mother,” I sighed. “I know why I have to prove myself over and over, but I'm already tired of it.”

“Talking with Eärendil should help. I know for certain that he and Tuor were rather tired of discussing Middle-earth by the time the Host of Valinor left for Beleriand.”

“Strategic knowledge is one thing; my actions are another. I deserve to be forever imprisoned in Mandos, Elrond. It is a mercy that I am not.”

Elrond leaned back in his chair. “On the contrary, Maglor. The time you spent on Middle-earth was spent in reflection and redress. Your father and your brothers are paying that penance in Mandos. No, your punishment is far different, and in many ways far more difficult. Your punishment is to live.”

I sank down in my seat as much as possible. To live? That was my punishment? I was tempted to laugh, but I knew it would be bitter. To live. Yes-- to face those I killed, those lives I destroyed, the ever-present suspicion. Yes, living was a punishment, one I wouldn't dare to escape, for the consequences were far worse. I finally nodded. The Valar, for once, knew exactly what they were doing.

I met Elrond's understanding eyes. “Thank you. I needed that perspective.”

“You are welcome,” he said warmly. “Now, are you ready?”

“Yes.” I nudged Tirn with my foot, waking him. We followed Elrond out of his study and down the hallway to a room I had never been in before. It was empty, and I knew that if I had so desired, Elrond would have called off the meeting at that very moment. That alone made me realize the depth of feeling my foster son held for me. Once he made sure that I truly wished to do this, he left the room to find his sire.

I sat down on the couch, making Tirn lie in front of me, and looking around the white room, decorated here and there with pale woods. The large windows-- as usual for the rooms on this side of the building-- overlooked the Sea. The floor was hardwood, with a few tan woven rugs scattered around. There were only three books placed on a low table on the far side of the room, but I wasn't tempted to browse. I would be meeting Elrond's biological father for the first time. This would be one of the hardest things I had ever done. I could only hope it went calmly. I didn’t dare hope for well.

Tirn leapt to his feet when the door opened, and a tall man with golden hair stepped into the room. I glanced behind him just in time to see Elrond smile at me and then close the door. The soft thud echoed slightly as I stood up and bowed, and then waited in silence for Eärendil to speak.