A New Life in an Old Home by chrissystriped

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Chapter Five

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Maedhros heard whispers behind him as he followed the guard, who’d awaited him at the entrance to the city, across the market place towards the palace. Just his luck to arrive here on a market day and of course there was no chance he’d go unnoticed. But maybe he didn’t even want to. Maybe he hoped the people would take their revenge on him. It would be good to suffer for them.

He saw some of the orcs and shuddered. Nolofinwe had warned him about them when Maedhros had told him about his encounter at Caranthir’s shop. He did not wish to meet them, it seemed to him he could still feel the hands of his captors on his skin. He did not understand how the Teleri could live with them, accept them. He was a Kinslayer many times over, but those orcs had killed more elves than anyone in his family.

His heart constricted when his eyes fell on the memorial standing in the middle of the harbour square. They had done such a terrible thing — made even more horrible because they hadn’t learned from it. Maglor was sitting on the steps around it. His eyes widened when he saw him.

“I guess from the look on your face that no one bothered to tell you I’ve been reborn”, Maedhros said as he stopped beside him. He knelt and laid the flowers he’d brought at the feet of the statue of the mourning woman and almost fell back down the stairs when Maglor hugged him hard.

“You took your sweet time, brother”, he said, his voice thick with tears. “I missed you.”

“Oh, Maglor.” Maedhros hugged him back, feeling his own tears run over his cheeks. Nolofinwe had told him that his brother had been alive all this time. Wandering the shores of Middle-earth in loneliness. He could not imagine how hard this must have been for him. Maglor had always thrived in company. “I’ve heard you are here paying for the crimes of us all.”

Maglor shook his head. “No, just mine. King Olwe holds that you who died served your time in Mandos. But I never died. Five yeni of providing service to anyone who asks is not that long a time — I’ve wasted more. It’s not so bad, they treat me well and I’m often asked to play in one tavern or another. Have you come here to see the King? You shouldn’t keep him waiting.”

Maedhros let go of Maglor only reluctantly. “You are right. But I’ll be back, we can talk later. I missed you, too.” Maedhros realised that their reunion had drawn many more interested looks than he was comfortable with. He hurried on.

 

He breathed a sigh of relief when he entered the palace. Nolofinwe had offered to accompany him, but he felt like he needed to do this alone and not hide behind his kingly uncle. The throne-room was empty and the doors clanged too with an ominous sound. Maedhros knelt before Olwe and bowed his head.

“Nelyafinwe Feanarion, why have you come?”

“To present myself for punishment for the murders I committed. There is no excuse for what I did. I’m deeply sorry for it. If I were allowed to make amends, I would be very grateful.”

“You have been punished in Mandos”, Olwe said. “We defer to the judgement of the Valar. The people that were killed in the Kinslaying have long ago been reborn. It is enough that you have seen you did wrong. You have suffered enough. Rise.”

“But is there nothing I can do?”, Maedhros asked desperately as he stood up.

“You can”, Olwe said, holding his eyes. “You can make amends, if that is your wish, but that is your own decision, not my judgement. You are allowed to join your brother at the harbour square, to offer your services. People who need help of any kind know to come there. It’s going to be a lot of unloading ships and work of that kind.”

“That’s alright. I will do whatever is asked.”

Olwe nodded, Maedhros couldn’t read in his face if he was pleased or not.

 

Maedhros sat down beside Maglor. “You look well”, he said. A little sun-burned maybe, but unhurt and without the despair in his eyes he’d seen there in their last years.

“As I said, they treat me well. And it is strangely freeing to just wait here for someone to ask for my services.  Sometimes it’s hard work, but it is satisfying to pay them back for my crimes in the way they deem fit. I haven’t slept this well since before the Darkening.”

“Has there never been anyone who wanted to take revenge on you?”, Maedhros asked surprised.

“No.” Maglor smiled wryly at him. “I guess they are not as stained as we are. There have been some harsh words, but never so much as a slap. You are joining me?”

“Yes. Olwe allowed it, though he put no sentence on me.”

“I guessed so.”

“How many years are left of your sentence?”

“Three hundred and fifty-five sun-years.”

“Good.” Maedhros stretched his long legs. “Where do you sleep? I think I need a room.”

Maglor sighed. “I guess you’d want to join me for the whole time?”

“Will Olwe try to stop me?”

