The Redemption of the Noldor by Cirdan

Chapter 10 (Version 1)

Cirdan was bereft of Finrod's friendship in all his days in Middle Earth thereafter. At the end of the First Age, the hosts of the Valar made war on Angband and defeated Morgoth. Eonwe called all the Elves of Middle Earth to Valinor, but Cirdan did not depart with them. He did indeed desire to be reunited with his kin at Alqualonde, but he loathed to depart from the lands where he'd met Finrod Felagund. Besides, his heart told him that his purpose in Middle Earth had not yet ended. Beleriand was destroyed in the War of Wrath, but Lindon, where Finrod had first met Mortal Men and thus learned to love, remained. Cirdan dwelt in Mithlond between Forlindon and Harlindon. In the Second Age, Cirdan saw the rise and fall of Numenor. He fought with Gil-galad against Sauron, who had slain Finrod. In the Last Alliance of Elves and Men, Cirdan saw the fall of the last High King of the Noldor. In the Third Age, Men were tested and taught, and Aragorn, the descendant of Earendil the Blessed, reclaimed his kingship. Sauron was defeated. When the Bearers of the Three Elven Rings and the Bearer of the One Ring came to Mithlond, Cirdan felt that his time on Middle Earth had come to an end. He set sail for the West and at last came to the Blessed Realm.

On the shores of Eldamar, the ships of Cirdan were greeted with trumpets and cheers. The arch of living stone over the entrance of Alqualonde was decorated with flowers. The lamplit havens were new to Cirdan, yet they seemed familiar to him. At last, after countless years, he was home. As the ship docked, Cirdan searched the crowds and found who he did not expect but had hoped to find.

Finrod stood by the pier among the House of Olwe. The sun had set, but here in the Blessed Realm, that was the time of greatest light. Finrod's golden hair caught the light of the sun that streamed between the mountains. Strings of pearls decorated his braids, and a circlet of silver and diamonds graced his brow. His raiment of gold and green were bejeweled and more splendid than any finery that Cirdan had seen on Middle Earth. Most beautiful of all were Finrod's eyes, which shone like Gil-Estel, the Star of Hope. And although Finrod took note of his sister Galadriel, he mostly watched Cirdan, and the love between them was rekindled.

Later, Cirdan learned that Finrod was the First Noldo of Middle Earth to be released from the Halls of Mandos, for he had saved Beren and aided in the Quest for the Silmaril, which had enabled Earendil to come to Valinor on behalf of the Two Kindreds. Finrod's willingness to love and be loved also played a part of his early re-embodiment, for he accepted the love and rule of the Valar without regret or bitterness.

Six days passed before Cirdan and Finrod were able to spend some time in private together. They walked along the beach of Valinor in silence for a long time, for words could not wholly express their joy at reuniting. Cirdan remembered when they'd first met at the Feast of Reuniting by the pools of Ivrin, when Finrod had first shared that beautiful, secret smile. After a while, Finrod took Cirdan's hand, thus making it clear that, although he'd been free to choose another, he still loved Cirdan. At last, they stopped to sit on the beach. Their hands remained joined. It did not seem to matter that Cirdan alone of the Eldar had aged like a Mortal Man.

"Do you remember that night on the Cape of Balar when I first returned your love?" Finrod whispered. Elven memory was said to be excellent, but Cirdan did not remember Finrod's voice to be so fair and melodious.

"Of course," Cirdan said. "My love for you remains still, and often when the shadow lengthened in Middle Earth, I returned to that night for comfort."

"It's not the love of a kinsman, is it?" Finrod searched Cirdan's bright eyes. 'It's more like the love between a man and his wife." Cirdan nodded. He felt the same way. "I would like to explore and learn more of this love that we share."

"As would I. Our time together after we'd come to love one another was far too short." Cirdan touched his lips to the backs of Finrod's hands. Cirdan had not expected Finrod to already be released from the Halls of Mandos. He was one of the leaders of the Rebellion of the Noldor. But now that Cirdan knew that Finrod was living in Eldamar and still loved him, Cirdan knew what it was he wanted. "If you are of the same heart and mind as me, then let us be wed here in the Blessed Realm."

"How can we? Two men do not marry."

