Bringing Trouble to Barad-dur by Aiwen

The Great Ring Robbery

Gil-galad picked up the small plain packets that Celebrimbor threw down on the attic floorboards. "What are these?" he asked.

"The raw ingredients for our next prank," said Celebrimbor. "These are drugs used in extracting information from prisoners. They make you babble, although not necessarily on the desired topic. I think we should subject Sauron to some of his own medicine."

"That could be very effective sabotage if we did it correctly," said Gil-galad. "Can you tell me exactly what effects it has?"

"Well, I don't think this is exactly what he used on me, but..."

He was interrupted by the sound of Sauron's angry voice coming from below. "But where is my Great Seal?" it demanded. "Kelas, you are the only other person who has been in here in the past three days. Where is it?"

"I assumed you'd taken it with you, my lord," said Kelas in a voice that quavered. "I have not seen it in the past three days. Where did you last put it?"

There was a loud thump. Both elvish fea winced, and Gil-galad looked guiltily at the seal sitting on its pile of papers in the attic. There wasn't any way to get it out of the attic without revealing the altered and outright faked documents he'd been working on, along with any number of other things. He'd have to open the trapdoor itself, too, and Sauron could hardly miss that.

Celebrimbor pursed his lips and thought himself through the floor. Gil-galad followed. He'd really rather the woman didn't get hurt but quite how they were to help her without revealing themselves he wasn't quite sure.

Sauron was looming over Kelas, who was wringing her hands and looking thoroughly fearful. "I really don't know, my lord," she was saying. "Unless... could you possibly have knocked it down behind something? I can go look and move all the furniture..."

It was the wrong thing to say. Sauron grabbed her by the throat. "I do not tolerate excuses," he hissed.

Celebrimbor moved. As Gil-galad watched, he grabbed a Ring from Sauron's hand and moved it so that it hovered in front of Sauron's eyes. Then he fled, flinging the door open and running down the hall.

Sauron stood frozen for a couple of seconds wearing an expression of total shock and confusion, and then dropped Kelas with an oath and chased after Celebrimbor. Gil-galad slammed the door shut in his face, but Sauron strong-armed it open so that it slammed against the wall. He ran out the door after the Ring where it glinted in midair at the top of the staircase.

Kelas slid down the wall and sat on the floor rubbing her throat. Gil-galad frowned invisibly at her and moved a teacup. At least he could show her that the happenings hadn't really been her fault. Her eyes widened and she got up carefully.

"Who are you and what are you doing?" she asked, grabbing a letter opener off the table and holding it in front of her as if she planned to defend herself with it. "Lord Zigur will be very angry with you when he comes back and then you will be very sorry for the rest of your existence."

Gil-galad picked up the teacup and dropped it on the floor. It smashed.

Kelas lost the last of her courage and ran out the door, screaming something about Sauron's apartments being haunted.

Gil-galad shrugged. Now that everybody was out, he had work to do. He went back to the attic, got out the Great Seal and put it neatly beside the ink pot in Sauron's office. Two of the false documents he slid carefully into place among others ready to go out in half an hour. If Celebrimbor could just keep Sauron occupied long enough, certain military units would be getting different orders shortly.

Meanwhile, Celebrimbor continued his flight from Sauron down the long spiral staircase that ran the entire height of the tower. Behind him, Sauron slowed a little, chanting Words of Power. Celebrimbor's panicked flight increased in speed, and he was most startled when the Words had exactly no effect. He could feel them, vaguely, but it was as if something was shielding him. Namo, he realized. Of course.

Sauron cursed, and sped up chasing again, but just as he hit his stride he ran smack into the Ambassador of northern Harad, knocking both of them several feet down the stone steps.

"I am so sorry, my lord Zigur, I've always been a little clumsy, and my mother was always nagging at me to watch where I was going..." the Ambassador babbled as he tried to disentangle himself from Sauron's legs.

Sauron shook him off, and took off down the stairs again leaving the Ambassador steering after him. He turned round to find himself face to empty hood with one of the Nazgul. He fainted.

The Nazgul kicked him, but he didn't stir so the Nazgul set off down the staircase after his lord, who from somewhere up the head yelled loudly "after him!"

"After whom?" said the Nazgul, picking up speed down the stairs.

"My Dwarf-Ring!"

As the chase down the stairs continued, the commotion spread outwards like ripples in a pond until it seemed like half of Barad-dur was running frantically down the stairs. The commotion attracted the contents of an orcish guardroom onto the stairs to have a look. Unfortunately, they were below Celebrimbor.

Celebrimbor looked frantically around him, trying to find a way out as the rest of the guards ran towards him and tried to grab the gleaming Ring. Celebrimbor jumped to one side, and from habit tried to spear the orc with an incorporeal sword. This had no effect whatever, and the orc came within an inch of grabbing the Ring.

Celebrimbor almost dropped the Ring as the orc lunged through him. He landed on the floor in a disoriented heap, but managed to think himself to one side and to hide the Ring for a moment in the corner of the doorway. Through the guardroom, he saw an attached small room and suddenly had an idea. He couldn't actually keep the Ring from Sauron for long, but he could at least make getting it back as troublesome as possible...

Celebrimbor thought himself into the space just below the ceiling and above the orc's heads as quickly as he could, weaving the ring in front of him in the hope that it would evade the orcs' snatching hands. The orcs came within inches but it worked. He came down and ran for the other end of the guard room and into the smaller room. He hurled the Ring into the privy hole and floated to the ceiling to watch.

Chapter End Notes

A/N: A privy is a toilet.