Bringing Trouble to Barad-dur by Aiwen

A Taste of His Own Medicine

When Gil-galad joined Celebrimbor in the prisoner's chamber, they both had lots to tell each other - from spies that might just be far more to why the prisoners were referring to Celebrimbor as Celebrian. They both agreed to do nothing to jeopardize any possible quest of the hobbits, but to keep their interventions much as before. Down in the dungeons, Finrod was heavily watched and make no further move to escape.

But then Sauron decided to hold a major meeting for his battle commanders where he would lay out his plans to crush King Elessar and his followers. The second Gil-galad had heard that, he knew the hobbits probably were going to Mt. Doom, because any sensible military commander would know that what Aragorn was trying to do was completely impossible. From the little Gil-galad knew about the man, he did not think he would be that stupid. If he had been, surely Sauron would have killed him long ago.

Gil-galad decided it was time to raise the stakes, and make sure Sauron's mind was focused so thoroughly on the military side that he did not think about Mt. Doom or anything else. It was time to use the interrogation drugs. Neither he nor Celebrimbor was entirely certain what effect they would have on a Maia, but if they took the dose for an elf and doubled that, it ought to have some effect. And then if one of them appeared to Sauron in the middle of the meeting...

Gil-galad watched as the commanders and a few ambassadors filed in: Nazgul, men, a few orcs, even a dwarf. The drugs were in the cup, and everything was ready. Last, Sauron came in with an honor guard of men and Uruk-hai, and those who had sat down hurriedly stood again, bowing nearly to the ground. Sauron seated himself in the throne at the end of the long rectangular table. Everyone else sat but the guards, who lined themselves up along the wall and beside the now closed double doors.

Sauron first announced the approach of Elessar's army, then began to explain his plans for trapping Elessar and his laughably small army. Unfortunately, Sauron did not take a drink from the glass set at his right hand.

Gil-galad grimaced, and glanced at Celebrimbor who grimaced right back. This wasn't going according to plan. What if Sauron didn't drink at all? How else could they disrupt the meeting? He scanned the table. Celebrimbor drifted over. "Shall I break a chair or two?" he asked.

"Not yet," said Gil-galad. "We want them to think Sauron is insane, not that they are. But we might just increase the Northern Harad Ambassador's reputation for clumsiness."

"I'll spill his drink for him," said Celebrimbor. "It might even get Sauron thinking about taking a drink, you never know. " Celebrimbor drifted over and when next the ambassador put his hand near the glass, Celebrimbor knocked it over, spilling tea everywhere.

Everyone turned to look and even Sauron stopped speaking for a moment to glower at the man. Then, to Gil-galad's delight, he did take a sip from his own glass. It wasn't much, but with any luck it wouldn't be the last, and this meeting ought to take a strange turn shortly.

"If we've now ceased being distracted by the Ambassador's clumsiness, let's get back to business," said Sauron. "Khamul, I want you to launch the third attack on Lorien at about the same time, to keep Galadriel from interfering from afar."

"Yes, Lord Zigur, I shall see it done."

"Good. Once that is done, since Zigur-adun is now dead, I now appoint Khamul as my second in command, and the Chief of the Nazgul." He turned to Khamul. "Once the war is over, you will relocate to Minas Morgul." He stopped to take a second, much larger sip.

Gil-galad smiled.

"Lord Zigur, is there any specific object if you wish me to attack or capture, or is this attack purely a distraction?"

"Pick something that they must defend, and that would be useful if you do manage to take it."

"It shall be done."

Sauron turned to the huge Uruk seated two places from the Ambassador of North Harad. "I want you, Boldog, and your troops here" - he pointed to a location on the map that Gil-galad couldn't see clearly. He moved closer, until he was hovering above Boldog's head. Ah, immediately inside the Morannon.

Sauron then turned back to the Nazgul, and started explaining to them exactly what he wanted them to do immediately before the trap was sprung. Then he stopped, frowning at the Ambassador from Northern Harad, who cowered back even further from the table. "Oh do stop cowering, you pathetic excuse for an importunate courtier. I haven't eaten you yet, have I?" said Sauron.

"No, my lord," said the Ambassador.

"That was a rhetorical question! Out! I will not have such a complete waste of air in this meeting. And get out of Barad-dur! Go home to your prince and tell him to send me another ambassador - this time one who isn't a coward and has a larger brain than a newt. I don't care if you're his brother, you're useless!"

The Ambassador left, almost at a run. The orcish guards let him out without a word. Gil-galad noticed, though, that one follow on the left was looking suspiciously as if he'd swallowed a lemon - unless he was trying not to burst out laughing. Gil-galad's insubstantial eyebrows rose. An orc with a sense of humor, whatever next?

Sauron turned back to the assembled meeting. "I've wanted to do that for months," he said, smiling.

The assembly blinked at him, then looked at each other. Sauron smiling was a rare sight, and it always meant trouble for somebody.

Sauron frowned, then took another drink, this time a good long one. Celebrimbor and Gil-galad exchanged looks. He was already behaving as if affected, and they hadn't really expected him to drink the whole thing. What was he going to do when he was really drugged?

"Back to business," said Sauron. "You are to keep the fell beasts quiet and yourselves likewise. The enemy needs to get very close to the Morannon before we spring the trap. " He smiled again, this time cruelly. "And I have a surprise for them once they get there. Mouth of Sauron..." Sauron trailed off. "I can't believe I am calling you that silly name. I have a perfectly good mouth of my own. And when was the last time you brushed your teeth? You have halitosis at least as badly as most of the orcs."

"My lord, if I may speak," said the Mouth.

"Certainly," said Sauron. "Since you are already doing so."

"It was you yourself that named me this," said the Mouth. "Call me what you will, and I shall not complain."

Sauron tapped his chin with his index finger in thought. "Keep the name," he said. "It makes about as much sense as most things that go on in this tower. Seriously, I'm surrounded by incompetents! Half the orcs seem to be unable to find the way to the garderobe unaided, given the smell in the lower portion of the tower." He frowned again. "I asked you to do something about that years ago."

"The smell has sunk into the stone and will not come out," said the Mouth of Sauron. "But weren't we discussing the upcoming battle?"

"Ah yes," said Sauron. He frowned for a moment as if he couldn't remember where he'd gotten off track, then started again. At the very beginning of the meeting.