Chasing Mirages by Russandol

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Fanwork Notes

Chasing Mirages

 

“Of old there was Sauron the Maia, whom the Sindar in Beleriand named Gorthaur. In the beginning of Arda Melkor seduced him to his allegiance, and he became the greatest and most trusted of the servants of the Enemy, and the most perilous, for he could assume many forms, and for long if he willed he could still appear noble and beautiful, so as to deceive all but the most wary.

When Thangorodrim was broken and Morgoth overthrown, Sauron put on his fair hue again and did obeisance to Eönwë the herald of Manwë, and abjured all his evil deeds. And some hold that this was not at first falsely done, but that Sauron in truth repented, if only out of fear, being dismayed by the fall of Morgoth and the great wrath of the Lords of the West. But it was not within the power of Eönwë to pardon those of his own order, and he commanded Sauron to return to Aman and there receive the judgement of Manwë. Then Sauron was ashamed, and he was unwilling to return in humiliation and to receive from the Valar a sentence, it might be, of long servitude in proof of his good faith; for under Morgoth his power had been great. Therefore when Eönwë departed he hid himself in Middle-earth; and he fell back into evil, for the bonds that Morgoth had laid upon him were very strong.”

“Of The Rings of Power and The Third Age”, The Silmarillion, J.R.R Tolkien

 

Warning: This tale describes a m/m relationship including sexual content and D/S themes. Please heed the overall story warnings.

Translations, quotes, etc. are provided at the end of each chapter, but generally only the first time a new term appears in the story. A list of characters, place names and glossary is also available in Appendix B.

Acknowledgements: I wish to thank elfscribe for her patient and insightful beta reading and unflagging support and to pandemonium_213 for encouraging me along from the very first draft long before I began posting, as well as for providing fabulous feedback. Thanks are due also to a bunch of folk at the Lizard Council (that is, kymahalei, elfscribe, erulisse, oshun, aearwen, surgicalsteel, Scarlet, pandemonium, Darth Fingon, Elf of cave, kimberleighe, vanime18431, dracoena, DrummerWench, grey gazania, Spiced Wine, sanna, lilithlessfair, alassante, crowdaughter, elleth and windsurfbabe. I hope I haven’t forgotten anyone!) who have commented and nit picked for many months. Special mention goes to SurgicalSteel for expert advice on injuries caused by different types of weapons and to Darth Fingon for help with both Quenya and Sindarin names.

All remaining errors are my own!

My vision of Sauron as a far more complex character than a villainous Dark Lord has no doubt been strongly influenced by the amazing The Apprentice by pandemonium_213 where she describes his clever seduction of the elves of Ost-in-Edhil using the arcane knowledge he possesses, and by the gripping tale Elegy for Númenor by elfscribe, where Annatar is superbly presented as a master manipulator, giving it all to the task of beguiling Ar-Pharazôn. These are two of the works that irreversibly hooked me into the Silmarillion fandom. For a little crossover to this latter novel, here's the link to my story Hospitality.

And here's two wonderful portraits of Eönwë, on the left, in the distant land of Kiinlúum, by Lyra, and on the right, by Alasse:

Eonwe, by Lyra Eönwë, by Alasse

 

Thanks, pandemonium_213, for the SWG 5th Birthday icon to Eönwë. He is most grateful for your encouragement...

You Made Me Love You (I didn't want to do it)

 

Disclaimer: Yes, Tolkien owns his characters, though often I dream they are mine... When the dream is over, they go back to their lives.

I make no money from them but then, most of the best things in life are free. All I'd dare ask is that if my stories entertain you, let me know by leaving a review.

 

Fanwork Information

Summary:

The story of Eönwë, Maia of Manwë, and Mairon Aulendil after the War of Wrath. A tale of darkness, light, love and betrayal over the Ages of Eä.

Tolkien simply told us that [Sauron] fell back into evil, for the bonds that Morgoth had laid upon him were very strong. But this line is unsatisfactory on so many levels that it became a challenge to create a plausible background story for Sauron's fall, from the time Eönwë returns to Aman to face the Valar over his decision to free one of Morgoth's most dreaded minions to Sauron's final fate, long after the destruction of the Ring.

Chasing Mirages banner

B2MeM 2011 and 2012 participant 

MEFA 2011 1st Place - Incomplete: Drama & Smaug's Treasure (but complete since then!)

 

Major Characters: Original Character(s), Anárion, Celebrimbor, Elrond, Eönwë, Erestor, Finarfin, Gil-galad, Glorfindel, Maglor, Mandos, Manwë, Melian, Sauron

Major Relationships:

Artwork Type: No artwork type listed

Genre: Adventure, Drama, Slash/Femslash

Challenges: B2MeM 2011, B2MeM 2012, Fifth Birthday Celebration

Rating: Adult

Warnings: Character Death, Expletive Language, Mature Themes, Rape/Nonconsensual Sex, Sexual Content (Graphic), Torture, Violence (Graphic)

This fanwork belongs to the series

The Secret Chronicles of the Ainur
Chapters: 40 Word Count: 174, 416
Posted on 12 July 2010 Updated on 23 April 2023

This fanwork is complete.

Table of Contents

Peace

Eönwë, Herald of Manwë, returns to Aman after the War of Wrath.

 

Please note that translations for elvish terms (or words from other languages, as the story progresses) are usually listed at the end of each chapter and in the Appendix B. List of Characters, Place Names and Other Terms.

 

Exile

Eönwë sails to Middle-earth.

 

Parley

Eönwë arrives at his destination and meets the foe he's been commanded to seek.

 

Mirages

Eönwë settles in Kiinlúum, a far realm of the East of Middle-earth.

 

Doubt

Mairon drops the bait, and Eönwë... well, read at your own peril if you wish to find out.

 

Trust

Eönwë asks a favour from Mairon. Unfortunately for him, events do not work out as planned.

 

Revelation

Eönwë and Mairon become more intimately acquainted.

 

Answers

The day after, Eönwë asks many questions, and Mairon provides answers.

 

Games

Eönwë visits Mairon in his workshop and they strike a deal.

