Return to Me by Dawn Felagund

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Fanwork Notes

"Return to Me" was written for Fanged Geranium as a holiday gift in 2005. She asked for a story with a conversation between grown-up Finrod and Finarfin; the result was this odd little tale, which certainly doesn't inspire thoughts of the holidays! Nonetheless, this has remained one of my most popular (and controversial) and personal favorite stories and may have been responsible for starting my fascination with the halls of Mandos.

"Return to Me" was also nominated in 2006 for a MEFA award.

Fanwork Information

Summary:

Finarfin assists with the re-embodiment of his son Finrod.

Major Characters: Finarfin, Finrod Felagund, Mandos

Major Relationships:

Genre: Experimental, Horror

Challenges: Nature of Fear, Halls of Mystery, Gift of a Story

Rating: Adult

Warnings: Mature Themes, Sexual Content (Mild), Violence (Graphic)
Chapters: 1 Word Count: 6, 496
Posted on 13 June 2007 Updated on 13 June 2007

This fanwork is complete.

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Comments

The Silmarillion Writers' Guild is more than just an archive--we are a community! If you enjoy a fanwork or enjoy a creator's work, please consider letting them know in a comment.

You do a wonderful job of capturing the pure eeriness and other-worldliness of Mandos, and the contrast of Namo's cold distance and warm caring.  He is not unkind, but he is also not moved by other's pain.  And even now, after the fact, they are divided by what they believe about Fëanor's 'cause' - Finrod is willing to sacrifice anything to defeat Morgoth...but Finarfin is not.  It will take some time for them to reconcile - you've only given us the beginning.  Very nice story! 

Thank you! My original intention was to have three parts to this story about Finrod\'s return, from the PoVs of Finarfin, Earwen, and Amarie. However, at the time, I got a bit overwhelmed by this first bit (and the reader response to it) and began to fear that I\'d never be able to top it in the later chapters. This was a year-and-a-half ago ... I hope I\'m a better writer now, so maybe I\'ll give it a try yet!

*adds to growing list of WiPs* ;)

Aw. This story, above all, has left me with a heartwrenching sensation. Your Finarfin is trying desperately to fit in a role that´s too large for him -he is clearly a good man, a wise man, but above all a private man, who grew up to be a son, a husband, a father, etc, in the bliss of Valinor. Even his son, who was a king for long in a land of war and adversity, already talks a language that´s uncomprehensible for him. And the reader is at the same time made to feel for him, so deeply, with poignant details like the nail-biting, or the pacing in circles in his grand and imposing palace.

Definitely a beautiful and insightful description of Finarfin´s strengths and weaknesses, all in one.

Gadira

I don't know what it is about writing in the Tolkien universe, but just as his best writing came from bittersweet tales of grief, so can the same be said for all of you fan authors.

What was in your mind when you pieced this story together? It is fascinating. Your depiction of Mandos, both the Halls and the Vala, are intriguingly original and yet somewhat terrifying. Similarly, your description of Finrod being brought back to life is somehow gruesome, painful, and sensual all simultaneously.

The story leaves a profound, if not very happy, impression. I do not thnk, however, that this is in any way a bad thing. Would that I could be so creative.

Hi, Beorning,

Thank you for your comments--and kind words--on my story. :) This story started innocently enough as a request from a friend for a scene between Finrod and Finarfin. I honestly didn't have much in mind at all when I started it; I wanted to show the scene of Finrod's reembodiment from Finarfin's perspective, but that was all that I knew. It sounds like a cop-out to say it, perhaps, but the story wrote itself. I came to fanfic only after having written original fiction for many years, and I had developed a ... taste for the dark, shall we say. :) That reflects in much of my fanfic, including this one. The halls of Mandos fascinate me for reason that we know so little about them; Namo himself seems so intriguing and dark and other (I can think of no better word) from the Elves I usually write. Both his character and the halls, being something of blank slates, invite my imagination to play.

A belated welcome to the SWG, btw! :) I see from your profile that you haven't yet written anything Tolkien-based, but I do hope you'll share it with us if you do. In the meanwhile, please holler if you need anything! :)

All the best,
Dawn

During B2MEM 2017 I said that if I ever joined SWG, the second thing I would do would be to post a gushing comment on Return To Me. Well, it's a year later, I'm here, and this is still one of my top favorite Silmarillion stories. I cannot reread it enough times. To start with, there's the Finrod Factor- squee!- but it's more than just the appearance of the bestest elf. The creepiness of Mandos. The terrifyingly visceral reembodiment process. Arafinwe's thoughts as a father- I do not want for him the honor of having suffered; I wish for him a death humiliatingly silly and swift, where he was blissfully ignorant of it until the moment that his spirit was rent from his body- those lines are just fantastic, the events of the Silmarillion seen by a parent instead of a distant listener. The strange gardens of Mandos, how Finarfin is distubed by the butterflies, but to spirits and the reembodied they are a comfort. This story is amazing and I love it and I would recommend it to all my friends in the fandom if I had friends in the fandom.

 

Hey you have me! :D (I know, I know ... recommending my own story to me would be weird, but you left me this lovely comment, so there's that. ^_^)

Thank you for making one of your first acts after joining the SWG to comment on my story. That's really an honor, and I appreciate it.

I really loved writing this story; I love writing about Mandos (the place ... well, the guy too) in general. Because Tolkien tells us almost nothing--and when he was still in the mood to tell, what he told was really weird! I have a taste for the macabre, and that blank space in the story lets my imagination run wild to its darker corners.

I also like imagining what "death" would have been like for an immortal people. I mean, grief takes a different shape when the person has a chance of coming back, and reembodiment would be a time for joy but also ... frightening, I suppose. Because one like Arafinwe would have the chance to learn things that could otherwise reside in blissful ignorance.

Thank you again, so much, for commenting on my story after all these years! :)