The Condensed Silmarillion by Cheeky

Luthién was A Princess

Lúthien was a princess.

In the worst sense of the word.

She was pretty, talented and spoilt beyond belief.
I am not sure she was completely right in the head. She never did anything useful. She seemed to spend all her time dancing barefoot in the forest.
Other elves ignored this fact, they just went " ah Lúthien, bless her"

There was musician who had a serious crush on her. How he ever thought Thingol would entertain him having anything to do with his daughter I don't know. How he ever thought Lúthien would entertain having anything to do with him I don't know.......and she didn't, she just kept the poor guy begging for scraps. He was useful, he could play music for her weird barefoot dancing obsession.

Into Lúthien's slightly bizarre universe stumbled Beren. He was the nephew of Bregolas, (Bregolas, NOT Legolas) and son of Barahir........of the ring. Beren had the ring of Barahir/Finrod and he made sure everybody knew it. Any opportunity he got he was showing that ring off.

Of course predictably as soon as he saw Lúthien he was enchanted. It's unclear if he was enchanted WITH her or enchanted BY her........her mother did have a history of enchanting males who stumbled into her presence so Beren can count himself lucky he wasn't frozen to the spot for eons like poor old grumpy Thingol.

After spending some time happily skipping barefoot round the forest together while the musician seethed away in the background Beren and Lúthien fronted up before Thingol.

No prizes for guessing how their lovely little twosome, ( a threesome I guess if you count the poor background musician), went down with him. An ugly hairy, sweaty man was NOT what he wanted for his daughter.......not at all. " I didn't have the worlds most beautiful Elleth as a daughter just so she could shack up with the likes of you " he said.

Thingol, you should count yourself lucky she has found someone who can put up with her constant and never ending dance compulsion. Honestly not that many guys would be prepared to go there.

Thingol was outraged... And about to do something rather drastic, kill off Beren, to protect his daughters honor when Melian his wife said she could foresee that he really shouldn't do that and he made the mistake of listening to her.

More fool Thingol.

Turns out Melian could be wrong.
Turns out Melian was really wrong about this one.
I'm sorry Melian but it has to be said, the people of Doriath, not to mention the lovely Finrod would have all been much better off if you had kept your nose and your visions out of this. A dead Beren at this point would have improved the lot of everyone, except Beren, (and maybe Lúthien but really up until now what has she contributed to Doriath apart from some very pleasant eye candy and complicated dance steps?)

So Thingol came up with a plan, it was a wicked plan, it was a selfish plan and it was a very very foolish plan. As he announced it you can almost see Melian wishing the ground would open up and swallow her so she didn't have to stand next to him and listen to it.

Beren would have to fetch him a Silmaril, from Morgoth's crown no less if he wished to come within 100 metres of Lúthien in the future.
" Right," said Beren " Piece of cake. I'll be off then" demonstrating that Men had a long long way to go on their quest for intelligence.

But the prize for the worlds biggest idiot goes to Thingol because where, when and in what way ever, was owning a Silmaril the Sons of Fëanor had earmarked as theirs a good idea.

What did you think would happen when you got it Thingol.......I ask you??!

I have no words.