"If you're not opposed to the idea, then let us entreat the Valar to grant us the grace of marriage. Your sacrifice for Beren has surely won you great favor among the Valar." Cirdan stroked his long silver beard. He'd become accustomed to it over time and thought of it as a mark of Ulmo, who also sported a beard. "I have been Ulmo's vassal since the day I desired to sail to Valinor and was asked to abide instead on Middle Earth. Undoubtedly he'll speak on my behalf." Cirdan searched Finrod's shining eyes and saw great love in them. The lessons of love that Finrod had learned on Middle Earth had been enhanced in the Blessed Realm. Finrod was at peace with himself in a way that had never been possible before. His love for himself enabled him to love others more truly and fully. "Merely say the word, and I will do all that I can to convince the Valar to let us wed."

Finrod drew Cirdan's left hand, now aged and wrinkled, to his smooth cheek. "Many Elves who sailed West before you told me that you had become old and gray. Instead, I find that you've become more beautiful. The signs of aging are but a mark of your caring for others and your grief at their passing into death or to the West. This tender heart that has aged you like a Mortal Man is also the reason I love you so much. Some say that if you stayed in Lorien, tended by Este's servants, you would be healed and rejuvenated. Even if that is not the case, still I would want to wed with you. If the Valar permit it, then I will gladly put my hand in yours."

"Even if it does not come to pass, I consider myself blessed that you bear such love for me and would be willing to bind yourself to me."

Finrod kissed Cirdan's palm. "Is there any reason we're only exchanging declarations of love? I haven't tasted your lips for thousands of years of the Sun. If that memory of our night on the Cape of Balar is as sweet to you as it is to me, why not create a new moment to cherish?"

Cirdan chuckled and felt his cheeks flush. "I'm afraid my beard might irritate you."

"Let me decide that." Finrod drew Cirdan to him, and they kissed. Finrod's lips were more confident than before, and he chewed lightly on Cirdan's lips. When they drew apart, Cirdan saw the brightness in Finrod's eyes, and all lingering doubt about their compatibility and relationship fell away. Cirdan thought that he'd be satisfied holding hands and gazing into Finrod's eyes, but his eagerness to share his love with Finrod was greater than expected. Finrod looked too earnest and ready to love. Seeing Cirdan's sudden wave of impatience, Finrod laughed. "It's not like you to be impatient. You were able to wait over 10,000 years before seeing the Blessed Realm."

"Then my impatience should show you how much more you mean to me than even the Blessed Realm." Cirdan kissed the back of Finrod's hands. Then Cirdan stood and stripped himself.

Finrod laughed again. "You can always dance for me as you undress," he suggested mischievously.

Cirdan smiled and shook his head. Finrod was delighting far too much in Cirdan's uncharacteristic impatience. Once naked, Cirdan ran into the water and dove into its depths. Cirdan wondered if his love for Finrod was truly stronger than his love for the Sea. Though Ulmo dwelt in the Outer Ocean as he had from the beginning of Arda, his strength here was still very great, whereas in Middle Earth, his powers in its waters had dwindled over time. The presence of Osse and Uinen was stronger than it had ever been in Middle Earth. The music of the water was not merely that of waves. In it, Cirdan heard an echo of the very music of the Ainur, and Salmar, who had crafted the horns of Ulmo and came never to the waters of Middle Earth, was present and cast his spell over the sounds of the Sea. Here also dwelt the Oarni and Falmarini and the long-tressed Wingildi, the spirits of the foam and the surf of ocean. Cirdan had long been acquainted with the foam and surf, but he'd never met the spirits that controlled them. The Maiar of the Waters, who were the servants of Osse and Uinen, greeted Cirdan as a kin long sundered.

Cirdan burst from the water's surface and was among them. The Oarni danced around him in joy, and their music filled the air so that the shores of Eldamar sang as it never had before. Cirdan knew that it was not Valinor that he desired but the Waters of Valinor, which were indeed greater than the waters of Middle Earth. Cirdan threw his long silver hair back and then joined the Maiar of the Waters with his own song. He sang the same song that he had sung to Finrod by the pools of Ivrin, and then he added to it and sang about the awakening of their mutual love at the Cape of Balar after Finrod had at last come to understand the love of the Valar for the Elder Children of Iluvatar through his love for the Younger Children of Iluvatar. And though Cirdan raised his voice in music for the spirits of the water, Cirdan's bright eyes were fixed on Finrod the Beloved. Cirdan felt Osse and Uinen, attracted by the lovely voices and stirring of the Sea, join the many presences of the waters. After a moment, they appeared in forms like the Eldar on the water's surface atop great waves like thrones. Cirdan turned from Finrod and bowed his head to the Lord and Lady of the Seas. He knew that Osse had always loved the voice of the Teleri, and so Cirdan voiced his plea as the last stanza of his song. He begged them to prevail upon the Valar to permit the marriage between himself and Finrod so that they could dwell together thereafter in love as spouses.

