The Scented Pleasure Garden by whitewave

The Vanyarapsida

Hi sorry for the late update--I have been busy.  I've also updated Chapter 4 to add "Nice and Heavy" or Mablung.  No beta for this chapter.

Welcome to the Eldarin Horticultural Society!  

We are pleased to welcome you to our promiscuously fertile organization of plot makers and growers from all regions of Arda. 

The Vanyarapsida is a renowned family that produces a varied assortment of incandescent yellow and bright white blooms. Their long and thick stems stay very stiff indefinitely, hence they are usually made into very durable long spears.   These blooms are the descendants of very rare Cuiviénen “parent” plants Imin and Iminyë that were exposed to extremely high doses of peroxide. 

It thrives very well in very high, very bright altitudes.  Eagles, hawks (and pretty much all of the big birds) are known to decorate their aeries or nests with these blooms during mating season.  It can also be used as houseplants for towers, lighthouses, high-rise flats or condominiums.  Their captivating incestuous incense-like scent make them ideal for places of worship. 

Scientific Name
Kingdom:  Royal Vanyarin
Division:  Taniquetil
Class:  Vanyarapsida
Order:   High Imintenance
Family:   Mefirst mefirst

Common Names:   Varda’s brats, Manwe’s spawn, Taniquetil strawheads, anemia plants, Peroxide Max, Yummy Long Spears, First In, First Out (FIFO)
 
Trivia:  In the ancient Eldarin language of flowers, Vanyarin blooms stand for loyalty, solidarity.  It is also a symbol of pack mentality. 

Ingwë – Chief of the Chieftains, Commander-in-Chief, Numero Uno, Air Force One, 1ngwë, One and Only, Non-Entity,  Mindon Eldaliéva

An extremely attractive plant mainly used for decorative, symbolic purposes only.  Please plant under intense “Valarific garden spotlights” or it may wilt for lack of attention.  It has been alleged that neglected Ingwë plants of old “convert” into Indis stalks but of course this is just an old wives’ tale fabricated to explain (among other things) the exceptionally high aversion of the Fëanaro BlackHorny to Indis and its “children plants”.    

It prefers the rarefied air of high altitudes and thrives well in tall, erect towers and lighthouses. 

Ingwion  -- Son of Ingwë, Beleriand Boy Band
Very popular in “slash/foursome” floral arrangements with Eonwë, Russandol and Strong Gold (Macalaure) plants, but never plant with the rest of the Magnificent Seven blooms (see Chapter 1), especially Hasty Riser/Tyelkormo as the plants are naturally competitive regarding spear length and girth.  

This exceptionally beautiful plant produces the famed long and thick spears of its class, but it is also known to cause tremendous geographical upheavals (i.e. garden plots sink to the sea even if your location is completely land-locked).  The remedy for this “slight” problem is to pull-out and replant in another location once every fifty years or so.  Better yet, use “Gift of Foresight” fertilizer balls when handling Ingwion. 

Fairy Stepmother -- Fëanaro’s Bane, Indis, The Other Woman, Stepmom, Wicked Stepmother, Ingwë-in-Drag, The Valkyrie, Veela, Fleur dela Coeur, Finwë’s Strike Two, Jadis, the White Witch

A very fertile “female” plant that can produce up to five “children plants” with a used (experienced) Finwë stalk.  This plant is usually kept in libraries, cemeteries and other quiet places, for it “dislikes intrigues and tumult.”  Better not exchange gossip with your neighbor in front of this plant.  

Warning:  You are required to sign a waiver before propagating this useful female plant by the Eldarin Horticultural Society for “unforeseen damages caused by berserk Fëanaro BlackHorny plants”.  Precautions include:
• Ensure that there is at least a 500-mile distance between this plant and a Fëanaro BlackHorny or face the consequences. 
• If are recklessly hard-headed and must insist on planting them in the same garden, BURY the Fëanaro BlackHorny under a heaving pile of Super Silmaril Fertilizer balls and surround with wet and naked Nerdanel plants. 
• Never, ever plant a Finwë stalk in between a Miriel Therinde and The Fairy Stepmother because it will result in extreme damage to the Finwë plant.
• Never place a Miriel and The Fairy Stepmother in a “fem-slash” floral arrangement as they have the tendency to mud-wrestle, thereby ruining their sensitive petals. 

Goldilocks –Amarië, Melodrama Queen, Pyrite Tresses, Rapunzel, Aurora, Gold(Fin)ger

This beautiful plant produces golden yellow blooms that look like spun gold.  It is usually paired with a Dawn Felagundine(Finrod), preferably those specimens that have been treated with Namo's Brand Re-embodiment soil minerals. 

The Titanic -- Elenwë, Iceberg queen, Snow Queen, Helcaraxë Muse, Jack Dawson, Leonardo di Caprio

Like the rest of its family (surprise, surprise) this bloom has golden yellow flowers and bright, dazzling leaves.    This female plant is usually fertilized by an Anti-Social/Turgon plant from the Fingolfinapsida class to produce the award-winning Idril or Itaril Celebrindal plant.

This plant only thrives in mountains and other places of high altitude but never in cold climates, enclosed spaces, caves, sea-coasts, etc. 

Practical uses for Home and Health: 

Ingwë
Ingwë plants are mostly used for decorative, ceremonial or symbolic purposes.  It is widely-used as a slogan for lame-duck leaders.  

The leaves are pulped and woven into effective Invisibility cloaks.  One side-effect is that the invisibility is permanent.   Twisted stems can be used as wicks for lamps, bonfires and are very effective when used for burning witches in stakes. 

Ingwion
The stiff canes of this plant are used for spears for fighting, hunting jousting, measuring sticks that can cover long distances, fabric measurement sticks, pole vaulting sticks, javelins, long fruit picking sticks, poking sleeping dragons’ eyelids, tapping enemies you don’t want to talk to, etc.   In fact, the expression: “I won’t touch you with a ten-foot pole even if …”, is based on the average length of Ingwion canes. 

The fumes of burning Ingwion sticks are known to have hallucinogenic effects and have been known to induce 'wrath attacks' that last fifty years or more.   

Fairy Stepmother
Other than reproducing with the Finwë stalk, this plant is also used by really, really brave daredevils and fraternity initiates in goading a Fëanaro BlackHorny to go berserk (i.e. Plantslaying mode).  Some extremely foolhardy thrill-seekers with a death-wish even spray red plant-coloring to the Fairy Stepmother’s petals (so it can pass for Nerdanel) and try to graft it with the Fëanaro BlackHorny.  There are high death rates resulting from this suicidal act.  You have been warned.

Goldilocks
A useful bear repellant especially for woodland chalets and whatnot.  Not effective if the bear is actually a transformed Beorning.  How to tell the difference?  Try and talk politely to the bear, if it replies, it’s a Beorning; if it doesn’t, what are you waiting for?  RUN! 

Goldilocks has been featured in maudlin romantic novels wherein the hero deserts the heroine but returns (eventually, after five hundred years or so...).  The blooms are also popular with sculptors, who usually cover their human statues “private parts” with this flower. 

The Titanic
Other than reproducing with an Anti-Social/Turgon plant, there are no other practical uses for this flower. 

Chapter End Notes

Coming up soon:  The Telerinapsida