The Scented Pleasure Garden by whitewave

The Telerinapsida

There are very few Teleri so I changed my style a bit. 

No beta for this chapter.  

Welcome to the Eldarin Horticultural Society!  

We are pleased to welcome you to our promiscuously fertile organization of plot makers and growers from all regions of Arda. 

The Telerinapsida is a popular family of plants that thrive near or under the sea and in islands, harbors, lighthouses, ships and submarines.  This class is often associated with music and singers and harpists often adorn their heads with wreaths of its leaves.  It is extensively planted in Alqualondë.  

In the Unabridged Dictionary of the First-Born Languages, “Telerin” is listed as a synonym to ‘tardy’.  So expressions like “I’ll be Telerin” is another way of saying "I’ll be late". When setting appointments (especially romantic dates), it is always wise to specify whether you are using “Telerin time” or normal time.  Telerin time ranges from two hours late to a whopping thirty six Years of The Trees!    

Scientific Name
Kingdom:  Royal Telerin
Division:  Tardy Late
Class:  Telerinapsida
Order:   Sea Lovers
Family:   Kinslain

Common Names:   Ossë’s Friends, Ulmo’s Wards, Wet and Salty, Fashionably Late
 
Trivia: 
There are curious quarterly festivals scheduled in the piers of Alqualondë.  Here is a simple list, including with the flowers used:

Spring – Love Boat – A replica of a yacht is filled with (1) lots of blue oval pills (or Viagril), (2) all species of Eldarin “male” plants and (3) lots of Mary Sue Wildflowers (or weeds).  It is believed that this was patterned after an ancient fertility festival.

Summer – Slay Kin* - A number of ornate swan-shaped miniature boats are filled with Fëanorapsida plants:  Fëanaro BlackHorny and the complete Magnificent Seven blooms, but does not include Nerdanel.*) 

For the Slay-Kin festival the entire pier is slavered with blood-red wax and sprinkled with badly-mangled Telerin stock flowers.  The cute and adorable ships are then sent out to sea with much ceremony while the crowd chants:  “Slay-kin, slay-kin, slay-kin….” (The exact meaning is unknown but experts believe that it is a metaphor of some sort). This festival generates the most substantial revenues especially from clueless female tourists who all actively participate. 

Fall – Sound of Music* – A replica of a passenger ship is filled with Fëanorapsida plants:  Fëanaro BlackHorny, Nerdanel and the complete Magnificent Seven blooms. Black replica ships adorned with swastikas chase the main ship to open sea.

Winter – Helcaraxë Hröa Shots – A real boat is dispatched to Helcaraxë and returns loaded with ground ice for the free-for-all miruvor and hröa (body) shots.  Police are on red alert during this festival for there had been many incidents of frenzied biting and shotgun marriages.   If you plan to attend, better bring lots of skin sanitizer with you.
 

Aquaman –  Oceanus Eleven, Elwë, Neptune, Poseidon, Triton, Nereus

An award-winning parent plant, it requires special soil minerals from Cuiviénen and Tol Eressëa and vigilant Ossë Liquid Vitamins for it to yield prodigal amounts of blooms. 

As veteran growers of Eldarin plants, you may know very well by know that Fëanaro BlackHorny is very, very, very choosy of who is "acceptable" and who is not.   You can plant Aquaman near Fëanaro BlackHorny but you must ensure not to burn anything made of wood in front of the two plants as this may cause the BlackHorny to go on "Plantslaying" mode. You should also take the additional precaution of not watching any movies that have images of boats, ships, submarines, rafts, etc. within sight of the garden.  You have been warned. 

Little Mermaid – Silver Swan, Eärwën, Grace Kelly, Ursula Andres, Brigitte Bardot, Madonna, Britney, Odile/Odette

It is a low-maintenance but extremely pretty plant that can be paired with a Finarfin to produce the delightful Finarfinapsida family.   It also adores lots of shiny garden pebbles and pearlesque garden lights.

Telerin Stock Flowers – Collateral Damage, Hapless Bystanders, Random Hostage, The Chorus Line

They appear uncannily similar to “Noldor Tithe” and “Invisible Vanyar” stock flowers.  The only way to distinguish them is by scent:  Telerin stock smell like aquarium water, Noldor Tithe smell like firewood or forge smoke, and Invisible Vanyar smell like smog. 

The leaves and faded flowers of Telerinapsida plants are burned in incense jars and “inhaled”.  The vapors are believed to endow courage (not necessarily talent) to aspiring pop singers.   All karaoke bars along Alqualondë harbor have baskets of these leaves available for patrons.

According to a survey conducted by the renowned Oromë’s Institute of Animal Linguistics, pickled Telerin plants are considered very tasty by most species of fish except for Great White Sharks who prefer fresh Eruhini-brand meat.   

Aquaman

Bouquets of Aquaman are usually given to first-runners-up of beauty pageants. The root of the word “Aquaman” was said to mean “default”.   You can pair Aquaman with the marine varieties of Mary Sue Wildflowers (or weeds) to produce Little Mermaid.

Little Mermaid

Other than reproducing with Finarfin and looking pretty, there are no other practical uses for this flower.

Telerin Stock Flowers

These blooms are commonly used for Plantslaying contests and for filling gaps and small spaces.  They also make very thoughtful gifts for annoying in-laws, etc.  You better think twice if your sweetheart gives you a bouquet of these blooms. 

Chapter End Notes

Up next:  The Gondolidhrim