The Scented Pleasure Garden by whitewave

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The Gondolinapsida

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Welcome to the Eldarin Horticultural Society!  

We are pleased to welcome you to our promiscuously fertile organization of plot makers and growers from all regions of Arda. 

The Gondolinapsida is a sub-classification of Fingolfinapsida. For the most part, the Gondolinapsida species are reclusive by nature; hence, they require a special micro-climate to thrive.  They have a wide variety of color, texture, and structure including ‘unusual’ properties.   

As mentioned in Chapter Two, this sub-division is the most fussy of all the Fingolfinapsida.  It is planted from seedlings and watered with the saltiest seawater you can find.  Next, you need to uproot it, ever so gently (or not) then transferred to it’s own enclosed, fenced-in “micro-climate”.  You may also include generic Sindarin, Nandorin or even Avarin cultivars in this rarefied environment. 

Place the plants on a raised, stony bed and enclose in a fence with small “gates” and lots of towers.  Please refer to our Garden Décor department if you want to purchase these garden props.

Scientific Name
Kingdom:  Noble Noldorin
Division:  Sub-division of Fingolfinapsida
Class:  Gondolinapsida
Order:   Xenophobium
Family:   WildOatsClub

Common Names:
Bachelor Club, Boy Band of the Musical Stone, Cloistered Choirboys,
 
Trivia: 
A popular cheerleading position/formation was named “Gondolin Glow Grow Go” in honor of this plant group.

Note:   We will combine the planting instructions/precautions with the ‘practical uses for home and health’ since this sub-division has only two main functions or uses: 
1. looking pretty AND
2. pollinating female plants. 

Anti-Social -- Smart Ass (obscure Avarin for ‘wise’), Turukáno, Turgon, Safe Secret, Hide-Go-Seek, Shy Ondolindë, Earendil’s Grandpa

Anti-Social should be planted at the very center of the enclosed area to serve the role of ‘decorative centerpiece’.   It has the tendency for overly attached to the places it is used to so it might get ‘homesick’ if you have to transfer to another house.  

The flowers are usually in white, gold and red in peculiar shapes of circles, crescents and hearts.

(For the rest of the details about Anti-Social, please refer to Chapter 2 – Fingolfinapsida)

Glorfindina – Trek King, Balrog’s Bane-Blond, Spotlight Shinesome, Golden Showers, Gold Member, Celandine, (also erroneously marketed as “Fëanáro BlondHorny”)

Glorfindina produces radiantly glowing golden flowers This beautiful bloom is usually paired with feathery Asfaloth ferns which compliment its shiny golden hue.   Do not plant in tropical climates or under direct sunlight because it might wilt. A notable exception to this rule would be body heat which the Glorfindina positively basks in!

Glorfindina is very tolerant of any type of plot although many growers seem to prefer planting it in Fanon/Smut plots.  In fact, this plant is very popular for threesome, four-some or even five-some floral arrangements with Mary Sue wildflowers (or weeds).  It is also used as slash partners for other Eldarin ‘male’ plants—the possibilities are virtually endless! 

Warning:  Do not plant an Arwen Peredhel plant beside a Glorfindina as the latter has the tendency to ‘steal’ the attention meant for the former.  Remember that Glorfindina will wither quickly if left unadorned and unattended.  If or once this happens, treat Glorfindina immediately with Námo Pump That Body soil minerals and get rid of the Arwen Peredhel for Valar’s sake!

Echtelionya – TrekMuse, Balrog’s Bane-Black, Splash, Fountain Fury, Flute Fetish, Pied Piper, The Plumber

Echtelionya produces long, bright and pale flowers and has long, upright and tumescent stalks. Landscape artists prefer to plant this along large, ornate fountains and even the edges of pools so that swimmers can hold on to the firm stalks to prevent drowning. 

It is a common misconception, primarily because of old wives’ (or old husbands’) tales, that Echtelionya is an effective rodent repellant.  This is positively not true as the name “Pied Piper” actually refers to its elongated tumescent blooms that resemble pipes.

Sharpie – Stalker Cousin, Maeglin, Lomion, Nan Elmoth Heir, Sharp Glance

Stalker Cousin is quite similar to the Fëanaro BlackHorny in that you have to be very, very, very careful on where to place it in your garden and what you should plant near it.  In this case, do not plant in close proximity with most Eldarin plants (especially young nursery-level ones like Earendil), most mortal plants, and heck, just plant this one alone for goodness’ sake! 

Please take note that Sharpie’s eye-catching sable flowers draw the inordinate attention of female moles ‘in estrus’. Hence, some enterprising merchants market this as an aphrodisiac.  Do not plant this beside a Tuor or face the terrible consequences.

Sharpie was featured in the geek-fest comedy movie:  “The Mean Median and the Mole”. 

Salgantee-hee – Harpy, Fawny Eyes, Tubby, Bambi, Wormtail

This horizontally-challenged specimen is available in a wide selection of plus, plus sizes.  It has strong, but vehemently unrequited affection for the Sharpie (see above).  If you want Salgantee-hee to thrive, place a life-sized picture of the Sharpie beside it and notice how much it adores and fawns over the Sharpie.   In plant nursery studies, Salgantee-hee will even attempt to have the ‘picture Sharpie’ to pollinate its orifices. 

Do not plant this alongside the “Idril” (Other names: Itarille Celebrindal, Blond Luthien, Silver Pedicure) as Salgantee-hee considers the female plant as a rival.

Arc de Triomphe – Egalmoth, Heavenly Arching

Reputed to be worth its weight in gold, this plant produces shimmering, jewel-toned flowers and a curiously well-endowed but bent stalk.  Not that we are complaining.  In fact, the arching stalk is a sought-after feature for our lascivious growers and breeders.

In the Eldarin language of flowers, when a male gives you a large bouquet of Arc de Triomphe and asks you to marry him, you’d better think twice—it may mean that he can’t afford a real engagement ring. 

Tuor – Mortal Sin, Other Filthy Human (First Filthy Human is Beren)

Produces silver armor blooms with wing protrusions that the “Idril” female plant seems to prefer for pollination purposes.  Together, these two produce the Eärendil, the plant used to decorate air vessels.   Tuor is sometimes used with Sharpie in slash/two-some floral arrangements.

Penlodh – Gnome-Gro, Sky-High, Polevault, Maypole

An ornamental plant used to adorn pillars, towers, lighthouses, strip tease poles, electric poles, flag poles, basketball rings, you get the picture.  It can thrive in freezing Helcaraxë temperatures. 

Rogald McDonald – Enerdhil, Fastfood Guru, Hot Hammer of Luv, Smithsonian, Anvil of Desire, Hot Leather Aprons

Ornamentals that produce plenty of red, gold and black floral varieties that thrive in mines, caves, deep gloomy places. 

Humpty Dumpty – Duilin, Swallow Tails, Bowmen, Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty is a favorite birdfood.  It produces white, dark blue, purple or black flowers that resemble a fan of feathers and are used to decorate walls, ruins and vacant lots.  Be sure to provide ample safety harness to prevent the plant from falling down from the wall. 

Galdorina – Iron Maidens

Produces green blooms with iron-studded clubs or with slings which are a hit with BSDM variety Mary Sue Wildflowers (or weeds).

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Chapter End Notes

Up Next:  The Wood Elves (ehrm, the Nandor plus Haldir and brothers)

Only two more chapters to go.  Last chapter will be about the Avarins.