Rise Again From Ashes by Independence1776

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Chapter 25

The epilogue will be up next weekend.

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Four days later, I signaled my horse to stop and I dismounted. The ring of thrones was directly in front of me, and I couldn’t tear my gaze from it. Everything that had happened here, both in the First Age and now… Being here was one of the last things I wanted. I brushed off my tunic as best I was able, knowing the sooner I entered it, the better.

“Father?”

“I should get this over with.”

“You should clean up first. You are a mess.”

I faced Elrond reluctantly, uneasy about turning my back on the Máhanaxar. “Promptness or cleanliness?”

Narmincë-- who I was surprised and delighted to see-- said, “The Valar have bodies-- I do not think they want to smell horse.”

I laughed. I was in enough trouble; I didn’t need to offend them. We mounted our horses and the two led me to the inn Elrond and I had stayed at during my first trial. I swiftly bathed and changed into something more formal before walking to the Ring of Doom, leaving Tirn with Narmincë. I ignored the other Elves who followed us. I could not concentrate on anything but what would shortly happen, not even Narmincë putting aside her anger at me in order to be here.

I stopped at the edge of the stone paving. I closed my eyes, ignoring the empty thrones, taking deep, measured breaths to calm myself. I could not afford to panic. When I opened them, I was looking directly at the Elder King. I stepped into the center of the now-occupied ring, bowed only as deeply as protocol demanded, and stood in silence, refusing to squirm under the harsh stares of the Valar.

Manwë spoke. “Maglor Fëanorion, we had hoped that we would not be forced to call you before us.”

So did I, I thought to myself, knowing better than to be flippant no matter how dearly I was tempted.

Mandos said, “What part of ‘Thou shall do nothing to cause a disturbance of the peace of Valinor’ did you not understand?”

I blinked. “I understood it perfectly. I did not travel to Alqualondë to instigate a fight, but rather to visit my mother. You cannot-- and should not-- hold me responsible for the actions of others.”

“But did you do enough to ensure that your presence would remain undetected?”

“That is impossible to answer, Lord Mandos. I had a cloak on with the hood up and spoke to no one. I do not know how my attackers were able to recognize me.”

“Did you do anything to attract attention?”

“I examined the memorial, placing my hands on it.”

“Could someone have seen your face or your right hand?”

“It is possible, though I deliberately made no eye contact with anyone and the outside of my hand is not visibly different. The scar is on the palm, as you well know. I did not realize I had been recognized until the sword was drawn.”

Manwë leaned forward. “You were given leave to defend yourself. Why did you not before you were injured?”

“If I had struck first, no one would have been willing to defend or help me. Secondly, the Teler had a sword. I was not armed, as per your strictures.”

“Why was Tirn not with you?”

“The weather and the fact that he would draw unwanted attention to me.”

“Why did you not stay near Telepevola?”

“The conversation was in modern Telerin, and I could not understand it. I did not anticipate a problem if I examined the memorial.” I spun slowly in a circle to look at all the stony-faced Valar. “I went to Alqualondë to visit my mother. I did not deliberately start a fight. I did not deliberately break the peace of Valinor. I fail to see the reason why I am on trial when I was viciously attacked and rendered unable to defend myself, or even to escape.”

Mandos answered, “So you avoid all culpability for your actions?”

I turned to face him. “I did what I could do in order to remain unrecognized. Vola was within hearing distance. I believed myself safe enough.” I took a deep breath and slowly let it out. “I do not appreciate being forced to defend myself for a situation I had no control over. People have the right to walk in public in safety. If you want to blame someone for breaking the peace of Valinor, blame the men who attacked me.”

I turned back to the Elder King, not taking my gaze off his inscrutable expression. It was a risk speaking my mind, but I could not back down. I had not been forbidden to visit the city, and more importantly, I had not started the fight. I stood there in silence as the sun slowly moved through the sky. From the minute changes of expression on the faces of the five Valar I could see, I knew they were speaking mind-to-mind. My fate would be decided shortly, and I was not privy to their discussion.

The Doomsman finally said, “Maglor son of Fëanor, we have reached a decision. Given you are not entirely at fault, though we believe you hold some blame, we must tighten your restrictions. Thou are not allowed to travel outside of thy city, save to Lord Elrond’s House. If thou otherwise attempt to leave the city in which thou live, Maiar will escort ye to Valimar, where thou will dwell until we see fit to release ye. Dost thou understand?”

I thinned my lips. “I do.”

Manwë nodded and the Valar disappeared with a crack of inrushing air. So my freedom to travel with Elrond’s permission had been revoked. It was unnecessary, an overreaction, and insulting. When had I made any plans to travel, save for this trip to visit Vola? I had flatly refused to perform in any venue outside of my city, though people continued to ask. I snorted. At least now they would have to stop.

I shook my head and walked out of the empty ring. To my surprise, only Elrond and Narmincë waited for me. She handed me Tirn’s leash and we started back to the inn. When I asked my wife where the crowd went, she said, “None of us could hear what was being said, so they left. A trial it may have been, but it was private.”