 

Warnings

The years go by, Eönwë receives a present and Mairon another alias!

 

Treason

Eönwë makes a dreadful mistake and must pay the price.

 

Truth

Eönwë is summoned by the king and learns the whole truth.

 

Requital

Eönwë gets his... revenge?

 

Renewal

Eönwë finds a new balance in his life in Kiinlúum.

 

Time

Eönwë has to deal with the passing of Time.

This chapter fits two prompts of B2MeM 2011.

Valinor Passport Stamp B2MeM 2011Rivendell Passport Stamp B2MeM 2011

Faith

Eönwë proves his faith in his former foe.

This chapter fits three prompts of B2MeM 2011.

Nan Elmoth Passport Stamp B2MeM 2011Mithrim Passport Stamp B2MeM 2011Bree-lands Passport Stamp B2MeM 2011

Foreboding

Eönwë's bliss is shadowed by foresight. What will prevail: fate or free will?

 

Summons

A summons is issued, Eönwë makes a decision and Mairon... well, Mairon surprises Eönwë.

This chapter fits two of the prompts of B2MeM 2011.

Losgar Passport Stamp B2MeM 2011Nargothrond Passport Stamp

Intrigues

War escalates in Kiinlúum. Mairon and Eönwë play their parts.

Thank you to wonderful SurgicalSteel, who provided expert medical advice for the relevant portions of this chapter.

 

Mandos

Eönwë faces the Doomsman of the Valar.

This chapter fits a prompt of B2MeM 2011.

Mordor Passport Stamp B2MeM 2011

Lindon

Eönwë returns to Middle-earth.

 

Mistrust

Eönwë gets into trouble in Lindon.

 

A big thank you to Darth Fingon for his theory about the etymology of a particular obscure term.

 

Fealty

Following Elrond's revelation, Eönwë stays in Lindon.

 

Contention

Eönwë and Elrond get to know each other over the years.

 

Acceptance

Elrond surprises Eönwë; years later, he has visitors.

 

Resurgence

Ereinion makes kingly decisions; a couple of centuries later, Eönwë receives exciting news.

 

Mairon

Eönwë answers Mairon’s message.

 

Annatar

Annatar talks about ships and wings; Mairon gets jealous.

 

Betrayals

Elrond decides it is time to travel back to Lindon.

 

Fall

Eönwë receives a message from Mairon, and Gil-galad from Celebrimbor.

 

Ñorthus

Sauron shows his Dark Lord’s colours.

 

This chapter fits several B2MeM 2012 prompts:

Controversial - I22: Fate: Free Will or Preordained?
This Means War! - O67: Sauron vs. Celebrimbor

B2MeM 21012 Participant

 

Grief

Shattered dreams, lies and more...

 

This chapter fits several B2MeM 2012 prompts:

Discoveries - B4: The Rings of Power
Emotions - B9: Love, B14: Pain, I18: Grief, N33: Courage and G51: Cruelty

B2MeM 2012 Participant

 

Downfallen

After the events of Ost-in-Edhil, life goes on.

Thank you, elfscribe, for permission to do the little crossovers with Elegy.

 

This chapter fits one B2MeM 2012 prompt:

Emotions - O64: Horror

B2MeM 21012 Participant

 

Defeats

Following an unlikely victory, a new age begins; darkness grows again slowly until it hits home.

 

This chapter fits the following B2MeM 2012 prompts:

Artifacts & Weapons - B7: Narsil
Powers & Underpowers - B7: Irmo (Lórien): nightmare
This Means War! - N41: Sauron vs. Isildur
Weapons & Warfare - I27: Mace
Archery in Arda - B6: Wood elves of Mirkwood
Emotions - G59: Hope

B2MeM 21012 Participant

 

Doom

Erestor is not happy about the decision to send Frodo to destroy the Ring in the fires of Orodruin. Eönwë makes plans.

 

Special thanks to SurgicalSteel for her invaluable advice on knife injuries.

 

This chapter fits the following B2MeM 2012 prompt:

Discoveries - G51: Songs of Power

B2MeM 21012 Participant

 

Freedom

The two ages of Eönwë’s banishment come to an end.

 

This chapter fits the following B2MeM 2012 prompts:

Emotions - B1: Joy
Emotions - I21: Awe

B2MeM 21012 Participant

 

Captivity

Eönwë travels to Ithilien, before paying another visit to the Moritarnon.

 

This chapter fits the following B2MeM 2012 prompts:

Controversial Topics - O72: Do Balrogs have wings?
Powers and Underpowers - B15: Námo (Mandos): fear of the dead/ghost

B2MeM 21012 Participant

 

Choice

Eönwë stands again before Manwë, and a doom is spoken (aka “all you ever wanted to tell Manwë and Námo to their faces but never dared to.”) This story finally reaches the end... for now.

A diamond-encrusted gold medal goes to elfscribe, who betaed this chapter twice in full and many other times in portions, because I tweaked and tweaked and kept tweaking. Thank you so much, my dear. You’ve made it all possible.

Thank you also to the bunch of assorted reptilians at the Lizard Council who encouraged me, offered great advice and feedback, and gorged on nits over the two years it’s taken me to travel this journey.

 

This chapter fits the following B2MeM 2012 prompt:

Controversial Topics - B7: Nothing is evil in the beginning...

B2MeM 21012 Participant

 

Appendix A. Story Timeline

Entries in italics are described or listed in at least one of the Tolkien canon sources given below.

Dates are given as “year, age” and may differ in some cases from those listed in the “Tale of Years” in The Lord of the Rings, if the events have followed the version described in Unfinished Tales or The History of Middle-earth.

Warning: it may contain mild spoilers!

 

Appendix B. List of Characters, Place Names and Other Terms

This story takes place in a variety of settings, spanning several ages of Arda. Inevitably, an assortment of terms and names from several languages has made its way into the tale.

For consistency I have assumed all along that Eönwë speaks Quenya in his inner narrative, even if he is likely to be addressing someone in a different language, like Sindarin, during a particular scene.

