The Scented Pleasure Garden by whitewave

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The Fingolfinapsida

 

Hi!  Apologies for the very long waiting time between the updates.  The past month was insane at work.  Thanks for bearing with me.  I'm working on Finarfinapsida at the very moment and should be able to post soon.

Many thanks to Dawn Felagund for her Beta work, although I made a few "additions" to the chapter I'm posting now.  All errors are definitely mine.   

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Welcome to the Eldarin Horticultural Society!  

We are pleased to welcome you to our promiscuously fertile organization of plot makers and growers from all regions of Arda. 

You can consult the first chapter if you need a refresher on the different kinds of Plot. 

The Fingolfinapsida is a renowned family that produces distinctive blue and silver blooms that contrast sharply with the sensual and fiery hues of the Fëanariopsida. 

Fingolfinapsida is mostly a “climbing” plant—it thrives well in very high altitudes and is famous for its particular endurance even in the most frigid of climates:  Helcaraxe, Forochel and even Himring zones (but only for Findekano varieties).    An offspring variety can also thrive in starry pools. 

Scientific Name
Kingdom:  Royal Noldorin
Division:  Indis
Class:  Fingolfinapsida
Order:   Valinorean Quendi
Family:   Secondbest

Common Names
Nolofinwë, Blue-Suede-Shoes, Hound Dog, Rhythm and Blues, Blue Velvet, Elvis Lives, Frigid Air
  
Trivia:  Used as an emblem for “Elvis(h) is Alive” Society;  in the centennial Helcaraxe Winter Olympics, a wreath of Fingolfin blooms is awarded to the second-place winner (first placers are given a wreath of Fëanaros while third placers are given Finarfins).

The flowers were featured in the romantic comedy film “Shivering in Helcaraxë” and the adult film, “Come, Blow My Trumpet, Come, Come”.  

Just follow our Steps for Success below and you’re on your way to fulfillment!

First take an “experienced” Finwë stalk (one that has already sired a Fëanaro BlackHorny) and pair it with an Indis “mother” stalk.   Please ensure that the Fëanaro BlackHorny is not in the immediate vicinity while you are doing this; if it refuses to leave, bait it with a naked Nerdanel.  Keep in mind that the Fëanaro BlackHorny's continued presence will result in “performance” issues for the guilty Finwë. 

In the meantime, perform the following steps:
1. If you want the Fingolfin to reproduce eventually, prepare an opulent formal raised bed for it—everything should be orderly and symmetrical; 
2. Fingolfinapsida is very particular about the type of plot that you place it in. It will mostly grow only in Canon, tolerates Filler, and very rarely in Fanon.  The usual themes it prefers are “Drama”, “Angst" (sibling rivalry);
3. Install a set of high-quality speakers around the raised bed;
4. Prepare a collection of suitable marching trumpet music, alternate with rock n’ roll guitar music (if you prefer). 
5. Construct opulent, formal pergolas or lattice frames around the plant. (Money is no object as you have plenty of time to get a sizable loan.  Yes, it takes that long for the Finwë and Indis to reproduce.)

After it reaches maturity, you may place an extremely shy Anairë female plant next to it in the raised bed and place “grinding ice” pellets around it.  Play trumpet music 24/7 to get the Fingolfin “in the mood.”

Warning:  Please desist from wearing black gardener’s garb if you intend to raise Fingolfinapsida as it also has the tendency to be “carnivorous” (it is related to the Fëanaro BlackHorny after all) and will attempt to injure you up to seven times.  If this does happen, please do not wait for the plant to injure you seven times before you run away.  Fly you fool! Unless you fancy having a permanent limp! 

Extra Warning:   Placing full-grown Fëanaro BlackHorny and Fingolfin blooms near each other will turn your garden into a war zone.  If it does happen, purchase Valar Intervention plant spray to “exile” the aggressive Fëanaro BlackHorny. 

The downside to this is that the Finwë stalk will also depart, which leaves the Fingolfin highly susceptible to “Always Second Best” or “Never Good Enough” blight.  If and when this happens, immediately place Kingly Footstool Supplement on the soil and Kingly Sheen leaf spray and Kingly Coronet pellets around the Fingolfin’s stamen to get rid of this blight.

Fingolfin and Anairë will produce the following blooms:

Hair Commander – Findekáno, Fingon, High Kingie, Heart of Oshun, Oshun's Delight, Oshun's Fave

This variety has a very stiff cane and distinctive golden strands intermingled with its blooms.  It also has sharp “scissor” leaves that can cut other plants’ appendages, especially Russandol, with whom it shares a “close affinity”.  To coax the Hair Commander to climb a steep pergola, hang a plastic Russandol at the very top of the structure. A real Russandol will wilt if placed in elevated places.  

Hair Commander thrives very well in sub-zero areas, elevated sites:  mountain sides, cliffs and other precipices.  This is why large eagles often use it to build their nests because its fragrance closely resembles the “mating” scent of most birds of prey.  

Hair Commander is also known for its asexual reproductive capability, so do not be surprised when you see a Gil-Galad or Ereinion to sprout beside a virginal Hair Commander. It shares this quality with Orodreth (from the Finarfinapsida class).  Botanists are still puzzled at this bizarre capability.  It is believed that this is the result of pairing it with a yet unidentified species of Mary Sue wildfowers (or weeds). 

