The Redemption of the Noldor by Cirdan

Chapter 8

During the Days of Long Peace, Cirdan saw Finrod infrequently. This didn't change Cirdan's feelings for Finrod because the memories of the times they spent together were clear and ever-present in Cirdan's mind. When over 300 years had passed since the Noldor had come to Beleriand, Finrod again came to visit Cirdan at Eglarest. Cirdan immediately knew that something wonderful had changed in Finrod's heart, for he was at last as Iluvatar had intended Elves to be, loving and beloved.

Finrod was high-spirited and energetic. Rather than their normal leisurely walks by the shore or gentle boat rides, Cirdan suggested that they ride to the Cape of Balar on horseback. Cirdan was one of the few Elves of the Falas to own a mount, but Cirdan rode infrequently so most of the time Earroch, his great foam-white horse, was free to wander the lands near Eglarest with the handful of other horses owned by the Falathrim. Finrod was surprised but pleased by the unexpected suggestion. Cirdan blew on a narrow horn of shell to call Earroch to him.

Watching Finrod atop his galloping horse was like watching the sun rise for the first time. Finrod's long golden hair streamed out behind him, and his body leaned forward with eagerness and grace. The Sea beside and before him seemed to be only a backdrop created to frame Finrod's perfect form. Finrod looked back to Cirdan, who was a good rider despite his infrequent riding. Finrod's face was brimming with happiness and vigor. Then he smiled like rays of sunshine, and Cirdan's racing heart was filled with love. Finrod let out a cry of joy, and the winds of the Sea caught his exhilaration and brought it to Cirdan's ears. Finrod's voice mingled with the sound of the waves to create a music more unforgettable than even the great white horns of Ulmo.

When they stopped to rest their horses, Finrod at last spoke of the cause of his great joy. He had met the Aftercomers. Mortal Men had crossed the mountains of Ered Lindon, and Finrod had met them in a valley among the foothills of the mountains below the Springs of Thalos. Love had welled up in his heart for them as he'd watched them sing and then sleep. He spoke about the song that he had played on one of their rude harps and their beauty as they'd slowly awakened to his song. Men were not as fair as Elves, but Finrod felt a tender love for them that was unlike anything that he'd felt before. He marveled that the Noldor had believed the lies of Morgoth, that Men were usurpers of the Eldar's rights to Middle Earth. He spoke of the coming of still more Men from the East. And when Finrod had dwelt among the Mortal Men for a year and desired to return to his own country, Beor had begged leave to come with him. With much delight, Finrod had taken Beor into his service, and his people were now living in Dorthonion, Finrod's northern lands. Finrod spoke of his intentions to return to visit the Edain with eagerness, and the light in Finrod's eyes expressed his love for Mortal Men.

At last, Finrod fell silent, having said all that he could of Mortal Men and now losing himself in pleasant thoughts. Finrod seemed a different person now. His love for Men filled him with purpose and being. As beautiful as he'd been, Finrod now seemed to be the person he was meant to be, and that fulfillment of self made him even lovelier than before.

"The love you bear for Mortal Men is similar to that which the Valar feel for the Elves," Cirdan said aloud. "Your love for Beor and his people drove you to bring them back to your lands. In the same way, the Valar's love for the Elves drove them to invite us to the Blessed Realm in the West."

Finrod looked at Cirdan with surprise. "I had expected you to listen to my tale of joy, but never did I expect such words of wisdom. You're right, of course." Cirdan could see Finrod's mind turning from Men to his own people, the Noldor. Finrod looked out over the waters of the Sea, towards the West. "I think I understand at last that which you've been trying to teach me. The Valar were not angry at our departure from Aman. They were angry that we rejected their love and the love of the Teleri when they sought to turn us from folly. When my father turned back to the Valar in sorrow, he was acting out of love for the Teleri, the Noldor, and the Valar."

"You acted for love of the Noldor and the sons of Fingolfin, whom you would not abandon," Cirdan said gently. It was necessary for Finrod to learn this lesson, but the lesson of love would be for naught if he turned to despair and guilt for his past sins.

"I did. But Olwe was right when he said that it may be the part of a friend to stop another friend's folly." Cirdan was losing Finrod to dark thoughts and regrets.

Cirdan moved in front of Finrod, blocking his gaze westward, and took the younger Elf's hands. "If you had not left Aman, I would not have met you, and my life would have been diminished without your friendship, which I hold dearer than life. If you had turned back to Tirion with your father Finarfin, you would not have met Mortal Men, whom you love, and your life would not have been enriched from your love for them." Cirdan took his hands from Finrod's and placed them on the sides of Finrod's head. Finrod's golden hair was soft and pleasant to touch. Cirdan rose onto his knees and gently kissed Finrod on the forehead. Then he moved so that their eyes were level. "Evil shall yet be good to have been, so decreed Iluvatar when Arda was first marred. Learn from the past, but look to the future."

The shadow passed from Finrod's gray eyes. "The Fall of the Noldor was, above all, the rejection of love, the love of and for the Valar and the love between Elfin kin. But as you say, evil shall yet be good to have been." His voice dropped to a whisper, and the sounds of the waves in the night touched his words like before so that the music was unlike any that Cirdan had heard before. The moonlight shone in his golden hair, and his eyes were bright like stars. "The Redemption of the Noldor shall be the love that they discover and rediscover in Middle Earth, and it will be more glorious than it would otherwise have been." He moved forward and brought his arms up around Cirdan even as Cirdan's hands came down Finrod's face to rest on his shoulders. Their lips met and they kissed each other as if it'd been mutually agreed upon in advance. Finrod's lips were firm yet supple. Cirdan felt his love returned in the meeting of their flesh. "Here I've discovered love for Mortal Men, but I've rediscovered a different kind of love for my kin. I do not know how this came to be, but my heart has turned to you."

"I will remember this moment above all others in my long life as an Eldar," Cirdan said. He meant what he said. This moment of bonding between him and Finrod was more precious than even the times that Ulmo had spoken to Cirdan and shared a part of the vision of Iluvatar.

"But I fear that we will not often be able to see each other," Finrod said. "My heart bids me to teach Mortal Men, and I must maintain my kingdom."

Cirdan ran his fingers along Finrod's mouth. "Then let us cherish this memory as evidence of our mutual love. For a ship to reach its full potential, it needs a wide sea. Before, you were only a lake. Now that you've opened your heart, you've become a sea, and your heart can at last set full sail. I do not begrudge your love for Men. Do as you see fit, and return to my harbors when you tire of your voyages."

Finrod smiled, a small, slight upturn of his lips that caught the silver moon. "The memory of you as you are now shall remain ever clear and unstained henceforth in my heart and shall neither fade nor grow stale." They passed the rest of the night lost in each other's eyes. In the morning, they rode back to Eglarest.