The Condensed Silmarillion by Cheeky

The Silmarils

 The Silmarils

Just realised I have forgotten to tell you about the Silmarils.......woops, my bad, because they are really kind of important.

After making the Palantiri, inventing weapons and devising a new writing system Feanor turned his hand to jewellery making.

That's the problem with these elves being immortal, they just have too much time on their hands.

"What is there a market for in Valinor." He wondered. The elves were obsessed by light, the Valar by shiny pretty things so he combined them to make shiny pretty things filled with light. Covered all his bases.

He made the Silmarils easily enough but then he needed the light.

First he headed for Galadriel. He hated her and hated her father but apparently not seeing that as a problem he fronted up to her door demanding her hair.

Oh Fëanor, you really have no clue do you.

Guess what. She said no.

She says that was because she knew that he was evil but I think it was more like she knew that he was better than her. If there was one thing Galadriel hated it was anyone being better than her.

That's why she hung round middle-earth for so long. She had to wait till everyone else had gone so she could finally say she was the best.

Can you imagine how furious Fëanor must have been when he found out later Galadriel ended up giving her hair to a dwarf! But you see she KNEW Gimli wasn't better than her. Should have played dumb Fëanor, ( or grown a beard).

So Fëanor moved on. He sneaked up to Yavanna's special trees and stole ( I mean acquired) his light from there.

Note to the Valar, if there was one thing, ONE thing that you should not have done it was hallow the Silmarils. But oh no, they were shiny and pretty and you just couldn't help yourselves could you.

Which brings us on to our next chapter in which the Valar are incredibly stupid... I mean more stupid than usual..... I mean, do they even have one brain cell to share between them, kind of stupid.