Piecing our Lives back together by chrissystriped

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Chapter One

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Nolofinwe rushed to the eagle who had alighted at the border of their camp. When Findekáno had vanished, leaving only a letter where he said that he had gone to search for his cousin, he had thought he’d lost another son after Aracáno. And now he was back! He stumbled when he slid off the eagle’s back – a favour of Manwe? – impeded by the elf he held in his arms.

Maitimo... when Nolofinwe had heard that he was Moringotto’s prisoner, all his anger at him had vanished. Maitimo had betrayed them, but he hadn’t wanted him to fall into their enemy’s hands regardless - no one deserved that.

“Findekáno!”

Nolofinwe embraced his son, Maitimo’s unconscious body between them, Findekáno had wrapped him in his cloak, he could feel how cold his son’s skin was.

“You are alive!” He kissed his temple. “You scared me so much. I’m so happy that you are back. How is...”

“He is alive”, Findekáno answered, fatigue clear in his voice. “Barely. He needs a healer.”

“Of course.”

Nolofinwe ordered two of the people who had run together to carry Maitimo.

“No, I...”, protested Findekáno.

“You can barely stand, Findekáno, let them help. You did enough.” He had done what no one else had dared. Nolofinwe sent another elf to alert the healers – although he didn’t think anyone could have missed the giant eagle. “I’m so proud of you, my son.”

Findekáno smiled at him tiredly and let him lead him after the elves who carried Maitimo. Nolofinwe could only see his hair, it was so matted and dirty that it looked black, and a deathly pale cheek.

‘Barely’, Findekáno had said...

But he was here now and his healers would take good care of him. Feanáro’s sons didn’t have a lot of friends in his camp currently, but he would personally see to it that Maitimo would be treated well. Findekáno pushed the healer’s hands aside when they entered the infirmary.

“No, I... I’m not hurt, just tired. See to my cousin.”

Nolofinwe saw the pleading look Findekáno gave him and nodded to Alandur.

“Take care of Prince Maitimo’s wounds.”

‘King Maitimo?’, Nolofinwe thought absentmindedly as he helped Findekáno, whose legs threatened to buckle, to sit down on an unoccupied bed.

A helpful nurse brought a pitcher with water and a cup and Findekáno gulped down the first cup. Nolofinwe was just ordering a meal for his son, when he heard a sharp gasp from the healers. They had pulled close a curtain to be able to work without distraction, he couldn’t see what was going on, but Findekáno hid his face in his palms and started to cry.

“I had to do it”, he sobbed. “I couldn’t leave him hanging there. I had to.”

Nolofinwe sat down beside him and embraced him and Findekáno sought refuge in his arms like he hadn’t done since he’d been a child. Nolofinwe caressed his gold-threaded hair, the braids tangled and halfway undone.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He longed to find out about Maitimo’s condition, but here was his son, exhausted and hurt and he needed him. He could do nothing for Maitimo right now, but he could comfort his son. Findekáno nodded sobbing.

“He... they chained him to a cliff. He hung from his wrist and there was no way to reach him. Oh, father!” Findekáno hid his face at Nolofinwe’s chest, he could feel his tears dampen the fabric of his shirt. “He begged me to shoot him. And I thought... I thought that was all I could do for him. I prepared to shoot. I almost killed Maitimo! But the eagle came and I thought it would all be well, but the shackle couldn’t be loosened. And I... I didn’t know what else to do! I hacked off his hand!”

Nolofinwe held his son tight while he shook with sobs.

“You did what you had to do to save his life”, he whispered. “We have him back, thanks to you.”

“It was so awful, father”, Findekáno whispered. “How he screamed... and all that blood. I can’t stop thinking that there must have been another way! I missed something!”

Nolofinwe shook his head and kissed Findekáno’s hair.

“My brave son, don’t be so hard to yourself.”

A servant brought a bowl of soup and Nolofinwe reached for it.

“Eat something and sleep. And when you wake again and are rested, we’ll take it from there.”

“But I can’t leave him”, Findekáno protested weakly, but he slowly drank his soup, his lids heavy.

“Then sleep here and I’ll watch over you both.”

Findekáno looked up at that. “You aren’t mad at him anymore? You were so angry.”

Nolofinwe shook his head. “It’s not the time to be angry.” He helped his son to undress – the nurse provided a clean nightshirt – and tucked him in, kissing his forehead, like he had done when he had been a child. “Sleep, my son. I love you and I’m proud of you and so relieved that you are well.”

Nolofinwe sent silent thanks to Manwe, he didn’t doubt that he had sent the eagle to save Findekáno and Maitimo, as unbelievable as that was after the Kinslaying and the Doom. He caressed Findekáno’s hair until his son had fallen asleep.

 

Maitimo woke with tense muscles – he couldn’t remember when he’d last woken feeling safe. He was in a bed. His breath quickened. That couldn’t be good! He hadn’t shown any interest in him since he’d chained him to that cliff and he’d thought that a good thing.

As bad as the pain in his shoulder and wrist had been – the agony of being at the mercy of the elements: Rain, snow and hail so cold he thought he’d never be warm again; the sun (a wonder when it had risen for the first time) that had burned his skin and parched him until he thought he’d die of thirst – it was favourable to what He had done to him, even if it had happened in a soft bed.

And now he lay here, warm and the pain endurable and feared what would come. He realised that he was whimpering with fear and jumped when a hand caressed his forehead.

