The Condensed Silmarillion by Cheeky

Seriously...What is wrong with Aragorn?

I am afraid the thought of having to write more Beren and Lùthien is causing me to lose the will to live and so we will cut a long story short.

It is a very long story and we will cut it very short. Absolutely important details only.

So Beren and Lùthien run away with the Silmaril and Morgoth sends the worlds worst werewolf after them.....not sure why Sauron didn't have this one at his disposal.
Unfortunately Beren has to lose his hand, and the Silmaril to the werewolf so they can escape.

Ok now this is just going too far with the Taking the Mickey out of Maedhros and Fingon. First they steal the song rescue and now Beren loses a hand as well!!!! Come on Tolkien stop recycling all your plot lines. You can do better then this.

They head back to Doriath Where Beren tells Thingol, " Sorry, don't have the Silmaril and unfortunately I seem to have unleashed an insane murderous werewolf into your lands who is as we speak running around killing everyone....so sorry about that, I did lose my hand though..."

Thingol and Crew embark on a werewolf hunt which ends up with Thingol having the Silmaril, a dead werewolf, a dead Huan ( super strong talking dog) and a dead Beren. Lùthien, being a drama queen just has to die as well.

Beren and Lùthien show up in front of Mandos, who, you would think, should kick the shit out of them for their appalling behaviour up until this point but no. He is suckered into believing their sob story and sends them back to Arda to live happily ever after, (Lùthien does have to go back as a mortal as some kind of a penalty but it's really just a slap on the wrist with a wet dishcloth, I wonder why he even bothered)

And that is ( almost) the last we see of the pair of them.

Thank Goodness!

That is until we get to the Lord of the Rings when Aragorn is compelled to mention them almost daily, that's when he is not spending his time singing mournful songs about them. He had a serious Beren and Lùthien obsession. I think he needed counselling.

The strangest thing about this whole tale is that Aragorn, when meeting Arwen while wandering aimlessly around Lothlorien thought that an appropriate chat up line was "Hi, you remind me of Lùthien, a spoilt brat who never did anything for anybody and I am like Beren, the selfish idiot who got your Great Uncle killed, want to get together?"

And what is even stranger than that is that Arwen fell for it.

A more sensible response from her should have been "Mate, I don't know who you are but you just compared me to my Great Grandmother. Think about it, that is really not very flattering and by the way I believe that is my Great Uncles ring you are wearing. Do you think you could give it back?!"

Maybe Aragorn was right, maybe he and Arwen really were just as bad as the other two, they just managed to hide it better.......