“Maybe try to talk some sense into you.” Maedhros opened his mouth to protest, but Maglor shushed him. “His view, not mine. I understand why you’re here. I have a room in the palace, Olwe sees me as his responsibility, there’s space enough for both of us.”

“Thank you.” Maedhros squeezed his hand.

“Excuse me.” A woman with a child on her hand and an empty basket on her other arm, had stepped towards them. “I don’t want to interrupt you, Maglor, but I could use some help.”

“Of course, Aureliel.” Maglor made to stand up, but Maedhros was quicker. “If you don’t mind, lady, I would be happy to take this task.”

“My brother. Maedhros”, Maglor said. “He is newly reborn and here to make amends, King Olwe allowed it.”

Aureliel nodded. “I don’t mind.”

Maedhros accepted the basket from her and followed her toward the market.

 

“So you intend to stay there with your brother?”, Nolofinwe asked. Maedhros had come back to Tirion to talk to him and pack his meagre belongings.

“Yes. To keep him company and to make what little amends I can.”

“That’s a noble goal. But I’ll miss you.”

They were in the guest room Maedhros had stayed in the short time he’d been in Tirion. He wondered, what had become of their family’s quarters. His mother lived with her parents and he hadn’t asked her, when he stopped there on his way to Tirion. There had been too much else to talk about.

“It’s very unfair that I have to let you go again so soon. It seems we are fated to have to live apart. But I understand”, Nolofinwe said and caressed his cheek. “Make amends and put your guilt behind you. And then come back to me.”

“I will.” Maedhros leaned into his touch, he was glad that he didn’t try to stop him. “And you can always visit me, it is not so far — we’ve been further apart.”

“Oh, I’m sure Olwe wouldn’t find it in the least suspicious, if I show up weekly.”

“He’d probably just think you want to have an eye on me. I don’t think he was terribly happy about my decision.”

“Maybe. But surely you can leave now and then. Even Maglor gets some time off to visit your brothers and mother.”

“Yes, maybe”, Maedhros said doubtfully. “It’s just… it feels frivolous to spend time I could give them like that.” Maedhros could have kicked himself right after the words had left his mouth. He didn’t want Nolofinwe to think he thought him less important.

“Making amends doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to be happy”, Nolofinwe said, his eyes gentle. “You are allowed to have a life. And I’m not saying that only because I want you near me. Ask Maglor, I’ve told him the same more than once when Olwe summoned me to make him take a break.”

“Does he listen?”

“Not until I order him to.”

Maedhros chuckled. “Yes, that sounds like Maglor.”

“That also sounds like you. Don’t make me order you around.”

Maedhros smiled and kissed him gently. “I promise. I’ll make time for us.”

“Very good.” Nolofinwe had a sly smile on his lips. “I didn’t tell you, yet, but Anaire enjoyed to hear about our time together.”

“Did she?” Maedhros raised his eyebrows. “I’m happy for you, though I’m not sure if I should be embarrassed about her knowing.” It felt strange to think that his aunt heard everything about his plays with Nolofinwe.

“I think, we’re all a little embarrassed.”

“But that means, I can’t order you to remain chaste, can I?” Maedhros smiled slyly.

“I…” Nolofinwe blushed. “Unless a lot has changed since your return, Anaire usually isn’t much interested in sex. It was kind of unexpected… I’d enjoy to keep myself untouched for you, but I also don’t want to deny her.”

“I better talk to her”, although the thought made him feel even more embarrassed, “and see what she thinks about this.”

 

Maedhros had learned long ago to not let his fair skin show his feelings, but now he let the blush spread over his cheeks, let his aunt see how awkward he felt about talking with her about this. Anaire’s brows had risen up as he talked.

“You don’t mean by that, that you want to keep him to yourself, do you?”, she said with a hint of steel in her voice that told him it would not go well for him if he did.

“No!”, he hurried to say. “But he enjoys to not be allowed to come unless I give him permission — or you, maybe, if you are willing to play this game.”

Anaire cocked her head. “I am not a very lustful person”, she said. “So I doubt I’ll often intervene in your schemes. But if I do, I do not want you to get in my way.”

“Your pleasure before mine”, Maedhros answered.

He liked Nolofinwe aching for his touch and desperate for release, but he would not get into a fight with her about this. He’d known there would be compromises. He was lucky she let him have this at all.