Maeglin's Choice by chrissystriped

Chapter Seventeen

The sea was rushing under the keel of his ship, wind swelling her sails. He stood at the helm, guiding his ship towards the west, where he hoped to find his parents. He ’d tried to find them for so long, but every time he tried to sail west, he was pushed back by storms. But this time… he realised there was light around him and when he looked down he saw that he wore the Nauglamír.

“ Find us”, a voice called from the west, deep and resonant like the depth of the sea. “You have won a great battle, but Morgoth is still not vanquished. Find us, your people cannot win this war alone. Find us and something good may come of it.”

Earendil woke with a start. Elwing made a protesting sound beside him as he sat up and rubbed his face. He didn’t think for a moment that this had been a normal dream. This had been a Vala’s message. Ulmo wanted to find Aman and he’d shown him the means. The Silmaril held great power.

Earendil looked at the jewellery box, where Elwing kept it. She wore it only rarely. She’d told him it tired her to have the Nauglamír around her neck. But her people thought it was bringing them luck and plenty, so she wore it at the beginning of the sowing season and at the feast at the end of harvest.

They still lived at the land point close to Balar, although they also spent a lot of time travelling up north with his father’s people. Earendil thought it important to stay in contact with the leaders of the villages who’d taken him as their lord. It would have been easier, if the Doriathrim could have been persuaded to move to Nevrast, but they refused to live under the rule of a noldorin king. They suffered Earendil, but he knew they saw Elwing as their ruler — he was only her consort.

Earendil smiled down at his sleeping wife. He was alright with that, he liked to think they were equals. He wondered what she’d say, if he told her that he needed to take the Silmaril to sea. Would she understand it? She was very possessive of the thing. Earendil himself felt ambivalent about it. He could understand why she was attached to it, considering the family history, and when it shone on her chest, she looked beautiful — but it was a terrible beauty that made him shiver. To him, she was much more beautiful without it.

And he’d also never forget how the twins had clung to his legs, trying to hide from her, when they’d seen her wear it for the first time — they hadn’t recognised her as their mother. He knew that had broken Elwing’s heart a little, she'd kept it locked away since then.

Elwing opened her eyes and looked up at him. “Come to me, love, I’m cold.”

Earendil embraced her, smiling as she snuggled into him.

“I’ve had a dream”, he said softly, licking his lips.

“Mmh.” Elwing rubbed her eyes. “A dream?”

“A dream about the sea, about travelling west.” Earendil hesitated to continue. “I… heard a voice. I think it was Ulmo. He told me to find them, so Morgoth can be defeated. I… I wore the Silmaril in my dream I think, I need it to find the way west.”

“No.” Elwing said. “No, Earendil, I love you, but I can’t give you the Silmaril!”

“Let’s talk about it in the morning”, Earendil answered.

Elwing sighed, but she didn’t argue. Despite his words, Earendil lay awake for a long time, it was already starting to dawn when he finally fell asleep again.

They had left the twins with Elwing’s old nurse — who was always happy to take them for a few hours — and were walking along the shore of the lake beside the village they were currently staying in. Elwing knew the look on Earendil’s face as he watched the waves.

“You are leaving again, don’t you?”, she said, failing to keep the strain from her voice.

“The sea is calling me”, he answered. “Elwing, I’m sorry.”

‘And what about your children’, she thought. ‘Will you let them grow up without a father.’ But she swallowed the words. Earendil hadn’t set foot on a ship since she’d told him she was pregnant and she’d often seen how hard it was for him to deny the call of the sea.

“About my dream…”

“No, Earendil.” Elwing stopped and looked hard at him. “I won’t let you take the Silmaril to sea.”

“But if it might help me find my parents?” There was pain in his eyes and Elwing didn’t have the heart to tell him that his father was likely dead by now — Tuor had already be old when he and Idril had gone missing at sea.

“I understand that”, she said gently. “But the Silmaril is all I have left of my family. I can’t just give it away.”

“Yes, of course.” Earendil kissed her hands. “It’s just… I feel so strongly that it is the key to… if not to my parents, then something else. Ulmo never delivered on the promise he gave my grandfather.”

“Turgon doesn’t seem to be worried about that”, Elwing countered. “You and me, we perceive the passing of time more like Men do. If elves experience it so differently, think of how little time must have passed in the eyes of the Valar since your people abandoned Gondolin and chose to free Hithlum.”

“Maybe.” Earendil’s eyes had strayed North. “But Morgoth doesn’t sleep and we can’t fight him alone. We might be able to hold Hithlum for a while, but not forever, if he sets his mind on us. Grandfather stuck his neck out in attacking the Easterlings. Ulmo made a promise, they have to help us.”

“There is still the Doom on the Noldor.” Elwing shuddered, thinking of the things that had led to it.

“And they have suffered for it.” Earendil looked at her. “I know what you see in your nightmares, my love, but shall people, who were not even born when the Doom was spoken, suffer for the sins of their parents? I can’t believe the Valar are that cruel. Someone has to tell them.”

“I wish you wouldn’t think it had to be you.” Elwing embraced him. “But I won’t hold you. Come back to us.”

“Always.” Earendil kissed her gently. He did not ask for the Silmaril again.