For Yucatec, on which the invented language of Kiinlúum is based, I have relied on the “Diccionario español - maya en línea” to find words, some of which I have used without modification, while in other cases I have adapted them or combined them to create my own names or terms.

 

Comments

The Silmarillion Writers' Guild is more than just an archive--we are a community! If you enjoy a fanwork or enjoy a creator's work, please consider letting them know in a comment.

I'm feeling rather sad about its ending already, now that the writing is over, except maybe for nitpicks and addressing any comments from the Lizards. The characters have been talking in my head for so long, I sort of miss them. Still, you have still a few chapters to go. You'd read it all again? That's very flattering, that it deserves a second read. I keep reading and re-reading my favourite fics, though not so much recently, as writing has taken most of my spare time. Maybe I can relax for a while now and catch up a little.

I know spoilers don't bother you. If you thought the last line was chilling, brace yourself for the next couple of chapters. Eönwë is dealing with Sauron, after all...

Thank you oshun, your review makes me bounce all smiley!

Sauron has pursued his vision of a realm to rival Valinor, and when all his patient efforts of coaching and seduction of Celebrimbor fail, he will lash out against everyone he believes has betrayed him, including his lover. In the meantime, Eönwë only refused him to prevent another tragedy and be able to reach his own miragw with Mairon at the end of his banishment.

Yes, I see that. It seems tangled and ruined beyond possibility of healing, which is so tragic, as I see both their viewpoints in this.

The sad thing is that their dreams were not incompatible, if only the Valar had left them alone. I won't be making excuses about Sauron for what he becomes, though, but it's one of these cases where you feel some of the blame lies elsewhere.

I'm very glad both viewpoints come across well because I want you to feel horrified by what Sauron does (no fluffy Dark Lord here, as you'll soon see), but also sorry for what he's lost.

 

This was a truly tortured chapter, Russa, in that it literally racked me as a reader. I cannot imagine where Eonwë wil go from here, although we know where Mairon goes. And yet, I can't hate him. The way you write him -- I do want to hate him, but I can't, you've made him too complex, which is always a triumph of writing.

That's a huge compliment, thank you! I can't hate him either, instead I sort of hate myself for building it all up and then letting them fall like this. As though I should have been waving warning flags along the way, LOL.

As to where Eönwë goes from here, well, he's going back to Imladris at some point. But I assume you're asking about his feelings. Next chapter will bring a lot of answers as to how things stand between them and what will remain... because something will.

Thanks again, Spiced, you're wonderful! I love you're here keeping me company and always encouraging me.

Oh, yes. I did mean Eonwë's emotional next steps, rather than his physical ones. he feels responsible for this horror, and for Mairon's second fall - something that could, and almost did lead to Sauron's triumph on Middle-earth.

You can't really help bringing it to this point unless it's a complete AU. But this is fascinating, because there is nothing more enthralling than exploring characters and their motivations, and you've done that brilliantly.

Tolkien's Sauron could have been magnificent, but he only gave us the sketches of a very intriguing character who does some cunning, evil things and then, in the Third Age, he turns into a not very clever two-dimensional baddie. Though I won't be able to explain everything, I set out to tell Sauron's version of a few of the key events, even if it's through his lover's eyes. I doubt Sauron would have been half as likeable if I had tried to sit inside his head to do it from his POV.

Of course Eönwë is not responsible for Sauron's evil, but who wouldn't feel some guilt in his place? Sauron knows it, and he's feeding his guilt, in revenge for his own pain. It's true you can hurt most those you know and love. Eönwë will have to live with the consequences for a very long time - being immortal had to have some disadvantages, after all...

...How diabolical.  Poor Eönwë (and everyone else involved).

I was sitting there reading this chapter, and the last section with the huge tally came up, and I cleverly remarked to my walls, "..Oh.  Uh. ...Gah."  I'm kind of hard to shock since a fair amount of my characters insist upon doing horrid and deranged things, so, um, congrats...

And it really is wrenchingly tragic that it's come to this between them.  Well played.

I'll take my ability to shock you as a compliment. I wanted to shock. I wanted exactly that feeling of tragic loss, but without overdoing the gore and the blood. I wanted to show how Sauron had really turned into the Dark Lord we expected, and not into a fluffy half-hearted rascal whom Eönwë would be able to kiss better and bring back to reason. So I'm really glad I succeeded.

Thanks, Huinare!

Please forgive the lack of an extensive and effusive review at the moment, but just dropping by to state and (and loudly):

I LOVE THIS STORY!!!

Whew.  OK.  Now I need another cup of coffee.

Seriously, the development of the characters has been superb.  Eönwë's voice is as powerful as ever, Mairon is a full-on Miltonian villain mode (oh, yessss), Elrond "I'm not always as kind as summer" is great and Glorfindel!  He is a hoot and a half.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

You know how much your support means to me, and how it's pulled me along on this very long journey. I seem to have hit a spot of lack of confidence, so your comment is both a most welcome pat on the shoulder and a well deserved kick in the rear to get on with it. No need for an extensive review, this is exactly what I needed.

Glorfindel, ah, yes, I'd love to write more about him. One day, maybe...

 

 

And the saga continues. I am enjoying it so much. If anything, with renewed excitement, not that every chapter has not been great.

I am so happy that you finally addressed the absolutely delicious UST with Elrond. I am so predictable.

‘Thank you,’ I muttered. ‘I lost track of time.’

Glorfindel snorted, before inclining his head to look at our lord.

‘I am glad you did,’ he whispered.

Me too, Glorfindel. I felt exactly the same way!!

 

Ah, yes, that UST had not been forgotten, and this was the perfect occasion to resolve it. What better than the good old "we-might-die-tomorrow-so let-us-enjoy-tonight" romp?

I'm thrilled you believe I'm still managing to keep up the excitement, and even more that you're still reading. Thank you for the lovely mathom you're giving me on your birthday!

‘Ilúvatar may have indeed taken Aman from the Circles of the World, and that news fills me with sadness. But he need not destroy half of Arda to do so. This tragedy is not of his doing.’

Yes, exactly. 

