A New Life in an Old Home by chrissystriped

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Chapter Two

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Maedhros smiled at his mother who sat beside him on the stone-bench. They’d both cried a little at their reunion and then moved to the garden, Ambarussa had vanished with their grand-parents to give him and Nerdanel some privacy. Maedhros breathed the sweet scents deeply, the garden was the pride and joy of his grand-mother and he remembered many happy hours playing quietly with Maglor in the shade of the old willow.

He stroked the petals of a rose blossom with the tips of his fingers. It still felt a little strange to have his right hand back — he vaguely remembered that he’d made the decision to be reborn with it.

“I take it, Lauremíre did not accept Curufin back into her home?”, Maedhros asked. “Curufin didn’t talk about her at all and I didn’t poke him, but…”

Nerdanel sighed. “He waited too long to speak to her, she took it amiss and he’s too proud to beg her for forgiveness again. If Tyelpe were here to mediate between them, maybe... but the things that happened between them…” Lauremíre had opposed Curufin in Nargothrond and had stayed with Tyelpe when her husband and Celegorm had been chased out. She’d died when the dragon came.

“He’s not ready, yet”, Maedhros said softly. In Mandos he’d hidden from everyone, but Tyelpe had been one of the people who’d been allowed to find him anyway and Maedhros had immediately understood, why. His nephew had been in so much pain -- pain Maedhros could understand so well. (He’d pointedly ignored the feelings of love the boy had felt for his torturer.)

He knew better than to suggest intervening themselves. Curufin didn’t like his family to meddle. Nerdanel reached for his hand and held it between both her own.

“I’m so happy that you finally are, my son. Do you have any plans? There would be room for you here, if you want it.”

Maedhros kissed her cheek. “I’d love to settle here.” He’d always gotten on well with Mahtan. “But there are things I need to do first. Beyond that I don’t dare to make any plans.” He did not even dare to think too much about the immediate and unavoidable future. He was quite sure that seeing Nolofinwe with Anaire would break his heart.

“Of course. Just know that you have a place in my heart and home, always.” Nerdanel laid her hands on his cheeks and kissed his forehead and Maedhros felt tears prick at his eyes again.

“I love you, amme”, he croaked.

 

~*~*~

 

Maedhros knelt before the two thrones and bowed his head. It was a day of audience, a lot of people were there but it had become deadly silent when he was recognised.

“King Arafinwe, King Nolofinwe, I greet you.”

“We are happy to see you alive, nephew”, Arafinwe said and motioned for him to stand up with a smile. “It’s ‘Maedhros’ now, yes?”

“If it pleases you, Your Majesty.” Arafinwe had of course never called him that, but he wasn’t Maitimo anymore.

“You can choose your own name, Maedhros.”

“I want to assure you of my loyalty and obedience to you. I stand by my abdication.” He felt a sigh of relief go through the hall, as if they’d expected something else.

“And we welcome you in Tirion, Prince Maedhros. Know that we view your punishment for your deeds served in death and that my father-in-law is of the same mind.”

“Thank you”, Maedhros croaked, bowing deeply. “May I thank King Olwe in person?”

Arafinwe nodded. “That would be welcomed. I will inform him that you ask for a conversation.”

“Thank you.” Maedhros risked a glance at Nolofinwe who hadn’t said a word. He looked pale, his lips narrow and Maedhros’s heart sank. He didn’t look happy to see him.

“You have a long journey behind you, Maedhros. Surely you wish to rest. There’ll be time to talk later”, Arafinwe said and Maedhros bowed a last time to his uncles.

“Yes, Your Majesty. Thank you”, he said and retreated.

 

He hadn’t walked far when he heard quick steps following him. Maedhros turned around and saw Fingon hurry towards him with a huge smile on his face.

“Maedhros!” He stopped, a step short of embracing him. “You’re returned!” He reached for his hand — his right — and kissed his knuckles. “Whole.”

Maedhros hugged him. “I don’t think I ever thanked you properly for rescuing me", it was long over, but he felt that he needed to say it. "Thank you. You have always been my best friend. I love you.”

Fingon hugged him back. “My dearest friend. I love you, too. Have you spoken to my father, yet?”

“Not in private. I don’t think I should… I mean… your mother…” Maedhros stuttered, not sure if Fingon wanted him to talk to his father.

Fingon smiled at him. “Talk to him. I don’t know to what conclusion they came, but she did take him back after he told her about you.”

Maedhros felt awkward just thinking about that conversation between Anaire and Nolofinwe. “Thank you”, he said. “For your blessing.”

Fingon shrugged and blushed. “I want you happy — all three of you if possible. Did you have a tiring journey? I’d like to talk to you, but if you feel exhausted…”

“I’m not too exhausted to spend time with you.” Maedhros smiled at him. “Your room.” Fingon nodded and steered them down the hallway.

 

Nolofinwe knocked at Maedhros’s door. He’d quickly taken his leave from his brother after the audiences were over. He had to talk to Maedhros in private. He’d wanted to embrace him when he’d entered the throne room, had been hard pressed to not burst into tears — making everyone see what he felt for him. Maedhros opened, a startled look came to his face before he bowed deeply.

“My king”, he said. “I didn’t expect you.”

“Can I come in?”, Nolofinwe asked.