“Don’t be afraid, Maitimo. You are safe.”

This voice... not His. So familiar. But... that couldn’t be true. Maitimo opened his eyes warily.

“No”, he croaked. “You aren’t real.” He was hallucinating. It wouldn’t be the first time that family members visited him, he didn’t know if it was his own imagination or if Moringotto had a hand in it. “We left you.”

‘Nolofinwe’ smiled sadly.

“We came across the ice and when we heard that you are a prisoner of the Moringotto, Findekáno went to rescue you. Don’t you remember?”

Nolofinwe had a strange look in his eyes. Maitimo frowned and winced, his skin hurt. There had been a song he had answered, almost sure that it wasn’t real.

“There was an eagle...”

A cough wracked him, his throat felt as if something tore inside. Nolofinwe reached for a cup and helped him drink. Maitimo felt tears run down his cheeks. An eagle and... he tried to pull his arm from under the blanket but he couldn’t move it. Maitimo bit his tongue to stop a scream as pain shot through his shoulder.

“Don’t!” The order in Nolofinwe’s voice made him freeze. “Your shoulder is hurt, but the healers think you’ll be able to move it almost normally again if you take it slow.”

“What did Findekáno do, uncle?”, he whispered. There had been blood, so much blood. There was a droning in his ears.

“Maitimo.” Nolofinwe gently stroked his hair “Try to breathe slowly.”

“What did he do?”

Maitimo heard how panicked he sounded. A part of him tried to tell him that he didn’t need to get frightened, this wasn’t real after all, but... there was so much pain in Nolofinwe’s eyes.

“He saved your life, Maitimo, but to do that...” Nolofinwe threw back the cover and Maitimo stared at his arm lying in a sling and the heavily bandaged stump of his right hand. “He didn’t have a choice, Maitimo”, Nolofinwe said with tears in his eyes.

The droning in his ears became louder, blackness bloomed at the edges of his vision. He didn’t hear what else Nolofinwe said to him when he sank back into soft, merciful darkness.

 

When he woke the next time – was it possible to sleep in a dream? – Findekáno sat beside his bed. He flinched when he noticed that Maitimo looked at him.

“You are awake! Do you need anything? Do you want me to call for a healer?”

Maitimo shook his head numbly. He had not forgotten what Nolofinwe had shown him – he wished he had.

“Why didn’t you kill me?”, he whispered hoarsely. “I begged you to kill me, why didn’t you?”

Findekáno’s pain was visible on his face, tears filled his eyes.

“How could I kill you when there was the possibility of saving you!”

Maitimo sobbed, he didn’t feel saved. “And what am I to do now without my right hand? I’m useless. A cripple.”

And it wasn’t just his hand. The memory of what... He had done to him was like a festering wound in his soul. What would Findekáno, what would Nolofinwe, think if they knew what he had allowed to happen to him? He turned laboriously on his side, his back to Findekáno. He didn’t want to look at him. He heard Findekáno cry softly and his aching heart broke a little more.

“Russandol”, Findekáno whispered finally. “Please, I... if there hadn’t been a way out, my arrow would have killed you. It would have broken my heart, but I would have done it! I’m not sorry to have saved your life, you are my best friend and...”

“Am I still?”, Maitimo interrupted him. “I betrayed you. I allowed father to burn the ships! My brother is dead! And you... you could have died on the ice!”

He sobbed. What had they done?

“But I am alive.” Findekáno made to touch his shoulder but when Maitimo flinched away on instinct he laid his hand back in his lap. “Many others are not and yes, that is your fault, but...”

“I tried to stop him”, Maitimo whispered and cringed, it sounded like an excuse.

He should have been more vehement, he shouldn’t have given in. Ambarussa would still be whole and Findekáno and Nolofinwe would have never had set a foot on the ice. So many dead who wouldn’t have died.

“I wanted to fetch you, but father was so... you know how he could be and that was a hundred times worse.”

“Oh Russandol”, Findekáno sounded so gentle. “I forgive you for not succeeding to persuade him. You are my friend, you never stopped being and even when I thought you’d abandoned me, I couldn’t leave you in the hand of our enemy. Can you...”, his voice broke and he started again. “Can you forgive me that I... had to do what I did to save your life?”

Maitimo gulped and pulled the blanket down. The stump still lay in a sling, the injury throbbed – not even real pain after all he had survived. 

“I don’t know”, he whispered.

He knew that he hurt Findekáno with his words, but he couldn’t imagine a life where he could do nothing himself.

“We’ll find a way, Maitimo.” Findekáno touched his shoulder gently and this time Maitimo didn’t flinch away. “You are king now. And if you let me, I’ll be on your right side.”

Maitimo turned around to look at him. King. Of course... his father was dead. The pain flared up in his heart. He hadn’t thought of his death for so long. King...

‘No’, he thought. ‘I won’t wear the crown.’ But Findekáno he told: “I wish we could be friends again.”

Findekáno smiled at him. “We are, Maitimo. I never stopped being your friend.”

Maitimo smiled back through his tears. If Findekáno could really forgive him his deeds, maybe he could forgive him the loss of his hand.

“Let me sleep, Finno”, he murmured. “Please, leave now.”

The thought of falling asleep while he was being watched, made him so afraid suddenly. Findekáno nodded silently and vanished between the curtains that separated his bed from the rest of the room.