Poor Eonwë. He's lost so much. At least he had some comfort, and gave it before the final assault.

I don't think Eönwë can ever forget what he once had with Mairon, or stop regretting what they could have had without the meddling of the Valar, but he's learnt to find joy where he can, though it'll be difficult as the effects of Sauron's power spread wider.

Like him, I never believed the Valar saying that the sinking if Númenor was Eru's doing. They had a great track record of destruction without need to involve anyone else.

Thanks for reviewing and for staying with me on this one, Sian. I'm really happy that you're enjoying it!

Eonwë's eyes seem to always be looking east. Precisely! He can't shake his guilt, both for the evil caused by Sauron (no matter how many times he's told he's not to blame; after all, he's the only one who knows the whole story!) and for believing he destroyed what they had together. What a mess! But the end is nigh...

Thanks a lot, Spiced! I'm so happy you're sticking to this epic, and very grateful for your constant encouragement.

 

I'm chuffed to have been able to make reference to Elegy in a way that shows how again everyone, even those who knew him best, underestimated Annatar's ability to manipulate his new targets, which you portray so well. He's such a great example of wolf dressed up as a lamb in your story!

I'm glad you enjoyed the final scene of this chapter. I just had to give Eönwë that short moment of joy with Elrond. I've been so nasty to him, he really deserved a respite. :o)

Thank you for all your help with this, and for dropping by to review. ** hugs **

I had that scene in my mind ever since I thought of this story, same as the Erestor surprise, the events of Eregion - and the ending, of course. I'm over the moon you like it, because yes, it's crazy. It's easy enough to forget that Eönwë is a Maia, considering what's been done to him...

Thanks Spiced, I'm so, so pleased you're still enjoying it!

Thanks, Spiced! This ending has been stuck in my head for years now, and I'm so glad you think it's going well for now. Poor Eönwë had even considered walking into the Void, but I could not really let that happen, could I? This solution is not really a proper revenge at Namo for what he's done to them in the past, but at least outsmarting him must have felt like a little victory. Unfortunately, that means he'll be opposing Namo from now on. Not a good place to be.

I won't know what to do with myself when I have all the free time of not having to edit and re-edit a thousand times. Time to move on at last and tackle something else, I guess, which is going to be a good thing.

 

 

I'm thrilled I caught up with Eönwë and Mairon at last, before the end was posted.  This story has been quite epic, in terms of the time and space it spans, and the characters, and the themes.  I'm anxious to find out how this finally ends up.  =]

Some things I particularly liked:
- The comeradery of the house of Elrond
- Erestor's talk with Sam
- Erestor scurrying to hide the bloody mess in his room!
- Eönwë's and Mairon's fight
- Mairon reemerging <3
- A plot-advancing explanation of Makar and Méassë's disappearance from Tolkien's universe

I don't doubt I've said similar before, but the creativity and compassion of this work is wonderful.

Hi Huinárë, I'm glad you found the time to catch up. A lot has happened to move the story towards its conclusion since you last popped round.

You've gone for rather an assortment of scenes there, but then, the last part of the story has turned into a bizarre potpourri of key moments to sketch the events that bring it all into a whole and advance the plot without retelling LOTR and more. I'm delighted you've picked the disappearance of Makar & Méassë as a favourite, it was too tempting not to include a bit of the external history of The Silmarillion as a plot point!

Sadly it'll soon be over - I'll miss our wayward herald of Manwë. After all, he's been talking to me for three years now, as has Mairon. I'm humbled that you've found the story creative, that's a great compliment when building on something tha was already there!

Thank you for your kind review. I do hope you enjoy the ending.

Awesome trial scene.  I was inwardly cheering to see certain Valar called out on their hypocrisy and entitlement.  
Námo – eugh, there are no curses in Elvish, Entish, or the tongues of Men sufficient for that fellow.  So glad he won’t be troubling your protagonists anymore.
I was smiling with them.  What a gorgeous ending.  Incidentally, a somehow appropriate song came up on my playlist while I read the last scene: ‘Deep as You Go’ by October Project.

It occurs to me that I’ve been following Chasing Mirages for probably eight or nine months, though it doesn’t feel like that long, and I know it was much longer in the making than that.  Congratulations on the completion of this monumental work, and thank you for sharing it with us!

Oh, yes, the song's lyrics are certainly rather appropriate, what a coincidence!

The opportunity to slate the Valar was absolutely irresistible... ;o)

You've been following Mirages for nine months? Wow, the time since we "met" seems to have gone very fast, and in a way, so have the three years since I began to muse about this idea. It's been great to have you  on board during the latter part of this adventure. Sharing this tale has meant a lot to me, despite the trepidation at how some of the themes and plot points would be received, I couldn't have completed this long haul journey without feedback like yours, that has given me the boost to persevere.

Thank you very much!

Thanks, Spiced. I was choked myself when writing the ending, and now I've felt it again, when it seems I've made you care for the characters enough to make you cry. I hear you about the ending, I could have drawn it out, but it was inevitable to let them go, or at least that's how I felt.

And anyway, who says it's over for good? ;o)

Thank you so, so much for coming along on this adventure and for leaving such kind, wonderful reviews!

What a fantastic story, Russa!  I have enjoyed every bit of it.  You've written a complex story with big themes which is also a compelling read. Your Eonwe is a great character, a real hero, who starts out as somewhat naive but with a good heart, who grows and matures as he faces his lover's betrayal, and makes hard choices, always trying to stay true to his principles of love, loyalty, and honor. This last chapter presents such a great solution to the whole problem of what to do with Sauron, enabling Eonwe to keep faith and prevent the worst from befalling his former lover, but also doesn't allow Sauron to get away with his crimes. I love the theme of redemption. Sauron's defiant speech to Manwe and Namo in which he points out all their errors is very satisfying and I love the little line about Elrond giving Eonwe messages he hopes he can deliver.  But it is the poetry at the very end," Behold our Mirage. . . Time still is; so is Eä. So are we, until the final chord of the Music is played" that leaves me with a lump in my throat every time I read it.  Bravo!!     