“Of course.”

He could understand that Maedhros was nervous. The things he’d done… but he tried to feel it as they propagated it. Everyone who was allowed to leave Mandos was considered to have served his sentence. He’d been relieved when Olwe had agreed, although he knew that not all Teleri were happy about it.

“Maedhros.” He embraced him as soon as the door was closed. “I missed you so much.”

Maedhros pulled him closer and sobbed into his shoulder. “You idiot!”

Nolofinwe laughed surprised. “I am the idiot?”

“Yes!” Maedhros looked at him with anguished eyes. “Can you imagine how it was for me — for me and Fingon — when you fell. Single combat against Morgoth?! How could you? How could you do this to us?”

“I… didn’t see another way”, Nolofinwe answered hesitantly. He still remembered his anger, his despair after the Dagor Bragollach. It had been the moment he’d seen that they’d never win against Morgoth. He had known he couldn’t defeat Morgoth in single combat either. “I thought, we were lost. I wanted to at least try to take revenge for my father — for what he did to you — before he defeats us.”

“And it didn’t occur to you what your death would do to us?” Maedhros asked agonised. “It hurt so much to hear of your death! If I hadn’t felt so strongly that I couldn’t leave my brothers to fulfil the Oath alone, I would have died then and there.”

Maedhros held him so tight that Nolofinwe could barely breathe. “I’m sorry”, he whispered. “I’m so sorry. I…” He took a deep breath. “Would you like to punish me for the pain I caused you, my prince?” He wasn’t exactly sure where they were standing with each other, if Maedhros would want to come back to that or not.

Maedhros stepped back a little and looked seriously at him. Nolofinwe missed his warm arms around him already. “I thought, all crimes are considered atoned for in death?”

“They are. But we were close and some things are too personal to bring before a court. Some things have to be worked out in private.”

Maedhros cupped his cheek with his hand — his right hand, his body was as unblemished as before his captivity — and Nolofinwe leaned into the touch. “How could I punish you for this, when I did so much wrong myself. You must have been so horrified to hear about my crimes.”

“I was”, Nolofinwe said and felt Maedhros wince. “I thought, I knew you and then I heard about you murdering innocents — in the name of the Oath. I almost couldn’t believe it. But you’ve been in Mandos for a long time and I know that the way Námo heals is not easy and how the longing for a body is pain and punishment. I was horrified, but I know what despair led me to do and I think it also was despair that led you down this dark road.”

“Better if I’d thrown myself against Morgoth like you did”, Maedhros said bitterly. “And do less harm that way. But thank you for your kind words. I… do you really want to continue our relationship? What about your wife?”

“My wife knows. After I came back… I felt I needed to tell her, so she knew everything about me before deciding whether she wanted to take me back or not. She knows that I’d want to continue this relationship with you, if you came back. Now that you are, we’ll have to talk again, but… I hope we’ll find a way to come to an arrangement favourable for all of us. So the answer is yes, if you’ll have me, I want to be your núro again. I love you.”

Maedhros had tears in his eyes as he leaned forward to kiss him. “I do not deserve this”, he whispered against his lips. “But I will give you whatever you want. I love you, too.”

Nolofinwe didn’t think that was exactly the right mindset, but they’d have time to work it out. Maedhros must still feel unbalanced from returning to live. He knew from own experience that it took a while to get used to it again.

 

“I heard, Maedhros is back”, Anaire said, when Nolofinwe sat down with her for dinner.

“Yes, he is.”

She could see that Nolofinwe was trying to not show her how happy that made him, but he was practically glowing. “And you still want to be with him.”

“Yes. With you both, if I can. I’m sorry.”

Anaire sighed, trying not to be jealous. She’d known this would happen if Maedhros was reborn, but now that the time had come… “You expect me to hide this secret for you. Are you sure the Valar won’t intervene?”

“They didn’t the first time. This is between me and you, Anaire. If you tell me to stay away from him, I will. It will hurt, but I will.” His joy had dampened at the thought. Anaire knew he’d do as he said if she asked it of him, but he would be miserable. Would he come to hate her in time for keeping him away?

“I don’t ask it of you”, she said. “I want to believe, that your love for him won’t lessen your love for me.”

“It won’t.” Nolofinwe reached over the table to touch her cheek. “I love you. I won’t leave you for him. Maybe something is wrong with me that I can love two people, when there should be only one, but I can’t change it. I’m dependent on your goodwill.”

“I don’t want you to feel that way”, Anaire said, leaning into his touch. “You don’t have to be grateful for my decision. I love you and I want you to be happy. I won’t force you to stay away from someone you love. And I want you to be able to have your desires fulfilled. I can’t do that. Be with him.”

Nolofinwe smiled at her. “You are wonderful, my love.”

“I’m not sure, I won’t be jealous. I’ll try not to be.”

“If you ever feel that way, tell me, I’ll want to know. I care.”

“I want to see him. I think we should be both there, when he hears of my decision.”

“You are right. I won’t hide from you when I’m with him. I did that enough. I’ll be honest with you.”

It felt good to hear him say that. She realised the idea that he would meet Maedhros without her knowing it, had bothered her. The knowledge that Nolofinwe wouldn’t hide from her eased her heart. Maybe she wouldn’t be jealous after all, if he shared it with her.