It is safe to plant this bloom together with the entire Fëanarapsida class as the Fëanaro BlackHorny tolerates its presence.  Hair Commander is very similar to the Magnificent Seven in that it enjoys the attentions of such wildflowers. 

Anti-Social - Smart Ass (obscure Avarin for ‘wise’), Turukáno, Turgon, Safe Secret, Hide-Go-Seek, Shy Ondolindë, Earendil’s Grandpa

This is the most fussy but also the most popular of all the Fingolfinapsida.  In its infancy you can plant it near the sea, then uproot.   Place in a raised, stony bed and enclose in a fence with seven “gates” and lots of towers as it requires its own “micro-climate” to protect it from harsh winds while storing and radiating heat in the spring and fall. 

Anti-Social thrives in very cold climates, in fact, it will only reproduce with an Elenwë under these conditions.  The resulting “offspring” will be the award-winning silver-white bloom “Idril” (or Itarille Celebrindal).  These luminous flowers grow even in underground tunnels and even under very stressful conditions. You may pair Idril with a Tuor “mortal” plant, which wither easily to produce “Earendil”.   

Do not attempt to pair Anti-Social with a Mary Sue wildflower or it may have disastrous consequences.  You have been warned.

Anti-Social can grow with other Sindarin, Nandorin or even Avarin blooms.  In fact, some Sindarin male flowers like “Glorfindina”, “Echtieleona”, “Galdory”, and “Salgantee-hee” (among others) can be planted inside its fenced-in bed. 

Do not plant an Eöl darkling plant as they are incompatible.   More on that later.

Long Lost – Aredhel, Arfeiniel, White Lady, Silver Lady, Lomion’s Mom, Dart Catcher

This produces distinct and very beautiful silver and white blooms and thrives in cold valleys and dark, enchanted woods.  However, it is also very restless and cannot stay in one place at one time so it is best to have it float in a large starry pool.  (It is well-known as the only “female” floating flower.) 

There are conflicting historical data behind how it came to be called “Long Lost”.  Some say that it is really the “long-lost” daughter plant of Fëanaro BlackHorny and Nerdanel due to its affinity with the Magnificent Seven.  Others say that it is because of its restless nature and frequent changes of location are the reasons behind the unusual name. 

It is quite unpredictable and you will find it always straying away from its raised bed.  You may pair it with a possessive but fantastically endowed Dark Eöl (or Galvorn).  Make sure that Long Lost enjoys its “two magic swords” frequently so it will not try to run away.  This pairing will produce a “Maeglin” (or Stalker Cousin) bloom but you would have to place the parent plants in a very, very dark place before fertilization can occur.  If and when the Long Lost strays away again, make sure it takes at least one of Dark Eöl’s “magic swords” with it.

Warning:  Do not let the Dark Eöl come into contact with any member of the Fëanaropsida class as they are resentful of its “two magic swords”, especially “Daddy’s Favorite”.   Likewise steer Dark Eöl clear of “Anti-Social”.  

Dubious -  Arakáno, Argonwho, Whoareyou, Dontknowwho, Last Hurrah

This bloom is extremely rare and difficult to produce. It also has a relatively short life span in comparison with its “sibling” blooms that it is not even advisable to grow it.  Ancient necromancers believed that the sap from this plant can be used to bestow invisibility, although no verifiable scientific evidence can support this. 

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Other Practical uses for Home and Health: 

Fingolfin blooms are used to prepare antidotes for overdoses of Fëanaropsida “sexual performance boosters” (or Viagril petals).  This has been tested only on olvar because no First-born (or Second-born) have expressed desire to be “cured”, so just consider this as a little “nice-to-know” factoid.

Hair Commander petals (preferably frozen below zero degrees for about two decades) are pounded using Balrog quality pestles and used to put very attractive golden highlights to the hair.   Warning:  Use only an extremely diluted formula if you live in close vicinity of birds of prey or you might end up bald or worse. 

Some of our more extremely amorous (or fool-hardy) planters spread Hair Commander ointment all over their body in order to attract “birds”;  this will undoubtedly work but only for “birds” with sharp talons and beaks. 

Anti-Social sap was allegedly used by ancient tribes to “camouflage” their precious possessions although no veritable proof exists to support this.  You may place shredded Anti-Social petals in drinks to help retain their coldness even without ice cubes!    Anti-Social is often used to ornament fountains, high towers, gateways and tunnels. 

Long Lost is an attractive indoor, floating plant and is often seen in hotel lobbies, indoor plunge pools, magazine covers and flower shows.  The leaves and petals of this bloom are grounded and mixed with rubber to create very effective sword-proof, bullet-proof and dart-proof vests.   The distilled perfume of this flower is also popular among eloping maidens so they can escape undetected even under the watch of vigilant parents. 

TBC

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Chapter End Notes

Up next:   Finarfinapsida

 

 

My inspiration for the “Elvis” angle was Breogan’s close-up headshot of Fingolfin at deviantart.com, which reminded me of one of Elvis Presley’s portraits.