 

I'm so happy that you feel that the ending of the story fits the rest. Up to then, I had stuck to canon to the best of my ability, maybe with small tweaks as to what version of the events to choose, the one published in The Silmarillion or the variants described, often in more detail, in Unfinished Tales or The History of Middle-earth. For me, though sometimes slightly incompatible, all of them are valid, given how often Tolkien changed his mind about certain parts of his very complex creation. But, as I say, the ending of this story is a sort of warp or even a deviation from Tolkien's framework, something that I had envisioned from the start. I had to engineer the story to the point where it became almost the only plausible solution.

As hard as it may be to accept, redemption had to feature as a theme, if only because Sauron was a far more complex being than the evil villain we know from Lord of the Rings. He was once capable of good and, from the decisions and deeds of the Valar that Tolkien has described to us, they weren't entirely blameless themselves. Throwing Sauron into the Void as they did to Melkor seemed like the easy way out and... wrong.

You humble me with your praise about the poetic ending - I wasn't striving for poetry, but after the necessary ambiguity and mystery at that point mixed with a sense of wonder and hope, both for the characters and for the readers. I'm so happy this came across in a good way.

I've said it many times, and I'll keep saying it as many and more. Without your help, this novel would have never been completed. I would have faltered along the way, when chapters seemed too difficult to tackle, when I was dissatisfied with my ability to put onto paper (or bits and bytes) what I had pictured more or less clearly in my mind. You have been a wonderful beta and a great mentor. The sense of achievement is no less than my happiness at having become your friend.

Thank you for everything.

 

Wow, just wow. This is probably the best portrayal of Sauron/Mairon I've ever seen, and you've managed to capture both the bad and the good convincingly. I can't really say I've ever seen Sauron as anything but a red head (the whole fire spirit thing and all), but other than that, I feel like you've done justice to a character who has a lot more depth and range than he's generally given. I also love what you've done with Eonwe.

The ending is somewhat heartbreaking because I don't think they'll ever get back to having the same relationship they did before (at least not until after Dagor Dagorath; Eowen's trust is too damaged, and Mairon's too traumatized by his own actions to fully escape his self-hate.

I have to say I really want to see you do more with Mairon since you have such a feel for the character. And I'd love to see someone write a Mairon fic dealing with Dagor Dagorath and Mairon after evil (and the Sauron identity) is gone. We know Morgoth is out, but I've always gotten the impression that Sauron was more akin to brainwashing and trauma than a real personality (especially given it's an inversion of his name). It made me think Mairon would eventually be restored and that Arda Healed was more of a process than an event.
 
After he’s mentally put back together (since IMO he had gone a little insane by the time the LOTR was going on), broken out of the damaging lies he’s believed and patterns he’s developed, and come to forgive himself, he still has to earn trust and get past the really awkward stage of being “that guy who went to war with us”.

I'm also glad to see someone writing the Ainur, because we have a ton of elf, dwarf, men and hobbit stories, but everyone seems to forget about them. I mean you have the Vala who are perfectly at home in the void, and then you have a whole group of smaller, weaker beings more or less created to serve them. The psychology there has got to be  fascinating.

I'm very pleased you've enjoyed my vision of Mairon and Eönwë. I had a great time writing Eönwë and his tribulations, while trying to explain the reasons for Sauron's behaviour after he refused to return to Aman. As you say, Sauron didn't seem with it during LOTR. It's a shame that the astute Annatar of the earlier ages became a (very conveniently) predictable and half-witted villain during the War of the Ring. I built this tale in order to explain to myself why some events (like the scene at the Sammath Naur) worked out the way they did. You're right to regret that the relationship between Mairon and Eönwë would never be what it was. They escape from the control of the Valar but there is no "live happily after" ending, though I leave them a sliver of hope. I'm not sure the Dagor Dagorath would bring a happy ending as you suggest. I'm flattered about your prompt for me to write more Mairon or the Ainur. I was not planning to tackle anything with them right away, though I might sometime. I started a fic about Melkor in the Void, but I've been too distracted by other fandom projects and real life, so it's abandoned somewhere in my computer. I'm curious as to the "fire spirit" and red hair image you have for Mairon, as Tolkien never described his physical features. The way I imagine it, Sauron would choose his shape so that he could be close enough to those he planned to seduce. Thanks a lot for taking the time to read my very long story, and for your enthusiastic review. It's great to hear your impressions of the "journey" and to know that my (borrowed) characters reached out to you. PS. I love your alias!

This story was amazingly written. Sauron and Eonwe’s shifting relationship was highly charged and difficult, which was perfectly believable, and both were complex and self-standing (my surprise breakout character would definitively be Elrond). I'm also impressed by the work that went into giving a different view on key events from the 2-4th age. I found that you wrote with just the right amount of description and ellipsis in their D/s relationship to keep the focus on the characters. Plus, any story with Sauron that makes me so absolutely furious with him that I want to see him thrown out in the Void while forcing me to care enough that I want him being saved is a keeper. I loved it!

Hi MementoMori,

Getting into Sauron's head and building what I thought might be a plausible story for his actions during the Second and Third Ages, as seen by someone who got to know him (and to love him!), was a fascinating journey, and I truly enjoyed writing it. I'm so pleased it works for you. I'm also glad to hear that the balance of their physical relationship against the rest of the tale seems sensible to you. I wanted their interaction to become an integral part of the story of why Sauron acted as he did, which doesn't always make sense if you look at Tolkien's works in isolation. The Sauron from the Third Age alwayys seemed to me like a very crude villain compared to the subtle, ruthless mind of the Second Age. I had to understand him, that's what prompted me to write the story. Like you, I was also keen to kick him sometimes, and to feel sorry for him in other occasions.

And Elrond... well, again I felt I wanted to see more of him than the kind master of Imladris. Someone wiih a story as full of loss as his, who manages not to grow bitter, should be a remarkable person. I'm so happy you liked him in here!

Thank you very much for this review, it's great to hear that my story was satisfying and even moved you a little.

 

Wow, I try to review when someone has entertained me wonderfully for free. Thanks for this amazing story.

