The Condensed Silmarillion by Cheeky

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Fanwork Notes

I initially wrote this for Ziggy because she enjoyed the comments I made when reading the Silm for the first time. Elfscribe suggested I post it here so I will. It is not very condensed anymore but let's start at the first chapter.

Fanwork Information

Summary:

The Silm you read when you are not really reading the Silm. Everything you wanted to know without all the boring bits.

Major Characters: Aredhel, Aulë, Caranthir, Celegorm, Curufin, Dwarves, Eru Ilúvatar, Eöl, Fëanor, Finarfin, Fingolfin, Fingon, Finrod Felagund, Finwë, Galadriel, Maedhros, Maglor, Mandos, Manwë, Melkor, Men, Teleri, Thorondor, Tulkas, Turgon, Ulmo, Yavanna

Major Relationships:

Genre: Humor

Challenges:

Rating: General

Warnings: Character Death, Mature Themes
Chapters: 59 Word Count: 186, 625
Posted on 23 July 2015 Updated on 29 February 2016

This fanwork is a work in progress.

Table of Contents

In The Beginning
Aulë and the Dwarves.
The Elves
The Sundering of the Elves
The Fins.

Now I know Feanor is a Fin as well, (Curufinwë) and Maedhros should be hear too, (Nelyafinwë) not to mention Curufin.....but I wanted Feanor to have his own chapter, and his sons as well So these are just Sindarin Fins. If I added the Quenya Fins as well it would be neverending!

Feanor: Problem Child
The Silmarils
The Darkening of Valinor
The Oath of Feanor.
The Kinslaying no. 1

I have altered the timeline of Manwë's messenger just the tiniest bit.....it was deliberate, not general Tolkien ignorance!

The Sad Tale of Maedhros and Fingon: Part 1
The Valar Do Something
Men
It All Goes Wrong
And Then It Gets Even Worse

Credit has to go to Peter Jackson and Gandalf for some of the dialogue in this chapter.

The Sad Tale of Maedhros and Fingon part 2A
The Sad Tale of Maedhros and Fingon Part 2B
Thingol
Gondolin
Hunting for a Man
Teenagers, Who'd have 'em?
In Which Turgon Loses his Train of Thought.
Finrod, Elf gone Bad
In Case You Hadn't Noticed, Oaths are Not a Good Idea.
The Fall of Fingolfin
Luthién was A Princess
Celegorm was miserable
Sing, sing a song.
Goodbye Finrod
Just How Many Werewolves Does Sauron Have?
Is Anyone else sick of Beren and Luthien of is it just me?
Seriously...What is wrong with Aragorn?
A Breif Feanorian Conversation.
Where is a Relationship Counsellor when you need one?
The Sad Tale of Maedhros and Fingon :Part Three
A bit of Cultural Confusion
Turin
Beleg
Why Hanging with Petty Dwarves is not a good Idea
Turin's Worst Moment
The Shallowness of Elves
The Fall of Nargothrond
The Beginning of the End of Turin
The End of the End of Turin
Hurin
Hurin is in Denial
Stand By Your Man
Thingol Learns His Lesson,( or does he?)
Run For the Hills: Beren and Luthien are Back.
Thank Eru, The Son's of Feanor Are Back!
So Now it's Gondolin's Turn
Moody Maeglin
Glorfindel
A Finrod and Turgon Interlude
Gil-Galad was an Elven King
Is Maglor Really the Mastermind Behind it All?
Elwing: Mother of the Year
In Which Earendil Shows His True Colours
Manwë is the Boss and Don't You Forget It

Comments

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WoW! I love humorous Silmarillion and this is quite outrageous! :D:D

I agree about the Avari, probably the most sensible of the lot but history is written by the winners Noldorin scholars.

The Fins: we've all been there! If a first time reader survives the Valaquenta, thia is the next place to chuck the book through the window.

Looking forward to the Feanorians!

Thank you for the review! Glad you liked it. The Fins did give me a headache! And they all had more than one Fin name........just to make thinks really complicated! What with the gods having more than one name and the Elves having more than one name.....aargh. And then elves like Finrod start giving themselves even more names......help!!

Oh yay!  I'm so glad you are posting this here. This is so funny and so spot on.  I absolutely adored reading it yesterday on Faerie, and truly did laugh out loud, sometimes explosively at a number of points. I'm really looking forward to your take on the rest of it.

I agree totally with your assessment of the Valar here.  "Meddling in things when they really should leave well enough alone. Not meddling in things when it was obvious they really really should!"  Yep.