Lady Uinen spoke, "Cirdan the Shipwright, Lover of the Sea, you have been the loyal vassal of Ulmo since the early days when you first build simple rafts to float on the waters of Cuivienen. Your thoughts and desires were known to him as soon as you first touched the Waters of Valinor, and your prayer has been granted. Lord Ulmo went before the Valar in the Ring of Doom even as you sang with the Oarni, and the Valar grant you the freedom to choose Finrod Felagund of the House of Finarfin as your spouse."

"But the Statute of Finwe and Miriel still stands," warned Osse. "If you wed with Finrod, neither of you may wed with another. A man cannot have two wives, or in this case, two spouses."

"I desire no other, unless it be the Sea itself," Cirdan said

The great Lord and Lady of the Seas then looked to Finrod, who still stood upon the shore but could hear all that transpired. "I too desire no other," Finrod said.

"Let it be," Osse said in a booming voice. "Come to my House in Valmar. The two of you shall wed before Ulmo, and the Maiar of the Waters will be your witnesses. Then will the Eldar know the decision of the Valar, and you may hold a second ceremony among your own kin."

Cirdan and Finrod obeyed, and soon after the wonders of the day had passed, they traveled to Valmar. The House of Osse was fashioned of pearl, and its floors were of seawater. Tapestries like the glint of silver skins of fishes decorated its walls. And it was roofed by foam. The handmaids of Lady Uinen dressed Cirdan in robes of silver like the starlit foam of the Sea. They braided some of his hair and added strings of pearls partially engulfed in silver shells in his hair. Then he was brought to the Reception Hall of Osse's dwelling. Finrod was guided to Cirdan's side. Finrod's robes were soft and pure white like the plumage of a swan and decorated with glittering crystals. He wore a circlet of platinum, and chains of gold and silver bells hung from the circlet amidst his bright golden hair.

Cirdan and Finrod joined hands, walked together to where Ulmo awaited them, and knelt before the King of the Sea. Ulmo had chosen to appear in a less fearsome form, but it was still full of majesty and power. His voice was as deep as their love. He spoke kindly and highly of their love and the understanding that had brought them together. They would be accounted among the great unions of Arda, named alongside Thingol and Melian, Beren and Luthien, Tuor and Idril, and Aragorn and Arwen. The strange fate that had brought Cirdan and Finrod together would raise the awareness of the Eldar, and Arda would be made more glorious. Osse and Uinen brought forth rings of platinum, and Cirdan and Finrod exchanged these and sealed the ceremony of matrimony with a kiss. The Maiar of the Waters raised their voice in song at their union.

Later, Cirdan and Finrod were again joined in marriage, this time before their kinsmen, and Ingwe, High King of all the Eldar and Cirdan's friend of old, performed the ceremony. The tale of this union of two men later became a symbol of pure and unselfish love. It had begun with the love that the Valar bore for the Eldar, and it was fulfilled when Finrod learned to love Mortal Men. This same love between different Kindreds was reflected in the odd fate that brought two men of the same Kindred together in great love. The Fall of the Noldor had been the breach of love between kinsmen, but the past sins were forgiven and, instead of revenge or bitterness, love between kin like the love between Cirdan and Finrod was sought. Thus, in the discovery of such a strange love, Finrod not only redeemed himself but also all the Noldor.

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This ends the tale of "The Redemption of the Noldor."

Chapter End Notes

Author's note: Caritas and cupiditas are regular, accepted ideas of love in the Middle Ages, and Tolkien, being an English professor, would have been well-aware of them. I suspect it does play into his Silmarillion world. The Oarni are mentioned in the Book of Lost Tales 1. I wanted to show the Maiar of the Waters and stole the name from Lost Tales 1, but the issue of a happy relationship in-canon with the Silmarillion shouldn't be related to some water spirits.