What I loved:

- well, it works! I can totally see Eonwe/Sauron as a couple.

- your use of the inca language for the language of the area you are describing. What a great idea!

- Sauron as a difficult but (almost) redeemable character. I love some redeemable Sauron, can't stand cardboard cutout stale villains.

Merci for a great read! :)

Hi KhamulsBurntFalafel (by the way, your penname made me smile - are you planning to write the story of that falafel?),

Wow, it's been so long since I last had a review that when I got the notification in my mailbox it was almost like a birthday present! I'm so pleased that you felt the urge to leave a review, and that you told me what you liked most. When I began writing I could picture very clearly the Eönwë/Sauron story, but I wasn't sure I'd be able to make it work, and if I did, I doubted it would convince readers. I also struggled badly with how redeemable Sauron was, and deciding if the ending I had imagined would be half-believable. So I'm glad that you bought into these aspects of the story. About cutout-villain-Sauron, that was my biggest disappointment with LOTR, how dumb thet Dark Lord could be, even more when I found out how he had deceived everyone in the earlier ages. That was what prompted me to write this story.

Yucatec came very handy when it was clear I wasn't up to inventing a language for a very obscure realm of my own making. :o)

Thank you so much for reading, and for popping round to write a review, I greatly appreciate it!

Russa

 

Seriously, I do not even know where to start here, except that I am in love, so utterly in love with this fantastic work.

I couldn’t stop reading it, I simply could not even if had like a hundred other things to do in the meanwhile, and when I did something else my thoughts still were constantly occupied.. and I certainly will read it again when I have a lot of time at hand to savior every single line and whilst I am writing this I will probably forget half of what was originally on my mind.

The portrayal of both main characters is so believable, they are so vivid and alive in everything they do and say to each other and also to the other characters which appear throughout the story; also the different shades of Mairon, what actions made him do what he did, how he was chased towards the dark-side by destroying his normal life again. Aye, I pitied him in this story, actually more than once. Their entire relationship was like an endless rollercoaster for me – up and down and up again until to the final fall when Mairon ‘organized’ the captivity scene; that killed me for long moments.

The OCs you have created for this fic are absolutely stunning and fit so perfectly into Middle-Earth, they are believable in what they say and just a perfect addition; they enhance the entire storyline and complete it, adds to Mairon’s and Eönwë excellent portrayal.

Pardon me, if I keep it in bullet points because otherwise I fear I’d reach a novel length

  • The scene with the contract, the playful nature of both characters in that very scene. <3
  • Putting it into a bdsm relationship (that he never got a safe word, oh well… *sigh* Mairon please but also this is just another highlight.) It’s always like really little details, throughout the story, which left me thinking. Which still have me thinking. It wonderfully depicted, vivid – and believable. Eönwë’s hesitation at the beginning, not knowing anything about these special desires, but curious to try them nevertheless, and finding delight in it. (and yes, every single scene was gloriously hot!)
  • That he gets back the ability of some of the typical Maiar features during sex, gods the concept is wonderful, so beyond wonderful and so vividly described. It’s fantastic, and certainly something I will not forget in ages.
  • Námo’s Maiar, because HELL yes, certainly there are some, doing all the dirty work! I love the concept of it. I really do.
  • Melian’s words to Eönwë
  • Seriously, their ‘special plays’ in form of part events frequently killed me, especially the Maedhros one. It’s fascinating and intriguing, but at the same time I was like: ‘alright .. THAT was creepy.’
  • When he leaves after the incidence of his captivity, the entire scenery. Oh hell. So much sadness, so much doubt, and it completely made me sad, too (that’s something general for this story: it made me feel a lot, and I can’t help but wonder if that comes from the 1st-person POV)
  • How he watches the new moon in Lindon *sobs* I had to take a break there, I just had, because it touched me so much, and I also had to break a moment after Eönwë’s first death, after their mental conversation.
  • “Keep your lover’s trinket” this line killed me too. Generally Námo’s description. Oh he’s despicable, so cold, so uncaring towards everything.
  • Making Eönwe Erestor – until the VERY line I never saw this coming but it is a wonderful concept for Erestor (I have to admit that I often struggle with Erestor’s portrayal in fanfiction, and therefore am often hesitant in reading Erestor-based fic, but I loved him here)
  • Irmo’s foreboding dream.. I suspected that it was Celebrimbor all along, and when the moment arrived I was just NOO, even if I knew it, and even if it had saved poor Tyelpe countless months of torture.
  • That he never let go of Mairon. Never, not even after all the torture and rape (which killed me too= he had to endure during his captivity in Eregion, but also when Mairon was truly sorry for that one incident I was deeply touched.
  • Sauron in Númenor, all the darkness, the insane rites he had established there. This is certainly one of my ‘blanks’ in Tolkien’s lore and certainly something I do want to invest more time in exploring.
  • The meeting in Eregion, their interaction with Tyelpe, with Galadriel.
  • The incidence with the bird made me laugh, the Valar’s wrath … and the part with the wings mairon had carried up the hill for their anniversary. It’s such a different side from Mairon, probably the very reason why I have enjoyed him so much throughout the story which is actually 50 shades of Mairon (in a totally good way)
  • “Which one Mairon?” The end.. like all of it, gods I so much hate Námo in your fic, but he’s totally believable and everything, and Mairon’s speech with all his accusations, with all the words he throws against the Valar who sit idly in their thrones caring for nothing but destroying everything. But yes, Mairon’s right, in everything he said! They destroyed everything they had, and despite the fact that I adore the Valar (although not their inability to act), I hated them in your fic, every single one of them. So much betrayal, so much lacking support – and therefore they were perfect.
  • THE VERY END, everything about it – of how Mairon and Eönwë indeed succeeded to ‘live’ together, yet I doubt that they will regain the complete happiness from before.
  • The returning line of ‘chasing miracles’ – it made me smile every time it happened.
  • That Eönwë can sense Mairon’s emotions through the shackle, and that he acts accordingly at the end. The concept of the shackle as first test to pour his thoughts into ‘dead’ objects. Intriguingly played.
  • Gandalf’s comment about the looks of the Istari. YES. So much accepted.

