Bringing Trouble to Barad-dur by Aiwen

The Writing on the Wall

Over the next few days, the other inhabitants of Barad-dur became gradually aware that there was something strange happening in the tower. Sauron's increased temper and frequent rages kept everybody on their toes, but many of the other things happening were more strange than scary. Sometimes they were even... funny.

Graffiti was a fact of life in the more orc-infested areas of Barad-dur, but it commonly consisted of repetitive strings of swear words, curses on various orcs, complaints about the food, and occasional accusations that some poor orc was romantically attracted to brewer's yeast. They didn't make fun of Sauron. It just wasn't done. Now, however, the walls were replete with complaints, accusations, and scurrilus poetry about their lord.

Gorgnash looked up at the wall and squinted, trying to see if it was coming off yet. No such luck. It wasn't as if he'd get to stop until it was off the wall, so he set back to scrubbing and amused himself by attempting to read it. He wasn't very good at reading, so it took him a while.

Sauron's Lament

Alay, alas, alack!

Oh woe, woe and thrice woe.

Woe is me for I am undone,

I must explain to Morgoth how I lost tol Sirion.

The orc frowned. He didn't know what alay, alas, or alack meant, but woe was definitely bad. And who was Morgoth, that Zigur had to care what he thought? He continued reading.

He never was inclined to listen to excuses,

He invariably follows them up with Mairin-rights abuses.

I do not want to tell him I was bested by a dog,

I would rather hide in Taur-nu-fuin as a fungus-covered log.

Sauron was bested by a dog? He ran away and tried to hide? What the?! And more importantly, who dared write this? Somebody was going to get in serious trouble when the Captain found out who the joker was. At least everybody knew he was on guard duty last night and couldn't possibly have done it. He continued reading and scrubbing.

I do not want to find myself before his throne in shame,

at being misled by an illusion and a slightly mangled name.

I do not want to let him know that in three months I learned nought more,

of Finrod than that he was the most frustrating elf I've ever had to store.

Frustrating elvish prisoners - now that he understood. Wouldn't do what you told them, whined constantly, and tried to kill you whenever you turned your back for a second. This Finrod sounded like a real pest, whoever he was. Weird thinking of Zigur bowing to someone else.

But I cannot hide forever and logs are rather boring,

I will return in hope he will only make me listen to his snoring.

Well, maybe this Morgoth person snored really badly. Probably not as bad as the fell beasts, though - he had heard you could hear them half the tower away when they had a cold. Personally, he'd never been near enough the top of the tower to find out. He squinted at the wall again. It still wasn't coming off. Shash!

It wasn't just the graffiti. The torture chambers suffered mysterious breakages of almost every torture implement, much to the disgust and panic of the torturers. The prisoners started whispering that Aule had decided to help them against his former pupil personally, and a couple of dwarves took to singing hymns of thanks in Khuzdul whenever their captors were out of earshot.

Due to a mix up in the kitchens, the prisoners in cellblock two were served roasted venison with mashed potatoes and carrots one night, while the two Haradrim ambassadors and their entourages were served inadequate amounts of gruel and stale bread. Given Sauron's recent temper and the accident with the teacup, they didn't dare complain.

Back in their attic, Gil-galad and Celebrimbor compared notes. So far everything seemed to be going well...

Chapter End Notes

A/N: Thank you AiedailWing for the idea of multiple ambassadors for Harad along with many other useful ideas. For those of you who like silly poetry, Sauron's Lament is from a series of mine called The OTHER Lays of Beleriand.