The Scented Pleasure Garden by whitewave

Nandorapsida & Galadhrimapsida

Welcome to the Eldarin Horticultural Society!  

We are pleased to welcome you to our promiscuously fertile organization of plot makers and growers from all regions of Arda. 

The Nandorapsida are considered “bare essentials” or “nudist” plants.  The broad leaves of this plant were reputedly used to cover tumescent appendages of primitive Quendi during the Great Journey. 

The Galadhrimapsida are tree climbing cultivars that boast of monstrous girths.  They also have thick, ring-like calluses on their bases which are reputed to intensify the plant’s regenerative capacity. 

Both of these classes are extremely unfriendly to Naugrim shrubs, especially His Arrogance.

Scientific Name
Kingdom:  Rural Telerin
Division:  Tawarwaith
Class:  Nandorapsida and Galadhrimapsida
Order:   Mojo Maximo
Family:   Jealosium (means ‘green-eyed monster’ in obscure Avarin)

Other Names:
Tree-huggers, Sandwich or BigMac, Rainbow Party
 
Trivia: 
Nandorapsida are used as the official emblems of the Nudist Federation of Arda.  Galadhrimapsida blooms featured prominently in the risqué painting “The Swing”.

Brazilian Bikini – Denethor, Lenwë’s Boy, Sally Hansen, Lambskin

Do not plant in areas that are easily accessible to your pets, especially for species that are particularly hairy.

His Arrogance – Craig Parker, Haldir, McDreamy Warden, Binka’s Fling, Malinorne’s Fantasy, Fancrone (or Fangirl) Fetish

His Arrogance thrives in Fanon (or movie-verse) and Canon (or book-verse) plots.  For Fanon, it produces platinum blond flowers with a kitsch-looking maroon cape. For Canon plots it grows insipid dark brown blooms.  

Canon-grown Haldirs are very predictable and serve as useful adornments for mallorn trees.  Several botanical tests prove that using ‘Peter Jackson Brand’ or ‘New Line’ soil supplements” for Canon-grown Haldirs is extremely harmful and even fatal.  Do not plant with Naugrim shrubs as Haldirs have the tendency to pass toxic gas fumes that instantly suffocate the unsuspecting Naugrims.  Do not plant along deepening walls.

For better results, gardeners tending this plant in Fanon plots should be attired with a red velvet blindfold and latex body paint. Cracking a whip in front of the plant also helps to ‘tone down’ its legendary arrogance. 

McSteamy Warden – Orophin, Tarzan, Pompoir, Flute player, Burmese Bells
            and
McSaucy Warden – Rumil, George of the Jungle, Kegels, Ben Wa Balls(an obscure Avarin term)

McSteamy and McSaucy are ‘brother’ species of His Arrogance.   They thrive in Canon plots but growers have discovered that planting them in Fanon plots greatly enhances their appeal.  They also grow well in high altitudes and are mostly used to decorate tree houses, especially mallorns.

These plants are extremely territorial like the Sindarapsida and must not be planted along deepening walls for they will wilt instantly.   Playing dramatic instrumental music around this plant also causes it to wilt.

Amroth & Nimrodel – Romeo & Juliet, Jack & Rose, Antony & Cleo, Silverloders

This is another maudlin pair of flowers celebrated in song and verse as a symbol for star-crossed lovers. These plants are unusual in that they are highly hydrophobic.  Be careful not to plant them near any body of water (including aquariums, swimming pools or outdoor showers).  Come watering time, just sprinkle drops of water on the plants with your hands.  If you have a whole garden of these plants, we assure you that it will take you at least a yeni to water each one of them.

Never You Mind - Sue Storm, Mithrellas, Invisible Woman, Imrazor’s Love, The Handmaiden (not to be confused with the bloom ‘Evermind’)

This legendary plant disappears and then ‘returns’ in a different place at random intervals.  This phenomenon is considered as one of the greatest unsolved Eldarin mysteries.  That is why you have an Imrazor pollinate it immediately before it reaches its “fading” phase.  Or better yet, do not expose to sea or salt water as this triggers the “fading” phase.

Other Practical uses for Home and Health: 

Brazilian Bikini

The sap from this plant is a very effective depilatory cream that is very popular with Beornings.   Use utmost discretion and common sense when handling the flowers.

His Arrogance

Fanon-grown Haldirs are frequently used in orgy-a-thon floral arrangements with Mary Sue Wildflowers (or weeds), including intra-species and inter-species hyper-erotic slash. Examples would be "TreebeardxHis Arrogance", "ThorondirxHis Arrogance", "LegolasxHis Arrogance". Florists also favor this studly plant for making elaborate daisy chains.

McSteamy Warden & McSaucy Warden

McSteamy and McSaucy are frequently used in daisy chains with Mary Sue wildflowers.  Bacchalantes use the blooms as wreaths for their hair. 

Amroth & Nimrodel

Lovelorn over-age bachelorettes usually insert the petals in-between pages of romantic bodice-ripper novels as the fumes from the petals are said to induce pleasurable and euphoric sensations similar in effect to chocolate.  Overdoses can lead to decreased libido.

Never You Mind

Never You Mind is usually paired with Imrazor male plants to produce Dol Amroth stock blooms.  

Chapter End Notes

Next and last chapter:  The Avarinapsida