Well .. I think I stop here now, I just want to let you know just HOW much I am in love with this story. It’s certainly one of the best fanfictions I have ever ever read in my life (and I have read a lot), and I will read it again – and again, and recommend it to others.

Thank you so much for writing this story

Wow, I'm floored. Where to start? No reply will do your wonderful review justice. I'm so happy that you enjoyed my story that much, and that the characters got to you. You say that the first person POV may be to blame for getting you to feel close to Eonwë's feelings. I can tell you it felt very close when I was writing it, uncomfortably too close at times! These two guys were living in my head for over three years - yes, both, because I also had to get into Mairon's mind a lot, and that was a dark place. It was scary how much they took over my life sometimes, I didn't need Irmo to inspire my dreams, LOL.

Anyway, here's some thoughts prompted by your comments - in bulletpoint format too!

  • I take your "Fifty Shades" comment as a huge compliment, because my objective was to get to know Mairon/Sauron as a real person with real passions, who acted for reasons that made perfect sense to himself and to anyone who knew him, not out of a desire to perform random "evil deeds". I wished him to be far more sophisticated than the caricature of a villain he played in "The Lord of The Rings" and definitely the complete opposite from the stupid and pointless eye of fire courtesy of Peter Jackson's movies. I wanted to understand his fall back into evil, after he had managed to evade the Valar. Tolkien left us a great opportunity for a back story of seduction by Melkor, but better still, gaps spanning centuries summarised as "he went East". It was really an irresistible temptation to fill the gaps. I never imagined when I began that it would take me so long, or that it would stretch to such a long novel. But then, I like long novels!
  • The D/S relationship made sense to me as Mairon's way to control not just Eonwë, but his own feelings for him. Mairon felt safe in his role as master, because he was not comfortable showing affection and would not allow himself to give his trust to anyone, after he had been betrayed by Melkor.
  • I also enjoyed writing the Valar. However powerful they might be, they acted stupidly in a number of ocassions, even if they genuinely believed it was for the benefit of Arda and the Elves / Men in their care. They took themselves too seriously in the role of guardians, and believed more in replaying the Music (fate!) and enforcing what they perceived was the will of Eru (more fate!) than in freedom of choice.
  • I'm also chuffed you enjoyed my original OCs. It was fun to make up a realm of my own in Middle-earth, in that "East" where Mairon made a home for many years. 
  • Finally the ending. Yes, well. Unrealistic to think they would just live happily ever after, as they once did, but there had to be some hope. I had visualised that ending from day one, and it was a difficult journey to get there (not as bad as theirs, though). I've been thinking a lot about what happened to them afterwards. One day, when I have the energy and the time... maybe. ;o)

Thank you so much for your offer to recommend this story to your friends. That would be great! Most of all, thank you for your wonderful review. So that you know, I opened my mailbox, blushed for ten minutes while I was reading what you had written, and then spent the rest of my day with a huge grin on my face.   :o)

 

 

Oh boy. Where to begin? Well, A) I definitely stayed up until 2 am finishing this, and that's important. Seriously. This fic is wonderful and very addictive! And, B) in ~2011 I was basically obsessed with Chasing Mirages and may or may not have read chapters 1-18(ish) several times because that's all that was posted at the time. And then life happened and I got sidetracked, but I came back! 

Right. All that probably sounded a little creepy. Sorry. Hi there! I'm a big fan and longtime lurker.

No on to "serious" commentary...

Absolutely, one huge gap in The Lord of the Rings is how two-dimensional Sauron is, even for a fantasy villain. Luckily, The Silmarillion, etc. give us enough on him to form a pretty decent picture. And THEN, you've gone ahead and done this, which adds so much more. What I love is that Chasing Mirages is 100% canon compliant, but it twists everything the reader is meant to think (about Mairon, about the Valar, about the Cracks of Doom, about everything) and shows an alternative explanation. Which I think is what truly good fanfiction does. 

And, obviously, this isn't just Mairon's story—it's Eönwë's as well. His character arc throughout this is wonderfully executed, I think. Looking back after finishing it all, his transformation is evident. In my experience it's really hard to have good, sustained character development when writing about a character you didn't create. Though of course, this particular version of Eönwë is all yours.

Also, that plot twist when we find out what name Manwë has provided for Eönwë? It was the best. Seriously. Plot twists never surprise me—before this, only Charlotte Brontë's Villette has ever stumped me, so that's a huuuuuge compliment. I promise. There's so many great moments in this piece, but that right one is going to stick with me for a while.

Lastly, I just wanted to comment on how I love your conception of the land and culture of Kiinlúum. The areas of Middle-earth not really talked about in any of Tolkien's major works are always interesting, and there's so much you can do with them. I liked the way you approached the task respectfully and genuinely, since (let's face it) writing about non-White cultures without relying on ignorant stereotypes was not J.R.R.'s strength.

Anyhoo. Long story short: I love this! A lot. I'm truly amazed by how you've managed to take characters and situations and make them your own, to tell a wholly independent story within another writer's stories, and to just, honestly, bring something to the world of Tolkien fanfiction that's completely different that anything else out there.

"Great work" seems woefully inadequate here, but: great work!

Creepy? Woefully inadequate? No way! On the day the SWG noticed pinged in my mailbox, I read your review and went to work smiling to myself. Here I am, finally with some time and quiet to pen a response.

I am so chuffed that you remembered Chasing Mirages after five years and went back to read it. I also was a longtime lurker, once, and know too well how a "life happens" period can interfere with fandom and hobbies... I'm blown away by your comments, I don't know where to start, so in no particular order... About my take on characters, I was terrified about borrowing an Evil Lord and turning him into a pathetic caricature. Developing Eönwë was easy in comparison, as Tolkien said so little about him.

