Maeglin's Choice by chrissystriped

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Chapter Three

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Maeglin felt as well rested as he hadn’t in weeks when he woke. He’d slept dreamlessly and waking was peaceful, too – he felt safe. Rog was gone, but he hadn’t expected him to sit at his bed the whole day and watch him sleep. Maeglin pulled the curtains back and saw that the sun was already lowering in the west. He’d slept the whole day. Not that that was unusual for him. It had been normal in his childhood, at least when Eol was home, and he still liked to work in the night.

Maeglin dressed and hesitantly reached for the bell. He wanted to speak to Rog before he went home, wanted to explain that he wasn’t always so whiny and needy. Rog had given him what he needed and he hadn’t seemed to mind very much, but he didn’t want to alienate him. He knew where Rog’s office was, but maybe he wouldn’t be there and he was a guest here, he didn’t want to presume to wander around the house alone.

But his stomach was roiling nervously when he thought about meeting a stranger, even if it was a servant. Maeglin gulped and wiped his hands on his trousers. Rog had said yesterday that everyone in his house would be able to understand what he had endured in Angband, but that wasn’t his only concern. He’d always been too different. Yes, they’d treated him with respect, he was the nephew of the king, after all, and he’d earned the respect of the soldiers under his command in the Nirnaeth, but he was still only half-Noldo and that wasn’t enough.

Maeglin would have liked nothing better than to hide in bed again and wait for Rog to come to him, but what an impression would that make on Rog? Before he could worry about it any more he rang the bell. Now there was no going back. He paced around the room restlessly and flinched when there was a knock on the door and an elf came in.

“What can I do for you, my Lord?”, she asked.

Maeglin nervously laced his fingers together. “I wondered if Rog would have time for me? Could you take me to him?”

“Of course.” She smiled at him and he saw that she was wearing artificial incisors. “He asked to be told when you wake. Please, come with me.”

Maeglin followed her, not sure if he should be relieved that she didn’t seem to wonder about him having slept here. What might she be thinking? Did she already know what he had done? Rog sat at his desk and wrote something. He had stacked the folders and loose sheets to both sides of him so he had place to write. It was a mystery to Maeglin how he could work like that.

“Did you sleep well... Maeglin?”

Maeglin heard the hesitation before his name and remembered with a shock that he’d asked Rog to call him by his amilesse. He felt hot and he was sure that his face had become red. He barely noticed Rog dismissing his servant with a thank you.

“Very... very well”, he stuttered.

“You asked me to call you Lómion yesterday”, Rog said seriously. “And if you still want that, I’ll do so gladly. But I understand that it is a very personal name for you and if you think differently about it now – you were drugged – I won’t be insulted.”

Maeglin bit his lower lip nervously. He wanted it, he just didn’t know if it was proper to ask it of Rog. Rog had called him wanuro and he felt like family, although Maeglin knew he had no right to think like that when he’d kept away from Rog all this time – only turning to him when he’d needed his help. He nodded quickly.

“If you don’t mind?”, he whispered.

“Why should I?” Rog smiled at him.

“it’s just... would you mind to still call me Maeglin, if someone else can hear. It would seem... wrong in public.”

“Whatever you need.” Rog just nodded, as if he didn’t think anything strange about it, but that made Maeglin only more nervous.

“Rog... I just wanted to say, I’m not always so... so needy. It was a hard day and...” He fell silent because he didn’t know how to continue. “I’d better go now.”

Rog laid his hand on his shoulder. “I don’t think that you are needy. Maeglin, you were hurt and tried to hide that for I don’t know how long. I know it is often not easy to ask for help, especially with something like this, because it means to show someone your inmost being. But it is nothing wrong with needing help and you don’t jar on my nerves, or whatever you think. I’m here for you, whatever you need from me.”

“Can I do something for you?”, Maeglin asked embarrassed.

“In return? No. But I’d be happy, if we could spend more time together – if you want that, too.”

Maeglin nodded vehemently. “Yes, I’d like that!” Although he felt awkward in opening up to Rog, he felt like a friend already – family, as he’d said – and he wouldn’t give that up.

“Good. You have a standing invitation, come whenever you like. Here or in the forge. You can stay now, if you want?”

Maeglin shook his head. “Thank you, for everything, but I... I need a little time for myself.”

“Of course. We’ll see each other later, when Turgon is ready to give us his decision.”

Maeglin bade him goodbye and went home. He hoped Turgon would decide to give up the city. Rog was right, they wouldn’t be able to win against Morgoth in the long run.

 

Idril slipped through the door and closed it quietly behind her. Her father was brooding over his documents and looked very unhappy.

“I said I don’t want to be disturbed”, he said and looked at her, but he said it only softly.

Idril sat down on the visitor’s chair and took his hands in hers.

“You know what is the right decision, father”, she said gently. “You knew the day would come and you knew that it is here when Tuor found his way to us. We have to leave.”

“It is dangerous.” He gave her a tired look. “The last time... I lost your mother and so many others.”

Idril kissed his cheek. The memory of her mother was a golden dream – father had smiled more back then – but she remembered the nightmares after the Crossing and the fear of losing her father, much more vividly.

“This time we don’t have to brave the Ice”, she whispered and shuddered.

“But we don’t know what awaits us on this road. How many are we going to lose? I have to do what is best for my people.”

“Surely the best can’t be found in a city that is going to be besieged. Ulmo wanted us to leave, we’ll be under his protection again at the sea. Please, father, I’m more afraid of what could happen if we stay than of the dangers of the road.”

Her father looked silently at her for a long time, then he kissed her hands.

“You think we should listen to Rog? You think he doesn’t exaggerate?”

“Well, I never saw Morgoth’s armies with my own eyes, but I think Rog knows what he is talking about”, Idril said seriously.

Her father took a deep breath and closed his eyes, then he nodded. “I just thought...” He sobbed. “I wanted you to be safe here. I thought I would never have to send you on such a journey.”

“Oh father!” Idril walked around the desk and sat on his lap, embracing him tightly. “I was so happy here. I was safe. Don’t think that it isn’t hard for me to leave Gondolin behind, but... it’s time.”

Her father nodded and held her close. “You are right of course. I hope it isn’t too late already. Ulmo surely had a reason to send me Tuor at the time he did it.”

“I have hope”, Idril said and leaned her forehead against her father's.

She didn’t tell him of the tunnel she had started to dig in reaction to her dreams, it looked like she wouldn’t need it now.