100 Days of Silence by just_jenni

Chapter 3

Part Three: Escaping Inevitability Is Not Possible

The first time we turned our love into physical reality Haldar asked me to be the dominant one, saying that he would lie on his stomach, allowing me to take him from behind. I worried about the size difference between us but he reassured me that it would not be painful for him.

"For when we feel this love between us and the strong bond we hold, we should not feel pain. I will not let you all the way in if I feel it beginning to hurt. And I will finish you to your satisfaction." He stroked my hair, smiling while gazing deeply into my eyes.

"I want to feel your silky hair caressing my neck and shoulders while you take me."

"Is my hair that important?" I asked, whispering into his ear while nuzzling the side of his neck. I felt eager and ached to cover him with kisses. I could feel my arousal and was powerless to stop it.

"I love your hair," he said simply. "I have never seen any like it. It is glorious fiery like the sun and flames combined yet feels as cool to the touch as a spring flower in the rain."

I laughed. "I too am fascinated by your hair," I told him. "All the lovely fuzz that covers your entire body - the touch of it arouses me." I caressed his chest hair, then let my hand wander along his stomach to his belly, enjoying the feel of the rougher patch below before coming to rest between his thighs. I enjoyed his low moans of contentment when I gently squeezed him and took him into my hand. Eventually I rolled him onto his belly and took him as he had asked from behind, as delicately and softly as I could.

When it was over I bent my head and kissed the back of his neck where it creased into the top of his shoulder.

There were a myriad of ways in which we could have separated. The decision had probably been made for us before we met since we both carried the weight of guilt for abandoning our families and it had lain more heavily upon us than would our own separation which did not come about because of mutual loathing.

For my part I realized that not only was my rightful place with my family at this time but so was Haldar's. Eventually we may decide to leave our families once again because of our convictions but we could not see what lay ahead for us in the far future.

I had thought of a plan - I would return to the camp where I last saw my brothers with hope that they would still be there. Once reunited I would explain to them my true feelings about war and fighting, and then take my leave of them once more, Ambarussa by my side, and we would travel into the unknown lands west of here where we might find a place to make our home. I was sure that my twin would accompany me.

Haldar desired to rejoin his family to help them in battle, defeat the enemy and then build a fort that he and his father had discussed doing, then live out the remainder of their short lives together.

While I hated the thought of ending our relationship I realized that we were on different paths and our destinies required different obligations from each of us. If we should meet again in future that would be our ultimate destiny but it could not be of our making alone.

I realized the machinations of war that I despised so much were created by my father and Morgoth in their mutual desire to kill each other. One of them was surely destined to die and I felt it was not going to be Morgoth. I must try to reach my family before its eventual lasting separation. For me to leave them at this time was not the way I wanted our lives together to end.

Haldar and I held each other very closely in that last moment together, neither of us wanting to let go. Surrounding us in our little clearing nature was at its most vibrant, as though it had donned its best finery for our leave-taking. The sky was clear blue with a few scattered clouds. There was a gentle breeze that ruffled our hair and raised goosebumps on our skin. Early spring flowers had burst into bloom overnight, scattering rich colors over the verdant grass. Our little stream sang its bubbly song of farewell to us and we cried fresh tears to hear it.

"Goodbye, my dear friend," I whispered, breaking gently away from his warm grasp. "I lament that I know not if we shall ever meet again."

"Farewell, beautiful Amras," Haldar cried. "If you do wish to look for me after some time has passed, my home will be in Thargelion in the west near Lake Helevorn."

I promised that I would do my best to try to find him and we stepped away from each other. I released his hands that I had grasped in my own and felt the acute pain of parting.

"I will try my best to find you, " I whispered again.

I mounted my horse and rode away from him, looking back only once. He was disppearing into the undergrowth from where he had come. Turning my steed to the east, I began my journey back to my family.