“I’m not surprised, given they felt the need to partly blame me for what happened. And private-- or semiprivate-- trials… They never mean anything good.”

Narmincë stopped walking and stared at me. “So they punished you for something other people else did?”

I nodded, distracted by the sight of the two dead Trees over her shoulder. I had ignored them the last time I was here. Now, I couldn’t. I excused myself and climbed the gentle green rise of the Ezellohar. Once on top, I craned my neck, looking at them, black against the brilliant blue sky, recalling the good and the bad. I laid my right hand on each trunk before returning to my family, who were standing on the side of the road, giving me a bit of privacy.

I shook my head when Elrond wanted to continue the conversation, and the rest of the walk to the inn was spent in silence.

* * * * *

One week later, Elrond and I rode into the courtyard of the House, my wife having separated from us to return home. Unlike the last time I lived here, I had a room in the family wing, which Celebrían made a point of telling me meant I wasn’t in serious trouble. I smiled, knowing that was true. There was nothing else Elrond would do to me, given he had confessed on the journey that the Valar had punished me exactly the way he would have. That had caused me to raise an eyebrow at him at the same time I asked for a painkiller. I truly did not need or want to think of the Valar and my foster son conspiring against me (not that Elrond would, given his feelings about the Valar). And yet, trials conducted in private meant that anything could be spread about what I said or what my punishment was, no matter that I had already told several dozen strangers on the way back. People would always assume things weren’t fully told. I refused to contemplate what secret trials meant on Middle-earth, and what the difference was here. The Valar weren’t evil, but neither did they truly understand human society, and what implications could be found over something innocent. Still, the Valar hadn’t punished me as much as they could have. That was something I had to keep in mind.

Rather than eat in the main hall the second night I was there (the first night I spent with my family), Glorfindel dragged me to dinner with his wife, where I had an enjoyable evening with my friends, talking on the beach about nothing in particular. Tirn enjoyed playing once more in the surf. I spent the next couple of weeks relaxing, though the first day I was there Elrond examined me to make sure that I truly was healed. As expected, I was fine, save that my left hand was stiff enough that playing my violin, as well as the Telerin flute, was difficult, but the range of motion exercises were helping. I could only hope they would continue to, so I could resume my performances. Three weeks in, Glorfindel, Nárë, and I had a long, involved conversation about my trial that lasted until nearly dawn. They both felt it should have been public, for my sake and for the Valar’s. The Valar had mostly left the Eldar to govern themselves, and this touched dangerously on the border of becoming too involved in what had already been handled internally, though Nárë also felt that my trial had happened so they could prove they were keeping an eye on me. It was as likely an explanation as anything else. But I still wasn’t happy with it.

After two months, I asked my son if I could return home. He agreed, partly because my hand was as healed as it was going to be, but mostly because there was no reason for me stay. I wasn’t forbidden from visiting, after all. Glorfindel and Nárë came with me, to visit other people they knew in my town. Once they left a week and a half later, Narmincë, true to her word, made me sleep in my studio, though she hadn’t been near as furious as she originally had been. Distance and healing (as well as a joint focus on the injustice of my punishment) helped. But she still didn’t want me sleeping with her. Rather than get into an argument about it-- I’d given her enough grief to last the rest of our lives to fight about something trivial-- I acquiesced. It wouldn’t last long; it never did.

My friends in the town sympathized about my punishment, though the Vanya suggested that maybe the Valar had tightened that restriction for the express purpose of giving me some relief from those pestering me to perform in other cities. I looked at him in horror. “I do not want to think of them micromanaging my life-- or anyone’s. They know better, especially with a Fëanorian.”

He grinned and wheeled down the ramp while I took the two steps from the tavern door to the ground. “Ah, but you forget they care. And do not tell me you would rather have them not care, for if they did not, you would still be in Middle-earth.”

I stopped in my tracks and stared at him before heading home. He grinned cheekily in farewell and wheeled in the opposite direction. If that was true… I sighed. He could very well be correct. But I rather thought it was Elrond-- and possibly Ilúvatar-- who had pushed for my return. The Valar… There was still a large part of me that thought they would rather have had me remain on Middle-earth.

As I walked home, Tirn at my side, I couldn’t help but notice, as compared to when I first arrived here, how things had changed. People had ignored me then, and though that still occurred, it wasn’t as frequent. They greeted me on the streets, not giving Tirn and me unnecessary space. They had relaxed around me, something I had assumed would never happen. I reached home and shut the gate behind me, letting Tirn off the leash to run around. I lay on the grass and looked up at the brilliant stars, focusing on the Valacirca. Yes, it was a sign for the Enemy that they still watched, but it was also possibly a sign for the Children that they still cared.

I looked over at Narmincë as she settled herself next to me. I shifted slightly and placed my left hand in hers. It stunned me sometimes, when I thought of everything we had gone through and how we still loved each other. Quiet moments like this-- I hadn’t dreamed of them in my exile. It hurt too much. And to have them now meant everything. We hadn’t forgotten, but we had moved on. So we lay there together, discussing the stars and singing softly some of the ancient songs.