To be paired in any way with Charlotte Brontë, that is a huge compliment, but even better when it's about THE plot twist... yeah, that was actually a very early idea, and a crazy one, but I couldn't let go of it. As soon as I put it next to the urge to fill that mile-long gap about Sauron in Tolkien's canon, bang! I knew exactly what the whole story had to be. Which was great, but I also thought at the time it would be six, maximum eight chapters long. LOL. Instead, I spent several years wringing my hands and feeling guilty about being so wicked to these poor borrowed characters who had moved into my head. Despite all those chapters you stayed late to finish the story? Yay!

I was actually sad to "leave" Kiinluum, when it was time to resume the canon story elsewhere. I realised then how much fun it is to create a world with a different culture, and how to make your home in a different country to the one you're familiar with - I have. I'm so glad you thought it was well handled.

At the moment I'm submerged in my own "life happens" hiatus so a review like yours ("what truly good fanfiction does" OMG...) is a most welcome pat in the back of my neglected writer ego. Thank you so much for coming back, and for letting me know that you enjoyed reading!

 

Okay, it took like 2 days to have my account activated, so I can finally post, what I wanted to tell you the day before yesterday...

Dear Russandol,

I spent the last couple of days reading your story and now I had to create an account, because I really wanted to leave you a comment. First, please excuse my English as it's not my mother tongue and I'm sure I will be having difficulties expressing my very feelings about your story ;)
I'm really sure about "Chasing mirages" being one of the best pieces of literature, I've ever read. I actually don't want to call it "fanfiction", because somehow it feels to me like reducing its value, since there is so much bullshit out there. And your story is nothing like that.. It really is of high quality, as for its language, the background knowledge given and for the storyarch itself.
It moved me so deeply, it made me actually laugh with joy while reading, frowning in dismay and feeling hopelessly unhappy, sticking to my thoughts whenever I did something else. When I finished the last chapter last night at around 2:30, I wasn't able to go to sleep for at least half an hour, because my thoughts kept swirling around your story and how much I loved it. I'm honestly thinking about having it printed and bound into a book for myself, so I cannot lose it to the depths of the internet :D (And it just hurts my eyes to read on screen!)

Okay, I tried to get more in detail, but I had to delete it, because it escalated into a novel itself, so I'll try to cut myself short. Haha
What I lack most in Tolkien's writings, as much as I love the world, cultures and mythology he created, is focus on single characters and their character development (the story is just too BIG for this, I know) But to me, that's what really catches me about a story and your characters DID catch me.
I really loved the way you pictured Mairon's character, being torn between light and darkness, between love and hate, trust and suspicion. As well as the way you bind the reader so close to Eonwe, that he almost shares all his feelings. I loved, how you wrote the Valar, finally they got some edge! I really wanted to punch them in their faces :D Aaaaaah so much more to say... but I just loved it.
As for the end of your story, I really feared its outcome and that you might go with LOTR and have Sauron killed. But I was so glad, there was a happy ending after all, even though it's also a kind of open ending (which I really loved too!!) For me, I like to think they got the chance to start anew somewhere.

Sorry, for this comment turned out being more babblish than constructive.
But let me just thank you for writing and sharing your story, which I will hold dear forever!
(seriously will go with the book version, if you don't mind...)

Hi Yuu,

First of all, don't apologise for your English. You've had no difficulty to make me smile and feel embarrassed and happy and proud, all at the same time. I'm so pleased the story grasped your imagination so vividly that you read until the early hours, I won't apologise for your lack of sleep!

It's been several years since I wrote the story, I rarely get comments these days, so when someone lets me know how much they've enjoyed reading, it is a lovely feeling. Thank you.

I'm so glad you like the ending. Like you, I didn't want Sauron to be destroyed but something had to be done about the evil he had caused... Over the years it took me to write the story, I knew what the ending was, and that thought of those words before "The End" got me through the dark parts of the story. They say writers like tormenting their characters, but I never thought I would feel so guilty. I chose a first person narrative so that readers would hopefully feel close enough to Eönwë to understand his feelings for Mairon throughout the ages, through the ups and downs of his time in Arda. The downside was having to live with him inside my head for a long time, while he "told" me what really happened, and Maironn kept arguing with him, because that's what Mairon does. Seriously, I enjoyed writing the story, and I'm very happy that you have had such a good time reading it. :o)

As to a book, that's an amazing compliment. Of course I wouldn't stop you printing the text and making it into a book, if you'd like to enjoy it that way. What I'd ask you in return for your enjoyment is that you respect my copyright in the usual ways: please credit me (Russandol @ SWG) as the author, add the URL to my story, do not distribute the electronic copy, and print only one copy for your own use. If anyone else is ever interested in reading it, please refer them to these pages in the Silmarillion Writers' Guild, where there are so many awesome stories to read and enjoy.

Thank you very much for your lovely and thoughtful comment!

Oh, this is amazing!  Someone rec'd this on the SWG Discord, and I love Eönwë so I had to come and have a look.  It's wonderful, you can feel the weight of the sorrow and tragedy and the Doom - I'm so pleased I found this, and that it's so long! :D I can see I have many enjoyable evenings ahead curled up with this fic.

Hi Russandol!

I came back again :) Actually, to be honest, I do quite often reread your story! As I mentioned last year and you allowed me to, I had Chasing Mirages printed as book (omg it's super thick!!) and I think it's the most treasured book I own. Every now and then when I want to escape reality, or feel like reading a good fanfiction (I do try others, but I always end up back here!) or just want to dive into your beautiful story, I grab the book or open your bookmarked story on my smartphone and there I gooooo dreaming!

I still love your story so much, I love their struggles, their bliss, their desperation & regrets. I tried to make my friend read Chasing Mirages, but unfortunately, written in not very everyday english, she had difficulties really getting to it and because of the lack of understanding the story didn't catch her the way it did catch me. And although I'm sure she would love it, too, she gave up for the time being, which makes me sad, because I really wanted to share it with her.

I really love the way you picture the Maiar, when not being clad in a hröa or fana, being just energy. I cannot even repeat the words you use to describe it. But it feels so natural and coherent that I end up wondering how you know what Tolkien was thinking when "creating" them, because I cannot see any other way they could have been meant to be like.

Aa, there I'm going into rhapsodies again.

I'll try to add a pictured of my book next time, I don't have it with me right now.